April 13, 2026
TMIT 48: Can We Prevent a Midlife Crisis?
We spend our twenties and thirties knocking down goals like bowling pins. We secure the career, buy the house, and start a family. Checking all those boxes triggers a strange realization. We look up and see the path forward is completely undefined.
Coming home from our recent spring break trip to Sedona forced a total reset. The air shifted. We realized we have officially entered a new phase of life. Danielle is turning forty next month and standing at a crossroads. She is looking at the chasm between the constant pursuit of goals and the actual meaning behind them.
We dive straight into the data behind the midlife crisis in Episode 48. Research shows human happiness follows a U curve that hits rock bottom around age 47. People find themselves managing aging parents and raising kids while experiencing massive hormonal shifts. The midlife crisis is ultimately a crisis of meaning.
We get vulnerable about the new dynamics in our own home. Greg shares a massive shift in his mindset. Home used to be the place where he collapsed to recharge for work battles. He is flipping the script completely to invest his absolute best energy directly into our family culture.
One of the most intense parts of this episode is our premortem exercise. We sat down and asked what the wreckage looks like if we stay on autopilot for the next ten years. We are sharing our failure map so you can start drawing your own success route.
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I am having such a hard time
staying in reality right now.
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I'm swept up in the summer house
drama and I'm just listening to
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Actin Tough on repeat.
OK.
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I think it's the cortogen.
That peptide tends to have me
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dissociate a little bit.
I think also part of it is
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having the foster puppies.
It's like there's so much going
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on that my brain wants to jump
ship.
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Sure.
Do you understand?
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Yeah.
As like a way to manage the the
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stress.
I I totally get that.
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Yeah, I totally get that.
I mean, could also be that
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you're turning 40 in a couple.
Of weeks, yeah, we can get into
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that.
It.
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Could be.
The question how does that feel?
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I think is a really lazy
question for people to ask, but
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everyone asks it.
Yeah.
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So you have to have a response
like be prepared, but also no,
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that that's not the question I
care about.
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Right.
Yeah, no, but my answer is like,
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really good.
I think I told you the other day
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that I was reflecting on some of
the things that I can do at 40
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that I couldn't do at 30, right?
Like handstand or 360 breathing.
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I'll have to look at my list.
There's a couple of other
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things, but 40 feels really
good.
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And I was actually talking to my
dad the other day.
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We had a surprise 40th birthday
party for him.
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And so, yes.
And so I was probably like, 11.
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It was a great party.
First of all, he was very
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surprised.
But I just remember that as,
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like, being good times.
I must want to call it like,
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fertile times, if you will, like
prosperous times.
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And he said, yeah, he's like,
it's not until 50 that the
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wheels start to fall off and
things start to hurt.
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Like 40s is actually good.
And I can see that because I
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think that I've gained a decent
amount of wisdom.
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I'm sure there's plenty more to
be had, but I do feel a bit more
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sure of myself.
And yet, as we've talked about,
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I feel like stronger than ever.
I'm definitely have like much
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better lifestyle habits than I
did when I was 30, right?
40
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So all systems are online,
right?
41
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And I think that's here in line
is the conundrum, which is like
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all systems are online.
What do I do?
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Because I have checked off
everything on the list.
44
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I've got the man beyond my
wildest dreams.
45
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I've got the kids more than I
even bargained for, right?
46
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Like, this is amazing.
These are great.
47
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So wonderful husband, 3 kids.
I in many ways checked that
48
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career box when I turned 30,
right?
49
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Because I had the job, I had the
title, I had the salary, I had
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the mandate.
And so I haven't really felt
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like I need to come back around
to that.
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And so as the consummate
achiever that I am, it's a
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little tricky right now.
So I'm like, OK, what am I
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supposed to do?
Because I still have, at least
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according to my dad, right, at
least a decade where I'm going
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to feel really good.
And I don't really know what to
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do other than to, of course,
lean in to what I already have.
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But there's no new item on the
list.
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And that feels pretty weird
because we are great at running
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down goals, right?
Line them, line them up, knock
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them down like bowling.
That's right.
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And I don't necessarily have one
to line up yet right now, and I
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don't know if that I will.
Yeah, it's it's, it's the same
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conclusion and you came about it
in a totally different way than
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I did.
But I think we've both reached a
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very similar point and that's
why I proposed that we have this
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conversation to look into
preemptively.
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Preemptively I got.
To taking a page out of my book.
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Very preemptively.
By being preemptive, yeah.
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To look into why people have
midlife crises, what is that all
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about, right?
And we can talk about where
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this, I started to notice a
shift recently and, and what
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that was about.
But as we explored midlife
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crises, I think, and maybe this
is just the research kind of
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leading us down a path that we
already wanted to go down.
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But it's basically saying like
midlife crises are not about
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failure.
It's about checking all the
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boxes and then not knowing
what's next, right?
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I don't know is.
It though, well, it seems like
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it's a meaning crisis.
A meaning crisis.
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I don't based on what I
understand and just what I have
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like perceived, right?
This is this is a Bravo podcast
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sometimes.
And so when I think about like
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Mauricio Umansky being married
to Kyle Richards for over 20
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years, almost 30 years, and then
the being separated, he has
86
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definitely gone through a
midlife crisis of sorts with
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partying and women, right?
And so I think that that's a
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common trope that we see,
particularly for men is like the
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fast cars, the stepping out, the
partying.
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And that I think Kyle has even
said Harkins back to the fact
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that he got married so young and
she already had a kid and they
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started having more kids.
And so he didn't he didn't check
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that box, right?
And now he's able to do it with
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the wealth that he's
accumulated.
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And so I just wanted to kind of
give my retort to that because I
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do think that sure, you can have
a crisis of meaning, like I'm
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having a little bit, which is
like, OK, what else is there?
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But it's also a time I've heard
it called like a midlife audit
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as opposed to necessarily a
crisis.
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It's like, OK, what boxes didn't
I check?
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Right.
How do you build a life that you
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don't want to run away from?
Is what this is all it all?
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It all comes to a head with that
with that question.
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Maybe.
I mean, I don't want to run away
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from my life.
No, I know.
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And maybe, you know, maybe I'm
not in the midlife crisis part
107
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yet, but I do tend to do things
early, so maybe I am.
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I don't want to run away from
this life at all.
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I have just been on a bit of AI,
don't want to say hamster wheel,
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let's call it like mountain
trek, right of pursuit for 40
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years.
And now I just don't know.
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I don't see the next mountain
top.
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OK, well, let's dig into a bit
of the the meat on why people
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have midlife crises.
And then let's circle back to
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where you and I stand and how we
can nip this in the bud or
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things that we can do to
proactively get ahead of
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anything that that would look
like a midlife crisis.
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So let's let's talk.
About.
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Let's talk about why the Why
midlife crisis happens at a
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certain time.
Like all all of these reasons,
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all this confluence of events is
happening all at once.
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So to break them down into the
most, the least obvious, most
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obvious is half your life is
over.
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You start doing the math.
Right, right, right.
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OK, next is this idea of life in
general takes AU shape in terms
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of happiness where 47 like is
the low point of of happiness in
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life.
So why is that right?
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Well, it comes down to like the
situation.
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So lots of people are taking
care of their young kids and
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maybe even trying to get their
kids into college around that
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time while taking care of their
aging parents.
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Called like the sandwich.
Right.
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And on top of that, there's just
a total blast of hormones and
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hormonal shifts that happened.
Yeah, unfortunately not that
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many hormones.
It's like hormones are hormones
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are plummeting in in women and
in men.
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Right.
And so that's a it's a natural
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time to feel like crap about
your choices and to look at all
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that's going on in your life and
be like, what did I do?
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And realize now here's the the
biggest thing I think is that it
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forces you not just to think
about how many years you have
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left, but about how narrow your
choices of what you can do with
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those years are, right?
So you can't you're not going to
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be a congressman or
congresswoman, right, right.
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You're not going to go play
Major League Baseball.
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You know, you know, you're,
you're, you're kind of limited.
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Might not even.
You might have had a dream of
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being like Aceo of a Fortune 500
company and realize shit, that's
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not going to happen.
