TMIT 50: A Year of Family Meetings

0:00 You know how the kids are driving me insane lately, All three of them in their own unique ways. I figured out why. It's because it's half birthday time. And so that's the period that we know from Sunflower, from the kids preschool, but also from research that it's a period of dysregulation. You're right, right. And it really, it feels like, do you remember when we had the Wonder Weeks app when each each of the kids were little and they had the leap periods, the fussy periods before they integrated their new found skills and it was happening, you know, 3 * a month when they were one and two months old, right? But now it's happening around half birthdays and I think birthdays too.

0:41 But that might just be the anticipation of the birthday. Well, the fact that they're half birthdays coincide with the end of the school year. And my birthday, which is hard for them. Like Hunter was talking all morning about how her birthday this year is going to fall on Thanksgiving, which I didn't even know, but she's aware of it over six months in advance. And she was like all in the doldrums of just like, I'm sad no one's going to be around for my birthday. I'm like, all right, we, we can work on that. Let's go away. Let's do something I love. The talk about our kids and the way that they're changing and growing, it fills my heart. But the thing that I've also noticed is new unofficial sponsors in our lives. Oh, OK.

1:29 Yeah. So like this, this show is not sponsored by Ramp or by AP Lovin or by, you know, any of these things. But I think that you and I have some new unofficial sponsors and I just want to throw those out. OK? Right. So. Jocko, go. First and foremost. This episode is. Fueled by Jocko Go, which is an incredible energy. Show the camera Jocko Go Discipline equals freedom. Well, yes. Yeah, yeah. Would you like? Something I would like I said. I don't want to mess up my. Lip gloss also fueled my life recently is the yerba mate drink that I don't even know what it's called, but it's so good. Yeah, yeah.

2:21 So happy one year anniversary of Team IT. Happy one year anniversary of Team IT. Yeah, that's pretty cool. We're recording episode 50 today. Yes, we have done a few more than that, but more importantly, it's been a full year. Yes. Yeah, and we're still going. Still going, still having fun, still having so much fun. Yeah, yeah. And I love this as a place to hold us accountable, right? To hold us accountable for our intentions. And a full year of family meetings under our belt now too. Yeah, honestly, they just, the microphones between us, it's like create some really good conversation. I don't feel like it's a show. I feel like I'm talking to you about important topics.

3:04 Yeah. And we get to think and build in. Public. Well, you and I love a good container, yes. And so this has been a place to make space for things that we probably wouldn't be talking about as intentionally otherwise. Yeah, yet here we are. Here we are, here we are and I thought, you know, it's episode 50 and I thought that it would be a good idea to revisit the original episode one family meetings with a kind of a shout out to David center on the Founders podcast. Every 100 episodes he does an episode on James Dyson. Happy to go into why at some point, but just consider the James Dyson homage to be our equivalent of family meetings.

3:50 James Dyson represents working really hard at solving a problem and working the problem and like going into founder mode and just doing what you believe in. And I think family meetings for us really represents this idea that if there's one thing that we do each week together, it's a container that allows us to come together. Absolutely, yeah. I would say that family meetings have become the cornerstone of our family culture building and leadership journey. For sure. And a year ago when we did our first family meeting, I didn't think that it was in pursuit of what I realize it is now, right? I thought it was in pursuit of like creating a container to address things in that need to be addressed, right? Solve problems?

4:43 Yes, that's that's not what it is at. All yeah, so a year ago, you know, we had read the book The Secret of Happy Families by Bruce Feiler and he had said out of the, you know, near 100 strategies that he has in the book, having family meetings was by far the most important one, right and the most impactful 1 And so I, I re listened to our little 13 minute first episode and the takeaways were to do it consistently, keep it short and have fun and do it consistently. We really have we have I don't think that we've skipped a single week. I know you're all, you are all shocked, right? We're very disciplined people.

5:25 But we have, while we've been on vacation, done what I'll call the like minimum viable product family meeting, which is essentially compliments and appreciation. Just going around and talking about one thing that we appreciate about one another, right? Keeping it really, really, really simple. Because what we have found is when we're all traveling together, we're already aligned and connected. And so going through that ritual is really less necessary. Yeah, Should we talk about our structure? Yeah, yes, absolutely. The keep it short piece, I would say that well, some of them have gone pretty long.

