TMIT Teammates #1: Jennifer Zelman on Raising a Global Family

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Welcome to a new segment we're
calling Teamit Teammates, where

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we bring on friends of the
podcast to share what family

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culture looks like in their
homes today.

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Our first guest is my dear
friend of nearly two decades,

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the brilliant and beautiful
Jennifer Zelven.

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Jen is so smart and thoughtful
while also being silly and a

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true adventurer.
I just love her and I've learned

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so much from her over the years
and I'm thrilled that she is

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here to talk about what family
culture looks like in her world

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right now.
Hi, Jen.

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Hi, what a beautiful intro.
Thank you.

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All from the heart.
I love you so much.

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Yeah.
So to get us started, can you

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describe your family to us, who
you are, and anything else that

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you think we should know?
Sure.

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Well, I come from quite a
blended family.

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My husband and I have been
married now we just celebrated

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11 years and between us we have
four children but two of them

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are in their early 20s now.
They're from his first marriage

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but my husband in a unique
situation, has full custody of

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them.
So when I met him they were 10

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and 12 so they grew up in our
household so they're pretty much

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like children to me.
And then we had two of our own 2

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little girls a few years later
and they are now 5 and 10.

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So all four of us, I mean, or
all six of us now live all

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together.
And we recently in the last few

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years, made a major change where
we were located in New York

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forever.
Both my husband and I born and

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raised in New York.
And during COVID, we kind of saw

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that we can be anywhere.
So we kind of got the crazy

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idea.
We say, what are we doing here

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in cold New York, which we love,
but, you know, we want to extend

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our horizons.
Life is short.

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So we decided to pick up and
move our whole clan over to

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Italy.
So we landed in Rome and we've

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been here for the last three
years now, on and off for six

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months.
So we'll do six months in New

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York, six months in Rome.
And this is now our third year

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doing it.
And we're actually all packed up

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and ready to go back tomorrow.
So you caught us on a funny time

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when we're in such a transition
between the two countries, but

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that's been our situation as of
late.

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I love that.
Thank you for sharing.

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Yeah, so I feel like it's kind
of the most perfectly imperfect

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time to talk to you then as far
as like how you navigate.

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So would love to hear wherever
you want to go, but like how it

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is how the Zelman's are in Rome
versus how they are in the

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Hamptons kind of thing and how
you manage it all.

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Yeah, well, it's, I mean, it's
definitely best of all worlds.

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I think both New York and Rome
have so many different things to

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offer.
But a lot of times people say,

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why Rome?
Neither Robert nor I are

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Italian.
My mother's from Mexico.

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My husband is Eastern European
Jewish descent.

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So Rome doesn't really make
sense in any, you know, logical

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way.
But we said, OK, we want to be

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somewhere in Europe and we
wanted somewhere with good

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weather.
We both love the sun.

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So we were thinking between
Spain and Rome and Rome kind of

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just fell into place.
We had a great found a great

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school, we found a great
apartment and we always thought

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it would be a one time thing.
So it's kind of like a a study

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abroad, you know, like a family
wise.

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But we did it one year we fell
so in love.

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So we can't imagine not coming
back.

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So we did it again.
Again, we said definitely not

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coming back.
That's it.

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Like we have to.
There's lots of going on in New

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York.
Here we are again, third year,

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and already we're talking about
coming back next year.

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Because I would say the most
important reasons are the

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friends we've made, of course,
through school, having young

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kids in school and going to a
new country.

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You meet so many parents through
school.

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And what I love is that we send
the kids to an International

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School so they have so much
exposure to Italian children

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because I think a huge
percentage of the school are

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Italian, but the rest of the
percentage are kids from all

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over the world.
So my daughters have friends

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from Nigeria, Singapore, Japan,
like just the name of you.

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So the exposure to other
cultures is so tremendous and

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it's such a gift to them.
If that's something really

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special that we don't get in New
York where we live in this

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little suburban bubble, which
has its, you know, great aspects

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as well.
But anyway, being at this

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International School meeting,
the people we're meeting is so

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nice because these people that
we've been meeting, a lot of

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times, they're also on their own
here in Rome.

