TMIT 16: Joy

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Welcome to The Most Important
Thing.

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I'm Danielle DeMarco Neufeld.
And I'm Greg Neufeld, and

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together we're exploring how
ambitious busy families can

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build culture at home.
Because after all, family is the

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most important thing.
Hey everybody, welcome back to

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the most important thing.
This is episode 16 on Joy.

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Joy.
Yeah, it is the 7th episode in

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our Wholehearted Parenting
Manifesto series by Brené Brown.

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For those of you following along
at home.

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And the line is I want you to
know joy.

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So together we will practice
gratitude.

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I want you to feel joy.
So together we will learn how to

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be vulnerable.
Cool.

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So joy is a fun topic.
We've all experienced joy, but

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it seems like joy is something
that is harder to stay present

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in as we become parents.
Is that kind of what the

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research says too?
You know, I think that what

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Brene is talking about here is
creating space to feel joy

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consistently and to developing a
deliberate practice of joy, if

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you will, and that to really tap
into joy as an adult.

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Vulnerability and gratitude are
our two cornerstones.

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And so I think that when you
become a parent, there are so

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many more opportunities for joy,
but also so many reasons to cut

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yourself off from that joy or to
be too stressed or sleep

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deprived or decision making
fatigued to tap into those

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moments.
So it's really learning to

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experience joy in a new way, if
you will.

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Yeah, I love that.
And so there's a lot of self

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exploration around joy to be
done.

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I did some reflecting on this
topic myself yesterday.

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Before we get into that, can I
give the definition of joy?

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I think it's important to
distinguish joy from happiness.

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So from Atlas of the Heart,
Brene defines joy as sudden,

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unexpected, short lasting, and
high intensity.

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Joy is characterized by a
connection with God or nature or

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other people.
And joy doesn't make us lose

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ourselves, but it makes us be
more truly ourselves.

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And so I think everybody knows
that feeling of joy, but just to

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put a finer point on it and to
distinguish it from happiness.

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So happiness is lower intensity
and more self focused than joy.

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With happiness, we feel a sense
of being in control and it's

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often related to immediate
environment or current

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circumstances.
Yeah, I like that a lot.

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The the gratitude that shows up
for me when I am experiencing

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joy these days is like there's
like a boomerang or a throwback

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to a lot of my childhood.
I'm realizing as I watch our

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kids, for example, when we were
putting together the bunk beds,

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I reflected on the bunk beds
that my brother and I had.

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And we were probably 5:00 and
3:00 at the time up till maybe

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10 and 8.
And for a while there, I would

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wake up and I was in the top
bunk and I would put my hand

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down and then my brother, if he
were awake, would touch my hand

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to let me know that he was up.
And that was a beautiful moment

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that I didn't really remember
until I saw those bunk beds

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sitting in our girls room after
they were fully complete.

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And so now every time I walk in
that room, I get this little

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like heart flutter burst of joy
just thinking about that.

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And I know they're going to have
so many memories of their own as

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a result of this structure.
So it's just kind of cool to be

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a parent and not just see the
joy in the moments that my

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children are are having
together, but to remember some

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of that childhood joy that I had
with my brother.

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I think there's a you had told
me that there's a name for that,

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which is called layered joy.
Is that?

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Right.
Layered joy.

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So layered joy being the joy
that you're experiencing, that

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I'm experiencing, and then the
joy that I had experienced that

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is triggered by the present day
joy.

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Yeah, and that's definitely
something that is new since

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becoming a parent, right?
I think that that goes back to

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one of these terms that we've
heard over and over on these

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episodes, which is the
intergenerational self.

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And so this idea of now that I
am a parent, I can see my

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childhood and my children as
well.

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And that that brings kind of an
extra layer of meaning to some

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of the things that are happening
in our home.

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And so that's called layered
joy.

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Yeah, layered joy.
Cool, I like that.

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Yeah, it's playful in the
present and rich with nostalgic

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warmth.
It shows how new joy can

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reawaken old safe feelings.
Safe feelings.

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That's interesting.
Yeah, I learned a lot in this

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little exercise here, so I have
some questions.

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OK, What is something that
surprised you by how much joy it

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brought?
The first time Maverick told a

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funny joke recently that
actually made our whole family

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laugh, that was a moment of pure
joy for me.