Yeah, as you're saying this, I'm
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actually thinking about, you
know, kind of that U shape that
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you've that you've said and and
kind of what I'm experiencing as
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well, which is I think that if
the first half of your life is
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all about pursuit and the
second-half of your life is all
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about meaning, then I think that
this is the time where we have
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to cross the chasm and shift
from pursuit to meaning.
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And I would imagine that that's
easier for some than others, but
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it's probably not easy for
anyone.
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I think it's different for
everybody in terms of what that
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means, right?
Because everyone's percentage of
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the pie in terms of what they
want to do with that time is
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going to look different probably
based on what boxes you've
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checked already, right?
So we we move out of this like
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ambition box, checking into this
like satisfaction, this trying
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to solve for life satisfaction
versus, you know, trying to
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solve for as many things that we
could do and finding that answer
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to satisfaction is extremely,
you know, you're it's so
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idiosyncratic.
Can you talk to us a little bit
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about how you came upon this
idea and what's been happening
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for you more recently?
Yeah, sure.
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So over spring break, we had a
great time.
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I'm not going to say like it was
the best spring break ever.
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It was really, it was solid.
We went to Sedona and Flagstaff.
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The kids just love being
somewhere different.
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They love being in a different
house, they love being in a
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different car, they love being
in a different state.
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So do I.
Same, right?
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It's very bonding to just spend
time together, being together
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and also being alone together,
right?
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Like like 2 hours in the car, a
lot of like being alone
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together.
Yes, right.
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Without our typical work
obviously, but also just house
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tours.
Yes, exactly.
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And there's something really
special about having that space
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that creates these peak moments,
I would say that are 10100
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times.
This is like power, law and
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venture capital, better than
what we have at home.
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Like I'm not saying that the day
in day out is 100 times better.
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I'm saying that like 1 moment on
the trip when we're driving
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through the hills singing Do Re
MI from the Sound of Music
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together as we are practicing.
True story, he's talking about
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an actual peak from.
The trip we're working on our,
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our, our vocals in the home
working.
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And there was just something so
connecting about being on the
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same wavelength in the same, in
a different place in a beautiful
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environment.
Just like looking out over the
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hills in a, in, in a situation
that was a little bit risky,
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like not really, but just like
driving the switchbacks in, in,
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in a, on a big mountain, a
little treacherous, like just so
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special.
And I think at least for me and
200
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you and I think for the kids
too, like that was that was a
201
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peak.
And that peak stayed with me
202
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through the, you know, the plane
ride home.
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I'm like reflecting on the trip
and I'm sitting on the plane.
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Can I just?
Say, circling back to our Family
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Adventures episode, the peak end
rule, Danny Kahneman's peak end
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rule, that's what you're
experiencing.
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For sure, but my reflection was
that you can't manufacture
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things like that.
You have to have days of
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connectedness in order to get to
that peak.
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It doesn't just come about
because we all drop things and
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say, hey, let's skip school
today and let's go on.
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Like, you know, let's get in the
car and go somewhere like that
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could lead to some fun stuff.
But spring break, 9 days
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together, no work, just family.
That's what I'm talking about.
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And so I'm on the plane home and
I'm thinking to myself like,
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what are some of the things that
I can do not to shift 180, but
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just to calibrate a couple of
degrees so that I have more time
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enjoying family time.
Like, there's a little bit more
219
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ambition in me to channel that
into family life and to show up
220
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a little bit more versus just
bringing what I have leftover at
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the end of the day from work
home.
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Right.
And I wrote down a couple of
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things.
And, like, I've just started to
224
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implement little, little things
like checking my e-mail twice a
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day instead of, like, on my
phone every time I pick up my
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phone hit.
You know, that's a good one.
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Yeah.
Where I've been amazed with the
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results, not just for the
presence that I have with the
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kids, but for how much they
engage with me.
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And I'm noticing this.
And I'm like, wow, a little goes
231
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such a long way.
And it really helped that it was
232
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after spring break that we were
kind of like, it was a good way
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to buffer the dopamine to like
still connect with family and
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not just like go back to our
normal routines.
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And so I found that what I, what
I was really journaling about on
236
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a plane was like, how to avoid
having this midlife crisis, this
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moment of what's it all for?
Why am I putting so much into
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work if at the end of the day,
I'm coming home and I don't have
239
00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:35,320
anything left to give to my
family or I'm so anxious about,
240
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:40,240
you know, XYZ thing that I'm
ambitious where my ambition and
241
00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:45,960
my energy go into work that
that's just not that it's an
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00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:49,960
afterthought when it comes to
family and putting any ambition
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00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:55,320
or, you know, drive into even
just like connecting a little
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bit more so that we can have
more peak moments.
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And yeah, that's where I came to
you.
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00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:04,600
And I said, I think there's a an
episode here.
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I think there's a conversation
to be had.
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And I think that a lot of people
that are type A and highly
249
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:15,800
ambitious.
A good analogy that that I that
250
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:21,440
I heard is get to the end of
like 100 hour video game in like
251
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a role-playing game where you've
collected all the armor you've
252
00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:28,320
got, you've beaten all the
levels, you have nothing left to
253
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do.
You can wander around the land,
254
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but it's like, now what?
Right, right.
255
00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:39,800
And so if I can, what I think
you're saying, and certainly
256
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this is what I'm feeling, is
that we see the midlife crisis
257
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kind of looming in the distant,
currently distant future, but
258
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things are starting to, things
are starting to shift for us a
259
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:54,080
bit.
And then it seemed like, you
260
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:57,840
know, I'm noticing a lack of
that next mountaintop and like
261
00:15:57,840 --> 00:16:01,040
things to pursue.
And you're noticing your energy
262
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:04,080
shift from, or at least an
opportunity for your energy to
263
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:08,200
shift from achieving and
orienting yourself towards work
264
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:13,760
and your career to actually
perhaps setting goals or
265
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intentions within the family.
Sure, or or.
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00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:26,240
Even just simply family hard and
put some of that energy into
267
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:30,560
work instead of work hard and
put some of that energy into
268
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family.
I'm not saying I'm going to work
269
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:35,600
any less hard, but I am going to
be more intentional with what
270
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I'm doing during the day.
Just like it's a, it's a work
271
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audit.
I'm like, where am I being
272
00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:43,360
effective?
Where is are it?
273
00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:47,160
It's almost like preparing
myself for a little bit of AI,
274
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:51,440
Greg, like who's the agent that
can operate in the background
275
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and do things, and who's the guy
that has to actually do things
276
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:59,640
where an agent cannot?
And I think that's the split.
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00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:01,640
Is there space?
For us to do like a pre mortem
278
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:07,040
here.
Oh yeah, right.
279
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:10,640
Absolutely.
A pre mortem, you know, it's
280
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:18,440
kind of hard to do a pre mortem
10 years from now, but even five
281
00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:23,040
years from now, if this family,
if this marriage, if this
282
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:27,200
individual journey were to fail,
why would it fail?
283
00:17:27,599 --> 00:17:29,680
That's what I would like to talk
about a bit.
284
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:34,440
Sure.
Well, at a high level, the first
285
00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:39,640
thing that comes to me is we let
the family system collapse and
286
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:44,280
break down into individualism.
Yeah, say more where?
287
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:48,480
I'm pulled into coaching a
sports team, and I'm not seeing
288
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:52,040
you on a Saturday, and you're
pulled into bringing someone to
289
00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:55,040
swimming and you're not seeing
me on a Tuesday.
290
00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:58,720
And, you know, dinner is just
haphazard.
291
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,880
Like, everyone just kind of
like, eats what they eat and
292
00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:05,680
grabs food from the fridge and
goes to their room and does
293
00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:08,120
their homework.
And then, you know, I'm in the
294
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:10,920
office working, and I get angry
when people are making noise.
295
00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:14,400
You're downstairs, You don't
know what's going on with work.
296
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:17,480
We record a podcast.
We try to talk about, you know,
297
00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:20,280
how we're staying connected.
But in reality, things are just
298
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:24,040
breaking at the seams.
And it's because everyone has
299
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:28,480
their own little life and family
is no longer a team that we are
300
00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:32,560
putting first.
Yeah, that would definitely
301
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:35,080
break us up for sure.
Break up this family.
302
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,880
I think my, the first thing that
comes to mind to me is, is this
303
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:44,120
is like a really fear based one,
which is I worry that if we
304
00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:46,200
focus too much of, on our, on
our family.