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So they're really open socially.
They're really open to making

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connections.
So I feel like our social life

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here is incredible.
You know, everybody's so in New

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York, people kind of have their
own thing from years past from

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this, you know, friends from the
city.

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And here everybody's open and
wants to hang out, wants to get

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to know you and learn about your
culture.

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So that's really cool as a
family that we all get to

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experience.
Also, of course, you'd have to

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mention the food, the food
quality.

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Instead of giving my kids bags
of goldfish, I'm giving them

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brushed prosciutto and parmesan
cheese.

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It's just the food.
The level of food is so

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spectacular that that's for me a
huge drop.

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And our ability to travel while
we're here is also great.

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Are we were in Egypt so easily
for 10 days.

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It's a 3 hour flight.
We travel on the almost every

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other weekend to different
European countries and it is so

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simple.
Even travelling within Italy, we

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hop on a train and each region,
Italy is so unique and

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different.
The cuisine is different, the

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people are different, even the
dialect.

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Sometimes there's mountains,
sea, cities.

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It's just the exposure we have
being in the central location.

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Italy is so awesome with no time
changes many times to deal with,

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which for families and young
children is huge.

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So I really though they're just
some of the reasons why we find

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the quality of life here in Rome
so great.

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Other things I know about you
and Robert is that you both

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really value travel, and I feel
like from the moment the two of

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you met, travel was a huge part
of your life.

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How has that changed and how has
it stayed the same since you had

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kids?
Like, how do you bring them

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along in that family, culture,
love of travel?

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It's so funny because I remember
like back in the day when

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Danielle and I were young and
wild and travelling abroad and

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travelling every weekend and,
you know, studying in London.

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We, I remember thinking in my
mind like, Oh my God, I had to

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get everything out of my system
now and do all the travelling

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because once I get married and
once I have kids, it's all over.

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Like I'm never travelling again
or it's going to be decades

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until I can travel again.
But it's funny how the universe

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works because the complete
opposite happened.

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Now, since I've had kids, I've
never travelled so much in my

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entire life.
So being here, it's just gone up

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10 times.
Travel for us is, I think, here

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to stay.
It's definitely not slowing

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down, that's for sure.
And as far as the children, each

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country I feel like as a
different level of how much they

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welcome children.
So luckily in Italy they're so

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welcoming to children.
So that's made it very easy.

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Other countries you go to are
not so welcoming to children.

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So it's also you have to pick
and choose where you go if

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that's a concern, if you have
little ones, because that can

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make or break a trip.
I had friends who just went to

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Japan with little ones and they
were like, no, they said they

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are not.
It's a culture of politeness, of

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orderliness.
So not so toddler friendly.

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So if you do have those little
ones, Italy is a great one, the

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Netherlands it is.
Certain places I feel like are

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you would have an easier time.
So picking strategically is

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good, yeah.
That's really great advice, Jen.

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You mentioned the friends, the
food and the proximity to other

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places are the things that you
and Robert really value.

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And obviously the kids are going
to value those things too

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because they're having these new
experiences with new people.

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The food is, you know, goes
without saying, but then

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actually the the travel in and
of itself for the kids, that

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travel represents a certain
value to you and Robert about

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seeing the world.
What I noticed with our kids is

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that there's some story that
needs to be woven in about the

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adventure.
And it's usually not the same

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story that Danielle and I care
about.

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So I'm just curious, how do you
prepare the family?

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How do you prepare for travel to
new places to get everyone on

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the same page about the same
enthusiastic page, even if it's

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not for the same reasons?
Yeah, I guess we don't make a

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big thing like I want them this
to be the exposure to new

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cultures and landing in new
places.

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I want that to be their normal.
So I don't want to make it a big

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thing that like when we see
people who do things

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differently, I don't want them
to be shocked and alarmed.

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Like I want them to be open
minded enough to be have that

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flexibility of seeing new things
and seeing new people and

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customs and not being shocked
and odd and being like, Oh, I

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want to just know that things
can be done differently.