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What was that?
A couple weeks ago, we were all

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getting ready for bed and you
had a picture come up on your

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phone and he looked at it and he
said he was about 5 months old

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in the photo probably.
And he looked at me and he said,

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Daddy, I was farting in that
photo.

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He.
Was.

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Like so good, so, so good.
And our whole family burst out

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laughing and just, you know, it
felt like one of those moments

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where he's not a baby anymore.
He's not really a kid yet, but

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he, he felt like one of the crew
in that moment.

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And I felt very connected to
him.

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And I think that Salinas can
really be a connector in in a

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joyful way for families,
certainly for our family.

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What about you?
I realized that I get so much

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joy from going to the beach, but
the like the ultimate moment,

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the, the, the moment that we're
walking down the beach path and

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you can start to see the ocean
and the sky is so blue and the

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clouds are so beautiful.
That's like peak joy for me.

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I think the view is absolutely
beautiful.

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I also think there's something
magical about all of us setting

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out on a trail together, just
journeying.

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Right?
Yeah.

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So guys, when I experience joy,
I really feel it.

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And I really feel it to the
point where I'm like tearing up

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and I usually hold back.
I usually don't let myself go

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with those tears because there's
something like about letting it

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wash over me that I feel is
disarming.

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And like I'll even if it's a
movie or whatever, I always hold

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it back.
It's like a reflex for me.

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And so yesterday I was filming
this moment in with my new meta

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Ray Bans, which I love.
They bring me so much joy of of

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Hunter and Jade singing Taylor
Swift song.

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It was just so darn cute.
And just watching them perform

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together and being sisters in
pulling up to tennis, just like

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so many things about it.
So I caught the capture that

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moment and I was playing it last
night in bed after you fell

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asleep and I started to feel
that like total joy.

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But those tears and and I was
like, you know, screw it.

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And I just let it wash over me
and like I let it go and and

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actually was like shaking a
little bit in the best way.

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And then I was like, I got to
share this with somebody.

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Who do I share this with?
So I sent it to my brother and I

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was like, this 62nd video was
the best moment of my day.

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And I sent it to him And right
back like a minute later, he

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watched it and he goes mine too.
And I was like, he gets it.

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And that was just totally
special.

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So thanks team met for helping
me prepare for this episode

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through some real feeling and
and real joy and.

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Connecting with your brother,
which is so beautiful.

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Yeah, he's, I knew he would
understand.

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Insane gratitude memory.
Just like insane gratitude for

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that one.
Cool.

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Can we talk a little bit about
another type of joy?

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Right, that's where I wanted to
go.

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OK, so, so on that joy, shutting
it down or or holding back tears

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I think is another form of
something that you and I've been

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talking about, which is
foreboding joy.

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I think it's important topic
here, especially as parents to

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really get into what that means.
Do you want to share the

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definition and we can talk?
About it I Renee Brown's the

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first person that I heard talk
about this, I believe.

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I don't know if she coined the
term or not, but I can say that

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in her definition, foreboding
joy is one of those practically

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universal experiences that
everybody thinks of as something

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only they do.
So what does it mean?

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Well, it typically looks like
you are.

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I am watching my child
peacefully sleep and start

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thinking what if something were
to happen to them?

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Or laughing with us as a family
and thinking this isn't going to

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last.
And Brene calls this act of

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foreboding joy as dress
rehearsing tragedy.

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And she notes that it is the
antidote to gratitude.

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And I am very guilty of using
these moments as an opportunity

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to kind of not be vulnerable and
steel myself against future

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hardship.
When she says, and I know that

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that doesn't work, that really
the opposite is what my work is

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to do, which is to lean into
that joy, to fully immerse

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myself in the present moment and
to ground myself in gratitude in

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that experience Because, you
know, maybe it won't last, but

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maybe we'll have 100 more.
But regardless, when tough times

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do come, me preventing myself
from fully feeling joy in these

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good moments isn't going to
help.

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And so I think this concept of
foreboding joy is one that I may

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have experienced prior to having
kids, but I, it definitely comes

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up more now that I have, you
know, I have so much more to

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lose.
When it was just me, it was just

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me, you know, And now for every
moment of connectedness, there's

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also this flip side potential
place that could go to a feeling

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of disconnection, right?
Or what if we don't have a good

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relationship when they get
older, right?