305
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:48,440
And I have to say like this is
what comes up for me a bit when
306
00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:51,920
you start talking like this,
just being really honest here is
307
00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:56,600
that we'll over index on family
and we will lose what we have
308
00:18:56,600 --> 00:19:01,560
professionally and in our career
and then we will live in a
309
00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:02,960
cardboard box in our 50s.
Yeah.
310
00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:05,120
That's a big one just to be.
Very extreme.
311
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:09,520
Because.
You know, we really did not that
312
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:12,200
we haven't worked hard in our
30s, but we really did give our
313
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:17,080
whole selves to work in our 20s.
And that created a financial
314
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:21,760
base to move to Florida when
things got tough in New York and
315
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:24,840
and buy this house and really
jump start, you know, have three
316
00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:28,240
kids without worrying
financially, right?
317
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:30,280
And now we are reaping the
rewards of that.
318
00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:32,040
We have been for the past
decade.
319
00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:36,680
And so a lot of me says, OK, now
it's time to turn our pendulum,
320
00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:40,480
to swing the pendulum and our
intentions, our focus back to
321
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,880
career.
But it's going to look.
322
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:46,760
So even if we were to do that,
it's going to look so different
323
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:50,560
now because you didn't you and I
didn't even know each other for
324
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:53,560
most of our 20s, right?
So it was me working over here,
325
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,880
saving, toiling, saving toiling,
crushing it.
326
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:58,720
Toiling is not the right word.
Saving crushing it.
327
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:01,360
Saving crushing it.
And you doing the same, right,
328
00:20:01,360 --> 00:20:05,200
building your business.
And now there's a lot of us on
329
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:08,640
the trail, right?
And so that's another that's
330
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:13,480
just a fear that I have that I
don't want to be this kind of
331
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:19,200
like dark cloud, but I do want
to kind of allow it to.
332
00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:22,560
I want to pull it out of the
shadow and bring it into the
333
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:25,640
light and figure out how we can
be level headed and rational
334
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:30,040
about that idea.
Yeah, I see you.
335
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:36,080
I have the same fear.
It's not founded, but it is
336
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:44,760
hysterical, historical, and so
I'm programmed to do everything
337
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:47,480
I can to make sure that that
doesn't happen.
338
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:50,840
Because that is what happened in
your family of origin.
339
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:56,240
Something like it.
I don't know if it was because
340
00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:59,320
of too much focus on the family
and I don't think that that's
341
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:04,520
what we're at risk of either,
but just extrapolating out the
342
00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:08,520
piece that creates cardboard box
is business failing.
343
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:12,600
That's definitely something that
I am.
344
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:17,760
I do not take, I do not take
lightly like I don't take my eye
345
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:21,800
off the ball because of that.
And when I talk about family,
346
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:27,600
actually in my plain journal, I
said work hard for family.
347
00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:31,840
That is the driver of work,
family hard with every second
348
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:35,840
that we don't have to work.
And that's truly what I mean.
349
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:42,960
I think that even what we're
doing here is family and hard.
350
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:46,560
Yeah, and well setting.
Setting aside time to be
351
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:49,760
intentional.
Exactly working.
352
00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:52,520
Hard for family is such a shift
in you, though.
353
00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:55,800
It's such a shift.
It's it's.
354
00:21:55,800 --> 00:22:00,480
Such a shift, well, the the
shift of working hard for
355
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:02,560
family.
That is, believe it or not, a
356
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:11,680
shift away from working hard out
of imposter syndrome.
357
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:17,000
Mic drop.
That's the.
358
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:18,800
Shift is wow.
OK, I.
359
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:25,000
Know that I belong at work now.
Wow, so it's like coming from a
360
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:27,240
place of confidence and
competence at work, not.
361
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:29,320
Overconfidence, just knowing
that I didn't say
362
00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:32,240
overconfidence, no, but just
it's not overconfidence, it's
363
00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:37,080
just knowing that that knowing
that I just said coming from.
364
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:39,640
A place of confidence, you read
Overconfidence.
365
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:40,840
No, I didn't.
Read Overconfidence.
366
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:43,720
I wanted to name that for
myself, OK, Because I don't want
367
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:47,200
humility.
Yeah, it's, it's coming from a
368
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:50,680
place of believing in myself.
OK.
369
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:54,200
Versus.
Believing that if I don't do
370
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:57,440
everything for work, I'm going
to fail.
371
00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:01,520
That's the difference.
OK, what created that shift?
372
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:11,400
The peak moments of the family,
it's not that seeing the product
373
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:17,760
on both sides at work and at
home and when we focus on the
374
00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:22,080
process on each how things
happen that created the shift is
375
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:23,520
realizing that it's the same
thing.
376
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:28,240
And so not giving enough at home
isn't going to lead to the same
377
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:33,000
amount of self-confidence and
self belief that I can then
378
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:36,600
channel back into work.
So like going to bed every
379
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:41,200
night, grateful for a peak
moment of the day that I had
380
00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:44,400
with usually one of my kids.
We have lots of peak moments,
381
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:45,200
you and me.
I don't know.
382
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:48,680
I've been noticing the ones with
our with my kids because I
383
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:50,040
don't, I'm not.
Jealous.
384
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:56,240
But noticing those makes me want
to reinforce the rules around
385
00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:59,880
doing work at the most efficient
way and the most effective way,
386
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:06,160
instead of filling my day with
work to make it feel like I'm
387
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:10,000
I'm working that hard, sure.
And coming from a place of
388
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:13,000
imposter, less than like I have
to do this or else.
389
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,520
Yeah, got it.
OK, well, that's great.
390
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:18,320
Congratulations.
That's that feels like a real
391
00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:25,040
really big milestone, yeah.
It is it comes with a lot of
392
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:30,320
other prescriptive advice that
I'm giving myself to.
393
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:34,840
It's not just like, you know, be
a more present dad, like that's
394
00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:47,100
part of it, I would say, but
it's like I, I wrote, make
395
00:24:47,100 --> 00:24:53,600
family part of the work thought
explicit experimentation and
396
00:24:53,600 --> 00:25:00,520
curiosity in order to achieve
these peak moments that nothing
397
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:07,880
else can recreate.
So it's like working smarter in
398
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:14,960
order to have the present mind
to disconnect from work and go
399
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:20,520
and be in the world together or
just be at bedtime together and
400
00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:25,080
not be on my phone.
It's not like I don't feel, I
401
00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:28,720
don't feel like it's the phone's
problem or a problem that I have
402
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:32,760
with the phone or the work.
It's about noticing what's
403
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:37,880
actually productive versus what
just feels like anxiety.
404
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:41,720
Yeah, I have written.
Down here, good at achieving
405
00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:43,920
does not mean good at living,
says.
406
00:25:44,360 --> 00:25:50,640
Who?
Whatever the the back nine of
407
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:54,520
life looks like in terms of
getting satisfaction and how you
408
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:58,800
feel that time with that pie.
It seems to me like the common
409
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:03,440
threads here are to stretch your
capabilities, right?
410
00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:07,840
So try learning things that are
outside your comfort zone 1 and
411
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:09,800
that can still apply to your
life.
412
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:12,320
You don't have to like go and
you know, learn, you know, get
413
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:14,760
your scuba license or something
like that.
414
00:26:15,120 --> 00:26:18,520
But but you could too.
And if that is in pursuit of
415
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:23,160
useless joys, like useless joys
are a godsend to extending the
416
00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:27,080
brain's life, to extending our
lives and the usefulness of the
417
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:30,120
brain.
So looking for those things that
418
00:26:30,120 --> 00:26:33,920
stretch us as people, like maybe
it's mindfulness, spirituality,
419
00:26:34,120 --> 00:26:38,040
a new hobby, a new sport, You
know, more time with your
420
00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:41,680
daughter right in the morning on
the math homework, like whatever
421
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:45,600
it is like.
And something that's just for
422
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:48,720
you, that's really just for your
brain, that helps your brain
423
00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:50,120
stay young.
Yeah.
424
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:52,960
And I think so much of that
advice that was geared towards
425
00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:58,040
like empty nesters, like true 55
plus senior living, right?
426
00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:03,760
And so for us, I think because
we are seeing these things start
427
00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:07,480
to percolate, it is really
finding those micro moments like
428
00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:13,000
for sure my puzzles or dry
brushing or whatever it is for
429
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:17,080
you that are these, what did you
call them like purposeless joins
430
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:18,800
or something?
