TMIT 45: Bringing Back the Eureka Moment — Why We Need "Cognitive Patience"

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Welcome back to The Most
Important Thing.

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I'm Danielle.
And I'm Greg, and together we're

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exploring family, culture and
leadership at home.

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Today, we are talking about
prioritizing cognitive patience.

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This is a term that Danielle
first threw out in an interview

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with the CEO of Tin Can.
And I think you and I had a

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moment where we locked eyes
through the computer screen and

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we were like, well, we need to
talk about that some more.

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It's something that keeps coming
up, probably because we realize

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just how much it's lacking in
our day-to-day.

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It's lacking and I I don't even
know if I have a great

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definition for it.
So do you have a way that you

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would explain it to people?
Sure, I can give you the

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neuroscientist definition from
Marianne Wolf, and what she

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calls cognitive patients is the
ability to slow down and engage

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deeply with a text or an idea
without succumbing to digital

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distractions.
OK.

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So this is something that's
fairly new then, right?

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Cognitive patients being the
digital distractions is kind of

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the the key, the key thing
that's pulling us away or is

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this throughout humanity?
Like where, where do we sit with

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this?
I think that cognitive patients

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has always been there, but we
didn't need a term for it

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because it was just called life.
It's no longer just called life.

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So this is one of those things
that got defined as we've lost

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it.
Yes, right.

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So it's not like someone has
more than someone else.

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It's more like we are all
looking for a way to regain this

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to to bring this back.
Yeah, I mean, certainly you and

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I have been looking for a way to
regain this more recently.

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Yeah.
I don't know if any of you can

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relate, but I just find myself
categorically incapable of

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reading a long form article
these days.

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Yeah, tell me about it.
We live in a world that has made

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it easier to quit, more so now
than ever, right?

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Yeah, tap out for sure.
And so we're not talking about

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attention span, we're actually
talking about sticking with hard

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things.
Yes, in the sense that cognitive

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patients really comes into play
when ideas start to become

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unclear and we really need to
push through to understand

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what's happening in the text or
in a word problem or in a game.

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I think that the mental
discomfort is really the is

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really the thing that we're
exploring today, right?

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Yeah, or at least how much we
are noticing how easy it is for

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us to tap out of it.
And I love Adam Grant says that

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the first rule of improvement is
to recognize the need for

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improvement.
And so that's what we're here to

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do today.
Yeah, right.

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It's something that I think you
and I consider ourselves to be

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pretty intentional people.
If you are listening to this

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podcast, it is because you are
an intentional parent and adult,

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right?
Right.

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And yet, I would be remiss if I
didn't think that some of us are

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scrolling Instagram while
watching TV at night with our

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spouse or cannot seem to get
through a long form article.

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Up until the last, you know,
maybe 20 years, like when you

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and I were growing up, cognitive
patience was something that we

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had no other choice but to
develop.

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And now we're realizing that
we're losing it and we have to

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turn this into a practice and
build it together as a family.

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Especially because I do believe
that the next generation, our

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children today do not have
nearly as many natural

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opportunities for cognitive
patients as we did.

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And so I think that we are the
ones that are able to really see

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that Delta, see that change
happening.

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And so it is our job as parents
and as leaders of our family to

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create more opportunities four
time away from digital

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distraction, time away to engage
deeply with a text or a problem

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so that our kids even know that
that exists.

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I'm, I'm not modeling it so well
for our family anymore.

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Like it's not something that is
innate and natural.

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It's something that I need to do
a podcast episode about just to

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be able to develop some some
practice areas to work on.

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Agreed.
So if you're anything like us

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and you are finding yourself
increasingly distracted, even

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when you've decided that you
want to focus on something that

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is worth your attention, this
episode is for you.

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And so today we're going to talk
about why cognitive patience

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matters and offer three guiding
principles in how to grow and

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support cognitive patients
within our family.

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Love it.
So first, what are some examples

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of cognitive patients in
everyday life?

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We've talked a bit about reading
a novel or a long form article

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rather than just skimming it,
right?

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But there are others.
I would say when it comes to

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text, there's also the idea of
writing something yourself, not

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with GPT, and rewriting and
revising it, being able to

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engage deeply in the written
word that you've written.