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Like I was reading with Hunter
in bed last night, which is one

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of our favorite things to do.
We just sit by side by side and

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read our own books.
And, you know, I'll massage her

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arm or something while we're
reading.

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And it's the most lovely,
peaceful, connected experience.

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But I can't help but think
sometimes in those moments,

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like, what if 20 years from now,
she doesn't want to talk to me,

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You know?
And, and I know that that's not

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going to happen overnight.
And I'm doing everything in my

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power to make sure that doesn't
happen.

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But I think that my work to do
is to really feel those moments

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of deep joy and connectedness,
rather than to try to prevent

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myself from fully experiencing
in some way of protecting myself

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for the future.
So if you're in a moment of joy

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and foreboding, joy shows up.
Is it a specific type of joy

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that triggers it more than
others?

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Is it something that's related
to our family?

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Or is it just show up where it
chooses?

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Well, I think that for me
currently, foreboding joy really

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shows up when I'm feeling
connected to the joy of one of

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our children, which also helps
me in thinking about this, what

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I want to experiment with and
how I would like to, how I would

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like to transition.
I'd like to take some of my joy

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back, honestly.
Like, I think that I talk about

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you and I talk about this a lot,
but I had such a fully developed

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self when we met.
I think that's probably part of

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what attracted you to me, right?
I was 28 years old, almost 29

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years old.
I had I had my career, I had my

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friends, I had my spiritual
relationship, my ways of

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accessing joy, which primarily
consisted of dancing at clubs,

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Wednesday Warriors, you're still
out there.

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And then we met, we fell in
love, we got married, we had

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children.
COVID happened.

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Like I picked my head up and
it's been, you know, it's been 9

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years.
And during that time I really

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collapsed my individual sense of
self, right?

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And I'm just now trying to
integrate the two, if you will.

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So if you can think about like
the first chapter of my life

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being about personal deep joy,
which really was that

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connectedness to my higher power
into the universe where I

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strongly felt that on the dance
floor and maybe in a Soul Cycle

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class, moving my body in the
dark room to the music.

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There's a consistent theme here
of music.

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And then more recently, the joy
has been around our children and

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watching them or connecting with
them.

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I'd like to bring more of that
individual connection with

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nature and higher power joy back
into my life.

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And that one feels more
sustainable too, because it

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doesn't involve another human
being.

227
00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:26,600
So on the one hand, I'd like to
move through foreboding joy for

228
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:31,000
sure, and like, deeply use those
as opportunities to stay steeped

229
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:33,800
in gratitude.
On the other hand, I would just

230
00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:35,760
like to look for more moments of
personal joy.

231
00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:40,840
Yeah, you, you alluded to
something that I think is really

232
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:47,320
profound, that your children are
often taking your joy away in

233
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:54,080
that moment because they're so
aware of your almost like you

234
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:55,720
put a bubble around yourself
like we all do.

235
00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:57,480
We all put bubbles around
ourselves in a moment of joy.

236
00:13:57,480 --> 00:13:59,280
And they're like, hey mom,
they're popping your bubble.

237
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:01,960
Well, yeah, it's a deeply
vulnerable space, right?

238
00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:07,880
To to be unabashedly joyful is a
very, at least for me, for sure.

239
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:11,760
And I want, And so one thing
that I would like for when we

240
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:14,160
talk about joy within our family
culture and in our family

241
00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:19,280
dynamic, while I am excited to
have more shared experiences of

242
00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:25,520
joy, I am also committed to
allowing individual joy to have

243
00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:29,320
space in our home and in the way
that we and in the way that we

244
00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:33,440
commune with one another.
I am definitely guilty of trying

245
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:36,000
to, I won't say burst the
bubble, but I will say like

246
00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:38,680
tighten the bubble of the joy on
our children.

247
00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:41,560
Like sometimes their joy is just
overwhelming to me.

248
00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:46,160
And I wish that I was
spiritually awakened enough to

249
00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:48,880
always recognize that and just
let it, let it be.

250
00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:52,480
But sometimes it's like 5:00 AM
and Greg's still sleeping.