Useless.
431
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,200
Joys.
That is key.
432
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:26,160
Next decade in my 50s, I really
hope to be taking art classes at
433
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:28,320
the Cornell Art Museum.
But that's just not really on
434
00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:33,040
the table right now, right?
And so I'm still like, for me,
435
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:34,960
jury's still out about what my
40s bring.
436
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,960
And I hope that there's a lot of
health and longevity and
437
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:41,280
positive things, right?
And that, you know, that we can,
438
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:44,680
whatever bumps in the road may
come, that I will be able to be
439
00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:46,480
lifted up by those.
And.
440
00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:50,080
Honestly, being an entrepreneur
that's trying to now build 2
441
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:58,200
businesses, I don't have the I
can think of ways to extend, for
442
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:01,160
example, socially, I can think
of ways, especially spending
443
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:05,040
time with younger people, I
think is a good, a good version
444
00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:08,880
of this like like stretching
your mind and and staying young.
445
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:13,240
But I'm not ready to turn on
that social burner yet.
446
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:15,600
I don't think that I can for
some time.
447
00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:16,800
Our house.
In Vanderpump.
448
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:18,280
Exactly.
Exactly.
449
00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:21,760
So, so you will notice that one
of the things I wrote down in my
450
00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:26,040
plane journal was watch Bravo
with my wife.
451
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:31,240
Because if we do the masculine
together, if we do the business
452
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:33,800
building together, if we do the
family raising together, we have
453
00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:35,480
to do the gossip and feminine
together too.
454
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:37,360
That's right.
And I'd rather gossip about
455
00:28:37,360 --> 00:28:40,360
reality TV stars than real
people in our lives, yeah.
456
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:45,720
And just it's not congruent with
our bedtimes to do anything
457
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:48,680
other than watch.
That's true television at our at
458
00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:53,560
our own pace, you know, But I do
think that this is a good
459
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:55,440
conversation because it's about
awareness.
460
00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:59,400
It's about being aware of like
where we are, what might come
461
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:04,600
and get us, how to nip in the
bud this idea of feeling empty
462
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:07,840
or feeling like we have nothing
less to left to achieve.
463
00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:12,400
And that being the modus
operandi that like that is, is
464
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:13,760
the only thing that matters to
us.
465
00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:20,840
So I don't know where this takes
us on a long term horizon, but I
466
00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:24,560
do know that I've made a couple
of small, like maybe one to two
467
00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:29,800
degree shifts that really do
feel like it's giving me purpose
468
00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:34,440
and is giving me time to to, you
know, spend a little bit more
469
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:38,520
with people that I love.
And if I can keep doing that,
470
00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:42,880
like hopefully I can put off
some of these midlife crises
471
00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:48,880
issues for for another 5-10
years forever.
472
00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:52,840
It's funny, I think that whether
we talk about the conversations
473
00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:56,000
that we wish we would have had
when I was pregnant or
474
00:29:56,320 --> 00:30:00,800
adolescent Academy or now
heading into midlife, what I'm
475
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:05,440
hearing is the same thing, which
is naming our notices, right?
476
00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:11,760
And just building the habit of
having these small kind of micro
477
00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:16,680
conversations, talking about
where we each are, right, and
478
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:21,360
what we're afraid of and where
things could go wrong and just
479
00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:24,800
really making the implicit,
explicit right until the next
480
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:27,560
conversation.
But what I see now and what I'm
481
00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:30,640
grateful for and for you really
kind of staking the claim in the
482
00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:33,640
ground is that we're, we are
going to talk about this stuff.
483
00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:38,640
And as we start to notice things
shifting in us, we are going to
484
00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:40,960
start making tweaks.
But we're not going to make
485
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:43,800
tweaks in isolation and not tell
anyone about it, right?
486
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:46,520
We're going to talk about what's
coming up for me, what I'm
487
00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:49,640
noticing, what I'm scared of and
why I'm experimenting with this
488
00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:54,840
week so that we can recognize
that we are in we're on a team
489
00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:57,320
and that there are knock on
effects of those.
490
00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:01,600
And I'm just grateful that
you're talking about, you know,
491
00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:05,640
getting up half hour earlier
instead of I'm going to go buy a
492
00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:09,440
Lamborghini and not talk to you
about it, right?
493
00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:13,120
So 'cause I, I really do think
that like, you know, if we avoid
494
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:17,440
these conversations or we just
don't make time for them, 5710
495
00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:20,320
years from now, there's going to
be like a Robin's egg blue
496
00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:23,480
Lamborghini in my driveway and
I'm going to be like, where did
497
00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:24,760
this come from?
Right?
498
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:26,080
I I would.
Wonder where that came from,
499
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:29,240
too, because to be clear, the
research says that the
500
00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:32,440
Lamborghini, the affair, these
are things that are reclaiming
501
00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:35,080
things that about you that
you've lost.
502
00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:41,120
And I do not feel like I've lost
anything in being a part of this
503
00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:42,480
family.
Well, that's great.
504
00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:44,320
Let's let's make sure that it
stays that way.
505
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:46,760
Yeah, right.
And so for me, it's a really
506
00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:52,520
good sign that you felt strongly
enough about these notices to to
507
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:58,000
talk about it totally.
And every, you know, 3-6 months,
508
00:31:58,280 --> 00:32:02,440
stick me in a new state, new
location with the cyber truck,
509
00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:05,800
drive around with this family
and that's all I need.
510
00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:09,360
Yeah, I love that.
I mean, all of you probably know
511
00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:12,600
much better than we do.
We did not travel for five years
512
00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:15,840
after COVID, right For the.
Most part other than work travel
513
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:17,400
other than.
Work, travel, right?
514
00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:18,960
Certainly not traveling as a
family.
515
00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:22,760
And now we have the adventure
itch, and not just because of
516
00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:25,560
the adventure, but because of
the reset that we get when we
517
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:26,840
come back.
Yeah.
518
00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:29,240
And the.
Opportunity that we have to make
519
00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:32,440
changes based on what we
experienced during those times,
520
00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:35,080
I mean.
If we can practice singing on
521
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:39,240
the weekends and keep traveling
and do some homeschooling, like
522
00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:41,160
I could see us taking this show
on the road.
523
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:43,440
I agree.
I agree.
524
00:32:43,960 --> 00:32:45,560
Neufeld Family concert coming
soon.
525
00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:49,200
Back to you soon.
Actually, we need a lot of
526
00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:51,400
practice, yeah.
Yeah, we need auto tune.
527
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:57,440
All right, Midlife crisis seems
like it's a meaning crisis.
528
00:32:57,680 --> 00:33:03,280
It seems like there's this idea
of trying not to have a life
529
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:06,920
that you want to run away from.
But I really think it's about
530
00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:11,560
conversation about fears that
show up, watching out for those
531
00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:16,880
hormones, those can really
sideswipe an entire family and
532
00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:20,440
staying on top of what causes a
midlife crisis.
533
00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:23,320
Not knowing, you know, you don't
need to know the answer to how
534
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:25,640
you're going to solve it, but
you do need to know what causes
535
00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:27,840
it.
So that as these things show up,
536
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:30,880
you have the conversations, you
take the, the right doctor's
537
00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:34,520
appointments, You're, you're in
a in lockstep with your partner.
538
00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:38,160
You know, you're, you're not
feeling like you bring all of
539
00:33:38,160 --> 00:33:40,400
yourself to work and come home
with what's left.
540
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:46,280
And I'm really grateful that we
had such a great trip because it
541
00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:48,160
allowed me to reflect on what I
really want.
542
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:51,920
And what I really want is just a
little bit more of myself and a
543
00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:54,200
little bit more of this family.
I love it.
544
00:33:54,520 --> 00:33:57,680
Thank you. 40s here I come.
Love you, goosey.
545
00:33:57,760 --> 00:33:58,520
Love you, goosey.
00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:03,000
I am having such a hard time
staying in reality right now.
2
00:00:04,240 --> 00:00:08,320
I'm swept up in the summer house
drama and I'm just listening to
3
00:00:08,320 --> 00:00:09,920
Actin Tough on repeat.
OK.
4
00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:13,560
I think it's the cortogen.
That peptide tends to have me
5
00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:17,120
dissociate a little bit.
