May 11, 2026
TMIT 50: A Year of Family Meetings
Happy One-Year Anniversary to The Most Important Thing! We are officially 50 episodes in, and to celebrate, we are revisiting the topic that started it all: the weekly family meeting.
A year ago, we read Bruce Feiler’s The Secrets of Happy Families and learned that a weekly meeting is the single most impactful routine a family can adopt. We committed to the practice, and 52 weeks later, we haven't missed a single one. It has officially become the cornerstone of our family culture and leadership journey.
In Episode 50, we break down exactly how our meetings have evolved over the last year. We discuss the massive benefit of moving our meetings from Sunday evenings to Saturday mornings to act as a "weekend alignment" ritual. We share our "Minimum Viable Product" meeting for busy travel weeks, and why "Compliments and Appreciation" remains the absolute most important five minutes of our week.
We also explore how to use screen time to your advantage during the "Family Learning" segment, and how we are encouraging our kids to start presenting their own topics to the table.
Listen to TMIT 50 wherever you get your podcasts.
Resources Mentioned:
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You know how the kids are
driving me insane lately, All
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three of them in their own
unique ways.
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I figured out why.
It's because it's half birthday
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time.
And so that's the period that we
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know from Sunflower, from the
kids preschool, but also from
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research that it's a period of
dysregulation.
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You're right, right.
And it really, it feels like, do
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you remember when we had the
Wonder Weeks app when each each
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of the kids were little and they
had the leap periods, the fussy
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periods before they integrated
their new found skills and it
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was happening, you know, 3 * a
month when they were one and two
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months old, right?
But now it's happening around
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half birthdays and I think
birthdays too.
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But that might just be the
anticipation of the birthday.
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Well, the fact that they're half
birthdays coincide with the end
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of the school year.
And my birthday, which is hard
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for them.
Like Hunter was talking all
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morning about how her birthday
this year is going to fall on
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Thanksgiving, which I didn't
even know, but she's aware of it
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over six months in advance.
And she was like all in the
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doldrums of just like, I'm sad
no one's going to be around for
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my birthday.
I'm like, all right, we, we can
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work on that.
Let's go away.
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Let's do something I love.
The talk about our kids and the
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way that they're changing and
growing, it fills my heart.
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But the thing that I've also
noticed is new unofficial
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sponsors in our lives.
Oh, OK.
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Yeah.
So like this, this show is not
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sponsored by Ramp or by AP Lovin
or by, you know, any of these
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things.
But I think that you and I have
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some new unofficial sponsors and
I just want to throw those out.
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OK?
Right.
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So.
Jocko, go.
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First and foremost.
This episode is.
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Fueled by Jocko Go, which is an
incredible energy.
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Show the camera Jocko Go
Discipline equals freedom.
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Well, yes.
Yeah, yeah.
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Would you like?
Something I would like I said.
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I don't want to mess up my.
Lip gloss also fueled my life
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recently is the yerba mate drink
that I don't even know what it's
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called, but it's so good.
Yeah, yeah.
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So happy one year anniversary of
Team IT.
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Happy one year anniversary of
Team IT.
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Yeah, that's pretty cool.
We're recording episode 50
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today.
Yes, we have done a few more
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than that, but more importantly,
it's been a full year.
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Yes.
Yeah, and we're still going.
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Still going, still having fun,
still having so much fun.
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Yeah, yeah.
And I love this as a place to
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hold us accountable, right?
To hold us accountable for our
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intentions.
And a full year of family
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meetings under our belt now too.
Yeah, honestly, they just, the
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microphones between us, it's
like create some really good
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conversation.
I don't feel like it's a show.
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I feel like I'm talking to you
about important topics.
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Yeah.
And we get to think and build
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in.
Public.
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Well, you and I love a good
container, yes.
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And so this has been a place to
make space for things that we
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probably wouldn't be talking
about as intentionally
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otherwise.
Yeah, yet here we are.
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Here we are, here we are and I
thought, you know, it's episode
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50 and I thought that it would
be a good idea to revisit the
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original episode one family
meetings with a kind of a shout
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out to David center on the
Founders podcast.
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Every 100 episodes he does an
episode on James Dyson.
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Happy to go into why at some
point, but just consider the
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James Dyson homage to be our
equivalent of family meetings.