251
00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:55,400
And I don't really think it's
appropriate to be belting out

252
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:58,080
wicked at the top of your lungs,
even if that makes you really

253
00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:02,520
joyful, right?
But I do think that I can, I can

254
00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:04,360
make more space for it.
I'm not saying I'm going to go

255
00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:11,720
like full 100% let you always be
the brightest light in the room,

256
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:17,640
but I want to recognize when you
and me and each of our family

257
00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:21,240
members are experiencing some
type of personal joy and

258
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:26,800
communion with spirit.
Say and allow more space for

259
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:29,720
that because I I want that.
I hate when someone comes up to

260
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:32,080
me and tells me my dance moves
look weird in the kitchen.

261
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:36,480
Well, I think that there's
there's the dance moves

262
00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:40,480
commentary, but then there's
also the it's a 10 and you're

263
00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:43,040
supposed to be in the car 10
minutes ago and you're, you

264
00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:45,920
know, you haven't brushed your
teeth and you're dancing on the

265
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:48,200
table looking at your reflection
in the TV.

266
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:50,920
Like, I understand that you're
getting, you know, a moment of

267
00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:53,160
joy here, but this is not an
appropriate time to do it.

268
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:54,600
Yeah, it's tricky.
It's.

269
00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:55,800
Tricky.
It's tricky.

270
00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:58,480
There's that, there's that kind
of joy, but then there's also

271
00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:01,720
like this silliness joy, which I
think to me is a bit more

272
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:04,880
connecting.
Like that's where I see when I

273
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:06,840
think about joy within our
family, I think about

274
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:10,000
experiential opportunities, like
you said, kind of all going to

275
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:12,640
the beach together or walking a
trail together to see a new

276
00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:15,160
beautiful scenic site.
But then there's also just like

277
00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:17,440
the end of our family meeting
yesterday when we played that

278
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:20,520
silly game Watch your mouth,
where you stick the dental

279
00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:22,040
things in your mouth.
I don't even know what you call

280
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:23,800
them.
And it's just absolute

281
00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:27,480
ridiculousness, right?
And so that's a really, we're

282
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:32,360
all on the same page at the same
frequency being silly together.

283
00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:37,680
And that feels like the type of
joy that I think really does

284
00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:40,680
bring family cohesion, at least
to us.

285
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:48,640
Yes, And anything physical that
is spontaneous, where we're all

286
00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:51,840
in it together, that's where the
magic happens.

287
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:55,320
If it's too forced, it's it's
someone's going to be crying.

288
00:16:56,280 --> 00:17:00,880
Yeah, yes, although still my
favorite family meeting learning

289
00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:04,599
was twerking and you being the
only one that could twerk.

290
00:17:04,599 --> 00:17:07,640
I think every single one of us
really appreciated watching you

291
00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:12,240
booty bounce.
Well, I appreciated it too.

292
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:13,960
That's good.
I mean, they don't get that many

293
00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:15,440
opportunities to see Daddy
silly.

294
00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:19,640
Yeah, I guess I try to only be
silly.

295
00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:22,960
So I guess maybe I need to be
less silly in order to be more,

296
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,920
if that makes sense.
I don't know.

297
00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:33,960
I think I sometimes show up just
as trying to be silly in order

298
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:38,240
to get some levity out of a
situation when somebody's in

299
00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:41,280
their feelings.
And that's not the same

300
00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:44,000
silliness as twerking.
And.

301
00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:46,640
Correct.
Yes, I I you do bring levity to

302
00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:48,160
difficult situations, I would
agree.

303
00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:50,960
But I also think generally
speaking, during the week you

304
00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:53,040
show up pretty tight.
Yeah, no, it's true.

305
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:56,080
If I may say.
I'm I'm working on on that,

306
00:17:56,160 --> 00:18:02,240
especially as it relates to this
project of ours here, because I

307
00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:07,880
noticed the connectedness of
talking about really the

308
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:13,040
reparenting, if you will, and be
more connected and intentional

309
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:16,840
as a father and husband and in
this family.

310
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:20,880
It's it's it all works together
as a as a great fluid motion.

311
00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:24,920
So you know, we're we're two
months in and I and I can see

312
00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:29,440
the the little changes in me.
So I'm I'm excited about this.

313
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:30,280
I can.
Too, for sure.