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Oh, totally.
Right.

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And so I think AI and in
particular our consumer use of

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it as opposed to the engineering
use of it, right, is a, is a big

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part of why you and I are
finding the need to dedicate

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space to cognitive patients.
Because it is just getting

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easier and easier to develop a
cursory or surface level

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understanding of something and
even share it with someone

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through e-mail or otherwise.
And keep moving, right?

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And I feel the muscles in my
brain atrophying where I'm not

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developing deep understanding or
allowing myself to think

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critically about problems
because there's always a cheaper

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dopamine hit or digital
distraction one click away.

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Absolutely.
There's a lot of examples that

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we could we could go into just
around AI.

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I want to keep this a little bit
higher level.

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There's plenty in modern day
today.

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I mean, even just look at, you
know, I, I do New York Times

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games on my phone and you know,
well, even 10 years ago, people

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used to sit with a physical
newspaper and do the full New

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York Times crossword because
that was what was available to

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us.
Now we can do the crossword mini

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with a timer in under a minute,
right?

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It's like 7 questions.
They're no more than 5 letters

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each usually.
And so the world is really

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creating these opportunities for
us to keep it surface level.

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Well, when the currency is
attention, absolutely that's

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going to be the the way that we
get optimized through someone

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else's funnel.
You know, often times I'm guilty

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of this.
I know you are too.

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I open up X or Instagram and I
forgot what I went there for.

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I'm like reading something.
I'm like, wait, I opened this

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for a reason.
I was like, look, going to go

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look something up.
It's brutal.

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It's really brutal and This is
why we wanted to talk about this

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explicitly with our family and
with all of you, because if we

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don't dedicate intentional space
for long, long form reading,

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sustained mental attention, it's
just not going to happen.

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No, not only is it not going to
happen, but it's it's going to

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feel like a chore when we need
to do it.

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Yeah, well, I already see it in
things like word problems with

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Hunter today, right?
Hunter is great at math

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computation.
It comes easily to her.

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She wants to keep moving and
moving, progressing and

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progressing through longer
division and more difficult

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fractions, things like that.
But give her a word problem and

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all bets are off.
Like the chances of her being

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able to read and comprehend A3
sentence word problem and really

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understand which computations to
do and what is the question

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actually asking is a big
challenge for her.

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It's a big challenge for her.
And you know, she's 8, so some

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of this is developmentally
appropriate, but more than

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anything, I see her desire to
rush through and and continue on

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to the next problem.
So, and it's not, and you know,

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I do spend some time with her
peers.

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And it is not just Hunter,
right?

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It is that everyone wants to
just pick a computation, say,

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you know what, these two numbers
look like they should be

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subtracted and move on.
And so now we've been spending

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time, we have a couple days a
week where we just do word

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problems and we're, we are
trying to really immerse

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ourselves together in the story
of the word problem or the

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outside of the box logic
problem, because that is how we

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really learn.
That's how understanding is

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deepened.
And this, so much of this is not

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about productivity or
achievement.

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It's about practicing the skill
of staying engaged even when

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thinking becomes uncomfortable.
Of course, what I've noticed is

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that with Hunter, speed is the
name of the game.

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Endurance does not really affect
the way that she thinks about

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things.
If she's tapped out, she's she's

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done.
She's not like, oh, I'm going to

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push through confusion like
that's the enemy, right?

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If she's confused, like there's
something that's gone horribly

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wrong, instead of like, that's
kind of the point.

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Let's read the problem again.
And I think that's natural,

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though I do think, you know,
some of it is being a kid in

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today's world, but some of it is
just being a human totally.

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We are doing more than ever
while feeling less than ever,

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right?
And that's something that I read

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in an article recently that
really resonated with me.

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So I think you and I feel the
need for cognitive patients,

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right?
We feel it slipping from our

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fingers and we are intentionally
trying to bring it back into our

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family.
But why?

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Why does cognitive patients
really matter?

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And so I did some research and
it turns out that this is where

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learning really happens.
When a person can stay with an

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idea for long enough, that's
when we can deeply understand

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instead of just surface level
comprehend.