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James Dyson represents working
really hard at solving a problem
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and working the problem and like
going into founder mode and just
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doing what you believe in.
And I think family meetings for
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us really represents this idea
that if there's one thing that
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we do each week together, it's a
container that allows us to come
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together.
Absolutely, yeah.
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I would say that family meetings
have become the cornerstone of
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our family culture building and
leadership journey.
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For sure.
And a year ago when we did our
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first family meeting, I didn't
think that it was in pursuit of
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what I realize it is now, right?
I thought it was in pursuit of
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like creating a container to
address things in that need to
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be addressed, right?
Solve problems?
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Yes, that's that's not what it
is at.
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All yeah, so a year ago, you
know, we had read the book The
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Secret of Happy Families by
Bruce Feiler and he had said out
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of the, you know, near 100
strategies that he has in the
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book, having family meetings was
by far the most important one,
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right and the most impactful 1
And so I, I re listened to our
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little 13 minute first episode
and the takeaways were to do it
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consistently, keep it short and
have fun and do it consistently.
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We really have we have I don't
think that we've skipped a
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single week.
I know you're all, you are all
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shocked, right?
We're very disciplined people.
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But we have, while we've been on
vacation, done what I'll call
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the like minimum viable product
family meeting, which is
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essentially compliments and
appreciation.
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Just going around and talking
about one thing that we
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appreciate about one another,
right?
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Keeping it really, really,
really simple.
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Because what we have found is
when we're all traveling
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together, we're already aligned
and connected.
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And so going through that ritual
is really less necessary.
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Yeah, Should we talk about our
structure?
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Yeah, yes, absolutely.
The keep it short piece, I would
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say that well, some of them have
gone pretty long.
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And as the, the structure that
we came up with that we've
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talked about on our first
episode, which was some kind of
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call to action, which we still
do a drum roll and then a
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mindful minute, which the our
three kids rotate.
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Who leads that?
A round of compliments and
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appreciation, which is still my
favorite part.
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A family learning a problem to
solve, which we have
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subsequently merged those two
into one.
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We do one or the other and we
try to keep it.
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We try to keep a, a positive
spin on it.
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So it's not, you know, coming to
the table with a problem.
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But really, what can we learn
about our anger, if anger or
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something that's coming up,
right?
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And then a snack in a game and
we absolutely have never missed
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a snack, that is for sure.
And the kids get pretty creative
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in what they want when it is
their turn to have snack.
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The game piece is what kind of
makes it a little tricky to keep
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it short sometimes if we just
play like a round of Pictionary
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or, you know, maybe Chin Chin
with Hunter's little like or the
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Danish Clap game, which we will
definitely link to in the show
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notes because that has become
one of our favorite things for
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connection and fun.
But if we want to play a board
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game or Go Fish, which is like a
current favorite right now,
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sometimes we will not tack that
on to the end of the meeting but
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try to get it in at another
point during the day.
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Yeah, I think that you're right.
Compliments and appreciations is
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the cornerstone.
Because it does.
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Cornerstone of the cornerstone.
The cornerstone of the
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cornerstone, it connects us all.
It allows us to actually have a
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reflection and, and really see
how other people, not just how
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like I am thinking about
something that you did during
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the week or something that
Hunter or Jade or Maverick did,
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but how you're thinking about
it, your lived experience with
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others in the family too.
And I think that's really why
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it's important to, to kind of do
that in public.
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So if if I were to breakdown
family meetings and say, OK,
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we've got 5 minutes, let's pick
three things.
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I would do compliments and
appreciations.
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I would have a snack because I
really think that that's like a
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like a great thing for the kids
to look forward to.
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And during the snack, I would
probably bring up one topic that
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I think everyone should learn
about or that you think everyone
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should learn about or that the
kids nominate.
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Like it doesn't have to be a
problem to solve.
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It doesn't have to be anything
long.
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It just could be something that
we're curious about.
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Yep.
And doing that together, whether
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it's an active learning like
twerking, which is a really fun
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one, so.
Fun.
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Greg's the only one in our
family that can twerk, by the
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way.
Yeah, I'm, I'm practicing.
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Still practicing Still.
Practicing, whether it's an
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active learning like that or
it's just like a video about
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sharks like.