314
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:33,960
Yeah, I'm grateful for them.
OK, so we talked about what

315
00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:39,720
foreboding joy feels like and
what joy feels like in your body

316
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:44,200
and in your mind.
But you know, in reflecting on

317
00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:47,920
the way that joy feels, I
realized that I'm, I'm going to

318
00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:52,080
call myself a joy chaser.
And the reason I'm going to say

319
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:56,480
that is because it feels like a
full body reverberation to me in

320
00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:59,920
the best way.
It's like a hum under my skin

321
00:19:00,360 --> 00:19:03,920
and my eyes filled with tears.
And often times I don't let

322
00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:07,520
myself go over the edge there.
And I think that the reason I

323
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:09,640
don't let myself go over the
edge there is because it

324
00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:15,240
actually feels pretty similar,
though a lot more stable to what

325
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:20,760
I would call mania or hypomania.
And as I kind of alluded to a

326
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:28,880
few episodes back, I have
bipolar disorder and I've only

327
00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:34,480
had a couple of hypomanic
episodes and none since my

328
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:37,280
diagnosis.
And I take care of my body

329
00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:42,160
really well.
I'm on medication and it's not

330
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:46,000
the mania so much that concerns
me, but it is an amazing

331
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:51,040
feeling.
And that is the analogy to joy.

332
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:56,240
But the reason that I chased joy
is because the way that bipolar

333
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:59,200
disorder affects me is on the
depressive side.

334
00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:12,400
I get in a flat, low energy,
very tight place when I am not

335
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:16,480
feeling my best.
And thank goodness for modern

336
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:21,240
medicine and.
Everything that I can do to

337
00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:25,680
manage that, but still showing
up flat and low energy is my

338
00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:28,400
least favorite feeling.
And because it's happened so

339
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:32,480
much throughout my life and I
only knew a couple years ago, I

340
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:35,200
only found out a couple years
ago what that was all about.

341
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:39,160
And so now that I have a
definition there, the joy that I

342
00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:43,320
experience when I'm feeling
good, like I can't describe how

343
00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:46,280
grateful I am for it.
The gratitude that I have for

344
00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:51,400
joy is like no other.
And so now that I recognize it

345
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:57,240
and I understand why I care so
much about it, I'm also going to

346
00:20:57,240 --> 00:21:01,040
get curious about it and try to
feel it more thoroughly as

347
00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:10,400
opposed to putting up a bit of a
guardrail on not not showing up

348
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:15,400
as as emotional as I might want
to get.

349
00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:21,960
So that's just a little insight
into the way that I experienced

350
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:30,280
joy and running towards it, I
think gives me the feeling that

351
00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:33,680
things are working.
And if you know anything about

352
00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:40,640
me, I need for my gadgets and
especially my body to be

353
00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:42,720
working.
You do, you do.

354
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:44,360
Thanks for sharing.
Yeah.

355
00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:50,000
One thing that I have noticed, I
would say that prior to your

356
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:54,400
diagnosis, you had, is it fair
to say that you would have kind

357
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:58,200
of chronically, you would have
chronically low periods and then

358
00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:02,360
you would have bouts of what
I'll call hypomania, which felt

359
00:22:02,360 --> 00:22:05,280
really good to you.
And it's interesting because the

360
00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:07,840
few periods of hypomania that I
have experienced that you've had

361
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:11,040
since we've been together prior
to you being diagnosed and on

362
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:15,600
medication and kind of aware of
what's going on, you were

363
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:21,320
incredibly vulnerable and
grateful, like steeped in

364
00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:26,760
gratitude during those phases.
It was a stark contrast to how

365
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:29,320
you were in other or times of
your life, right?

366
00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:32,640
And but it was beautiful.
It was absolutely beautiful to

367
00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:35,080
witness.
A little scary for me because it

368
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:38,760
kind of came out of nowhere and
felt a little untenable, like a

369
00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:40,960
little bit shaky, right?
And that's, you know, I think

370
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:45,360
that's, that's part of why this
is a, this is a disorder.

371
00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:46,120
This is.
Yeah.

372
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:50,720
But I'm really excited for you
because I think that now and for

373
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:53,840
a while after your diagnosis, it
was OK.

374
00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:55,280
I'm just going to be evened out,
right?

375
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:57,080
I'm not going to be too low, but
I'm not going to be too high.

376
00:22:57,160 --> 00:22:59,400
It felt, it has felt a bit
robotic.