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And it's where we can start to
make connections and see through

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lines to other things in our
life and really be able to play

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with the problem, right?
So once we're able to move

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beyond that surface level
understanding, that's when we're

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in a, we're able to build
critical thinking skills.

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And really this is the
opportunity to look at a problem

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from someone else's perspective
or be able to evaluate an

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argument from both sides, right?
And it is through slowing down

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reading long form, whether
that's a novel or a long form

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article or playing with a
problem, that the answer doesn't

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immediately reveal itself that
we are actually able to create

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that type of learning.
And then the third reason is

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really that it's so confidence
boosting to know that I can stay

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with this, that this problem got
difficult and murky and I didn't

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know the answer right away, but
I figured it out, right?

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And in a world where every
online education tool has a

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little button at the bottom of
the question that says, hint, we

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are not giving our children the
opportunity to stick with things

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in the way that they are so
capable of doing.

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And so this is where we as
parents, we as leaders, really

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need to support our children in
holding a high standard for

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cognitive patients.
And that begins with us.

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It sure does.
And yet there are so many

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opportunities today to take the
easier route.

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So lately we've had a lively
debate in our home around what

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books to check out at the
library.

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Yes, and in particular, at least
at our Delray Beach Public

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Library, there are a ton of
graphic novels.

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So a.
Huge section with like four or

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five different bookshelves,
front and back rows and rows of

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graphic novels.
Basically, if there has been a

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popular series in the in the
juvenile fiction, it has been

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turned into a graphic novel and
they're glossy and they have

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pretty pictures.
Our kids gravitate towards those

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so much faster than they
gravitate towards the actual

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chapter books.
Of course.

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Those are certainly not an
opportunity for the cognitive

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patients that we are talking
about today.

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And so for now, graphic novels
are banned in our home because

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if you like a book enough or
series enough to want to read

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it, I want you to be reading the
chapter books, creating the

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imagery in your brain, and
actually reading about another

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person's perspective, not just
the quotes of what they're

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saying and the beauty of written
text.

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Well, it's marketing, right?
Graphic novel sounds, they're

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novels in it, right?
It's it's, it's definitely

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something that is teed up for
kids to want and that is not an

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accident.
No, it's not.

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And I think there's a lot of
promising research out there

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that says for a certain type of
child, one that is not inclined

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00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:09,880
to read, graphic novels are a
great entry point.

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Sure.
That is not what we have in our

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family.
We so far seem to have three

231
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:21,960
very eager readers, and what
that means is that they can fly

232
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:27,840
through six graphic novels in a
day and be incredibly stimulated

233
00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:33,840
by what they have seen from a
visual processing standpoint and

234
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:36,760
what they are trying to ingest
from a dialogue standpoint.

235
00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:39,000
Right.
And so we've been asking this

236
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:43,800
question around, like, what are
you actually trying to achieve?

237
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:47,760
If you really want to immerse
yourself in the world of Wings

238
00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:52,880
of Fire, a graphic novel is not
the way to do it.

239
00:14:53,400 --> 00:15:00,080
A graphic novel is a way to
speed through and only get a

240
00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:05,680
tenth of the dialogue, of the
context, of the imagery, of

241
00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:11,240
intonation, which is completely
lacking other than, you know, an

242
00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:16,120
exclamation point or an italics.
And what we find is that we have

243
00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:21,520
hyped up children who think that
they have conquered something

244
00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:25,400
when really they've just created
this very surface level

245
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:28,440
understanding of a world that
where they could go so much

246
00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:30,200
deeper.
It's like they're watching a

247
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:32,680
screen.
The text is there, the pictures

248
00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:34,480
are there, they're just not
hearing anything.

249
00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:36,080
There may be a time and a place
for them.

250
00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:38,400
I don't want to throw the baby
out with the bathwater.

251
00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:42,680
However, in the context of
building cognitive patients, I

252
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:46,000
don't see a place for graphic
novels in our family home.

253
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:48,680
Agreed.
I I will label them remedial

254
00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:50,840
fiction.
I will label them cotton candy

255
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:52,320
for your eyes.
There we go.

256
00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:57,200
What about the thing that you
have heard from a number of

257
00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:01,080
children as a push back?
Yeah, so it has been.