The domestication of cats.
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Yeah, right.
Like these are, these are great
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things for us to do together.
And what I will point out is
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it's kind of a sneaky way to use
screen time to our advantage
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because kids are moths who have
flamed to screens, right?
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Like ours are at.
Least yeah, and we try to really
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limit it during the week and on
the weekends.
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Maybe they get a one episode or
two episodes of Full House or
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something like that these days,
but a problem to solve or a
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family learning or the
combination of the two, whatever
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you want to call it.
If you show them something on a
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screen, I find, and then we talk
about it, I find that it really
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sticks.
Yeah, I total side note, but I
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think that's actually the key to
the whole screen thing is like
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we, we do let them watch full
house these days and then I try
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to talk with them about it
afterwards, right?
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Because I think that if you're
at least reflecting on on what
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you're watching, it changes the
dynamic.
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Yes, I would say I agree with
you.
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The mixed media.
One thing that I really want to
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do more of though, as the kids
grow is Joe Kennedy style kind
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of having them each present a
family learning.
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We've gotten into that more
recently, like the last two
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family meetings Jade has
presented, Hunter has presented.
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I think this weekend I want to
make explicit that if that's
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going to happen, you need to pay
attention to your siblings
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because I have noticed that
they're just not in the habit.
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Well, One Hunter and Jade are
not the best presenters.
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Yes, hold an audience for.
That right?
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And we got to keep it quick,
right?
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Like you and I know that we have
to kind of keep it engaging and
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quick, but I think it's a really
important kind of like meta
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skill for them to learn at the
family meeting is how to give a
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good presentation that holds an
audience.
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But I do think that we need to
make it explicit that we are
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asking that of one another
because Jayden Hunter each did
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not get enough attention from
their siblings.
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No, they they don't get the
airtime from their siblings the
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way that you and I do with yet.
Exactly.
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And we, we need, we need to work
that much.
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And I think that another thing
that we've done is originally we
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were talking, we were doing
family meeting on Sunday and we
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were having family pre meeting
on Saturday.
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Just talking about who's going
to do the snack, the game, what
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the family learning is going to
be while the kids have on lock.
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They know whose job is which
because it's very important to
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them.
So they actually take care of
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that rotating schedule.
I have found that moving it to
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Saturday morning has made a
world of difference because it
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is that ritual of alignment and
connection so that we enter that
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meeting still kind of shaking
off the the work week or the
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school week as independent
beings.
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And truly it is a wonderful way
for us all to become a cohesive
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unit again.
And you and I talk all the time
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about how by the end of the
weekend, we are all so aligned.
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And I really think that the
family meeting is like a really
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great way to begin that
alignment.
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Yes completely I I do miss the
day to prepare Yeah like I did
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like the pre meeting because
then we could pull a notebook LM
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explainer video or something
like that or find a YouTube or
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something that.
Maybe you just need to write
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that down for like Thursdays.
You just.
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Need to think about.
If you have anything you want to
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do.
I noticed I've been like,
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subconsciously looking for
opportunities to teach the girls
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about like, random things that
pop into my mind because they
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don't watch TV, They don't watch
The Simpsons, you know, every
225
00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:21,760
weeknight at 7:30 like that.
I know, right?
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00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:26,920
You've started reading to them a
chapter book at night that
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00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:29,400
you've made-up in your head, and
they've had some really
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00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:33,400
interesting chapters.
That's where I was going, and
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that's been a lot of fun.
I, I have this book that I pull
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out and I'm like, and chapter 1
was just something silly and
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00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:42,840
chapter 2 is silly.
But then I just, I'm just making
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it up and I'm like Chapter 3
truffle pigs and teaching them
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about truffles.
And This is why I am so grateful
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for our always on audio capture
because we will be able to turn
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that book into something real
because we have the context,
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which is so fun.
I can't wait to see what that
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looks like.
But we digress.
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00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:07,240
But we digress anyway.
So what hasn't gone well at
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family meeting or what would you
like to improve?
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00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:17,360
What hasn't gone well is I I
would love us to have a round
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table.
I know that you are beating the
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drum about this.
That's actually, I think seating
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like being all seated together
at a round table versus the
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island, sitting at the island in
their chairs, you and one end,
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me standing at the other end.