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So honestly, we, I don't, we
kind of, I don't really give

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them much prep anywhere we go.
And I just let them kind of

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experience it because a lot of
times I feel like when I over

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prepare them for things, it's so
much of me projecting my stuff

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onto them.
They're like a blank slate.

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And they I think are born
naturally open.

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And I don't want to teach them
anything or even put ideas in

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their head.
So I feel like naturally they

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just are so absorbed.
Like they just absorbed things.

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Like for instance, like when we
were in like Dubai, we had a

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babysitter come and you know,
she comes in a, in a burger and

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you know, she's asking are there
any men in the house?

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And like, and I didn't say
anything to the kids to even

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prepare them.
And they don't, they don't think

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anything of it.
They're like, oh, she's like, I

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don't know.
They just say things that are,

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they don't make a big issue out
of it.

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They have questions sometimes,
but they're asked in a way where

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it's just out of curiosity.
It's not like looking down or

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afraid.
And I don't want them to be

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scared and I want them to have
that flexible mindset.

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And I feel like all this trouble
has made them very flexible and

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open minded and I'm very happy
for that.

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I feel like I can drop them
anywhere and they would be OK.

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I want to circle back to this
idea that you mentioned about

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the girls having an appreciation
for all types of cultures and

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just considering that normal you
and I both life psychology and I

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would love to know like if you
were to psychoanalyze that goal

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of yours or that value of yours,
where do you think that comes

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from?
It's.

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A great question.
It's a beautiful.

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Priority, but it's a very
specific 1 great question.

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No, and honestly, I what popped
into my head, I never thought

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about that.
Like why I put so much.

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I think I just thought of
something that could be

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relevant.
So where I grew up, you know, in

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suburban town in Westchester
and, and then where I've, where

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I found he lives in New York now
a little suburb in Long Island

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similarities where it's kind of
like a bubble.

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Everybody, 99% of the student
bodies, the same background, 99%

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huge percentage are a huge are
like the same background.

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So this exposure to other
cultures is very important to

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me.
And I think maybe is that

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growing up, I, I was where I am,
my mother's from Mexico, my

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father's Jewish.
So I always felt a little bit

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like an outsider culturally.
Like I always felt weird that

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not weird, but just different
and not necessarily belonging

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that my mom, you know, didn't
speak English without an accent.

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I was the only Jewish kid really
to speak of and I with the last

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name Schwartz, there was no
hiding it.

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So I feel like I always felt
like I stuck and I think this

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was just my an illusion, but I
always felt different because of

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00:12:56,600 --> 00:13:00,600
these cultural background
differences.

228
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:05,760
So maybe it's something linked
to that where I want, I always

229
00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:09,920
wanted to feel inclusive.
So I want my children, I guess,

230
00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:15,120
to the includers.
Yeah, that makes sense.

231
00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:16,720
A lot of sense thought of it.
That's so weird.

232
00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:19,520
Yeah.
But the maybe that's why it's a

233
00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:22,520
the whole sense of belonging.
And I want them to.

234
00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:28,280
Not only that, but I want them
to treat others how I wanted to

235
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:32,000
be treated.
That makes a lot of sense.

236
00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:33,560
Makes a lot of.
Sense, yeah.

237
00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:35,160
Absolutely.
Absolutely.

238
00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:37,960
Yeah, I think about also.
Am I?

239
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,800
Using my kids as like a tool to
heal my aren't.

240
00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:44,320
We all please.
Do you?

241
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:45,840
Think that you are exempt from
that.

242
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,080
No, yeah.
OK.

243
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:50,200
No, I think.
It's beautiful.

244
00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:52,200
No, that's not true.
Because the other thing is that

245
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:54,680
we've talked about like, you
know, your oldest daughter,

246
00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:58,080
Bridget, if I may say it, like
she's so resilient, right?

247
00:13:58,280 --> 00:13:59,760
I mean, I think Juliet will be
too.