258
00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:03,760
It has been shared with me from
some of the children in our

259
00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:08,480
community that I need graphic
novels, otherwise I won't know

260
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:11,120
what these characters are
supposed to look like.

261
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:13,920
And when I suggested that they
use their imagination, I got

262
00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:15,320
blank stares.
Yeah.

263
00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:20,640
So these are anecdotes, right?
And multiple anecdotes are not

264
00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:26,560
data, but it does show, it does
give me the confidence that I

265
00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:30,480
need to say as one of the
leaders of our family, that just

266
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:34,720
because there are a ton of
graphic novels available to us

267
00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:38,120
when we go to the library does
not mean that we need to take

268
00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:40,000
them.
Just because there are a ton of

269
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:44,680
quote healthy food snack items
at Whole Foods doesn't mean any

270
00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:46,400
of them are appropriate for our
family.

271
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:48,400
That's right.
Yeah, great.

272
00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:51,200
And that's, that's the
conversation that bike riding to

273
00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:54,600
school today, Hunter Jade and I
had, which is that it's a lot

274
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:57,200
harder to be a kid today than it
was 30 years ago.

275
00:16:57,200 --> 00:17:02,080
And I'm sorry for you because
you are inundated with ways to

276
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:04,920
take the easy way out there.
You know, where we had the

277
00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:08,319
Babysitter's Club, you could, if
you even can find the

278
00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:10,520
Babysitter's Club on the
shelves, which I couldn't the

279
00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:14,359
last time I went to the library.
But you can certainly find a

280
00:17:14,359 --> 00:17:18,200
graphic novel, which by the way,
if you're wanting to buy and not

281
00:17:18,319 --> 00:17:21,520
borrow at the library, costing
multiple of the price of the

282
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:24,480
typical novel, right?
Yet can be consumed in what, a

283
00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:27,599
tenth of the time?
So I do.

284
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:33,280
What I've been trying to express
to the girls is that my standard

285
00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:37,960
has not changed just because the
denominator of what is publicly

286
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:42,520
available has increased in the
amount of crap that is out

287
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:46,080
there.
I'm still going to direct you

288
00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:49,840
towards and focus your
opportunities on the things that

289
00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:52,640
meet our standards.
Yeah, We have to play a lot of

290
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:55,000
defense.
Like these are packages that are

291
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,560
sold to parents just as much as
to the kids.

292
00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:00,880
The kids want them because
they're, you know, easy to easy

293
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:02,680
on the eyes.
And you can, you don't have to

294
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:05,960
use your imagination.
But in all these cases, it's

295
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,040
ours to decide what gets
through.

296
00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:12,880
And so that defense really is
about how to practice together,

297
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:15,720
how we sit through hard things,
and then it won't matter.

298
00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:19,280
Right.
And so I have a couple of ideas

299
00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:23,640
for how to sit through hard
things together as a family in a

300
00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:24,960
gamified way.
Yeah.

301
00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:26,680
So can I share some of my
favorite games?

302
00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:27,480
Sure.
OK, great.

303
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:30,120
And we will link to each of
these in the show notes.

304
00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:33,280
So one of my favorite games is
called Cat Crimes.

305
00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:38,280
It is a who's to blame logic
game and it's by think fun.

306
00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:42,560
But you can buy it on Amazon and
there are 40 crimes to solve,

307
00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:45,040
from beginner to expert.
This is a fun one.

308
00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:46,320
It's so fun.
It's.

309
00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:49,360
A really fun family game.
It is and I, I have to say that

310
00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:51,840
I know a lot of kids that
really, really enjoy it because

311
00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:55,360
it can be at all levels because,
you know, question #1 is really

312
00:18:55,360 --> 00:19:00,000
easy.
Question 40 took Hunter and I5

313
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:04,080
days to complete.
And so, you know, talk about

314
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:09,160
cognitive patients, right?
So not only did we give it our

315
00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:12,600
sustained attention for, I don't
know, 20 minutes, thirty minutes

316
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:18,440
at a time, but we had to come
back to it day after day and

317
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:23,440
push through when and know I can
stay with this and, and it will

318
00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:26,040
come, right?
And so there's this brain

319
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:27,760
science idea called the
incubation effect.