6:06 And as the, the structure that we came up with that we've talked about on our first episode, which was some kind of call to action, which we still do a drum roll and then a mindful minute, which the our three kids rotate. Who leads that? A round of compliments and appreciation, which is still my favorite part. A family learning a problem to solve, which we have subsequently merged those two into one. We do one or the other and we try to keep it. We try to keep a, a positive spin on it. So it's not, you know, coming to the table with a problem. But really, what can we learn about our anger, if anger or something that's coming up, right?

6:47 And then a snack in a game and we absolutely have never missed a snack, that is for sure. And the kids get pretty creative in what they want when it is their turn to have snack. The game piece is what kind of makes it a little tricky to keep it short sometimes if we just play like a round of Pictionary or, you know, maybe Chin Chin with Hunter's little like or the Danish Clap game, which we will definitely link to in the show notes because that has become one of our favorite things for connection and fun. But if we want to play a board game or Go Fish, which is like a current favorite right now, sometimes we will not tack that on to the end of the meeting but try to get it in at another point during the day.

7:28 Yeah, I think that you're right. Compliments and appreciations is the cornerstone. Because it does. Cornerstone of the cornerstone. The cornerstone of the cornerstone, it connects us all. It allows us to actually have a reflection and, and really see how other people, not just how like I am thinking about something that you did during the week or something that Hunter or Jade or Maverick did, but how you're thinking about it, your lived experience with others in the family too. And I think that's really why it's important to, to kind of do that in public. So if if I were to breakdown family meetings and say, OK, we've got 5 minutes, let's pick three things.

8:09 I would do compliments and appreciations. I would have a snack because I really think that that's like a like a great thing for the kids to look forward to. And during the snack, I would probably bring up one topic that I think everyone should learn about or that you think everyone should learn about or that the kids nominate. Like it doesn't have to be a problem to solve. It doesn't have to be anything long. It just could be something that we're curious about. Yep. And doing that together, whether it's an active learning like twerking, which is a really fun one, so. Fun. Greg's the only one in our family that can twerk, by the way. Yeah, I'm, I'm practicing. Still practicing Still. Practicing, whether it's an active learning like that or it's just like a video about sharks like. The domestication of cats.

8:52 Yeah, right. Like these are, these are great things for us to do together. And what I will point out is it's kind of a sneaky way to use screen time to our advantage because kids are moths who have flamed to screens, right? Like ours are at. Least yeah, and we try to really limit it during the week and on the weekends. Maybe they get a one episode or two episodes of Full House or something like that these days, but a problem to solve or a family learning or the combination of the two, whatever you want to call it. If you show them something on a screen, I find, and then we talk about it, I find that it really sticks. Yeah, I total side note, but I think that's actually the key to the whole screen thing is like we, we do let them watch full house these days and then I try to talk with them about it afterwards, right?

9:37 Because I think that if you're at least reflecting on on what you're watching, it changes the dynamic. Yes, I would say I agree with you. The mixed media. One thing that I really want to do more of though, as the kids grow is Joe Kennedy style kind of having them each present a family learning. We've gotten into that more recently, like the last two family meetings Jade has presented, Hunter has presented. I think this weekend I want to make explicit that if that's going to happen, you need to pay attention to your siblings because I have noticed that they're just not in the habit. Well, One Hunter and Jade are not the best presenters. Yes, hold an audience for. That right? And we got to keep it quick, right?

10:17 Like you and I know that we have to kind of keep it engaging and quick, but I think it's a really important kind of like meta skill for them to learn at the family meeting is how to give a good presentation that holds an audience. But I do think that we need to make it explicit that we are asking that of one another because Jayden Hunter each did not get enough attention from their siblings. No, they they don't get the airtime from their siblings the way that you and I do with yet. Exactly. And we, we need, we need to work that much. And I think that another thing that we've done is originally we were talking, we were doing family meeting on Sunday and we were having family pre meeting on Saturday. Just talking about who's going to do the snack, the game, what the family learning is going to be while the kids have on lock.