248
00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:03,240
But like, we've talked about how
all of this travel, I think has

249
00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:07,320
given her this worldly
perspective, if you will, where

250
00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:11,360
it seems like she doesn't, she
knows the world is much bigger

251
00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:13,160
than her town in Long Island,
right?

252
00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:17,880
And so I'm going to guess that
if she has a, you know, has a,

253
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:21,320
an argument with a friend in
Long Island, she knows so much

254
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:24,280
that she has friends all over
the world that she can connect

255
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:27,000
with.
And so it fosters this beautiful

256
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:32,000
sense of, of meaning and really
of, of strength for her so

257
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,320
early.
So please talk more about that

258
00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:37,480
'cause I think that that's a
huge part of what you're giving

259
00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:38,880
them.
Maybe you're, you know, re

260
00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:42,160
parenting or whatever in this
like sense of inclusion, but

261
00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:43,760
the.
Deepest level, but there are.

262
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:45,880
So many beautiful parts of it.
Yeah, go ahead.

263
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:47,640
Just.
Like, just like what he said,

264
00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:50,240
it's it's this.
It's exactly that that I also

265
00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:56,760
think that especially at this
preteen age, I see that friends

266
00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:58,680
are everything.
I just saw this thing on

267
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:02,280
Instagram made me cry that it's
you only have your kids real.

268
00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:05,560
You're from zero to 10.
You are the most important

269
00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:09,040
person in your children's lives.
You are their world.

270
00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:11,880
Then I'm telling you, they
turned 10 or a little bit before

271
00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:14,280
even and their friends become
their worlds.

272
00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:18,200
And it's like goodbye, mom.
And I see it my now my daughter,

273
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:21,240
her world is her are her
friends, which is healthy, I

274
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:24,640
suppose.
But just like you said this in

275
00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:27,800
her little world, the stakes are
very high with her friendship.

276
00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:31,400
So if we're somewhere and she
gets in gets into a fight with a

277
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:38,040
friend, well, she has a whole
other group of friends from

278
00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:40,080
somewhere else.
Like I feel like it's not like

279
00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:43,240
all her eggs in one little
basket where, you know, she's a

280
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:46,120
vast basket of all different
places.

281
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:50,960
So it does, I feel like esteem
wise it it it's adds a lot of

282
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:53,560
value, this big network that
she's created.

283
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,440
So I love that because I feel
like especially for girls,

284
00:15:56,440 --> 00:16:00,000
esteem is so important self
esteem.

285
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:05,760
So that's a a great product of
all of this is is is that

286
00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:09,760
network and all confidence
building that she not like

287
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:13,200
everything in her little tiny
world is make or break, you

288
00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:15,600
know, can we?
Talk about Bridget turning 10

289
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:19,360
and like how the family culture
is maybe changing as you are as

290
00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:21,440
you have one kid that maybe
doesn't want to spend as much

291
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:24,600
time with you all.
Yes, it's so weird.

292
00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:29,480
And I keep thinking back to that
10 was a big deal for me that my

293
00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,680
parents got divorced when I was
turning 10.

294
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:36,520
And so I don't, I haven't
really, I've been thinking about

295
00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:39,680
it, but I haven't really figured
out how that plays into my

296
00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:42,280
relationship with her right now.
But I do think that in her

297
00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:46,120
parenting, like how we parent
our kids at the stage they're

298
00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:51,120
at, somehow we're like deep down
thinking about ourselves at that

299
00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:52,640
age.
I couldn't agree.

300
00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:53,400
I don't know.
Yeah.

301
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:57,120
I just know that like at this
age was very significant for me.

302
00:16:57,120 --> 00:17:00,680
So I'm just like, OK, maybe you
guys can figure this out.

303
00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:06,599
Like for instance, I she's now
like I said, preteen, but once

304
00:17:06,599 --> 00:17:10,119
in a while because of like
hormones or whatever, she gets

305
00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:13,440
very like attitudy with me.
Like she'll say something in a

306
00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:18,440
tone and I just for some reason
it's so triggering to me.