I do think that that would be a
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00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:36,080
little bit more helpful and then
having a way to actually present
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things up on the TV, kind of
like a, you know, Joe Joe
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Kennedy style presentation.
But we it's not, it's, it's not
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that it's gone badly.
It's, it's great.
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00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:47,880
Like we're just iterating from
here.
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00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:50,680
Well, I think also the reason
why I don't have much to say as
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far as how we would improve is
because like the stakes are not
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00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,960
high, right?
It's I don't, I don't have high
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00:13:56,960 --> 00:14:00,640
expectations of this being like
a business meeting, right.
255
00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:02,520
And so whatever happens,
happens.
256
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:06,680
Like last weekend during
compliments and appreciation,
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00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:10,280
Maverick so clearly showed us
what he needed because he said,
258
00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:12,680
I want everyone to compliment
me.
259
00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:14,920
Can everyone please compliment
me?
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00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:19,000
And we did.
And so it's just that space for
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00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:20,720
everybody to show up as they
are.
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00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:24,800
And it doesn't have to be
complicated.
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00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:27,720
It can just be, you know, you
belong here.
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00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:32,360
This is a safe space for you to
just show up with what you need.
265
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:35,320
Exactly.
And I think that that is that's
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00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:38,760
the magic of the family meeting
is that we have an agenda.
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00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:42,480
There will always be a snack,
but we can easily throw that
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00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:46,320
agenda away if somebody is
bringing something to the table
269
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:49,640
that needs that they need.
Yeah, No, I agree.
270
00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:51,600
There's nothing to do
differently.
271
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:54,640
There's just iterative
opportunities, right?
272
00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:58,120
Yeah, so.
So I think reflecting on this is
273
00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:02,360
great, but also just sharing
that this is such an important
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00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:06,600
part of building family culture
and that a person who wrote a
275
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:10,280
book about the secrets of happy
family said that this was the
276
00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:11,720
most important thing he
discovered.
277
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:13,920
Like, don't take it.
You don't have to take it from
278
00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:16,520
us, right?
This is This is something that
279
00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:19,440
we have found and have adopted
from reading that and are
280
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,360
finding the same thing.
Yeah.
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00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:24,120
Well, I think now we have a year
of ground truth and we can just
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00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:27,680
say that this was a worthwhile
pursuit, right.
283
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:31,880
And that we are, I mean, 10 out
of 10, I am going to continue to
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00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:34,240
want to do family meetings.
Yeah, agreed.
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00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:37,520
And I believe that every one of
our family would agree, even
286
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,440
Winston, who's currently snoring
at my feet.
287
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:44,080
He's he knows when it's family
meeting time and this dog knows
288
00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:47,040
everything about the what day of
the week it is and.
289
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:50,080
And he?
Approaches me with his toy every
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00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:54,160
family meeting because he sees
me like idling with the family
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00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:56,520
and he's like I want to be
involved too.
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00:15:57,920 --> 00:15:59,960
God bless him.
Well, that's also a good game to
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00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:02,680
add to the end of family meeting
because everyone loves to play
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00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:04,480
with Winston right now.
It's true.
295
00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:06,800
So maybe that can be our game.
I like it.
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00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:07,720
Cool.
Yeah.
297
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:10,600
So that's it.
We just wanted to come back and
298
00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:15,160
share one year in and gosh,
we've learned so much throughout
299
00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:19,240
this journey, but all of it can
be channelled through the family
300
00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:20,800
meeting.
Indeed.
301
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:24,600
So we're going to keep them up.
We hope that you try one out if
302
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:27,960
you haven't already, and we'll
see you in another 50 episodes
303
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:29,400
to talk about this again.
Yeah.
304
00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:31,120
Love you, goosey.
Love you, goosey.
00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:02,480
You know how the kids are
driving me insane lately, All
2
00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:04,200
three of them in their own
unique ways.
3
00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:08,080
I figured out why.
It's because it's half birthday
4
00:00:08,080 --> 00:00:11,680
time.
And so that's the period that we
5
00:00:11,680 --> 00:00:15,200
know from Sunflower, from the
kids preschool, but also from
6
00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:17,720
research that it's a period of
dysregulation.
7
00:00:17,720 --> 00:00:22,520
You're right, right.