11:04 They know whose job is which because it's very important to them. So they actually take care of that rotating schedule. I have found that moving it to Saturday morning has made a world of difference because it is that ritual of alignment and connection so that we enter that meeting still kind of shaking off the the work week or the school week as independent beings. And truly it is a wonderful way for us all to become a cohesive unit again. And you and I talk all the time about how by the end of the weekend, we are all so aligned. And I really think that the family meeting is like a really great way to begin that alignment.

11:50 Yes completely I I do miss the day to prepare Yeah like I did like the pre meeting because then we could pull a notebook LM explainer video or something like that or find a YouTube or something that. Maybe you just need to write that down for like Thursdays. You just. Need to think about. If you have anything you want to do. I noticed I've been like, subconsciously looking for opportunities to teach the girls about like, random things that pop into my mind because they don't watch TV, They don't watch The Simpsons, you know, every weeknight at 7:30 like that. I know, right? You've started reading to them a chapter book at night that you've made-up in your head, and they've had some really interesting chapters. That's where I was going, and that's been a lot of fun. I, I have this book that I pull out and I'm like, and chapter 1 was just something silly and chapter 2 is silly. But then I just, I'm just making it up and I'm like Chapter 3 truffle pigs and teaching them about truffles. And This is why I am so grateful for our always on audio capture because we will be able to turn that book into something real because we have the context, which is so fun. I can't wait to see what that looks like. But we digress.

13:04 But we digress anyway. So what hasn't gone well at family meeting or what would you like to improve? What hasn't gone well is I I would love us to have a round table. I know that you are beating the drum about this. That's actually, I think seating like being all seated together at a round table versus the island, sitting at the island in their chairs, you and one end, me standing at the other end. I do think that that would be a little bit more helpful and then having a way to actually present things up on the TV, kind of like a, you know, Joe Joe Kennedy style presentation. But we it's not, it's, it's not that it's gone badly. It's, it's great.

13:46 Like we're just iterating from here. Well, I think also the reason why I don't have much to say as far as how we would improve is because like the stakes are not high, right? It's I don't, I don't have high expectations of this being like a business meeting, right. And so whatever happens, happens. Like last weekend during compliments and appreciation, Maverick so clearly showed us what he needed because he said, I want everyone to compliment me. Can everyone please compliment me? And we did. And so it's just that space for everybody to show up as they are. And it doesn't have to be complicated. It can just be, you know, you belong here.

14:28 This is a safe space for you to just show up with what you need. Exactly. And I think that that is that's the magic of the family meeting is that we have an agenda. There will always be a snack, but we can easily throw that agenda away if somebody is bringing something to the table that needs that they need. Yeah, No, I agree. There's nothing to do differently. There's just iterative opportunities, right? Yeah, so. So I think reflecting on this is great, but also just sharing that this is such an important part of building family culture and that a person who wrote a book about the secrets of happy family said that this was the most important thing he discovered.

15:11 Like, don't take it. You don't have to take it from us, right? This is This is something that we have found and have adopted from reading that and are finding the same thing. Yeah. Well, I think now we have a year of ground truth and we can just say that this was a worthwhile pursuit, right. And that we are, I mean, 10 out of 10, I am going to continue to want to do family meetings. Yeah, agreed. And I believe that every one of our family would agree, even Winston, who's currently snoring at my feet. He's he knows when it's family meeting time and this dog knows everything about the what day of the week it is and. And he? Approaches me with his toy every family meeting because he sees me like idling with the family and he's like I want to be involved too.

15:57 God bless him. Well, that's also a good game to add to the end of family meeting because everyone loves to play with Winston right now. It's true. So maybe that can be our game. I like it. Cool. Yeah. So that's it. We just wanted to come back and share one year in and gosh, we've learned so much throughout this journey, but all of it can be channelled through the family meeting. Indeed. So we're going to keep them up. We hope that you try one out if you haven't already, and we'll see you in another 50 episodes to talk about this again. Yeah. Love you, goosey. Love you, goosey.