307
00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:20,440
I don't know why I can't figure
it out.

308
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:23,440
So if she says something where
nothing horrible, he's not like

309
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:25,560
mom, I hate you.
She'll be like, just say

310
00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:28,119
something like God, come on,
like don't you know that or

311
00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:32,080
something?
I get so triggered and I can't

312
00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:37,560
figure it out, but it's just I'm
scared because it's a glimpse

313
00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:40,200
into the teenage years to come
very shortly.

314
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:43,760
And I'm like, oh God, it's going
to be a rough time.

315
00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:49,800
So I'm trying to, again, it's
more about focusing on me and

316
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:54,000
why I'm having those feelings.
Everything she's doing is really

317
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:55,480
normal.
And of course I wanted to be

318
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:59,040
respectful, you know, and not
going to be crazy, you know,

319
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:02,360
there has to be some level where
she has to be a little respect.

320
00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:08,640
But it's just so crazy how
parenting is so much about self

321
00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:11,800
introspection versus what your
child is giving you.

322
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,640
It's really about why is this
triggering me?

323
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:17,400
Why is this listening to what is
not healed within myself?

324
00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:23,560
So it's it's a journey.
But I do feel like 10 and what

325
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:29,640
has come have been even more
challenging than the younger

326
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:32,680
years because the younger years
are kind of like you do what I

327
00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:37,000
say, I make rules and is it.
But now they have opinions.

328
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,960
Now they weigh in.
And she honestly, she makes

329
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:40,960
some, you know, she makes valid
points.

330
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:45,040
Now I feel like I have a more
valid contender and I think like

331
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:47,400
we maybe she's right.
When you were little, it's like

332
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:51,440
you get, you know, go take a
shower and because I said so and

333
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:55,720
that's it, You know, it was
just, it's, it's every stage has

334
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:58,280
their new challenges, but I'm
definitely frightened of the

335
00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:01,320
upcoming one.
You know, I'm just thinking

336
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:02,760
like, I know both of you pretty
well.

337
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:05,480
And I would say that the two of
you, at least in my

338
00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:09,240
understanding, Greg and Jen,
like both of you individuated

339
00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:11,720
from your parents pretty
significantly in the teenage

340
00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:13,640
years.
Well, Jen, maybe partially

341
00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:16,720
because of the divorce in your
family, like when you when I met

342
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:21,840
you, like I could tell that you
had been mature for years.

343
00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:24,000
I don't know how to say it.
Do you know what I mean?

344
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:25,640
So I'd love to talk a little bit
about that.

345
00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:30,920
And I wonder how that is going
to influence the next chapter of

346
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:34,000
your parenting with with Bridget
and with Juliet as she grows,

347
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:34,360
too.
Yeah.

348
00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:40,960
That's a great question.
Well, in my like, from my

349
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:47,280
perspective, I just felt like
really strangely from 10 onward,

350
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:50,280
I felt like my home life is a
little bit chaotic.

351
00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:55,360
My parents got divorced and then
right away my dad got remarried

352
00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:58,880
and with a woman and she had a
daughter.

353
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:03,880
So now we had a new sister.
Then shortly later my dad got

354
00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:06,920
really sick.
And then my mom got sick.

355
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:11,720
I just felt like for many years,
my home life is very chaotic,

356
00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:16,560
unpredictable.
So I did feel and I and being

357
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:20,520
going back to the middle child
episode, I'm very much a Jade.

358
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:25,880
So I also naturally, I think as
a middle child was a little bit

359
00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:30,360
forgotten.
So being the middle child and

360
00:20:30,360 --> 00:20:35,240
then with all the circumstances
that paired together, I felt on

361
00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:40,640
my own and I kind of was like, I
got to do my own thing and then

362
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:43,360
nobody's there to catch me.
I have to make it happen for

363
00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:48,400
myself.
So I, I never was like, I don't

364
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:52,560
think a conscious decision, but
I think deep down that was what

365
00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:54,560
why I worked so hard
academically.

366
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:59,040
I just didn't want to have to be
reliant on anyone.

