March 30, 2026
TMIT 47: Adolescent Academy (Creating a Modern Rite of Passage for Our Kids)
For most of human history, cultures relied on distinct rites of passage to mark the transition from childhood to adolescence. Today, those milestones are largely gone. Instead, our kids are thrust into adulthood at 18 or 25 with no clear path, while we act as their personal concierges.
Recently, we noticed an undeniable "step change" in our 8-year-old daughter, Hunter. She was showing more self-awareness, rolling her eyes, and suddenly engaging in adult conversations. But she was also doing cartwheels in the passport office and melting down over what to wear to a pajama party.
Rather than just reprimanding her for new behaviors, we realized she was ready for a new level of responsibility. So, we sat down as a family and officially initiated her into the "Adolescent Academy."
In this episode of The Most Important Thing, we are sharing the exact framework we used to make the implicit expectations of growing up explicit. We discuss how we mapped out her new path using three concentric circles (Self, Family, and Society), how we are co-creating challenges with her, and why we as parents have to stop acting like problem-solvers and start acting like mentors.
Whether your child is 7, 9, or entering their teenage years, this episode will help you build high standards and high support to guide them into capable adulthood.
In this episode, we discuss:
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The Missing Milestones: Why modern society's lack of "rites of passage" is contributing to the failure to launch.
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The Passport Office Incident: The exact moment we realized our expectations for our 8-year-old had changed (even if we hadn't told her yet).
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The Adolescent Academy Framework: How we use "Self, Family, and Society" to co-create new responsibilities with our kids.
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Concierge vs. Mentor: Why the hardest part of your child growing up is actually changing your own identity and stepping back from solving their problems.
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Creating a Family Culture: Incorporating fun, lore (like Star Wars and Warrior Cats), and real initiation ceremonies to make growing up feel like an earned privilege, not a punishment.
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Hi, everybody.
Welcome back to The Most
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Important Thing.
I'm Danielle.
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And I'm Greg, and together we're
exploring family, culture, and
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leadership at home.
And today I want to welcome
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everyone to Adolescent Academy.
That's right.
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Today we're going to talk about
something that I would say is
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research informed and that the
wisdom is pretty ancient, but we
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are going out on a limb and
experimenting this Neufeld
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family, creating something that,
yes, we're calling Adolescent
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Academy.
And so we wanted to invite you
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into an active, ongoing
experiment in the Neufeld home
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today.
This is kind of like a
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brainchild of yours.
I would say that that you that
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you've started ruminating on
really ever since this one day
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when we were getting passports,
right.
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Well, I think it started way
before that, but this is really
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my way of putting everything
into a nice little box as I do,
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and making the implicit explicit
around so many of the things
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that I have read from David
Yeager's book 10 to 25 to Gordon
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Neufeld and Gaboormatte is Hold
On to Your Kids, to The Anxious
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Generation by Jonathan Height.
Like everybody is talking about
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the adolescent mental health
crisis, right?
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And also failure to launch and
kids on their couches at 25.
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And then I also have perceived,
and this is I think is less
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talked about, this would all
call hyper individualization of
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children at a very young age.
So on the one hand, we have
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adults who aren't adulting, and
on the other hand we have
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children who are being asked to
pick up a sport, enjoy a hobby,
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really have a unique identity
from a very early age.
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And as a student of history, I
think about how for much of
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life, for much of humanity,
there was much more of a shared
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identity and collective purpose,
really, like throughout life,
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right, but especially during the
early childhood years.
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And this idea of achievement and
individualization at a young age
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is a modern invention.
And so I've started to get
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curious around that aspect of
things combined with the
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complete lack in our secular
Society of rites of passage
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today.
So where, you know, young boys
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would go out into the
wilderness, stay there for an
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experience five to seven nights,
have to go through a series of
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challenges and come back and be
welcomed into the tribe as men
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or young girls would enter the
Red Tent when they first got
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their periods right.
