July 6, 2025
TMIT 17: Spirit

🎙️ Episode 17: Spirit
“When uncertainty and scarcity visit, you will be able to draw from the spirit that is a part of our everyday life.”
In today’s conversation, we explore what it means to bring spirit into daily family life. We reflect on how our personal spiritual practices may be invisible to our kids and discuss Dr. Lisa Miller’s research on how we are all innately spiritual beings.
We share:
- How, without religion, our spirituality has (unintentionally) become invisible within our home
- Our story of synchronistically meeting in midtown Manhattan
- Lisa Miller’s three practices for everyday spirituality
- How our daughter Hunter describes spirit in her own words
- A new bedtime ritual we’re trying this week
TMIT about Spirit: We are all innately spiritual beings. Our job is to model our own spiritual life with openness and humility, and to give others permission to explore their own.
Whether you identify as religious, spiritual, agnostic, or simply curious, this episode invites you to consider how spirit might become part of your family’s everyday rhythm.
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All right, you ready?
Ready.
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OK.
Welcome to The Most Important
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Thing.
I'm Danielle DeMarco Neufeld.
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And I'm Greg Neufeld, and
together we're exploring how
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ambitious busy families build
culture at home.
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Because after all, family is the
most important thing.
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Hi everybody, welcome back to
The Most Important Thing,
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episode 17 on Spirit.
Spirit in the sky.
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That's right, somewhere,
everywhere.
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This is the 8th episode in our
wholehearted parenting journey
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and the line from the manifesto
is when uncertainty and scarcity
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visit, you will be able to draw
from the spirit that is a part
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of our everyday life.
It's beautiful.
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Yeah.
All these lines are beautiful.
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They are, I know, so spirit, so
spirit.
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Where would you like to begin?
Well, we're trying to teach our
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kids about our spirituality or
Yeah.
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So I mean, for me, the objective
is to bring it more into a part
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of our everyday life.
A, an analogy, a story, if you
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will.
To me, Spirit really showed up
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for me when we went to the
library this past weekend.
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And up on the shelf was this
beautiful neon colored, awesome
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looking 900 page book that the
kids gravitated towards right
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away.
And it was actually the book
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that I was 97% of the way
finished reading.
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I subsequently finished it that
night.
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You got to say what book it is.
It's.
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It's part of the Dungeon Crawler
Carl series.
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It's called the Butcher's
Masquerade.
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I guess it's #5 but because
you're like, Oh my gosh, this is
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the coolest book, Mommy, you
have to get it.
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And I was like, I have this
book.
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This is the book that I am
reading, and I read it on Kindle
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every night, so nobody really
sees it.
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And it's awesome and I love it
and it's my own personal little
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thing.
But here I am hiding from all of
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you this amazingly rich and
wonderful thing that until it
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was sitting on a shelf, I didn't
even think to talk to you about.
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And that's really how I feel
about my spiritual life as well.
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It's this beautiful, rich,
incredibly important, I mean,
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honestly, probably the most
important thing to me because if
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I don't have a spiritual
foundation that for me is close
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to my higher power, I can't show
up for my family.
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And yet I don't really talk
about it with anybody in our
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family.
And so I would like kind of in
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this conversation for us to come
up with some ideas of how to
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bring our spirituality, each of
our own into the everyday in a
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way.
Not so that we can projected
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onto our children, but to model
that we are each innately
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spiritual beings and to really
authorize each of our children
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to go on their own spiritual
journey.
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Yeah, I'm on board with that.
And I do think that the analogy
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is very strong here in that we
each have spiritual practices
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that the kids do not see.
So how do we bring those out and
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talk about them, but not just
talk about them, embody them.
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Really, really show.
Show up in the world with our
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kids and help them notice what
we're seeing from a spiritual
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connection perspective as those
events or serendipity unfolds.
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Right.
Yeah.
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I think it's important to note
that we are not a religious
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family.
So I grew up Catholic and you
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grew up Presbyterian, right?
But your father was Jewish.
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And we have not, though we do
kind of culturally celebrate
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Christmas.
We don't have a House of worship
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or a framework or language, if
you will, or community really,
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that someone like a, that a
family that is religious does
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share.
And so this is yet another
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opportunity for us to, well, to
paint a blank canvas, right, And
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to bring our intentionality to
kind of create our own.
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Yeah.
I think we do both believe.
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And I would say that
neuroscience is currently
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backing us up.
So I did some research prior to
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this episode and learned a bit
about the work of Doctor Lisa
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Miller, whose neuroscience
studies are fMRI scans of the
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brain.
And they have shown that, well,
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we are innately spiritual beings
and that the brain, whether
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someone is standing on a
mountaintop or kneeling in a
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Pew, there is a part of the
brain that lights up that is
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directly related to spiritual
experience and that everyone has
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that part of the brain.
And they have found that those
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who have rich, deep spiritual
life actually have more
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developed cortical thickness in
those areas that are also tied
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to decision making and emotional
control.
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So what they have found is that
if you have a deep spiritual
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life, you have lower markers for
the risk of depression and
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higher capacity for both empathy
and compassion.
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That's so cool.
That is so cool.
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So I think that what I take away
from this is really that we are
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all innately spiritual beings
and the way that we choose to
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embody our spirituality, to
engage with our spirituality can
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look different and doesn't
necessarily have to equate to
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religion.
I think that religion isn't if
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if you find a religion that
resonates with you, it gives you
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so much of what Doctor Lisa
Miller is talking about when it
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comes to a strong spiritual
life, right?
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It gives you language, it gives
you a framework, it gives you a
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place to worship, it gives you
community.
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And so that is amazing.
Maybe you like your family's
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faith tradition.
Maybe that works for you.
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Maybe you've found something
else that works for you.
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Religion is a beautiful way to
be a spiritual being, but it's
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not the only way to be a
spiritual being.
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And I think that that's where
you and I find ourselves today.
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Just about everywhere.
Interestingly, like I.
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Know.
Like we don't live in a gated
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community here in Florida, so
it's harder to connect with and
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find other like minded families,
but we're we are finding them
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and we're finding them through
the podcast, not just locally,
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but all over.
So that's an example of this in
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in play, right?
That's like the analogy there of
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having a place of worship versus
being spiritual, but a little
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bit more of a wonder.
Yeah.
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I mean, I think with everything,
like you identify as a rebel,
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right?
As someone who questions almost
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all rules and really has a much
stronger sense of right and
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wrong internally as opposed to
some type of external force, is
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that fair to say?
Whereas I am much more of an
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upholder where I like to uphold
my own internal rules, but also
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external rules as well.
And but marrying you, I think
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I've become much more of a rebel
in the sense that, you know, you
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and I like to do a we are very
intentional.
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I think that is the number one
word that our friends and family
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would use when it comes to us.
But you know, we were watching
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our new favorite show, at least
season 1 couples therapy the
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other day.
And one of the women on the
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couch with her husband is a very
intentional person.
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And the psychoanalyst asked her,
she said, you know, you are, you
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are obviously very intentional
and you have a strong direction
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on where you would like to take
your life.
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But as a psychoanalyst, I have
to wonder what is the shadow
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side of that?
What is the fear that comes up
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if you are not in control?
And that really hit me.
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It really hit me because I think
that we, well, I'll just speak
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for myself and say that I do
think that spirituality and this
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idea of surrendering to my
higher power is incredibly
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important balance and
perspective in my life because
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it is the flip side of all the
intentionality that we have.
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And so it is probably though not
something that I share with our
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kids so much.
And they probably see me more as
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this like control freak because
I keep these moments of grace
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and surrender.
They're really my own.
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Can we go a little bit deeper on
your alignment with your higher
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power and what your spiritual
life looks like today?
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Yeah, for sure.
OK, the idea that what was the
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book The War of Art?
Do you remember this book?
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I do.
Isn't this the one that
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originally gave you the term
fight the resistance?
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It is so fighting the resistance
in art, in life means when you
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don't want to do something, when
I don't want to do something,
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question why that is and it get
really curious about that and
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then fight against it because it
usually is going to be a
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movement towards alignment with
the universe.