And it really, it feels like, do
8
00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:25,240
you remember when we had the
Wonder Weeks app when each each
9
00:00:25,240 --> 00:00:28,880
of the kids were little and they
had the leap periods, the fussy
10
00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:32,360
periods before they integrated
their new found skills and it
11
00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:35,840
was happening, you know, 3 * a
month when they were one and two
12
00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:38,800
months old, right?
But now it's happening around
13
00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:40,840
half birthdays and I think
birthdays too.
14
00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:44,280
But that might just be the
anticipation of the birthday.
15
00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:48,560
Well, the fact that they're half
birthdays coincide with the end
16
00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:52,000
of the school year.
And my birthday, which is hard
17
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,320
for them.
Like Hunter was talking all
18
00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:56,680
morning about how her birthday
this year is going to fall on
19
00:00:56,680 --> 00:01:00,120
Thanksgiving, which I didn't
even know, but she's aware of it
20
00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:03,560
over six months in advance.
And she was like all in the
21
00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:07,600
doldrums of just like, I'm sad
no one's going to be around for
22
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:10,960
my birthday.
I'm like, all right, we, we can
23
00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:12,280
work on that.
Let's go away.
24
00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:16,360
Let's do something I love.
The talk about our kids and the
25
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:20,760
way that they're changing and
growing, it fills my heart.
26
00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:27,080
But the thing that I've also
noticed is new unofficial
27
00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:29,360
sponsors in our lives.
Oh, OK.
28
00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:32,040
Yeah.
So like this, this show is not
29
00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:36,440
sponsored by Ramp or by AP Lovin
or by, you know, any of these
30
00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:39,920
things.
But I think that you and I have
31
00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:42,920
some new unofficial sponsors and
I just want to throw those out.
32
00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:43,680
OK?
Right.
33
00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:45,160
So.
Jocko, go.
34
00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:51,240
First and foremost.
This episode is.
35
00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:55,240
Fueled by Jocko Go, which is an
incredible energy.
36
00:01:55,280 --> 00:02:01,640
Show the camera Jocko Go
Discipline equals freedom.
37
00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:04,480
Well, yes.
Yeah, yeah.
38
00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:06,000
Would you like?
Something I would like I said.
39
00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:11,120
I don't want to mess up my.
Lip gloss also fueled my life
40
00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:18,960
recently is the yerba mate drink
that I don't even know what it's
41
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:20,840
called, but it's so good.
Yeah, yeah.
42
00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:23,560
So happy one year anniversary of
Team IT.
43
00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:25,920
Happy one year anniversary of
Team IT.
44
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:30,440
Yeah, that's pretty cool.
We're recording episode 50
45
00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:32,880
today.
Yes, we have done a few more
46
00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:35,440
than that, but more importantly,
it's been a full year.
47
00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:37,800
Yes.
Yeah, and we're still going.
48
00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:41,360
Still going, still having fun,
still having so much fun.
49
00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:45,440
Yeah, yeah.
And I love this as a place to
50
00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:48,440
hold us accountable, right?
To hold us accountable for our
51
00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:50,480
intentions.
And a full year of family
52
00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:54,600
meetings under our belt now too.
Yeah, honestly, they just, the
53
00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:57,000
microphones between us, it's
like create some really good
54
00:02:57,240 --> 00:03:01,400
conversation.
I don't feel like it's a show.
55
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:04,320
I feel like I'm talking to you
about important topics.
56
00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:06,320
Yeah.
And we get to think and build
57
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:06,960
in.
Public.
58
00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:09,080
Well, you and I love a good
container, yes.
59
00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:12,120
And so this has been a place to
make space for things that we
60
00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:15,040
probably wouldn't be talking
about as intentionally
61
00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,040
otherwise.
Yeah, yet here we are.
62
00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:22,200
Here we are, here we are and I
thought, you know, it's episode
63
00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:27,720
50 and I thought that it would
be a good idea to revisit the
64
00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:33,600
original episode one family
meetings with a kind of a shout
65
00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:36,680
out to David center on the
Founders podcast.
66
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:40,440
Every 100 episodes he does an
episode on James Dyson.
67
00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:44,640
Happy to go into why at some
point, but just consider the
68
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:49,520
James Dyson homage to be our
equivalent of family meetings.