I think also part of it is
6
00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:20,400
having the foster puppies.
It's like there's so much going
7
00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:22,600
on that my brain wants to jump
ship.
8
00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:24,240
Sure.
Do you understand?
9
00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:26,000
Yeah.
As like a way to manage the the
10
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:30,280
stress.
I I totally get that.
11
00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:35,120
Yeah, I totally get that.
I mean, could also be that
12
00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:38,760
you're turning 40 in a couple.
Of weeks, yeah, we can get into
13
00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:39,600
that.
It.
14
00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:43,520
Could be.
The question how does that feel?
15
00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:48,800
I think is a really lazy
question for people to ask, but
16
00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:50,080
everyone asks it.
Yeah.
17
00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:55,160
So you have to have a response
like be prepared, but also no,
18
00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:57,000
that that's not the question I
care about.
19
00:00:57,840 --> 00:00:59,840
Right.
Yeah, no, but my answer is like,
20
00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:01,960
really good.
I think I told you the other day
21
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:08,240
that I was reflecting on some of
the things that I can do at 40
22
00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:14,440
that I couldn't do at 30, right?
Like handstand or 360 breathing.
23
00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:16,440
I'll have to look at my list.
There's a couple of other
24
00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:18,400
things, but 40 feels really
good.
25
00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:20,360
And I was actually talking to my
dad the other day.
26
00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:22,720
We had a surprise 40th birthday
party for him.
27
00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:26,560
And so, yes.
And so I was probably like, 11.
28
00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:28,520
It was a great party.
First of all, he was very
29
00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:30,760
surprised.
But I just remember that as,
30
00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:33,000
like, being good times.
I must want to call it like,
31
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,200
fertile times, if you will, like
prosperous times.
32
00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:37,560
And he said, yeah, he's like,
it's not until 50 that the
33
00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:39,640
wheels start to fall off and
things start to hurt.
34
00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:43,800
Like 40s is actually good.
And I can see that because I
35
00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:46,520
think that I've gained a decent
amount of wisdom.
36
00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:50,280
I'm sure there's plenty more to
be had, but I do feel a bit more
37
00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:55,080
sure of myself.
And yet, as we've talked about,
38
00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:58,840
I feel like stronger than ever.
I'm definitely have like much
39
00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:02,320
better lifestyle habits than I
did when I was 30, right?
40
00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:06,560
So all systems are online,
right?
41
00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:12,280
And I think that's here in line
is the conundrum, which is like
42
00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:16,160
all systems are online.
What do I do?
43
00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:20,280
Because I have checked off
everything on the list.
44
00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:22,680
I've got the man beyond my
wildest dreams.
45
00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:26,360
I've got the kids more than I
even bargained for, right?
46
00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:29,000
Like, this is amazing.
These are great.
47
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:34,440
So wonderful husband, 3 kids.
I in many ways checked that
48
00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:37,160
career box when I turned 30,
right?
49
00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:41,040
Because I had the job, I had the
title, I had the salary, I had
50
00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:44,640
the mandate.
And so I haven't really felt
51
00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:46,440
like I need to come back around
to that.
52
00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:52,080
And so as the consummate
achiever that I am, it's a
53
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:54,360
little tricky right now.
So I'm like, OK, what am I
54
00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:56,840
supposed to do?
Because I still have, at least
55
00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,960
according to my dad, right, at
least a decade where I'm going
56
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:04,440
to feel really good.
And I don't really know what to
57
00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:10,320
do other than to, of course,
lean in to what I already have.
58
00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:13,560
But there's no new item on the
list.
59
00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:19,520
And that feels pretty weird
because we are great at running
60
00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:22,520
down goals, right?
Line them, line them up, knock
61
00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:24,440
them down like bowling.
That's right.
62
00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:29,160
And I don't necessarily have one
to line up yet right now, and I
63
00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:36,760
don't know if that I will.
Yeah, it's it's, it's the same
64
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:42,440
conclusion and you came about it
in a totally different way than
65
00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:45,120
I did.
But I think we've both reached a
66
00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:49,440
very similar point and that's
why I proposed that we have this
67
00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:53,480
conversation to look into
preemptively.
68
00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:56,240
Preemptively I got.
To taking a page out of my book.
69
00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:58,640
Very preemptively.
By being preemptive, yeah.
70
00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:04,280
To look into why people have
midlife crises, what is that all
71
00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:09,640
about, right?
And we can talk about where
72
00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:13,000
this, I started to notice a
shift recently and, and what
73
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:16,920
that was about.
But as we explored midlife
74
00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:21,600
crises, I think, and maybe this
is just the research kind of
75
00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:24,920
leading us down a path that we
already wanted to go down.
76
00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:29,440
But it's basically saying like
midlife crises are not about
77
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:31,720
failure.
It's about checking all the
78
00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:35,640
boxes and then not knowing
what's next, right?
79
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,200
I don't know is.
It though, well, it seems like
80
00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:40,760
it's a meaning crisis.
A meaning crisis.
81
00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:44,600
I don't based on what I
understand and just what I have
82
00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:49,080
like perceived, right?
This is this is a Bravo podcast
83
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:50,920
sometimes.
And so when I think about like
84
00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:55,520
Mauricio Umansky being married
to Kyle Richards for over 20
85
00:04:55,520 --> 00:05:01,400
years, almost 30 years, and then
the being separated, he has
86
00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:05,120
definitely gone through a
midlife crisis of sorts with
87
00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:11,200
partying and women, right?
And so I think that that's a
88
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:14,160
common trope that we see,
particularly for men is like the
89
00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:16,880
fast cars, the stepping out, the
partying.
90
00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:21,200
And that I think Kyle has even
said Harkins back to the fact
91
00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:24,600
that he got married so young and
she already had a kid and they
92
00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:27,440
started having more kids.
And so he didn't he didn't check
93
00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:30,880
that box, right?
And now he's able to do it with
94
00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:32,440
the wealth that he's
accumulated.
95
00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:38,760
And so I just wanted to kind of
give my retort to that because I
96
00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:42,360
do think that sure, you can have
a crisis of meaning, like I'm
97
00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:44,760
having a little bit, which is
like, OK, what else is there?
98
00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:48,640
But it's also a time I've heard
it called like a midlife audit
99
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:51,640
as opposed to necessarily a
crisis.
100
00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:53,600
It's like, OK, what boxes didn't
I check?
101
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:56,480
Right.
How do you build a life that you
102
00:05:56,480 --> 00:06:02,240
don't want to run away from?
Is what this is all it all?
103
00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:04,680
It all comes to a head with that
with that question.
104
00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:06,680
Maybe.
I mean, I don't want to run away
105
00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:08,000
from my life.
No, I know.
106
00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:10,680
And maybe, you know, maybe I'm
not in the midlife crisis part
107
00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:14,080
yet, but I do tend to do things
early, so maybe I am.
108
00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:17,120
I don't want to run away from
this life at all.
109
00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:22,760
I have just been on a bit of AI,
don't want to say hamster wheel,
110
00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:27,800
let's call it like mountain
trek, right of pursuit for 40
111
00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:31,000
years.
And now I just don't know.
112
00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:34,760
I don't see the next mountain
top.
113
00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:44,400
OK, well, let's dig into a bit
of the the meat on why people
114
00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:47,400
have midlife crises.
And then let's circle back to
115
00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:51,640
where you and I stand and how we
can nip this in the bud or
116
00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:55,720
things that we can do to
proactively get ahead of
117
00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:59,680
anything that that would look
like a midlife crisis.
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So let's let's talk.
About.
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Let's talk about why the Why
midlife crisis happens at a
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certain time.
Like all all of these reasons,
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all this confluence of events is
happening all at once.
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So to break them down into the
most, the least obvious, most
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obvious is half your life is
over.
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You start doing the math.
Right, right, right.
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OK, next is this idea of life in
general takes AU shape in terms
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of happiness where 47 like is
the low point of of happiness in
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life.
So why is that right?
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Well, it comes down to like the
situation.
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So lots of people are taking
care of their young kids and
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maybe even trying to get their
kids into college around that
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time while taking care of their
aging parents.
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Called like the sandwich.
Right.
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And on top of that, there's just
a total blast of hormones and
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hormonal shifts that happened.
Yeah, unfortunately not that
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many hormones.