320
00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:31,320
We all know it, which is that if
you can't figure out a problem,

321
00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:35,160
take a walk, get away from it
for some time and allow your

322
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:37,080
subconscious to do the work for
you.

323
00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:41,480
These opportunities are so rare
today to use the incubation

324
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:43,600
effect, right?
So rare.

325
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,800
So Cat Crimes is a great
opportunity to use the

326
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:49,280
incubation effect, especially as
you get into the harder ones.

327
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:54,400
But basically what it is, is a
number of proof statements to

328
00:19:54,560 --> 00:20:00,160
help you figure out where the
cats should be sitting in the

329
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:04,200
living room.
And you get to figure out who

330
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:10,000
ruined the shoes or ate the bird
to solve the crime.

331
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:13,440
Yep, yeah.
And there also is dog crimes if

332
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:15,080
you're more of a dog lover.
No, I didn't know that.

333
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:16,920
Yes, it's the same.
It's the same idea.

334
00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:22,880
But the thing that this provides
is a Eureka moment, right?

335
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:25,600
Yeah.
When you finally solve it, the

336
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:31,120
joy, the Eureka of it all is
what I'm after.

337
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:35,000
Yeah.
And that takes cognitive

338
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:38,360
patience, right?
There are some ideas that can

339
00:20:38,360 --> 00:20:41,440
only come to us if we have the
patience to wait for them.

340
00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:46,160
And in this world today?
The Eureka moment.

341
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:49,000
We need to create them.
That's that's a really good

342
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,920
notice.
We don't have space for many of

343
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:54,000
those.
And when we do bring them back,

344
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:57,040
they feel so good.
I give a couple more, of course.

345
00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:59,480
OK, so this is another one.
This is like a great travel

346
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:02,240
game.
A friend told me about this.

347
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:05,680
It is called Puzzle IQ.
This one's called IQ Fit.

348
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:07,000
They have a couple of different
ones.

349
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:11,720
And this is like a 3D piece, but
it's it's basically a spatial

350
00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:15,760
version of cat crime.
So if cat crimes is written word

351
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:20,120
proof statements that you have
to use logic to figure out who

352
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:25,080
committed the crime, this is a
puzzle opportunity where you're

353
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:31,200
given half of the solution and
you need to rotate the pieces in

354
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:35,360
your in your brain or actually
physically on the board in order

355
00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:38,600
to fill out all the holes.
So I love these.

356
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,360
I mean, at the through line with
all of these games, in addition

357
00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:44,160
to the opportunity for Eureka
moment, because some of these

358
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:47,440
take me forever.
It's that they give you a

359
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:51,040
problem statement and then you
have to come up creatively with

360
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:53,760
the solution through a lot of
trial and error.

361
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:59,520
And there are moments of
frustration, moments of complete

362
00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:02,480
ambiguity, or even how do I get
started?

363
00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:07,200
And what I have seen in our kids
with things like cat crimes and

364
00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:09,680
puzzle IQ is they just get
started.

365
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:12,320
And that is what we're trying to
cultivate here.

366
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:15,000
Just get started because you can
do this.

367
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,840
It's just going to take some
time to push through for all of

368
00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:20,400
us, for sure.
And then my littlest one, which

369
00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:24,640
has been a, a huge hit with all
three of our kids, It's one of

370
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:26,960
these Haba games, which we love
Haba here.

371
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:30,000
And this is a Haba construction
set, but it's the same idea

372
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:35,280
where they give you a problem
set and then ask you to figure

373
00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:40,480
out what blocks are used to
create this construction set.

374
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:45,440
So three different
developmentally appropriate

375
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:49,880
opportunities for cognitive
patients for a lot of trial and

376
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:56,320
error and I can guarantee some
Eureka moments and a feeling of

377
00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:58,440
I can do this in working through
them.

378
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:05,840
No hints, no cheat cheat, no
prompting AI, just your brain

379
00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:08,120
and working through a problem.
Exactly.

380
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:11,320
So those are the some of the
things that we have found in

381
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:14,840
order to really sustain
cognitive patients as a family.