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There's so many reasons that I
stay curious about resistance,
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but the main one is because I
know that when I sense that
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resistance and I push against it
and I open that door
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successfully, that's when I feel
most connected to the universe.
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So it helps me to not just fight
the resistance on any one
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occasion, but to search for
alignment and fight the
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resistance on all occasions.
So I guess what you're also
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saying is that the universe is
here, ready and willing to help
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you and to conspire to help you,
and sometimes you just have to
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hop back into alignment.
That's right.
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So if I may, Doctor Lisa Miller
has some ideas of how to bring
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spirituality into everyday
practice.
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And I would love for us to
consider them with our family as
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an experiment.
So the first one is serve other
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people.
Is the idea being that when you
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go outside yourself, you are a
living prayer of love, held,
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guided and never alone?
And I think that that is one
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that we are working to develop
with our family.
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Is this service arm service
engine, if you will.
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But even everyday ways of
serving other people, like if
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there's someone sick in our
community or someone needs us to
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take care of their pet, things
like that, really just, well, I
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don't know.
Is there anything you want to
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say about that?
No, I I agree.
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I, I see that our kids gravitate
naturally towards active
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service.
And so I feel like maybe there's
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something lost along the way in
not developing that muscle for
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me.
And I'm not just a witness.
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I I'm an active, curious
participant.
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Yeah.
So I think that getting into the
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habit of serving other people in
both big and small ways is the
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closest is like a very quick way
to to feel connection to
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something greater than yourself.
OK, so the first one is serve
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other people.
The second, which is my
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favorite, is to perceive
synchronicity.
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So thank the universe when you
experience unique, most
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improbable events.
And those don't happen all the
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time for me, but I do think that
they happen way more often than
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I realize.
For sure.
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These are like daily events I
think.
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OK, tell me more.
I've got this little journal
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prompt lately.
So in the morning I write down
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the lever for the day, which is
the most important thing to get
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done.
And then in the evening I write
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down 4 things.
One is the insight, any insight
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that I had.
So that's a good place to to
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look for the serendipity. 2 is
the shift.
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So like, what do I want to shift
into tomorrow?
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And sometimes that's just like,
oh, you know, today was a lot of
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creative thinking.
Tomorrow I'd really need to do
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blocking, tackling or this is
we're recording on a Friday.
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Friday was a great recording
session day.
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Tomorrow I just want to be with
my family and not be checking my
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phone or something like that.
And then the relationship, which
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is who or what do I want to have
a relationship with?
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Sometimes that's myself,
sometimes that's a version of
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myself, sometimes that's a
different version or
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relationship that that you and I
have.
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So like, instead of being Co
host tomorrow, let's just be
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whatever, right, Let's be
parents.
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And then the last one is recall.
So I made this one up because I
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realized that the day is just
like blur together.
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And so my recall is either a
moment of the day or just like
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I'll, I'll talk through the day
and how it went.
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And I usually find something
that I forgot already.
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And so I found that to be really
interesting, especially
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reflecting at the end of the
week, looking back at my week
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and seeing these journal
prompts.
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So maybe for you, it's just,
what's that one moment of
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00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:42,760
serendipity that I saw looking
back at each day?
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00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:46,640
Yeah, OK, I like it.
I'm also caught up a little bit
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00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:50,680
because I'm a word nerd and I
said synchronicity and you said
225
00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:53,680
serendipity.
And so I'd like to actually talk
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00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:55,040
about the difference between the
two of those.
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00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:58,200
OK, So I'll tell you the
definitions and you can tell me
228
00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:00,480
like how you perceive the
differences.
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00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:04,640
But so synchronicity is a very
specific Carl Jung term that
230
00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:08,080
means meaningful coincidence.
So it's when events occurred
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00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:10,840
together in a way that feels
connected, even though there's
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00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:13,200
no clear like causal
relationship.
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00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:17,200
So it's mysterious and spiritual
where the universe is trying to
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00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:19,120
tell you something.
Serendipity.
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00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:21,440
I don't think it has any
psychological relevance.
236
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:24,840
It's a happy accident, a chance
event that turns out to be
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00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:27,720
beneficial, and it's more of
like a lucky, playful, light
238
00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:30,680
hearted type of thing.
Yeah, I think I use them
239
00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:33,640
probably interchangeably because
I believe that you can't control
240
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:35,840
either.
But as Paul Graham says, you can
241
00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:38,760
create more surface area for
luck, and that is what I believe
242
00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:41,680
being in alignment with the
universe actually means is doing
243
00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:45,000
the next right thing for even
when it's a hard thing to create
244
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:48,960
more surface area for lucky
events or synchronous events to
245
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:52,360
happen to you because you can't
'cause them to happen.
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00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:53,600
Sure.
Yeah.
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00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:56,520
I guess I think of serendipity
as like when we happen to run
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00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:59,160
into our friends at the farmers
market, that feels like a happy
249
00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:00,760
accident.
Like I'm so happy that I got to
250
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:02,760
see their faces on a Saturday
morning.
251
00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:05,640
I wouldn't say that it was a
deep spiritual experience.
252
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It was just like it was a great
highlight in my day.
253
00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:11,040
Synchronicity is like the fact
that you and I met at Zuma on
254
00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:14,200
Wednesday, April 8th, 2015, when
neither of us were supposed to
255
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:17,560
be there.
Like that is synchronicity.
256
00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:22,040
Yeah, that's very true.
Does synchronicity have to be
257
00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:24,360
big events though?
It has to be deeply meaningful
258
00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:26,440
events.
OK, so then yeah, those aren't
259
00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:30,720
everyday.
Like we had one not even mutual
260
00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:33,320
friend, like third degree
connection of mine kind of
261
00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:37,400
thing, and friend of yours.
Like we had been in similar
262
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:40,520
spots, probably in New York City
one or two other times in our
263
00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:42,560
lives, but neither of us were
supposed to be there.
264
00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:45,880
And if we hadn't met that night,
it's not like we would have met
265
00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:47,880
the next week or the next week
or the next week.
266
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:50,640
Like that was truly a once in a
lifetime opportunity.
267
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:55,120
It really was that we both
happened to show up and just
268
00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:57,840
gravitated towards one another
immediately.
269
00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,680
So true.
In front of DJ Jade.
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00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:04,640
I mean, there's so many more
crazy things about that story.
271
00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:07,640
I had just gotten off a plane
earlier that day.
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00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:12,920
I buried my grandmother, not not
literally, but she had passed
273
00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:18,040
away couple weeks prior.
I was right here in Delray when
274
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:22,680
when my grandmother was sick and
I was visiting her in the
275
00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:27,200
hospital just up the road.
And I decided to make all these
276
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:32,440
big decisions after that because
I finally felt the weight of all
277
00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:34,320
of my ancestors lifted off of
me.
278
00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:36,280
My parents weren't around.
All of my grandparents had
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00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:37,720
passed.
She was the last remaining 1,
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00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,120
and I decided I need to live
life for myself.
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00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:42,120
And so I made some really big
decisions.
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00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:47,040
And when I finally came back to
New York 3 weeks later, Danielle
283
00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:49,160
was right there and it was
unbelievable.
284
00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:50,360
Do you want to say the other
thing?
285
00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:52,600
You can say the other thing.
What's the other thing?
286
00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:55,760
The other thing that I was
married, Yes.
287
00:15:56,040 --> 00:16:02,680
Yeah, I was married.
And I knew in my heart of hearts
288
00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:08,280
that that was me looking for
continued family now that
289
00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:09,960
everyone was dying.
The only reason I was going to
290
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:12,680
get married was because my dad
was still alive and he didn't
291
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:17,640
even live to see it.
And eight months into a
292
00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:21,280
marriage, I was like, I'm sorry,
I just can't do this.
293
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,280
I don't want to have children
with this person.
294
00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:27,320
And I came back to New York to,
to tie up those loose ends.
295
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:29,040
Otherwise I would have stayed in
Florida.
296
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:34,120
And later that night, like
having done the hard things,
297
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:37,440
fighting the resistance, pushing
through all of the
298
00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:41,360
uncomfortableness, all of the
blowback from extended family
299
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:47,200
and, you know, people getting
really concerned about me and
300
00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:50,640
decisions that I was making.