It's like hormones are hormones
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are plummeting in in women and
in men.
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Right.
And so that's a it's a natural
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time to feel like crap about
your choices and to look at all
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that's going on in your life and
be like, what did I do?
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And realize now here's the the
biggest thing I think is that it
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forces you not just to think
about how many years you have
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left, but about how narrow your
choices of what you can do with
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those years are, right?
So you can't you're not going to
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be a congressman or
congresswoman, right, right.
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You're not going to go play
Major League Baseball.
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You know, you know, you're,
you're, you're kind of limited.
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Might not even.
You might have had a dream of
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being like Aceo of a Fortune 500
company and realize shit, that's
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not going to happen.
Yeah, as you're saying this, I'm
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actually thinking about, you
know, kind of that U shape that
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you've that you've said and and
kind of what I'm experiencing as
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well, which is I think that if
the first half of your life is
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all about pursuit and the
second-half of your life is all
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about meaning, then I think that
this is the time where we have
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to cross the chasm and shift
from pursuit to meaning.
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And I would imagine that that's
easier for some than others, but
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it's probably not easy for
anyone.
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I think it's different for
everybody in terms of what that
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means, right?
Because everyone's percentage of
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the pie in terms of what they
want to do with that time is
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going to look different probably
based on what boxes you've
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checked already, right?
So we we move out of this like
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ambition box, checking into this
like satisfaction, this trying
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to solve for life satisfaction
versus, you know, trying to
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solve for as many things that we
could do and finding that answer
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to satisfaction is extremely,
you know, you're it's so
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idiosyncratic.
Can you talk to us a little bit
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about how you came upon this
idea and what's been happening
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for you more recently?
Yeah, sure.
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So over spring break, we had a
great time.
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I'm not going to say like it was
the best spring break ever.
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It was really, it was solid.
We went to Sedona and Flagstaff.
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The kids just love being
somewhere different.
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They love being in a different
house, they love being in a
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different car, they love being
in a different state.
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So do I.
Same, right?
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It's very bonding to just spend
time together, being together
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and also being alone together,
right?
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Like like 2 hours in the car, a
lot of like being alone
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together.
Yes, right.
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Without our typical work
obviously, but also just house
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tours.
Yes, exactly.
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And there's something really
special about having that space
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that creates these peak moments,
I would say that are 10100
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times.
This is like power, law and
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venture capital, better than
what we have at home.
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Like I'm not saying that the day
in day out is 100 times better.
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I'm saying that like 1 moment on
the trip when we're driving
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through the hills singing Do Re
MI from the Sound of Music
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together as we are practicing.
True story, he's talking about
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an actual peak from.
The trip we're working on our,
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our, our vocals in the home
working.
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And there was just something so
connecting about being on the
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same wavelength in the same, in
a different place in a beautiful
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environment.
Just like looking out over the
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hills in a, in, in a situation
that was a little bit risky,
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like not really, but just like
driving the switchbacks in, in,
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00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:04,160
in a, on a big mountain, a
little treacherous, like just so
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special.
And I think at least for me and
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you and I think for the kids
too, like that was that was a
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peak.
And that peak stayed with me
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through the, you know, the plane
ride home.
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I'm like reflecting on the trip
and I'm sitting on the plane.
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Can I just?
Say, circling back to our Family
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Adventures episode, the peak end
rule, Danny Kahneman's peak end
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00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:25,760
rule, that's what you're
experiencing.
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For sure, but my reflection was
that you can't manufacture
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things like that.
You have to have days of
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connectedness in order to get to
that peak.
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00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:40,400
It doesn't just come about
because we all drop things and
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say, hey, let's skip school
today and let's go on.
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Like, you know, let's get in the
car and go somewhere like that
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could lead to some fun stuff.
But spring break, 9 days
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together, no work, just family.
That's what I'm talking about.
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And so I'm on the plane home and
I'm thinking to myself like,
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what are some of the things that
I can do not to shift 180, but
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00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:10,960
just to calibrate a couple of
degrees so that I have more time
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00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:15,120
enjoying family time.
Like, there's a little bit more
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ambition in me to channel that
into family life and to show up
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a little bit more versus just
bringing what I have leftover at
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the end of the day from work
home.
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Right.
And I wrote down a couple of
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things.
And, like, I've just started to
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implement little, little things
like checking my e-mail twice a
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day instead of, like, on my
phone every time I pick up my
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phone hit.
You know, that's a good one.
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00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:44,840
Yeah.
Where I've been amazed with the
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results, not just for the
presence that I have with the
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kids, but for how much they
engage with me.
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And I'm noticing this.
And I'm like, wow, a little goes
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such a long way.
And it really helped that it was
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after spring break that we were
kind of like, it was a good way
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to buffer the dopamine to like
still connect with family and
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not just like go back to our
normal routines.
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And so I found that what I, what
I was really journaling about on
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a plane was like, how to avoid
having this midlife crisis, this
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00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:26,840
moment of what's it all for?
Why am I putting so much into
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00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:30,440
work if at the end of the day,
I'm coming home and I don't have
239
00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:35,320
anything left to give to my
family or I'm so anxious about,
240
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:40,240
you know, XYZ thing that I'm
ambitious where my ambition and
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00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:45,960
my energy go into work that
that's just not that it's an
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00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:49,960
afterthought when it comes to
family and putting any ambition
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00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:55,320
or, you know, drive into even
just like connecting a little
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bit more so that we can have
more peak moments.
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And yeah, that's where I came to
you.
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00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:04,600
And I said, I think there's a an
episode here.
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I think there's a conversation
to be had.
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And I think that a lot of people
that are type A and highly
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ambitious.
A good analogy that that I that
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I heard is get to the end of
like 100 hour video game in like
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a role-playing game where you've
collected all the armor you've
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got, you've beaten all the
levels, you have nothing left to
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do.
You can wander around the land,
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but it's like, now what?
Right, right.
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And so if I can, what I think
you're saying, and certainly
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this is what I'm feeling, is
that we see the midlife crisis
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kind of looming in the distant,
currently distant future, but
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things are starting to, things
are starting to shift for us a
259
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bit.
And then it seemed like, you
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know, I'm noticing a lack of
that next mountaintop and like
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things to pursue.
And you're noticing your energy
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shift from, or at least an
opportunity for your energy to
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00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:08,200
shift from achieving and
orienting yourself towards work
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and your career to actually
perhaps setting goals or
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intentions within the family.
Sure, or or.
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Even just simply family hard and
put some of that energy into
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work instead of work hard and
put some of that energy into
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family.
I'm not saying I'm going to work
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any less hard, but I am going to
be more intentional with what
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I'm doing during the day.
Just like it's a, it's a work
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audit.
I'm like, where am I being
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effective?
Where is are it?
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00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:47,160
It's almost like preparing
myself for a little bit of AI,
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00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:51,440
Greg, like who's the agent that
can operate in the background
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and do things, and who's the guy
that has to actually do things
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where an agent cannot?
And I think that's the split.
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Is there space?
For us to do like a pre mortem
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here.
Oh yeah, right.
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Absolutely.
A pre mortem, you know, it's
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kind of hard to do a pre mortem
10 years from now, but even five
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00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:23,040
years from now, if this family,
if this marriage, if this
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00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:27,200
individual journey were to fail,
why would it fail?
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00:17:27,599 --> 00:17:29,680
That's what I would like to talk
about a bit.
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Sure.
Well, at a high level, the first
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00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:39,640
thing that comes to me is we let
the family system collapse and
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00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:44,280
break down into individualism.
Yeah, say more where?
287
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:48,480
I'm pulled into coaching a
sports team, and I'm not seeing
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00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:52,040
you on a Saturday, and you're
pulled into bringing someone to
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00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:55,040
swimming and you're not seeing
me on a Tuesday.
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00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:58,720
And, you know, dinner is just
haphazard.
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00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,880
Like, everyone just kind of
like, eats what they eat and
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00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:05,680
grabs food from the fridge and
goes to their room and does
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00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:08,120
their homework.
And then, you know, I'm in the
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00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:10,920
office working, and I get angry
when people are making noise.
295
00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:14,400
You're downstairs, You don't
know what's going on with work.
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00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:17,480
We record a podcast.
We try to talk about, you know,
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how we're staying connected.