367
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:02,480
And for some reason, I always
felt like a I didn't want to be

368
00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:04,440
a burden.
I felt like my parents had so

369
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:07,600
much on their plate and I didn't
want to be another burden to

370
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,040
them.
So I was like, if I could take

371
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:12,600
care of myself and do everything
for myself, like I don't have to

372
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:15,080
stress them out anymore than
they already are with their own

373
00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:20,360
shit.
So that definitely, you know,

374
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:25,240
will dictated my personality in
many ways.

375
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:29,920
And with my children, luckily,
it's like almost

376
00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:33,080
circumstantially, it's like the
complete opposite.

377
00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:36,040
My husband and I are so
available to the kids.

378
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:40,960
We don't have a lot going on.
So I think we're so there for

379
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:44,320
them.
And it's interesting.

380
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:47,920
I almost feel like the way it
informs my parenting is that

381
00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:54,560
sometimes when my kids are upset
with me, I get extra angry with

382
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:58,760
them because I'm like, with
everything we've given you and

383
00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:03,480
all these amazing circumstances
you created, and like, how could

384
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:05,800
you still be upset?
It's like, I would have killed

385
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:09,040
to have this when I was young.
And I mean, this is, again, this

386
00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:12,440
is all like subconscious, which
is I'm trying to like, you know,

387
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:17,520
sort through it.
But yeah, I think it maybe

388
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:20,720
informs it in that way a little
bit that like almost like a how

389
00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:23,760
dare you not be like over the
moon.

390
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:28,480
You know, I if I've I've only, I
had this stability growing up

391
00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:30,720
like that, what I could have
done or whatever, right?

392
00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:34,680
But again, it's all relative.
And again, with parenting you,

393
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:39,280
it's really, I think I what I'm
constantly trying to do is sort

394
00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:43,000
out what's, you know, what I'm
dealing with my children like

395
00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:47,760
sort out what's my shit and then
what's what's, what's theirs and

396
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:52,200
what's appropriate and what's
being triggered in me right now.

397
00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:59,120
So yeah, it's interesting.
I and I'm good things to think

398
00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:00,440
about.
That was a good question.

399
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:02,600
I love.
Your answer.

400
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:04,880
Thank you.
I love you so much.

401
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:08,040
You're so I mean, when Jen talks
about like, you know, leaning

402
00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:10,040
into academics, this is a girl
that got like what a full ride

403
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:14,880
to NYU and a four point O and
the highest like results ever in

404
00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:16,920
NYU Med school.
She's not joking.

405
00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:19,640
Like this is not this is like
next level threw herself into

406
00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:22,600
academics.
This is we are witnessing a

407
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:25,680
brilliant human being over Zoom
right now.

408
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:28,840
Again, I looked at my like my
motivation.

409
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:32,560
Why was I such a gunner?
Why was I like had to get any

410
00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:39,920
and everything and again I I
still don't know a picture.

411
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:44,000
I don't know but but.
But but, but I do know it came

412
00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:49,120
from a place of maybe like not
enoughness.

413
00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:50,920
Like that's how I got my word.
I don't know.

414
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:54,360
But whatever it is, it it.
Even though the results were

415
00:23:54,360 --> 00:24:05,640
great, the motivations were not
like psychologically sound for

416
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:06,120
sure.
You know.

417
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:10,160
It wasn't, it was anything in
extreme is going to be, you

418
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:15,800
know, not not well motivated.
So I always examine that as well

419
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:20,200
as why, why am I pushing myself
so hard for something?

420
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:23,680
And they're so usually because
again, what Italy has probably

421
00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:26,520
taught me the most is
moderation.

422
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:28,760
Everything in moderation,
balance.

423
00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:33,440
These people are masters at it.
They eat pizza, pizza and pasta

424
00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:36,480
every day and drink every day,
sometimes at every meal.

425
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:39,160
But unple.
But that's.

426
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:41,600
Beautiful that you have the
opportunity to learn and to

427
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:43,960
model moderation for your family
there.