And I was just like, Nope, I'm
301
00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:53,360
doing this for myself.
And I was living.
302
00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:55,760
Yeah, that was probably the most
aligned I've I've ever felt.
303
00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:59,000
Yeah.
So hopping back into alignment
304
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:02,840
with the universe, having
explicit difficult conversations
305
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:07,079
with people that you cared about
and really naming what you
306
00:17:07,079 --> 00:17:10,480
needed like literally same day
turn around.
307
00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:13,400
I mean, I think about our
meeting kind of the most
308
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,200
perfectly imperfect time for you
ever.
309
00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:19,599
Like in what universe is are you
telling someone that you would
310
00:17:19,599 --> 00:17:23,400
like an annulment by day and
meeting your future wife by
311
00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:25,680
night?
It's wild, it's so wild.
312
00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:29,320
Wouldn't even make a good movie
because it's not believable.
313
00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:32,840
I.
Know and I don't consider myself
314
00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:35,280
to be at the type of person who
would have gone on a date with
315
00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:38,880
you had that not been known you
know what I mean had it not been
316
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:41,600
explicit that you were moving
towards annulment proceed
317
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:44,520
proceedings well.
I think it was, you know that
318
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:46,840
and you met a bunch of my
friends who were just like, so
319
00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:49,560
happy to have me, just just like
happy to see me living in
320
00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:50,920
alignment after.
Yeah, it was.
321
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,960
Palpable.
I was, I was in a really dark
322
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:54,920
place for a long time.
And you know, as we talked about
323
00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:58,200
on the last episode, like, you
know, there's that's a that's
324
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:02,080
been a pattern and I didn't
understand it until much more
325
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:06,080
recently.
So it's the alignment that I've
326
00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:09,080
been feeling with the universe
is really the purest sense of
327
00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:14,640
like of am I feeling like I can
look myself in the mirror and
328
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:16,600
say that I'm happy with all the
choices that I made.
329
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:19,640
And today, I mean,
unquestionably.
330
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:25,440
But ten years ago, like up until
I met you, I had just started to
331
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:28,080
turn the corner and make those
changes after a really dark
332
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:32,360
period of seeing both of my
parents die, like 2 grandmothers
333
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:38,080
die, and being in a relationship
that didn't serve me, but that I
334
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:42,160
needed to get out of the New
York City spiral that was
335
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:43,240
otherwise going to bring me
down.
336
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:49,000
So yeah, synchronicity.
Synchronicity, OK, so serve
337
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,640
other people perceive
synchronicity.
338
00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:54,200
And then the third one is to
pause and feel the sacred in
339
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:57,760
nature or in memories.
So basically she says like say
340
00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:00,160
wow a lot.
And so I think this is a great
341
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:04,960
opportunity for us to share our
spirituality with our children
342
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:08,680
is really definitely episode 2
family stories, right?
343
00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:12,960
But being in nature together and
experiencing awe and wonder and
344
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:15,600
just the power of things outside
of ourselves is also a great
345
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:19,200
opportunity to share our
spirituality.
346
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,320
Yes, absolutely.
We're in a great place for it.
347
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:25,800
What else do we want to say?
I feel very connected to the
348
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:28,880
universe because of you and this
family.
349
00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:33,720
And I feel very connected to
this family because of the
350
00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:36,960
universe.
It's like this, this is a
351
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:40,040
relationship that we do have
with the higher power,
352
00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:42,000
everything that happens with
this family.
353
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:45,680
I love that, Yeah.
So when it comes to
354
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:51,200
spirituality, I would like to
spend more time sharing that
355
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,320
with all of you.
If I think about our last
356
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:55,360
episode was on joy and I was
like, I want to take some of my
357
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:58,840
joy back because it feels a
little bit too connected to all
358
00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:00,200
of you.
I'm kind of saying the opposite
359
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,480
when it comes to my spirit, my
sense of spirit and
360
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:05,400
spirituality, which is that I
feel like I have made it such a
361
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:09,480
deeply personal and unique thing
that I would like to spend more
362
00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:11,920
time being a little bit more
showy about it.
363
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:16,080
Like sharing it with all of you
in in a, in an attempt to really
364
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:18,800
authorize our children to have
their own spiritual journey.
365
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:23,240
I think for a little while
there, I have been concerned up
366
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:28,360
until this episode really that
my lack of sharing with our
367
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:31,440
children has caused them to have
a spiritual gap.
368
00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:35,680
And I, I don't think that's
actually the case anymore.
369
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:39,800
So you know, just because we are
not having them say prayers at
370
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:43,120
night or having them go to
church on Sunday or doing
371
00:20:43,120 --> 00:20:46,160
different rites of passage, all
of which are beautiful for those
372
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:51,640
that that it resonates with.
This past Friday, I asked Hunter
373
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:54,960
what God means to her.
It was actually hilarious.
374
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:58,960
We were out on the climbing Dome
after a Friday night family meal
375
00:20:59,360 --> 00:21:01,240
and I said, Hunter, what does
God mean to you?
376
00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:04,760
And this neighbor was like
walking by, walking her dog at
377
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:08,160
that right at that exact moment.
And must have thought that I was
378
00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:10,760
so cringe like absolutely.
Because who hears?
379
00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:13,400
And I heard her scoff and laugh,
But I mean, it was a laughable
380
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:14,320
thing.
I am.
381
00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:17,800
I am that mom.
I'm that mom that asks what God
382
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:20,200
means to you on a Friday night
while you're playing.
383
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:21,200
So it's fine.
I own it.
384
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:25,080
But it was it was hilarious.
Anyway, so and so when we did
385
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:28,200
kind of open up that
conversation with our kids
386
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:31,240
leading with Hunter being the
oldest, I was profoundly
387
00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:35,040
inspired by what I heard, which
was really that help me
388
00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:39,840
encapsulate it, if you will.
But she said that God, she first
389
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:41,760
of all, she used the word
spirit, which I thought was
390
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:43,320
awesome.
And we haven't used that word
391
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:46,400
spirit in in talking with her,
but she said that you know what?
392
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:49,720
I feel God all around me and I
feel spirit everywhere.
393
00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:51,800
And it's kind of the opposite of
you, mommy.
394
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:55,520
Like I can touch you or I can.
What did she say?
395
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:59,920
She said, I can see you, but I
can't feel you.
396
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:05,760
Whereas with spirit, I can't see
it, but I can always feel it.
397
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:11,160
Wow, it's awesome.
And then she said, you know,
398
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:15,440
mom, I feel like Spirit is
leading me when I have big
399
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:23,320
emotions that that is when I
feel closest to God, right?
400
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:28,240
And then we were talking a bit
more and I said, well, what do
401
00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:30,200
you do when you want to tap into
God or Spirit?
402
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:33,120
And she said, I breathe.
She said, well, I always
403
00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:35,400
breathe, but I breathe with
intention.
404
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:37,560
And that's how I connect to
Spirit.
405
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:41,920
Something's working.
I mean, so if that, I mean that
406
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:45,240
is her own compass.
And I'm so excited, like I'm
407
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:49,480
just so grateful.
And I guess exhaling because I,
408
00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:51,800
I do feel like this is something
I've been avoiding.
409
00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:56,680
But we are all innately
spiritual beings and we don't, I
410
00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:58,360
guess I was really worried that
if we didn't give them a
411
00:22:58,360 --> 00:23:01,000
religion, they would not have a
spiritual connection.
412
00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:04,280
And that's not what I'm finding.
No, not at all.
413
00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:07,600
Not at all.
So that feels good, yeah.
414
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:13,600
I think the last thing to bring
up, if I may, is 1 important
415
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:15,880
lesson from the Boundaries
episode that I think carries
416
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:18,920
over here.
There's a lot of people in our
417
00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:22,840
children's lives who are
religious, and what we've asked
418
00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:26,600
of them is that they just talk
about religion from their
419
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:30,360
perspective.
They never share anything about
420
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:32,800
matter of fact.
Right.