377
00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:02,960
And I hope you feel that I've
been a supportive, loving

378
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:06,200
witness to that while also
periodically telling you that I

379
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:08,840
don't love how robotic you are.
Is that fair?

380
00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:12,720
But over the past couple of
months, I feel as though you're

381
00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:16,560
tapping into something new,
which to me feels like a more

382
00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:20,760
sustainable way of chasing joy.
Where you are aware of your

383
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:23,400
diagnosis, you take your
medication, you do the right

384
00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:26,560
things for your body and your
mind to keep yourself stable,

385
00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:30,680
but you're now opening yourself
up more to vulnerability,

386
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:37,160
gratitude and joy in a way that
feels stable and attainable.

387
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:41,920
100%.
That's really exciting.

388
00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:45,040
It is exciting.
There's three interconnected

389
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:49,400
reasons why I think that is now
available to me.

390
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:55,720
One, the robotic component
serves me if I need to be

391
00:23:55,720 --> 00:24:03,720
operating in a very alpha
investment world environment and

392
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:06,880
need to show up every day with
the same energy on the same Zoom

393
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:09,360
calls.
You know, different topics,

394
00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:12,280
different people, but really the
same conversations over and over

395
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:17,760
and show up with enough energy
and enough interest to to make

396
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:21,920
those land right because it
sails at the end of the day.

397
00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:26,000
And so showing up, you know, he
can't have a bad day on Zoom.

398
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:30,760
And at least that's what I tell
myself so I know at.

399
00:24:31,360 --> 00:24:32,880
Least that's what he tells.
Myself, that's what I tell

400
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:36,240
myself.
So now, because that is not the

401
00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:41,160
only version of me that is
showing up in a creative

402
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:46,200
setting, let's say this becomes
a platform where I can show my

403
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:50,840
true colors, where I'm like, oh,
I haven't let anybody in in a

404
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:56,640
while outside of this family.
And it's because I felt slightly

405
00:24:56,640 --> 00:25:02,800
embarrassed by how good things
are on the inside.

406
00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:06,160
And I felt like for a while,
everyone that I was talking to

407
00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:08,960
was struggling.
And I realized that's not the

408
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:11,320
case.
There are so many wonderful,

409
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:14,160
ambitious people out there that
are vulnerable, that are raising

410
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:16,960
families that are being good
parents, good husbands, good

411
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:21,720
wives, like good, good children
to their parents that it's just

412
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:25,240
the world is so much bigger than
the world in which I operate in

413
00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:28,560
on day-to-day for, for business.
And I'm, I'm excited to build

414
00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:30,560
those kinds of connections.
So I need to show up with my

415
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:35,440
full self in order to do that.
And then #3 is for you and the

416
00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:38,120
kids.
Because setting an example for

417
00:25:38,120 --> 00:25:42,920
them of what good looks like, of
what being a good husband and

418
00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:45,840
father looks like is not just
about being a provider.

419
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:49,080
It's about showing up with
intention.

420
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:52,760
Just in the same way that I
would for a Zoom meeting as I

421
00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:57,120
will for family meeting.
And up until I had this

422
00:25:57,120 --> 00:26:00,560
platform, I don't think that I
was able to do that because I

423
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:03,120
felt like all my eggs we're in
the basket.

424
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:05,720
I'm not talking financially.
I mean, I from an identity

425
00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:10,880
perspective of being a venture
capitalist and of being somebody

426
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:17,160
that needed to button up a
little bit in order to go and

427
00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:20,800
raise another fund and in order
to find another company.

428
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:24,160
What I realized is showing up as
my whole self will actually

429
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:26,760
allow me to achieve all of these
things and more.

430
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:31,760
And it's really thanks to the
exploration of these topics that

431
00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:35,200
I'm able to do so.
So thank you for leading us on

432
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:37,760
this journey.
Thank you for joining me.

433
00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:46,000
It's not lost on me that some of
these podcasts end up being mini

434
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:49,480
therapy sessions as a few people
have a.

435
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,640
Few people have said these are
Greg therapy sessions, but me

436
00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:53,240
too.
Yeah.

437
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:56,800
Thanks for listening guys.
But I but I hope it's setting.