428
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:46,360
Yes.
Oh, and another thing I was

429
00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:49,560
going to say is that a great
model has been, you know, we've

430
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:51,960
been, I've been trying to learn
Italian.

431
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:55,400
I speak Spanish from my mother
being Mexican.

432
00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:57,280
So.
But since we've gotten here,

433
00:24:57,280 --> 00:25:01,240
I've gone to Italian school.
I had an Italian tutor, so

434
00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:04,960
that's been really fun for the
kids to watch me learn something

435
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:05,680
new.
Yes.

436
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:08,960
So, you know, I commiserate with
them about homework.

437
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:10,600
I'm like, oh, I have Italian
homework.

438
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:12,360
I really don't want to do it,
but I'll do it.

439
00:25:12,360 --> 00:25:13,840
And then, you know, side by side
with them.

440
00:25:14,120 --> 00:25:16,880
And just seeing, I think a
parent learning and struggling

441
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:20,320
with a new task is really a
valuable lesson as well.

442
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:23,240
And I think getting that in a
foreign country is, you know,

443
00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:26,200
another cool benefit.
Yeah.

444
00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:27,920
Absolutely.
I mean, we talked a lot about

445
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,840
alignment and what that can look
like in the family.

446
00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:34,600
And I think all of you embarking
on this journey together, one,

447
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:37,800
just being in Italy together and
that sense of adventure, but 2

448
00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:41,080
going through similar struggles
around learning that's that is

449
00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:43,000
very cool and feels like very
connecting.

450
00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:47,600
Yes, And even just simple things
like where do I buy, You know,

451
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:51,640
this in Rome and you know, we
all set out on an adventure

452
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:53,480
together.
Like Mom doesn't know any better

453
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:55,000
than you do.
I'm like, do you guys have any

454
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:56,960
ideas?
You know, so cool.

455
00:25:57,120 --> 00:26:01,240
A lot of.
Scavenger Hunt esque escapades

456
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:02,840
here, that's for sure.
That's.

457
00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:03,960
That's huge.
I love that.

458
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:08,680
That's great.
Before we let you go in your

459
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:12,240
travels, I think this is
probably 2 questions.

460
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:16,680
The 1st is what is in the
zeitgeist in the international

461
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:21,280
ambitious family community,
right?

462
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:24,400
Like what are people in?
In the US, there's a lot of

463
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:26,480
protect our children from
screens.

464
00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:30,080
You're surrounded by
international families of means,

465
00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:32,520
I'm sure that are ambitious that
that have done well in the

466
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:34,320
world.
You know, what are they talking

467
00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:35,560
about?
What are they worried about for

468
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:37,760
their kids?
What are they protective over?

469
00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:41,560
And also what are they exploring
that might not be things that

470
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:43,400
that we're necessarily tuned
into?

471
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:51,880
So what I've seen is in American
parents that I know are much

472
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:58,200
more intentional about how their
children are being raised and

473
00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:01,400
are just very thoughtful about
what's going on, what their

474
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:04,480
children are exposed to, what
they're doing, constantly

475
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:07,880
signing them up for activities,
making sure they're, you know,

476
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:12,360
engaged and active and staying
ahead and what college you're

477
00:27:12,360 --> 00:27:14,480
going to go to, even though
they're three years old.

478
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:20,360
And so in Italy, I don't see
that at all.

479
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:25,360
Right.
But what the conversation, it's

480
00:27:25,360 --> 00:27:28,000
not even conversation.
It's more they're just so smart,

481
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:33,560
steeped in tradition.
So it's more that this is how my

482
00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:36,240
Nona raised me.
This is how I raised my

483
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:38,000
daughter.
This is how we this is just how

484
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:41,360
we do it.
It's less of a conversation

485
00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:45,360
about and especially it's still
very true to at least here.

486
00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:49,320
I don't speak about Rome, where
I am in Rome, it's still very

487
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:52,840
traditional minded.
So we always say it's a big

488
00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:56,800
city, but we always say really
it's like a provincial town.