421
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:35,160
It gets back to this idea of
allowing the children to explore
422
00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:36,600
their own spiritual lives,
right?
423
00:23:37,360 --> 00:23:39,680
And I think that all of the
adults and all of the religious
424
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:43,000
folks in their lives have been
very respectful of this request,
425
00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:45,920
which is that they will share
what God means to them, maybe
426
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:50,280
what heaven and hell mean, but
in a way that is deeply
427
00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:55,480
personal, as opposed to one that
is telling the children that
428
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:57,400
that is how they must believe as
well.
429
00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:01,320
Yeah, exactly.
And I always thought it was odd
430
00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:06,000
growing up 'cause we we went to
the Presbyterian Church, but it
431
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:09,240
was only my mom, my brother and
I that would go and my dad would
432
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:15,240
not go except for Christmas Eve.
And I do feel like in a family
433
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:18,640
where you're exploring, where we
are exploring spirituality
434
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:20,680
together, it's important to
explore together.
435
00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:24,520
We've tried going to some
different services as a family.
436
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:28,560
And I think that it's important
that we all went together, even
437
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:33,000
if any of us were feeling some
resistance me about it.
438
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:37,000
It's really important.
And and that's the thing that I
439
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:39,800
want to model for my kids is to
know that they are loved and to
440
00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:42,680
know that I'm there to support
their exploration.
441
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:46,400
And I, I show up with an open
mind, even if it's not
442
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:48,880
necessarily a space that I feel
comfortable exploring.
443
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:51,280
I want to be there to hold their
hand as they explore it for
444
00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:54,520
themselves.
Yeah, that's thank you for doing
445
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:55,920
that.
Really, thank you.
446
00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:59,480
Because I do think that this, it
doesn't have to be that deep is
447
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:02,480
what I want to say is that like
we can all explore together.
448
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:04,960
And if we go to a House of
worship, that doesn't mean that
449
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:07,160
you are immediately
indoctrinated into the culture,
450
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:10,920
right and into the religion.
We can explore and have a a deep
451
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:16,760
respect for for other religions,
for religions in general without
452
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:20,600
feeling like it has to be the
one that resonates with us.
453
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,840
I mean, for me, there is so much
in any House of worship that I
454
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:27,760
have ever been in when it comes
to singing and being part of a
455
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:32,080
community that is so spiritual
that I'm happy to to take what I
456
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:33,520
like and leave the rest, if you
will.
457
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:38,800
And sometimes we show up for
other people right inside and
458
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:40,920
outside this family.
And sometimes we show up because
459
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:44,240
we're going through something
and we are really in need of a,
460
00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:47,760
a space that is safe and
welcoming and full of love.
461
00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:48,880
Yeah.
That's right.
462
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:51,600
Yeah.
It's it's really a beautiful
463
00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:54,440
thing to just be in it together.
Absolutely.
464
00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:57,240
So what can we commit to when it
comes to the spirit that is a
465
00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:00,600
part of our everyday lives?
The dialogue with our kids is, I
466
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:03,720
would say, the most important
because understanding more about
467
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:07,640
when the spirit shows up for
Hunter and what she's been
468
00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:09,800
feeling.
I mean, this is a kid that can
469
00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:12,560
go, they can't go to the
doctor's office, but that can
470
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:16,160
get on stage in front of
hundreds of people no problem
471
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:19,120
and thrives in that environment.
So just trying to understand
472
00:26:19,120 --> 00:26:21,560
from her where she's really
feeling that higher power.
473
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:24,040
I I want to do more of what
about you?
474
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:27,040
Yeah, I really like this idea of
exploring together.
475
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:30,040
I'm thinking about the latest
season of White Lotus, where the
476
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:32,600
daughter was like, actively
wanting to become a Buddhist,
477
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,880
and no one in her family really
wanted to support her, and they
478
00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:37,560
were very scared.
And that's kind of like the
479
00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:43,280
antithesis of what I want.
I truly, deeply want my children
480
00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:48,840
to explore their own spiritual
journey, and I am excited to see
481
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:51,280
how it's different from mine.
Honestly, I think that I can
482
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:54,840
learn a lot from what resonates
with them and I look forward to.
483
00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:57,000
Absolutely just no pina clottis
I know.
484
00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:00,880
Yikes.
Yeah.
485
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:02,920
So definitely committing to
that.
486
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:08,440
And then also, I think this idea
of awe and wonder, talking more
487
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:11,800
about synchronicity, but then
also just saying wow a lot and
488
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:15,520
really naming it when I feel
connected because I do feel
489
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:19,960
connected to the universe and to
my higher power all the time,
490
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:21,840
especially especially at
sunrise.
491
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:24,840
And lately Jade and Hunter have
been coming with me for my
492
00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:28,480
Winston walks and I think that
that would be a great time to
493
00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:30,240
share with them so I can commit
to that as well.
494
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:33,080
Yeah, sounds great.
Cool.
495
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:35,600
OK, great.
I love talking about Spirit.
496
00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:36,880
Thanks for connecting with me on
this.
497
00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:40,440
Yeah, me too.
I want to keep exploring this
498
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:43,720
topic with you too, not just
with the kids.
499
00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:45,600
OK.
Yeah, that sounds great.
500
00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:46,840
Yeah, I think there's more to
do.
501
00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:49,640
That's a really good point.
Do you have any ideas?
502
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:55,200
Part of it we're doing already.
Like the most important thing,
503
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:58,800
yeah.
But and part and this is an
504
00:27:58,800 --> 00:28:00,520
outlet for exploring more
together.
505
00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:02,680
I don't know what the other part
is.
506
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:04,680
OK, I have an idea, but you can
tell me if you don't want to do
507
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:05,680
it.
But could we just like try it
508
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:10,400
tonight?
So the the poem that was read at
509
00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:13,480
our wedding is from a book
called The Prophet by Khalil
510
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:17,360
Gibran.
What do you think about maybe
511
00:28:17,360 --> 00:28:19,880
reading a passage of that like
before bed when we get in bed
512
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:21,880
each night?
What if you could we try that
513
00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:23,680
tonight?
Just like reading it, maybe
514
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:26,000
reflecting upon it for like a
couple of minutes before bed?
515
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:27,600
Yeah.
I mean, I must say I've been
516
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:30,400
getting a little fatigued by we
have a evening practice where we
517
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:31,440
go through each one of our
values.
518
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:35,280
Have 12 values and we talk about
1:00 every night for one month
519
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:39,360
and we've been doing that for
like 6 years, six or seven years
520
00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:42,120
I guess.
I I think it might be time to to
521
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:44,200
try something like this.
Like a little book club?
522
00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:45,600
Yeah, OK.
I love the book club.
523
00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:48,440
I think I'll, I'll be more
present for that as well then,
524
00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:52,280
OK, as opposed to something that
that needs to be reflecting on
525
00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:54,480
the on the whole day.
Let's just like, show up and be
526
00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:56,240
curious.
Yeah, and like.
527
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:59,400
Learn something new.
Kind of more pull versus push,
528
00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:02,080
if you will, something that's
coming to us and to reflect
529
00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:03,160
upon.
OK, that sounds great.
530
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:04,920
Let's try it tonight.
Cool, I'll get the book out.
531
00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:07,360
OK, yay, yay.
OK, love you goosy.
532
00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:10,480
Love you goosy.
Hey guys, if you're still here,
533
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:12,160
you're definitely our kind of
person.
534
00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:15,160
Thanks for spending this time
with us on The Most Important
535
00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:17,680
Thing.
If this episode resonated with
536
00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:20,160
you, we'd love for you to follow
us wherever you get your
537
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:22,320
podcasts and share it with
someone else.
538
00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:24,080
Building family culture on
purpose.
00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:01,720
All right, you ready?
Ready.
2
00:00:01,760 --> 00:00:03,600
OK.
Welcome to The Most Important
3
00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:05,360
Thing.
I'm Danielle DeMarco Neufeld.
4
00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:07,640
And I'm Greg Neufeld, and
together we're exploring how
5
00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:09,720
ambitious busy families build
culture at home.
6
00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:12,200
Because after all, family is the
most important thing.