But in reality, things are just
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00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:24,040
breaking at the seams.
And it's because everyone has
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their own little life and family
is no longer a team that we are
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putting first.
Yeah, that would definitely
301
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break us up for sure.
Break up this family.
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I think my, the first thing that
comes to mind to me is, is this
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00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:44,120
is like a really fear based one,
which is I worry that if we
304
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focus too much of, on our, on
our family.
305
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:48,440
And I have to say like this is
what comes up for me a bit when
306
00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:51,920
you start talking like this,
just being really honest here is
307
00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:56,600
that we'll over index on family
and we will lose what we have
308
00:18:56,600 --> 00:19:01,560
professionally and in our career
and then we will live in a
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00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:02,960
cardboard box in our 50s.
Yeah.
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That's a big one just to be.
Very extreme.
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Because.
You know, we really did not that
312
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:12,200
we haven't worked hard in our
30s, but we really did give our
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00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:17,080
whole selves to work in our 20s.
And that created a financial
314
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:21,760
base to move to Florida when
things got tough in New York and
315
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:24,840
and buy this house and really
jump start, you know, have three
316
00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:28,240
kids without worrying
financially, right?
317
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:30,280
And now we are reaping the
rewards of that.
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00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:32,040
We have been for the past
decade.
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00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:36,680
And so a lot of me says, OK, now
it's time to turn our pendulum,
320
00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:40,480
to swing the pendulum and our
intentions, our focus back to
321
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,880
career.
But it's going to look.
322
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:46,760
So even if we were to do that,
it's going to look so different
323
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:50,560
now because you didn't you and I
didn't even know each other for
324
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:53,560
most of our 20s, right?
So it was me working over here,
325
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,880
saving, toiling, saving toiling,
crushing it.
326
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:58,720
Toiling is not the right word.
Saving crushing it.
327
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:01,360
Saving crushing it.
And you doing the same, right,
328
00:20:01,360 --> 00:20:05,200
building your business.
And now there's a lot of us on
329
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:08,640
the trail, right?
And so that's another that's
330
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:13,480
just a fear that I have that I
don't want to be this kind of
331
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:19,200
like dark cloud, but I do want
to kind of allow it to.
332
00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:22,560
I want to pull it out of the
shadow and bring it into the
333
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:25,640
light and figure out how we can
be level headed and rational
334
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:30,040
about that idea.
Yeah, I see you.
335
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:36,080
I have the same fear.
It's not founded, but it is
336
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:44,760
hysterical, historical, and so
I'm programmed to do everything
337
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:47,480
I can to make sure that that
doesn't happen.
338
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:50,840
Because that is what happened in
your family of origin.
339
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:56,240
Something like it.
I don't know if it was because
340
00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:59,320
of too much focus on the family
and I don't think that that's
341
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:04,520
what we're at risk of either,
but just extrapolating out the
342
00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:08,520
piece that creates cardboard box
is business failing.
343
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:12,600
That's definitely something that
I am.
344
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:17,760
I do not take, I do not take
lightly like I don't take my eye
345
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:21,800
off the ball because of that.
And when I talk about family,
346
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:27,600
actually in my plain journal, I
said work hard for family.
347
00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:31,840
That is the driver of work,
family hard with every second
348
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:35,840
that we don't have to work.
And that's truly what I mean.
349
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:42,960
I think that even what we're
doing here is family and hard.
350
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:46,560
Yeah, and well setting.
Setting aside time to be
351
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:49,760
intentional.
Exactly working.
352
00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:52,520
Hard for family is such a shift
in you, though.
353
00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:55,800
It's such a shift.
It's it's.
354
00:21:55,800 --> 00:22:00,480
Such a shift, well, the the
shift of working hard for
355
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:02,560
family.
That is, believe it or not, a
356
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:11,680
shift away from working hard out
of imposter syndrome.
357
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:17,000
Mic drop.
That's the.
358
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:18,800
Shift is wow.
OK, I.
359
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:25,000
Know that I belong at work now.
Wow, so it's like coming from a
360
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:27,240
place of confidence and
competence at work, not.
361
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:29,320
Overconfidence, just knowing
that I didn't say
362
00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:32,240
overconfidence, no, but just
it's not overconfidence, it's
363
00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:37,080
just knowing that that knowing
that I just said coming from.
364
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:39,640
A place of confidence, you read
Overconfidence.
365
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:40,840
No, I didn't.
Read Overconfidence.
366
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:43,720
I wanted to name that for
myself, OK, Because I don't want
367
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:47,200
humility.
Yeah, it's, it's coming from a
368
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:50,680
place of believing in myself.
OK.
369
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:54,200
Versus.
Believing that if I don't do
370
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:57,440
everything for work, I'm going
to fail.
371
00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:01,520
That's the difference.
OK, what created that shift?
372
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:11,400
The peak moments of the family,
it's not that seeing the product
373
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:17,760
on both sides at work and at
home and when we focus on the
374
00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:22,080
process on each how things
happen that created the shift is
375
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:23,520
realizing that it's the same
thing.
376
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:28,240
And so not giving enough at home
isn't going to lead to the same
377
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:33,000
amount of self-confidence and
self belief that I can then
378
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:36,600
channel back into work.
So like going to bed every
379
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:41,200
night, grateful for a peak
moment of the day that I had
380
00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:44,400
with usually one of my kids.
We have lots of peak moments,
381
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:45,200
you and me.
I don't know.
382
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:48,680
I've been noticing the ones with
our with my kids because I
383
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:50,040
don't, I'm not.
Jealous.
384
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:56,240
But noticing those makes me want
to reinforce the rules around
385
00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:59,880
doing work at the most efficient
way and the most effective way,
386
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:06,160
instead of filling my day with
work to make it feel like I'm
387
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:10,000
I'm working that hard, sure.
And coming from a place of
388
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:13,000
imposter, less than like I have
to do this or else.
389
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,520
Yeah, got it.
OK, well, that's great.
390
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:18,320
Congratulations.
That's that feels like a real
391
00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:25,040
really big milestone, yeah.
It is it comes with a lot of
392
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:30,320
other prescriptive advice that
I'm giving myself to.
393
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:34,840
It's not just like, you know, be
a more present dad, like that's
394
00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:47,100
part of it, I would say, but
it's like I, I wrote, make
395
00:24:47,100 --> 00:24:53,600
family part of the work thought
explicit experimentation and
396
00:24:53,600 --> 00:25:00,520
curiosity in order to achieve
these peak moments that nothing
397
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:07,880
else can recreate.
So it's like working smarter in
398
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:14,960
order to have the present mind
to disconnect from work and go
399
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:20,520
and be in the world together or
just be at bedtime together and
400
00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:25,080
not be on my phone.
It's not like I don't feel, I
401
00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:28,720
don't feel like it's the phone's
problem or a problem that I have
402
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:32,760
with the phone or the work.
It's about noticing what's
403
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:37,880
actually productive versus what
just feels like anxiety.
404
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:41,720
Yeah, I have written.
Down here, good at achieving
405
00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:43,920
does not mean good at living,
says.
406
00:25:44,360 --> 00:25:50,640
Who?
Whatever the the back nine of
407
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:54,520
life looks like in terms of
getting satisfaction and how you
408
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:58,800
feel that time with that pie.
It seems to me like the common
409
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:03,440
threads here are to stretch your
capabilities, right?
410
00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:07,840
So try learning things that are
outside your comfort zone 1 and
411
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:09,800
that can still apply to your
life.
412
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:12,320
You don't have to like go and
you know, learn, you know, get
413
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:14,760
your scuba license or something
like that.
414
00:26:15,120 --> 00:26:18,520
But but you could too.
And if that is in pursuit of
415
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:23,160
useless joys, like useless joys
are a godsend to extending the
416
00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:27,080
brain's life, to extending our
lives and the usefulness of the
417
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:30,120
brain.
So looking for those things that
418
00:26:30,120 --> 00:26:33,920
stretch us as people, like maybe
it's mindfulness, spirituality,
419
00:26:34,120 --> 00:26:38,040
a new hobby, a new sport, You
know, more time with your
420
00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:41,680
daughter right in the morning on
the math homework, like whatever
421
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:45,600
it is like.
And something that's just for
422
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:48,720
you, that's really just for your
brain, that helps your brain
423
00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:50,120
stay young.