489
00:27:57,360 --> 00:28:03,640
So the, the, I even find that
the between men and women, like

490
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:07,840
it's a man's town.
You know, it's still very much

491
00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:11,000
they dress the man, everything's
catered to the man and the

492
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:14,200
woman.
You know, it's it's it's very

493
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:18,640
old school in many ways.
And I think with children, it's

494
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:22,640
not they're not thinking nearly
as much.

495
00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:26,400
You're not as preoccupied with
what's what their children are

496
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:28,760
doing.
The future of them just now what

497
00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:32,400
got report cards and the one of
the mothers was like, the grades

498
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:33,880
don't matter anyway.
Don't worry about it.

499
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:35,680
Who cares?
Like they're just I don't know.

500
00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:38,560
And this is these are like at
the top schools at the top.

501
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:41,200
And not to say that they don't
care about grades or certainly

502
00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:44,640
it's not in generalization, but
the point is, is that they're

503
00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:49,280
the parents are definitely not
over focused on what their kids

504
00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:51,200
are doing.
It's more like the parents are

505
00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:54,960
having dinner in here, the kids
are playing in there and what

506
00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:58,240
they what they choose to do.
Like it's just like out of

507
00:28:58,240 --> 00:29:00,200
sight, out of mind.
That's the impression I've

508
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:01,200
gotten.
And then?

509
00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:04,120
Part 2 of the question is, is
there anything from your

510
00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:08,240
experiences, your bonds with
these families that you've taken

511
00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:11,600
into your family culture,
whether it's a saying or a new

512
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,320
way of thinking or you know,
anything like that?

513
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:16,640
Definitely.
I wasn't I was pretty good at

514
00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:18,360
this already, but I've gotten
even better.

515
00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:23,000
They love my favorite saying
here is Dolce Barniente, which

516
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:24,920
means the pleasure of doing
nothing.

517
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:29,840
So in America, I especially as
soon as I land in New York, I

518
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:33,440
feel like I'm like, OK, like,
how can we maximize efficiency

519
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:36,120
That what do I have at 1:20?
What do I have to do later?

520
00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:37,200
What do I have to sign up to get
like?

521
00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:40,920
I would just be like a little
robot the stuck in I land I get

522
00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:44,880
here.
It's like it's just a different

523
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:49,600
mindset and it's the focus is
not on productivity, It's not on

524
00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:52,520
efficiency.
It's about enjoying your life,

525
00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:57,960
enjoying your family, enjoying
fine food and wine that's fresh

526
00:29:57,960 --> 00:30:02,320
and local.
And I just it really agrees with

527
00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:05,920
me.
And I also think that it's is a

528
00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:09,520
nice challenge for me because I,
I mean, I still have my planner

529
00:30:09,520 --> 00:30:11,800
here.
I'm, I still have my like, you

530
00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:16,640
know, things that I'm like that,
like there's urges to be like

531
00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:19,000
super efficient, organized,
which of course have their

532
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:22,640
benefits.
But this challenges need to kind

533
00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:27,040
of say, OK, I can like sit back
and breathe a little bit and

534
00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:29,960
everything's going to be OK.
And keep everything in

535
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:32,680
perspective too.
That you know to always keep in

536
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:36,080
mind what truly matters in life
and that anything can change,

537
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:39,160
especially with our times today,
like you see, things can change

538
00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:42,280
in a second.
So I think you'll never regret

539
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:46,600
keeping those priorities of
Stanley lice at the forefront.

540
00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:49,920
So this this is definitely
conducive for that message.

541
00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:51,840
So I I love that.
I love.

542
00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:54,240
That too.
Well, thank you so so much.

543
00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:56,240
This has been.
Wonderful.

544
00:30:57,080 --> 00:30:59,000
I love you.
I'm so grateful for you.

545
00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:00,720
Awesome.
Yay.

546
00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:02,760
That sounds great.
Wonderful.

547
00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:04,440
OK.
All right.

548
00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:05,600
Thanks, John.
Thank.

549
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:06,520
You bye.