69
00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:54,600
James Dyson represents working
really hard at solving a problem
70
00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:58,840
and working the problem and like
going into founder mode and just
71
00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:02,320
doing what you believe in.
And I think family meetings for
72
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:08,120
us really represents this idea
that if there's one thing that
73
00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:13,320
we do each week together, it's a
container that allows us to come
74
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,680
together.
Absolutely, yeah.
75
00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:19,480
I would say that family meetings
have become the cornerstone of
76
00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:21,880
our family culture building and
leadership journey.
77
00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:26,160
For sure.
And a year ago when we did our
78
00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:31,840
first family meeting, I didn't
think that it was in pursuit of
79
00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:35,400
what I realize it is now, right?
I thought it was in pursuit of
80
00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:41,360
like creating a container to
address things in that need to
81
00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,200
be addressed, right?
Solve problems?
82
00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:45,120
Yes, that's that's not what it
is at.
83
00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:48,520
All yeah, so a year ago, you
know, we had read the book The
84
00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:51,800
Secret of Happy Families by
Bruce Feiler and he had said out
85
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:55,120
of the, you know, near 100
strategies that he has in the
86
00:04:55,120 --> 00:05:00,080
book, having family meetings was
by far the most important one,
87
00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:05,040
right and the most impactful 1
And so I, I re listened to our
88
00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:10,600
little 13 minute first episode
and the takeaways were to do it
89
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:16,360
consistently, keep it short and
have fun and do it consistently.
90
00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:20,560
We really have we have I don't
think that we've skipped a
91
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:22,480
single week.
I know you're all, you are all
92
00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:25,000
shocked, right?
We're very disciplined people.
93
00:05:25,280 --> 00:05:28,360
But we have, while we've been on
vacation, done what I'll call
94
00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:31,360
the like minimum viable product
family meeting, which is
95
00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:33,800
essentially compliments and
appreciation.
96
00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:36,360
Just going around and talking
about one thing that we
97
00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:38,360
appreciate about one another,
right?
98
00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:41,000
Keeping it really, really,
really simple.
99
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,920
Because what we have found is
when we're all traveling
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00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:46,440
together, we're already aligned
and connected.
101
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:52,360
And so going through that ritual
is really less necessary.
102
00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:59,160
Yeah, Should we talk about our
structure?
103
00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:02,680
Yeah, yes, absolutely.
The keep it short piece, I would
104
00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:05,920
say that well, some of them have
gone pretty long.
105
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:09,040
And as the, the structure that
we came up with that we've
106
00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:13,080
talked about on our first
episode, which was some kind of
107
00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:15,720
call to action, which we still
do a drum roll and then a
108
00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:18,160
mindful minute, which the our
three kids rotate.
109
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:21,080
Who leads that?
A round of compliments and
110
00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:23,640
appreciation, which is still my
favorite part.
111
00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:29,760
A family learning a problem to
solve, which we have
112
00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:32,760
subsequently merged those two
into one.
113
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,960
We do one or the other and we
try to keep it.
114
00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:37,480
We try to keep a, a positive
spin on it.
115
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:41,360
So it's not, you know, coming to
the table with a problem.
116
00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:46,040
But really, what can we learn
about our anger, if anger or
117
00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:47,280
something that's coming up,
right?
118
00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:50,880
And then a snack in a game and
we absolutely have never missed
119
00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:54,920
a snack, that is for sure.
And the kids get pretty creative
120
00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:58,520
in what they want when it is
their turn to have snack.
121
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:02,000
The game piece is what kind of
makes it a little tricky to keep
122
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:05,600
it short sometimes if we just
play like a round of Pictionary
123
00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:09,160
or, you know, maybe Chin Chin
with Hunter's little like or the
124
00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:12,520
Danish Clap game, which we will
definitely link to in the show
125
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:16,080
notes because that has become
one of our favorite things for
126
00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:19,240
connection and fun.
But if we want to play a board
127
00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:22,160
game or Go Fish, which is like a
current favorite right now,
128
00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:25,960
sometimes we will not tack that
on to the end of the meeting but
129
00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:28,640
try to get it in at another
point during the day.
130
00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:33,800
Yeah, I think that you're right.
Compliments and appreciations is
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00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:35,640
the cornerstone.