Yeah.
424
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:52,960
And I think so much of that
advice that was geared towards
425
00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:58,040
like empty nesters, like true 55
plus senior living, right?
426
00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:03,760
And so for us, I think because
we are seeing these things start
427
00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:07,480
to percolate, it is really
finding those micro moments like
428
00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:13,000
for sure my puzzles or dry
brushing or whatever it is for
429
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:17,080
you that are these, what did you
call them like purposeless joins
430
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:18,800
or something?
Useless.
431
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,200
Joys.
That is key.
432
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:26,160
Next decade in my 50s, I really
hope to be taking art classes at
433
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:28,320
the Cornell Art Museum.
But that's just not really on
434
00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:33,040
the table right now, right?
And so I'm still like, for me,
435
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:34,960
jury's still out about what my
40s bring.
436
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,960
And I hope that there's a lot of
health and longevity and
437
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:41,280
positive things, right?
And that, you know, that we can,
438
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:44,680
whatever bumps in the road may
come, that I will be able to be
439
00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:46,480
lifted up by those.
And.
440
00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:50,080
Honestly, being an entrepreneur
that's trying to now build 2
441
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:58,200
businesses, I don't have the I
can think of ways to extend, for
442
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:01,160
example, socially, I can think
of ways, especially spending
443
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:05,040
time with younger people, I
think is a good, a good version
444
00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:08,880
of this like like stretching
your mind and and staying young.
445
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:13,240
But I'm not ready to turn on
that social burner yet.
446
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:15,600
I don't think that I can for
some time.
447
00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:16,800
Our house.
In Vanderpump.
448
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:18,280
Exactly.
Exactly.
449
00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:21,760
So, so you will notice that one
of the things I wrote down in my
450
00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:26,040
plane journal was watch Bravo
with my wife.
451
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:31,240
Because if we do the masculine
together, if we do the business
452
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:33,800
building together, if we do the
family raising together, we have
453
00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:35,480
to do the gossip and feminine
together too.
454
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:37,360
That's right.
And I'd rather gossip about
455
00:28:37,360 --> 00:28:40,360
reality TV stars than real
people in our lives, yeah.
456
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:45,720
And just it's not congruent with
our bedtimes to do anything
457
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:48,680
other than watch.
That's true television at our at
458
00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:53,560
our own pace, you know, But I do
think that this is a good
459
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:55,440
conversation because it's about
awareness.
460
00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:59,400
It's about being aware of like
where we are, what might come
461
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:04,600
and get us, how to nip in the
bud this idea of feeling empty
462
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:07,840
or feeling like we have nothing
less to left to achieve.
463
00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:12,400
And that being the modus
operandi that like that is, is
464
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:13,760
the only thing that matters to
us.
465
00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:20,840
So I don't know where this takes
us on a long term horizon, but I
466
00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:24,560
do know that I've made a couple
of small, like maybe one to two
467
00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:29,800
degree shifts that really do
feel like it's giving me purpose
468
00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:34,440
and is giving me time to to, you
know, spend a little bit more
469
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:38,520
with people that I love.
And if I can keep doing that,
470
00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:42,880
like hopefully I can put off
some of these midlife crises
471
00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:48,880
issues for for another 5-10
years forever.
472
00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:52,840
It's funny, I think that whether
we talk about the conversations
473
00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:56,000
that we wish we would have had
when I was pregnant or
474
00:29:56,320 --> 00:30:00,800
adolescent Academy or now
heading into midlife, what I'm
475
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:05,440
hearing is the same thing, which
is naming our notices, right?
476
00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:11,760
And just building the habit of
having these small kind of micro
477
00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:16,680
conversations, talking about
where we each are, right, and
478
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:21,360
what we're afraid of and where
things could go wrong and just
479
00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:24,800
really making the implicit,
explicit right until the next
480
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:27,560
conversation.
But what I see now and what I'm
481
00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:30,640
grateful for and for you really
kind of staking the claim in the
482
00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:33,640
ground is that we're, we are
going to talk about this stuff.
483
00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:38,640
And as we start to notice things
shifting in us, we are going to
484
00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:40,960
start making tweaks.
But we're not going to make
485
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:43,800
tweaks in isolation and not tell
anyone about it, right?
486
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:46,520
We're going to talk about what's
coming up for me, what I'm
487
00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:49,640
noticing, what I'm scared of and
why I'm experimenting with this
488
00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:54,840
week so that we can recognize
that we are in we're on a team
489
00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:57,320
and that there are knock on
effects of those.
490
00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:01,600
And I'm just grateful that
you're talking about, you know,
491
00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:05,640
getting up half hour earlier
instead of I'm going to go buy a
492
00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:09,440
Lamborghini and not talk to you
about it, right?
493
00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:13,120
So 'cause I, I really do think
that like, you know, if we avoid
494
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:17,440
these conversations or we just
don't make time for them, 5710
495
00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:20,320
years from now, there's going to
be like a Robin's egg blue
496
00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:23,480
Lamborghini in my driveway and
I'm going to be like, where did
497
00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:24,760
this come from?
Right?
498
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:26,080
I I would.
Wonder where that came from,
499
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:29,240
too, because to be clear, the
research says that the
500
00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:32,440
Lamborghini, the affair, these
are things that are reclaiming
501
00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:35,080
things that about you that
you've lost.
502
00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:41,120
And I do not feel like I've lost
anything in being a part of this
503
00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:42,480
family.
Well, that's great.
504
00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:44,320
Let's let's make sure that it
stays that way.
505
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:46,760
Yeah, right.
And so for me, it's a really
506
00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:52,520
good sign that you felt strongly
enough about these notices to to
507
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:58,000
talk about it totally.
And every, you know, 3-6 months,
508
00:31:58,280 --> 00:32:02,440
stick me in a new state, new
location with the cyber truck,
509
00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:05,800
drive around with this family
and that's all I need.
510
00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:09,360
Yeah, I love that.
I mean, all of you probably know
511
00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:12,600
much better than we do.
We did not travel for five years
512
00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:15,840
after COVID, right For the.
Most part other than work travel
513
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:17,400
other than.
Work, travel, right?
514
00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:18,960
Certainly not traveling as a
family.
515
00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:22,760
And now we have the adventure
itch, and not just because of
516
00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:25,560
the adventure, but because of
the reset that we get when we
517
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:26,840
come back.
Yeah.
518
00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:29,240
And the.
Opportunity that we have to make
519
00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:32,440
changes based on what we
experienced during those times,
520
00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:35,080
I mean.
If we can practice singing on
521
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:39,240
the weekends and keep traveling
and do some homeschooling, like
522
00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:41,160
I could see us taking this show
on the road.
523
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:43,440
I agree.
I agree.
524
00:32:43,960 --> 00:32:45,560
Neufeld Family concert coming
soon.
525
00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:49,200
Back to you soon.
Actually, we need a lot of
526
00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:51,400
practice, yeah.
Yeah, we need auto tune.
527
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:57,440
All right, Midlife crisis seems
like it's a meaning crisis.
528
00:32:57,680 --> 00:33:03,280
It seems like there's this idea
of trying not to have a life
529
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:06,920
that you want to run away from.
But I really think it's about
530
00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:11,560
conversation about fears that
show up, watching out for those
531
00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:16,880
hormones, those can really
sideswipe an entire family and
532
00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:20,440
staying on top of what causes a
midlife crisis.
533
00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:23,320
Not knowing, you know, you don't
need to know the answer to how
534
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:25,640
you're going to solve it, but
you do need to know what causes
535
00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:27,840
it.
So that as these things show up,
536
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:30,880
you have the conversations, you
take the, the right doctor's
537
00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:34,520
appointments, You're, you're in
a in lockstep with your partner.
538
00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:38,160
You know, you're, you're not
feeling like you bring all of
539
00:33:38,160 --> 00:33:40,400
yourself to work and come home
with what's left.
540
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:46,280
And I'm really grateful that we
had such a great trip because it
541
00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:48,160
allowed me to reflect on what I
really want.
542
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:51,920
And what I really want is just a
little bit more of myself and a
543
00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:54,200
little bit more of this family.
I love it.
544
00:33:54,520 --> 00:33:57,680
Thank you. 40s here I come.
Love you, goosey.
545
00:33:57,760 --> 00:33:58,520
Love you, goosey.