7
00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:16,160
Hi everybody, welcome back to
The Most Important Thing,
8
00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:20,680
episode 17 on Spirit.
Spirit in the sky.
9
00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:22,960
That's right, somewhere,
everywhere.
10
00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:27,560
This is the 8th episode in our
wholehearted parenting journey
11
00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:32,400
and the line from the manifesto
is when uncertainty and scarcity
12
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,320
visit, you will be able to draw
from the spirit that is a part
13
00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:38,400
of our everyday life.
It's beautiful.
14
00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:40,760
Yeah.
All these lines are beautiful.
15
00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:43,240
They are, I know, so spirit, so
spirit.
16
00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:47,880
Where would you like to begin?
Well, we're trying to teach our
17
00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:51,880
kids about our spirituality or
Yeah.
18
00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:57,720
So I mean, for me, the objective
is to bring it more into a part
19
00:00:57,720 --> 00:01:02,240
of our everyday life.
A, an analogy, a story, if you
20
00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:06,360
will.
To me, Spirit really showed up
21
00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:09,280
for me when we went to the
library this past weekend.
22
00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:15,440
And up on the shelf was this
beautiful neon colored, awesome
23
00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:19,120
looking 900 page book that the
kids gravitated towards right
24
00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:22,840
away.
And it was actually the book
25
00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:25,600
that I was 97% of the way
finished reading.
26
00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:26,880
I subsequently finished it that
night.
27
00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:28,000
You got to say what book it is.
It's.
28
00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:31,080
It's part of the Dungeon Crawler
Carl series.
29
00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:32,800
It's called the Butcher's
Masquerade.
30
00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:36,520
I guess it's #5 but because
you're like, Oh my gosh, this is
31
00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:38,120
the coolest book, Mommy, you
have to get it.
32
00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:40,080
And I was like, I have this
book.
33
00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:43,000
This is the book that I am
reading, and I read it on Kindle
34
00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:45,440
every night, so nobody really
sees it.
35
00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:49,560
And it's awesome and I love it
and it's my own personal little
36
00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:52,080
thing.
But here I am hiding from all of
37
00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:57,520
you this amazingly rich and
wonderful thing that until it
38
00:01:57,520 --> 00:01:59,960
was sitting on a shelf, I didn't
even think to talk to you about.
39
00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:03,040
And that's really how I feel
about my spiritual life as well.
40
00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:09,199
It's this beautiful, rich,
incredibly important, I mean,
41
00:02:09,199 --> 00:02:12,400
honestly, probably the most
important thing to me because if
42
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:15,080
I don't have a spiritual
foundation that for me is close
43
00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:17,600
to my higher power, I can't show
up for my family.
44
00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:22,200
And yet I don't really talk
about it with anybody in our
45
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:26,480
family.
And so I would like kind of in
46
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:30,080
this conversation for us to come
up with some ideas of how to
47
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:35,360
bring our spirituality, each of
our own into the everyday in a
48
00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:38,560
way.
Not so that we can projected
49
00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:43,680
onto our children, but to model
that we are each innately
50
00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:49,040
spiritual beings and to really
authorize each of our children
51
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:51,800
to go on their own spiritual
journey.
52
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:56,880
Yeah, I'm on board with that.
And I do think that the analogy
53
00:02:56,960 --> 00:03:01,000
is very strong here in that we
each have spiritual practices
54
00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:05,240
that the kids do not see.
So how do we bring those out and
55
00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:09,880
talk about them, but not just
talk about them, embody them.
56
00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:13,680
Really, really show.
Show up in the world with our
57
00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:18,000
kids and help them notice what
we're seeing from a spiritual
58
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:22,960
connection perspective as those
events or serendipity unfolds.
59
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:23,680
Right.
Yeah.
60
00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:26,440
I think it's important to note
that we are not a religious
61
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:30,560
family.
So I grew up Catholic and you
62
00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:33,920
grew up Presbyterian, right?
But your father was Jewish.
63
00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:38,440
And we have not, though we do
kind of culturally celebrate
64
00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:41,120
Christmas.
We don't have a House of worship
65
00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:45,600
or a framework or language, if
you will, or community really,
66
00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:48,920
that someone like a, that a
family that is religious does
67
00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:51,160
share.
And so this is yet another
68
00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:56,200
opportunity for us to, well, to
paint a blank canvas, right, And
69
00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:59,800
to bring our intentionality to
kind of create our own.
70
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:04,440
Yeah.
I think we do both believe.
71
00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:06,320
And I would say that
neuroscience is currently
72
00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:09,320
backing us up.
So I did some research prior to
73
00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:14,960
this episode and learned a bit
about the work of Doctor Lisa
74
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:17,920
Miller, whose neuroscience
studies are fMRI scans of the
75
00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:21,399
brain.
And they have shown that, well,
76
00:04:21,839 --> 00:04:26,640
we are innately spiritual beings
and that the brain, whether
77
00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:30,160
someone is standing on a
mountaintop or kneeling in a
78
00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:34,960
Pew, there is a part of the
brain that lights up that is
79
00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:41,200
directly related to spiritual
experience and that everyone has
80
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:44,600
that part of the brain.
And they have found that those
81
00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:50,280
who have rich, deep spiritual
life actually have more
82
00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:54,760
developed cortical thickness in
those areas that are also tied
83
00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:56,760
to decision making and emotional
control.
84
00:04:57,440 --> 00:05:00,120
So what they have found is that
if you have a deep spiritual
85
00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:03,200
life, you have lower markers for
the risk of depression and
86
00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:06,080
higher capacity for both empathy
and compassion.
87
00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:09,760
That's so cool.
That is so cool.
88
00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:14,120
So I think that what I take away
from this is really that we are
89
00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:18,120
all innately spiritual beings
and the way that we choose to
90
00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:21,800
embody our spirituality, to
engage with our spirituality can
91
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:25,400
look different and doesn't
necessarily have to equate to
92
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:29,400
religion.
I think that religion isn't if
93
00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:34,000
if you find a religion that
resonates with you, it gives you
94
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:39,080
so much of what Doctor Lisa
Miller is talking about when it
95
00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:41,320
comes to a strong spiritual
life, right?
96
00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:43,760
It gives you language, it gives
you a framework, it gives you a
97
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,240
place to worship, it gives you
community.
98
00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:51,400
And so that is amazing.
Maybe you like your family's
99
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:53,240
faith tradition.
Maybe that works for you.
100
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,960
Maybe you've found something
else that works for you.
101
00:05:56,480 --> 00:06:01,560
Religion is a beautiful way to
be a spiritual being, but it's
102
00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:04,120
not the only way to be a
spiritual being.
103
00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:08,320
And I think that that's where
you and I find ourselves today.
104
00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:10,480
Just about everywhere.
Interestingly, like I.
105
00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:13,240
Know.
Like we don't live in a gated
106
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:17,520
community here in Florida, so
it's harder to connect with and
107
00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:20,480
find other like minded families,
but we're we are finding them
108
00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:22,880
and we're finding them through
the podcast, not just locally,
109
00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:26,080
but all over.
So that's an example of this in
110
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:30,640
in play, right?
That's like the analogy there of
111
00:06:31,280 --> 00:06:35,080
having a place of worship versus
being spiritual, but a little
112
00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:37,240
bit more of a wonder.
Yeah.
113
00:06:37,280 --> 00:06:39,960
I mean, I think with everything,
like you identify as a rebel,
114
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:44,000
right?
As someone who questions almost
115
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:49,280
all rules and really has a much
stronger sense of right and
116
00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:52,080
wrong internally as opposed to
some type of external force, is
117
00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:54,360
that fair to say?
Whereas I am much more of an
118
00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:57,840
upholder where I like to uphold
my own internal rules, but also
119
00:06:57,840 --> 00:07:02,800
external rules as well.
And but marrying you, I think
120
00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:07,480
I've become much more of a rebel
in the sense that, you know, you
121
00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:09,680
and I like to do a we are very
intentional.
122
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,360
I think that is the number one
word that our friends and family
123
00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:15,880
would use when it comes to us.