Because it does.
132
00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:37,520
Cornerstone of the cornerstone.
The cornerstone of the
133
00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:41,360
cornerstone, it connects us all.
It allows us to actually have a
134
00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:49,640
reflection and, and really see
how other people, not just how
135
00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:52,680
like I am thinking about
something that you did during
136
00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:54,880
the week or something that
Hunter or Jade or Maverick did,
137
00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:57,920
but how you're thinking about
it, your lived experience with
138
00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,440
others in the family too.
And I think that's really why
139
00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:03,000
it's important to, to kind of do
that in public.
140
00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:06,080
So if if I were to breakdown
family meetings and say, OK,
141
00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:08,760
we've got 5 minutes, let's pick
three things.
142
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:10,800
I would do compliments and
appreciations.
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I would have a snack because I
really think that that's like a
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like a great thing for the kids
to look forward to.
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And during the snack, I would
probably bring up one topic that
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I think everyone should learn
about or that you think everyone
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should learn about or that the
kids nominate.
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Like it doesn't have to be a
problem to solve.
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It doesn't have to be anything
long.
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It just could be something that
we're curious about.
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Yep.
And doing that together, whether
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it's an active learning like
twerking, which is a really fun
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one, so.
Fun.
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Greg's the only one in our
family that can twerk, by the
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way.
Yeah, I'm, I'm practicing.
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Still practicing Still.
Practicing, whether it's an
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active learning like that or
it's just like a video about
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sharks like.
The domestication of cats.
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Yeah, right.
Like these are, these are great
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things for us to do together.
And what I will point out is
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it's kind of a sneaky way to use
screen time to our advantage
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because kids are moths who have
flamed to screens, right?
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Like ours are at.
Least yeah, and we try to really
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limit it during the week and on
the weekends.
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Maybe they get a one episode or
two episodes of Full House or
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something like that these days,
but a problem to solve or a
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family learning or the
combination of the two, whatever
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you want to call it.
If you show them something on a
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screen, I find, and then we talk
about it, I find that it really
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sticks.
Yeah, I total side note, but I
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think that's actually the key to
the whole screen thing is like
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we, we do let them watch full
house these days and then I try
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to talk with them about it
afterwards, right?
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Because I think that if you're
at least reflecting on on what
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you're watching, it changes the
dynamic.
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Yes, I would say I agree with
you.
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The mixed media.
One thing that I really want to
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do more of though, as the kids
grow is Joe Kennedy style kind
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of having them each present a
family learning.
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We've gotten into that more
recently, like the last two
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family meetings Jade has
presented, Hunter has presented.
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I think this weekend I want to
make explicit that if that's
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going to happen, you need to pay
attention to your siblings
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because I have noticed that
they're just not in the habit.
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Well, One Hunter and Jade are
not the best presenters.
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Yes, hold an audience for.
That right?
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And we got to keep it quick,
right?
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Like you and I know that we have
to kind of keep it engaging and
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quick, but I think it's a really
important kind of like meta
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skill for them to learn at the
family meeting is how to give a
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good presentation that holds an
audience.
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But I do think that we need to
make it explicit that we are
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asking that of one another
because Jayden Hunter each did
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not get enough attention from
their siblings.
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No, they they don't get the
airtime from their siblings the
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way that you and I do with yet.
Exactly.
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And we, we need, we need to work
that much.
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And I think that another thing
that we've done is originally we
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were talking, we were doing
family meeting on Sunday and we
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were having family pre meeting
on Saturday.
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Just talking about who's going
to do the snack, the game, what
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the family learning is going to
be while the kids have on lock.
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They know whose job is which
because it's very important to
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them.
So they actually take care of
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that rotating schedule.
I have found that moving it to
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Saturday morning has made a
world of difference because it
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is that ritual of alignment and
connection so that we enter that
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meeting still kind of shaking
off the the work week or the
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school week as independent
beings.
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And truly it is a wonderful way
for us all to become a cohesive
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unit again.
And you and I talk all the time
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about how by the end of the
weekend, we are all so aligned.
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And I really think that the
family meeting is like a really
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great way to begin that
alignment.
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Yes completely I I do miss the
day to prepare Yeah like I did
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like the pre meeting because
then we could pull a notebook LM
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explainer video or something
like that or find a YouTube or
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something that.