438
00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:02,720
I'm not trying to put a
spotlight on any struggle or or

439
00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:08,200
triumph of mine or our families.
Trying to share that it's OK to

440
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,120
share.
Yeah, I mean, this is really

441
00:27:10,120 --> 00:27:13,400
what we want to do, right, Is
just talk more about family and

442
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:15,840
about family culture.
Because yes, you are a general

443
00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:18,080
partner at a venture fund.
And if you were to go on a

444
00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:21,680
podcast right now about data,
you probably would say something

445
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:24,440
like, yeah, family is the most
important thing and then keep it

446
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:27,240
moving, right?
So this is just an opportunity

447
00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:30,880
for us to I hate this term, but
double click on what's going on

448
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:33,680
at home and how that really how
that really matters.

449
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:37,640
I would like to take some
accountability also for your

450
00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:40,600
quote, robotic nature over the
past couple of years, because

451
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:43,320
quite frankly, our family was
not in a place for you to

452
00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:47,880
experiment too much.
And I'm grateful for you for

453
00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:51,640
being our rock, being a steady
source.

454
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:59,000
You, I think, put yourself,
yourself exploration on the back

455
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:04,120
burner for the past number of
years because we needed you to.

456
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:07,360
And I'm grateful that we are in
a I'm grateful for that.

457
00:28:07,360 --> 00:28:09,080
You did that.
And I'm grateful that we are now

458
00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:14,400
in a place where we're able to
make room for your exploration.

459
00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:16,960
Yeah, thank you.
Me too.

460
00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:21,680
We're a great team.
Thank goodness.

461
00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:25,960
Yeah.
OK.

462
00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:26,840
What else?
So joy.

463
00:28:27,120 --> 00:28:30,400
Yeah, Joy.
We can experience it more.

464
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:36,560
If we're vulnerable and practice
gratitude.

465
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:39,520
What do you think the most
important thing about joy is?

466
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:43,280
Yeah, I think that the so I
think that the most important

467
00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:47,360
thing about joy is to recognize
that it is a deeply vulnerable

468
00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:51,600
state and that we need that.
I need to lean in to the

469
00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:56,240
vulnerability that begets joy
and that really allows it room

470
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:59,400
to grow.
And that there are different

471
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:01,560
types of joy that I'm
experiencing today.

472
00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:06,440
That I want to continue to have
my personal joy that really is

473
00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:11,120
this, this freedom that feels
connected to spirit nature, my

474
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:15,440
higher power.
But that also I am going to eat

475
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:19,520
up every moment that I can with
our family where there are the

476
00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:22,240
silly moments and the sweet
moments that are happening

477
00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:24,760
inside of this young family
today.

478
00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:33,080
Yes, and I resolve to talk to
each of our kids about what

479
00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:37,880
brings them the most joy and how
we can create that bubble that

480
00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:41,800
that environment for them to
thrive without someone coming

481
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:44,680
along and popping that bubble.
I like it, Yeah.

482
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:46,880
I think it's important to
understand well.

483
00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:50,880
Well, I do think that joy is a
natural outpouring of childhood.

484
00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:54,960
I think it is important to share
what we can with our children

485
00:29:55,320 --> 00:29:58,800
about the things that that
create the circumstances for

486
00:29:58,800 --> 00:30:02,200
more sustained joy and that
being gratitude and

487
00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:04,280
vulnerability.
Yep.

488
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:10,120
So we'll report back and I hope
that others can have their own

489
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:12,800
joy interviews too 'cause this
has been enlightening to

490
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:17,040
understand both the things that
I suspected but needed to

491
00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:21,520
confirm about your joy and your
your foreboding joy and to be a

492
00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:24,720
little vulnerable and sharing
where I'm coming from as it

493
00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:26,640
relates to this wonderful,
beautiful feeling.

494
00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:30,680
Yeah, I love it.
OK, till next time.

495
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:32,280
Yeah, love you, Goosy.
Love you goosy.

496
00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:37,120
Hey guys, if you're still here,
you're definitely our kind of

497
00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:39,320
person.
Thanks for spending this time

498
00:30:39,320 --> 00:30:40,920
with us on The Most Important
Thing.

499
00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:44,840
If this episode resonated with
you, we'd love for you to follow

500
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:47,200
us wherever you get your
podcasts and share it with

501
00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:48,960
someone else.
Building family culture on

502
00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:49,520
purpose.