But you know, we were watching
124
00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:18,920
our new favorite show, at least
season 1 couples therapy the
125
00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:21,080
other day.
And one of the women on the
126
00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:25,240
couch with her husband is a very
intentional person.
127
00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:29,720
And the psychoanalyst asked her,
she said, you know, you are, you
128
00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:32,960
are obviously very intentional
and you have a strong direction
129
00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:34,400
on where you would like to take
your life.
130
00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:38,240
But as a psychoanalyst, I have
to wonder what is the shadow
131
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:42,320
side of that?
What is the fear that comes up
132
00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:46,040
if you are not in control?
And that really hit me.
133
00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:49,800
It really hit me because I think
that we, well, I'll just speak
134
00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:54,920
for myself and say that I do
think that spirituality and this
135
00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:59,720
idea of surrendering to my
higher power is incredibly
136
00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:04,880
important balance and
perspective in my life because
137
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it is the flip side of all the
intentionality that we have.
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And so it is probably though not
something that I share with our
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kids so much.
And they probably see me more as
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this like control freak because
I keep these moments of grace
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and surrender.
They're really my own.
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Can we go a little bit deeper on
your alignment with your higher
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power and what your spiritual
life looks like today?
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Yeah, for sure.
OK, the idea that what was the
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book The War of Art?
Do you remember this book?
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I do.
Isn't this the one that
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originally gave you the term
fight the resistance?
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It is so fighting the resistance
in art, in life means when you
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don't want to do something, when
I don't want to do something,
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question why that is and it get
really curious about that and
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then fight against it because it
usually is going to be a
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movement towards alignment with
the universe.
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There's so many reasons that I
stay curious about resistance,
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but the main one is because I
know that when I sense that
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resistance and I push against it
and I open that door
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successfully, that's when I feel
most connected to the universe.
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So it helps me to not just fight
the resistance on any one
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occasion, but to search for
alignment and fight the
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resistance on all occasions.
So I guess what you're also
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saying is that the universe is
here, ready and willing to help
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you and to conspire to help you,
and sometimes you just have to
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hop back into alignment.
That's right.
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So if I may, Doctor Lisa Miller
has some ideas of how to bring
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spirituality into everyday
practice.
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And I would love for us to
consider them with our family as
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an experiment.
So the first one is serve other
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people.
Is the idea being that when you
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go outside yourself, you are a
living prayer of love, held,
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guided and never alone?
And I think that that is one
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that we are working to develop
with our family.
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Is this service arm service
engine, if you will.
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But even everyday ways of
serving other people, like if
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there's someone sick in our
community or someone needs us to
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take care of their pet, things
like that, really just, well, I
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don't know.
Is there anything you want to
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say about that?
No, I I agree.
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I, I see that our kids gravitate
naturally towards active
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service.
And so I feel like maybe there's
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something lost along the way in
not developing that muscle for
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me.
And I'm not just a witness.
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I I'm an active, curious
participant.
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Yeah.
So I think that getting into the
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habit of serving other people in
both big and small ways is the
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closest is like a very quick way
to to feel connection to
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something greater than yourself.
OK, so the first one is serve
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other people.
The second, which is my
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favorite, is to perceive
synchronicity.
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So thank the universe when you
experience unique, most
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improbable events.
And those don't happen all the
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time for me, but I do think that
they happen way more often than
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I realize.
For sure.
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These are like daily events I
think.
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OK, tell me more.
I've got this little journal
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prompt lately.
So in the morning I write down
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the lever for the day, which is
the most important thing to get
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done.
And then in the evening I write
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down 4 things.
One is the insight, any insight
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that I had.
So that's a good place to to
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look for the serendipity. 2 is
the shift.
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So like, what do I want to shift
into tomorrow?
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And sometimes that's just like,
oh, you know, today was a lot of
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00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:46,520
creative thinking.
Tomorrow I'd really need to do
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00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:50,440
blocking, tackling or this is
we're recording on a Friday.
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Friday was a great recording
session day.
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Tomorrow I just want to be with
my family and not be checking my
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phone or something like that.
And then the relationship, which
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is who or what do I want to have
a relationship with?
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Sometimes that's myself,
sometimes that's a version of
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myself, sometimes that's a
different version or
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relationship that that you and I
have.
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So like, instead of being Co
host tomorrow, let's just be
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whatever, right, Let's be
parents.
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And then the last one is recall.
So I made this one up because I
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realized that the day is just
like blur together.
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And so my recall is either a
moment of the day or just like
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I'll, I'll talk through the day
and how it went.
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And I usually find something
that I forgot already.
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And so I found that to be really
interesting, especially
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reflecting at the end of the
week, looking back at my week
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and seeing these journal
prompts.
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So maybe for you, it's just,
what's that one moment of
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serendipity that I saw looking
back at each day?
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Yeah, OK, I like it.
I'm also caught up a little bit
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because I'm a word nerd and I
said synchronicity and you said
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serendipity.
And so I'd like to actually talk
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about the difference between the
two of those.
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OK, So I'll tell you the
definitions and you can tell me
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like how you perceive the
differences.
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But so synchronicity is a very
specific Carl Jung term that
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means meaningful coincidence.
So it's when events occurred
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together in a way that feels
connected, even though there's
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no clear like causal
relationship.
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So it's mysterious and spiritual
where the universe is trying to
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tell you something.
Serendipity.
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I don't think it has any
psychological relevance.
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00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:24,840
It's a happy accident, a chance
event that turns out to be
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beneficial, and it's more of
like a lucky, playful, light
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hearted type of thing.
Yeah, I think I use them
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00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:33,640
probably interchangeably because
I believe that you can't control
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either.
But as Paul Graham says, you can
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create more surface area for
luck, and that is what I believe
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being in alignment with the
universe actually means is doing
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00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:45,000
the next right thing for even
when it's a hard thing to create
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more surface area for lucky
events or synchronous events to
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happen to you because you can't
'cause them to happen.
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Sure.
Yeah.
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I guess I think of serendipity
as like when we happen to run
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into our friends at the farmers
market, that feels like a happy
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accident.
Like I'm so happy that I got to
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see their faces on a Saturday
morning.
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I wouldn't say that it was a
deep spiritual experience.
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It was just like it was a great
highlight in my day.
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Synchronicity is like the fact
that you and I met at Zuma on
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00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:14,200
Wednesday, April 8th, 2015, when
neither of us were supposed to
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00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:17,560
be there.
Like that is synchronicity.
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Yeah, that's very true.
Does synchronicity have to be
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big events though?
It has to be deeply meaningful
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events.
OK, so then yeah, those aren't
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00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:30,720
everyday.
Like we had one not even mutual
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friend, like third degree
connection of mine kind of
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thing, and friend of yours.
Like we had been in similar
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00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:40,520
spots, probably in New York City
one or two other times in our
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lives, but neither of us were
supposed to be there.
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And if we hadn't met that night,
it's not like we would have met
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the next week or the next week
or the next week.
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Like that was truly a once in a
lifetime opportunity.
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00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:55,120
It really was that we both
happened to show up and just
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gravitated towards one another
immediately.
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So true.
In front of DJ Jade.
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I mean, there's so many more
crazy things about that story.
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I had just gotten off a plane
earlier that day.
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I buried my grandmother, not not
literally, but she had passed
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away couple weeks prior.
I was right here in Delray when
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00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:22,680
when my grandmother was sick and
I was visiting her in the
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hospital just up the road.
And I decided to make all these
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00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:32,440
big decisions after that because
I finally felt the weight of all
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00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:34,320
of my ancestors lifted off of
me.
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My parents weren't around.
All of my grandparents had
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passed.
She was the last remaining 1,
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00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,120
and I decided I need to live
life for myself.
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00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:42,120
And so I made some really big
decisions.
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And when I finally came back to
New York 3 weeks later, Danielle
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was right there and it was
unbelievable.
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Do you want to say the other
thing?
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00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:52,600
You can say the other thing.
What's the other thing?
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00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:55,760
The other thing that I was
married, Yes.
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00:15:56,040 --> 00:16:02,680
Yeah, I was married.
And I knew in my heart of hearts
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that that was me looking for
continued family now that
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00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:09,960
everyone was dying.