382
00:23:15,120 --> 00:23:17,760
But we would love to hear from
you if you have any other

383
00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:21,600
favorite activities or games
that really support cognitive

384
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:24,360
patients in your home.
Yeah, I think that's why people

385
00:23:24,360 --> 00:23:26,800
take up golf.
It's definitely slowing down

386
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:28,360
that feedback loop, that's for
sure.

387
00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:33,200
And so I wanted to talk about 3
things to keep in mind while

388
00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:35,000
cultivating cognitive patients
at home.

389
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:38,760
I think we've touched upon
these, but just to really make

390
00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:42,480
the implicit explicit as we are
apartment to do here at the most

391
00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:45,640
important thing.
So the first is that cognitive

392
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:47,920
patience is relational before
it's individual.

393
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:52,800
So all of these games that I
mentioned, cat crimes, Puzzle

394
00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:57,120
IQ, the Haba construction set,
we do them with the kids, right?

395
00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:00,680
Because I love them one, but
also because.

396
00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:01,800
You mean the kids do them with
you?

397
00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:07,160
But also because it's really
important to scaffold their

398
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,800
learning because the I can do
this takes some time to build

399
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:13,560
that confidence, especially in a
world where the distractions,

400
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:19,640
the hints are so prevalent.
The second is to remember, and

401
00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:22,520
this is one that I really need
to remember, is that the goal is

402
00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:27,920
endurance, not correctness.
So let them try to go down the

403
00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:31,000
rabbit hole, figuring out a word
problem in completely the wrong

404
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:33,280
direction.
They're never going to

405
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:34,920
understand the error of their
ways.

406
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:37,400
And I'm talking to myself right
now, but they are never going to

407
00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:40,960
understand the error of their
ways if they don't figure out

408
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:44,120
that way and take the path that
they first thought of it's.

409
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:49,760
So hard to bite your tongue.
Oh my gosh, I'm the worst at it.

410
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:52,000
I'm like, I disagree, I
disagree.

411
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:56,800
And then the third is that short
repeated reps beat grand

412
00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:59,800
gestures.
So I wouldn't suggest sitting

413
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:03,360
down and reading an entire
chapter book in one sitting as a

414
00:25:03,360 --> 00:25:07,640
family, but breaking it up 1
chapter a night so that

415
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:12,640
everybody has the time to really
go to bed thinking about what

416
00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:17,280
these Dragons looked like or
where the unicorns sleep at

417
00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:20,200
night.
It can cultivate so many of the

418
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:23,040
things that we're talking about
around deepening our

419
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:26,560
understanding and allowing
critical thinking to flourish.

420
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:33,920
So if everyone can take one
thing away from today, what do

421
00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:36,800
you think of that one thing is?
So are you saying what's the

422
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:39,520
most important thing about
cognitive patients?

423
00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:43,560
To me, the most important thing
about cognitive patients is

424
00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:47,000
recognizing natural
opportunities for it today are

425
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:50,640
scarce.
And so we need to set aside

426
00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:57,160
intentional time for it as a
family to build that muscle

427
00:25:57,440 --> 00:26:02,800
because it is such an important
part of learning, of deep

428
00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:05,880
understanding, of critical
thinking and of beauty.

429
00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:10,240
Every child deserves to have a
Eureka moment.

430
00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:13,200
Yeah, that's what I'm taking
with me today.

431
00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:15,360
I like that.
How about you?

432
00:26:15,360 --> 00:26:18,240
It's.
The same thing we've gotten so

433
00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:22,400
good at removing friction, that
all of the benefits that

434
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:25,280
friction brings, we're also
throwing out.

435
00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:29,480
And so we have to practice
sitting with friction, sitting

436
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:34,320
with mental discomfort, because
the other side of it is where

437
00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:38,720
those Eureka moments are.
Yeah, all right.

438
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:41,040
We are bringing back their
Eureka moments.

439
00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:42,880
That's right, one cat crimes at
a time.

440
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:46,920
One cat crimes at a time.
OK, great.

441
00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:50,000
Well, thank you everybody for
joining us this week on the Most

442
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:53,360
important thing.
We would love to hear the ways

443
00:26:53,360 --> 00:26:56,760
that you are bringing cognitive
patience back into your family

444
00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:59,000
life and we'll see you next
time.

445
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:01,160
Love you, goosey.
Love you, goosey.