Maybe you just need to write
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that down for like Thursdays.
You just.
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Need to think about.
If you have anything you want to
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do.
I noticed I've been like,
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subconsciously looking for
opportunities to teach the girls
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about like, random things that
pop into my mind because they
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don't watch TV, They don't watch
The Simpsons, you know, every
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weeknight at 7:30 like that.
I know, right?
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You've started reading to them a
chapter book at night that
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you've made-up in your head, and
they've had some really
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interesting chapters.
That's where I was going, and
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that's been a lot of fun.
I, I have this book that I pull
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out and I'm like, and chapter 1
was just something silly and
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chapter 2 is silly.
But then I just, I'm just making
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it up and I'm like Chapter 3
truffle pigs and teaching them
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about truffles.
And This is why I am so grateful
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for our always on audio capture
because we will be able to turn
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that book into something real
because we have the context,
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which is so fun.
I can't wait to see what that
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looks like.
But we digress.
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But we digress anyway.
So what hasn't gone well at
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family meeting or what would you
like to improve?
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What hasn't gone well is I I
would love us to have a round
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table.
I know that you are beating the
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drum about this.
That's actually, I think seating
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like being all seated together
at a round table versus the
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island, sitting at the island in
their chairs, you and one end,
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me standing at the other end.
I do think that that would be a
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little bit more helpful and then
having a way to actually present
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things up on the TV, kind of
like a, you know, Joe Joe
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Kennedy style presentation.
But we it's not, it's, it's not
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that it's gone badly.
It's, it's great.
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Like we're just iterating from
here.
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Well, I think also the reason
why I don't have much to say as
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far as how we would improve is
because like the stakes are not
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high, right?
It's I don't, I don't have high
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expectations of this being like
a business meeting, right.
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And so whatever happens,
happens.
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Like last weekend during
compliments and appreciation,
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00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:10,280
Maverick so clearly showed us
what he needed because he said,
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I want everyone to compliment
me.
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Can everyone please compliment
me?
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And we did.
And so it's just that space for
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everybody to show up as they
are.
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And it doesn't have to be
complicated.
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It can just be, you know, you
belong here.
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This is a safe space for you to
just show up with what you need.
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Exactly.
And I think that that is that's
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the magic of the family meeting
is that we have an agenda.
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There will always be a snack,
but we can easily throw that
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agenda away if somebody is
bringing something to the table
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that needs that they need.
Yeah, No, I agree.
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There's nothing to do
differently.
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There's just iterative
opportunities, right?
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Yeah, so.
So I think reflecting on this is
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great, but also just sharing
that this is such an important
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part of building family culture
and that a person who wrote a
275
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:10,280
book about the secrets of happy
family said that this was the
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00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:11,720
most important thing he
discovered.
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00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:13,920
Like, don't take it.
You don't have to take it from
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00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:16,520
us, right?
This is This is something that
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00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:19,440
we have found and have adopted
from reading that and are
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00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,360
finding the same thing.
Yeah.
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00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:24,120
Well, I think now we have a year
of ground truth and we can just
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00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:27,680
say that this was a worthwhile
pursuit, right.
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And that we are, I mean, 10 out
of 10, I am going to continue to
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want to do family meetings.
Yeah, agreed.
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And I believe that every one of
our family would agree, even
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00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,440
Winston, who's currently snoring
at my feet.
287
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:44,080
He's he knows when it's family
meeting time and this dog knows
288
00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:47,040
everything about the what day of
the week it is and.
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00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:50,080
And he?
Approaches me with his toy every
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00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:54,160
family meeting because he sees
me like idling with the family
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and he's like I want to be
involved too.
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God bless him.
Well, that's also a good game to
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add to the end of family meeting
because everyone loves to play
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with Winston right now.
It's true.
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So maybe that can be our game.
I like it.
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Cool.
Yeah.
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So that's it.
We just wanted to come back and
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share one year in and gosh,
we've learned so much throughout
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this journey, but all of it can
be channelled through the family
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meeting.
Indeed.
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So we're going to keep them up.
We hope that you try one out if
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you haven't already, and we'll
see you in another 50 episodes
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to talk about this again.
Yeah.
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Love you, goosey.
Love you, goosey.