The only reason I was going to
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00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:12,680
get married was because my dad
was still alive and he didn't
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00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:17,640
even live to see it.
And eight months into a
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00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:21,280
marriage, I was like, I'm sorry,
I just can't do this.
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I don't want to have children
with this person.
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And I came back to New York to,
to tie up those loose ends.
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Otherwise I would have stayed in
Florida.
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And later that night, like
having done the hard things,
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00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:37,440
fighting the resistance, pushing
through all of the
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00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:41,360
uncomfortableness, all of the
blowback from extended family
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00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:47,200
and, you know, people getting
really concerned about me and
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00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:50,640
decisions that I was making.
And I was just like, Nope, I'm
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doing this for myself.
And I was living.
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Yeah, that was probably the most
aligned I've I've ever felt.
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Yeah.
So hopping back into alignment
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with the universe, having
explicit difficult conversations
305
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:07,079
with people that you cared about
and really naming what you
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00:17:07,079 --> 00:17:10,480
needed like literally same day
turn around.
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00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:13,400
I mean, I think about our
meeting kind of the most
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00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,200
perfectly imperfect time for you
ever.
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00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:19,599
Like in what universe is are you
telling someone that you would
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00:17:19,599 --> 00:17:23,400
like an annulment by day and
meeting your future wife by
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00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:25,680
night?
It's wild, it's so wild.
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00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:29,320
Wouldn't even make a good movie
because it's not believable.
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00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:32,840
I.
Know and I don't consider myself
314
00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:35,280
to be at the type of person who
would have gone on a date with
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00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:38,880
you had that not been known you
know what I mean had it not been
316
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:41,600
explicit that you were moving
towards annulment proceed
317
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:44,520
proceedings well.
I think it was, you know that
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00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:46,840
and you met a bunch of my
friends who were just like, so
319
00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:49,560
happy to have me, just just like
happy to see me living in
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00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:50,920
alignment after.
Yeah, it was.
321
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,960
Palpable.
I was, I was in a really dark
322
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:54,920
place for a long time.
And you know, as we talked about
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on the last episode, like, you
know, there's that's a that's
324
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:02,080
been a pattern and I didn't
understand it until much more
325
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:06,080
recently.
So it's the alignment that I've
326
00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:09,080
been feeling with the universe
is really the purest sense of
327
00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:14,640
like of am I feeling like I can
look myself in the mirror and
328
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:16,600
say that I'm happy with all the
choices that I made.
329
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:19,640
And today, I mean,
unquestionably.
330
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:25,440
But ten years ago, like up until
I met you, I had just started to
331
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:28,080
turn the corner and make those
changes after a really dark
332
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:32,360
period of seeing both of my
parents die, like 2 grandmothers
333
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:38,080
die, and being in a relationship
that didn't serve me, but that I
334
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:42,160
needed to get out of the New
York City spiral that was
335
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:43,240
otherwise going to bring me
down.
336
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:49,000
So yeah, synchronicity.
Synchronicity, OK, so serve
337
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,640
other people perceive
synchronicity.
338
00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:54,200
And then the third one is to
pause and feel the sacred in
339
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:57,760
nature or in memories.
So basically she says like say
340
00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:00,160
wow a lot.
And so I think this is a great
341
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:04,960
opportunity for us to share our
spirituality with our children
342
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:08,680
is really definitely episode 2
family stories, right?
343
00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:12,960
But being in nature together and
experiencing awe and wonder and
344
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:15,600
just the power of things outside
of ourselves is also a great
345
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:19,200
opportunity to share our
spirituality.
346
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,320
Yes, absolutely.
We're in a great place for it.
347
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:25,800
What else do we want to say?
I feel very connected to the
348
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:28,880
universe because of you and this
family.
349
00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:33,720
And I feel very connected to
this family because of the
350
00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:36,960
universe.
It's like this, this is a
351
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:40,040
relationship that we do have
with the higher power,
352
00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:42,000
everything that happens with
this family.
353
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:45,680
I love that, Yeah.
So when it comes to
354
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:51,200
spirituality, I would like to
spend more time sharing that
355
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,320
with all of you.
If I think about our last
356
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:55,360
episode was on joy and I was
like, I want to take some of my
357
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:58,840
joy back because it feels a
little bit too connected to all
358
00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:00,200
of you.
I'm kind of saying the opposite
359
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,480
when it comes to my spirit, my
sense of spirit and
360
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:05,400
spirituality, which is that I
feel like I have made it such a
361
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:09,480
deeply personal and unique thing
that I would like to spend more
362
00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:11,920
time being a little bit more
showy about it.
363
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:16,080
Like sharing it with all of you
in in a, in an attempt to really
364
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:18,800
authorize our children to have
their own spiritual journey.
365
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:23,240
I think for a little while
there, I have been concerned up
366
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:28,360
until this episode really that
my lack of sharing with our
367
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:31,440
children has caused them to have
a spiritual gap.
368
00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:35,680
And I, I don't think that's
actually the case anymore.
369
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:39,800
So you know, just because we are
not having them say prayers at
370
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:43,120
night or having them go to
church on Sunday or doing
371
00:20:43,120 --> 00:20:46,160
different rites of passage, all
of which are beautiful for those
372
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:51,640
that that it resonates with.
This past Friday, I asked Hunter
373
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:54,960
what God means to her.
It was actually hilarious.
374
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:58,960
We were out on the climbing Dome
after a Friday night family meal
375
00:20:59,360 --> 00:21:01,240
and I said, Hunter, what does
God mean to you?
376
00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:04,760
And this neighbor was like
walking by, walking her dog at
377
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:08,160
that right at that exact moment.
And must have thought that I was
378
00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:10,760
so cringe like absolutely.
Because who hears?
379
00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:13,400
And I heard her scoff and laugh,
But I mean, it was a laughable
380
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:14,320
thing.
I am.
381
00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:17,800
I am that mom.
I'm that mom that asks what God
382
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:20,200
means to you on a Friday night
while you're playing.
383
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:21,200
So it's fine.
I own it.
384
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:25,080
But it was it was hilarious.
Anyway, so and so when we did
385
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:28,200
kind of open up that
conversation with our kids
386
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:31,240
leading with Hunter being the
oldest, I was profoundly
387
00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:35,040
inspired by what I heard, which
was really that help me
388
00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:39,840
encapsulate it, if you will.
But she said that God, she first
389
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:41,760
of all, she used the word
spirit, which I thought was
390
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:43,320
awesome.
And we haven't used that word
391
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:46,400
spirit in in talking with her,
but she said that you know what?
392
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:49,720
I feel God all around me and I
feel spirit everywhere.
393
00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:51,800
And it's kind of the opposite of
you, mommy.
394
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:55,520
Like I can touch you or I can.
What did she say?
395
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:59,920
She said, I can see you, but I
can't feel you.
396
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:05,760
Whereas with spirit, I can't see
it, but I can always feel it.
397
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:11,160
Wow, it's awesome.
And then she said, you know,
398
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:15,440
mom, I feel like Spirit is
leading me when I have big
399
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:23,320
emotions that that is when I
feel closest to God, right?
400
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:28,240
And then we were talking a bit
more and I said, well, what do
401
00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:30,200
you do when you want to tap into
God or Spirit?
402
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:33,120
And she said, I breathe.
She said, well, I always
403
00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:35,400
breathe, but I breathe with
intention.
404
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:37,560
And that's how I connect to
Spirit.
405
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:41,920
Something's working.
I mean, so if that, I mean that
406
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:45,240
is her own compass.
And I'm so excited, like I'm
407
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:49,480
just so grateful.
And I guess exhaling because I,
408
00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:51,800
I do feel like this is something
I've been avoiding.
409
00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:56,680
But we are all innately
spiritual beings and we don't, I
410
00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:58,360
guess I was really worried that
if we didn't give them a
411
00:22:58,360 --> 00:23:01,000
religion, they would not have a
spiritual connection.
412
00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:04,280
And that's not what I'm finding.
No, not at all.
413
00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:07,600
Not at all.
So that feels good, yeah.
414
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:13,600
I think the last thing to bring
up, if I may, is 1 important
415
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:15,880
lesson from the Boundaries
episode that I think carries
416
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:18,920
over here.
There's a lot of people in our
417
00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:22,840
children's lives who are
religious, and what we've asked
418
00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:26,600
of them is that they just talk
about religion from their
419
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:30,360
perspective.
They never share anything about
420
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:32,800
matter of fact.
Right.
421
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:35,160
It gets back to this idea of
allowing the children to explore
422
00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:36,600
their own spiritual lives,
right?
423
00:23:37,360 --> 00:23:39,680
And I think that all of the
adults and all of the religious
424
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:43,000
folks in their lives have been
very respectful of this request,
425
00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:45,920
which is that they will share
what God means to them, maybe
426
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:50,280
what heaven and hell mean, but
in a way that is deeply
427
00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:55,480
personal, as opposed to one that
is telling the children that
428
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:57,400
that is how they must believe as
well.
429
00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:01,320
Yeah, exactly.
And I always thought it was odd
430
00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:06,000
growing up 'cause we we went to
the Presbyterian Church, but it
431
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:09,240
was only my mom, my brother and
I that would go and my dad would
432
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:15,240
not go except for Christmas Eve.
And I do feel like in a family
433
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:18,640
where you're exploring, where we
are exploring spirituality
434
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:20,680
together, it's important to
explore together.
435
00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:24,520
We've tried going to some
different services as a family.
436
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:28,560
And I think that it's important
that we all went together, even
437
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:33,000
if any of us were feeling some
resistance me about it.
438
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:37,000
It's really important.
And and that's the thing that I
439
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:39,800
want to model for my kids is to
know that they are loved and to
440
00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:42,680
know that I'm there to support
their exploration.
441
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:46,400
And I, I show up with an open
mind, even if it's not
442
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:48,880
necessarily a space that I feel
comfortable exploring.
443
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:51,280
I want to be there to hold their
hand as they explore it for
444
00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:54,520
themselves.
Yeah, that's thank you for doing
445
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:55,920
that.
Really, thank you.
446
00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:59,480
Because I do think that this, it
doesn't have to be that deep is
447
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:02,480
what I want to say is that like
we can all explore together.
448
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:04,960
And if we go to a House of
worship, that doesn't mean that
449
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:07,160
you are immediately
indoctrinated into the culture,
450
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:10,920
right and into the religion.
We can explore and have a a deep
451
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:16,760
respect for for other religions,
for religions in general without
452
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:20,600
feeling like it has to be the
one that resonates with us.
453
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,840
I mean, for me, there is so much
in any House of worship that I
454
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:27,760
have ever been in when it comes
to singing and being part of a
455
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:32,080
community that is so spiritual
that I'm happy to to take what I
456
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:33,520
like and leave the rest, if you
will.
457
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:38,800
And sometimes we show up for
other people right inside and
458
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:40,920
outside this family.
And sometimes we show up because
459
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:44,240
we're going through something
and we are really in need of a,
460
00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:47,760
a space that is safe and
welcoming and full of love.
461
00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:48,880
Yeah.
That's right.
462
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:51,600
Yeah.
It's it's really a beautiful
463
00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:54,440
thing to just be in it together.
Absolutely.
464
00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:57,240
So what can we commit to when it
comes to the spirit that is a
465
00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:00,600
part of our everyday lives?
The dialogue with our kids is, I
466
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:03,720
would say, the most important
because understanding more about
467
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:07,640
when the spirit shows up for
Hunter and what she's been
468
00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:09,800
feeling.
I mean, this is a kid that can
469
00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:12,560
go, they can't go to the
doctor's office, but that can
470
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:16,160
get on stage in front of
hundreds of people no problem
471
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:19,120
and thrives in that environment.
So just trying to understand
472
00:26:19,120 --> 00:26:21,560
from her where she's really
feeling that higher power.
473
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:24,040
I I want to do more of what
about you?
474
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:27,040
Yeah, I really like this idea of
exploring together.
475
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:30,040
I'm thinking about the latest
season of White Lotus, where the
476
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:32,600
daughter was like, actively
wanting to become a Buddhist,
477
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,880
and no one in her family really
wanted to support her, and they
478
00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:37,560
were very scared.
And that's kind of like the
479
00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:43,280
antithesis of what I want.
I truly, deeply want my children
480
00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:48,840
to explore their own spiritual
journey, and I am excited to see
481
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:51,280
how it's different from mine.
Honestly, I think that I can
482
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:54,840
learn a lot from what resonates
with them and I look forward to.
483
00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:57,000
Absolutely just no pina clottis
I know.
484
00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:00,880
Yikes.
Yeah.
485
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:02,920
So definitely committing to
that.
486
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:08,440
And then also, I think this idea
of awe and wonder, talking more
487
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:11,800
about synchronicity, but then
also just saying wow a lot and
488
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:15,520
really naming it when I feel
connected because I do feel
489
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:19,960
connected to the universe and to
my higher power all the time,
490
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:21,840
especially especially at
sunrise.
491
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:24,840
And lately Jade and Hunter have
been coming with me for my
492
00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:28,480
Winston walks and I think that
that would be a great time to
493
00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:30,240
share with them so I can commit
to that as well.
494
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:33,080
Yeah, sounds great.
Cool.
495
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:35,600
OK, great.
I love talking about Spirit.
496
00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:36,880
Thanks for connecting with me on
this.
497
00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:40,440
Yeah, me too.
I want to keep exploring this
498
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:43,720
topic with you too, not just
with the kids.
499
00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:45,600
OK.
Yeah, that sounds great.
500
00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:46,840
Yeah, I think there's more to
do.
501
00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:49,640
That's a really good point.
Do you have any ideas?
502
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:55,200
Part of it we're doing already.
Like the most important thing,
503
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:58,800
yeah.
But and part and this is an
504
00:27:58,800 --> 00:28:00,520
outlet for exploring more
together.
505
00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:02,680
I don't know what the other part
is.
506
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:04,680
OK, I have an idea, but you can
tell me if you don't want to do
507
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:05,680
it.
But could we just like try it
508
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:10,400
tonight?
So the the poem that was read at
509
00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:13,480
our wedding is from a book
called The Prophet by Khalil
510
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:17,360
Gibran.
What do you think about maybe
511
00:28:17,360 --> 00:28:19,880
reading a passage of that like
before bed when we get in bed
512
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:21,880
each night?
What if you could we try that
513
00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:23,680
tonight?
Just like reading it, maybe
514
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:26,000
reflecting upon it for like a
couple of minutes before bed?
515
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:27,600
Yeah.
I mean, I must say I've been
516
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:30,400
getting a little fatigued by we
have a evening practice where we
517
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:31,440
go through each one of our
values.
518
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:35,280
Have 12 values and we talk about
1:00 every night for one month
519
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:39,360
and we've been doing that for
like 6 years, six or seven years
520
00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:42,120
I guess.
I I think it might be time to to
521
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:44,200
try something like this.
Like a little book club?
522
00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:45,600
Yeah, OK.
I love the book club.
523
00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:48,440
I think I'll, I'll be more
present for that as well then,
524
00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:52,280
OK, as opposed to something that
that needs to be reflecting on
525
00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:54,480
the on the whole day.
Let's just like, show up and be
526
00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:56,240
curious.
Yeah, and like.
527
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:59,400
Learn something new.
Kind of more pull versus push,
528
00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:02,080
if you will, something that's
coming to us and to reflect
529
00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:03,160
upon.
OK, that sounds great.
530
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:04,920
Let's try it tonight.
Cool, I'll get the book out.
531
00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:07,360
OK, yay, yay.
OK, love you goosy.
532
00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:10,480
Love you goosy.
Hey guys, if you're still here,
533
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:12,160
you're definitely our kind of
person.
534
00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:15,160
Thanks for spending this time
with us on The Most Important
535
00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:17,680
Thing.
If this episode resonated with
536
00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:20,160
you, we'd love for you to follow
us wherever you get your
537
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:22,320
podcasts and share it with
someone else.
538
00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:24,080
Building family culture on
purpose.