And so these.
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Very different rites of passage.
I, I feel badly for the for the
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women back then.
I think that one thing that
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we've done is catch women up and
have them have more of a sense
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of identity.
But I totally take your point
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that like the rites of passage
is absolutely missing.
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I don't think that we need to go
back to the Red Tent.
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I love the red tent.
I have no problem with the red
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tent.
I mean, I think it's really more
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about, you know, stepping into
your masculinity as a man and
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stepping into your femininity as
a woman.
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So, you know, from being
outgoing in the masculine sense
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and achieving to being more
receptive and looking inward,
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right.
A lot of a lot of a young
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woman's, I think feminine
journey is around looking inward
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and focusing on reception.
But you know, that's not what
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we're here to talk about today.
What we're here to talk about
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today is why couple weeks ago at
the passport office, when all
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three of our children were being
rambunctious because it was
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really hard to sit around and
wait.
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I was irate at Hunter for doing
a cartwheel and yelling about
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how bored she was.
I did not have the same feeling
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at all about Jaden Maverick.
And what I'm realizing and what
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I think you and I have come to
realize and she has come to
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realize over the past couple of
months is that there has been a
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step change.
Something has significantly
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shifted in the way that she's
interacting with the world and
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the way that the world perceives
her both in and outside this
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family.
And so, rather than continue to
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berate her for expectations of
her that are new to me but that
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I haven't yet named, we decided
to sit down as a family and have
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a ceremony of sorts to initiate
Hunter into something that we
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are calling Adolescent Academy.
It's a cool concept here and
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there's a lot of precedent for
it even in the books that our
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kids are reading.
So I think that it's pretty been
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pretty easy to name and they're
getting excited about it because
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they can relate to some of the
stories, whether it's Star Wars
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or Warriors, about these really
these journeys that kids with
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special powers have to go
through in order to get to their
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mastery.
Right.
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Yeah.
It's kind of ironic that the
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things that the kids are
gravitating towards have all of
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these rites of passage, even
Pokémon.
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We found out today that like
these little Pokémon will have
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different arrows of their lives,
right where they're seen as
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youngling to apprentice to
master, and yet it's completely
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gone in today's society.
They're thrust out into the
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world at 18 or 25 or whatever it
is, and they have no idea how to
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operate other than as a kid
where we were the concierge and
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the finance financier.
Right.
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And so the first thing that we
did, we did this at family
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meeting, the first thing we did
was we laid the groundwork.
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Now, you know, this is a big
experiment for us, Greg.
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And I don't know where we're
going either, but we know like
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the next three steps, right?
So, and I also know that, you
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know, something that was really
very formative for me is when I
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graduated college, my dad gave
me a graduation check and he
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said congratulations and my work
here is done.
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You are now officially off my
payroll.
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And I knew that that was coming,
but it was also so clear and so
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a little scary, but mostly super
validating that I was now ready
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to be on my own.
And so that's kind of like that
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ultimate space that I hope to
find our children in, right?
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Where I can say like it's not
just financial, but you are off
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my payroll, you are climbing
your own mountains, right?
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And So what we did, though, at
family meeting was really chart
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out what we think this journey
might look like.
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And this is where the Star Wars
lore came in really handy
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because at first they are
younglings, and then they become
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Padawans.
And So what we're really talking
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about here with Adolescent
Academy is the Padawan
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experience, right?
This series of changes and
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changes in your own
expectations, things you're
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noticing and challenges to
become a Jedi.
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Yeah.
And it's not as straightforward
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as going into a cave and coming
back with a crystal and making
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your lightsaber.
There's going to be a bunch of
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different things and steps along
the way.
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But our goal here is to make the
implicit explicit and name them
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to Hunter and name them
eventually to Jade and Maverick.
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That this is what it looks like.
This is your path.
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And so when you get that last
check or whatever you know that
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that final ritual is, not only
are you expecting it, but you
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knew that that was coming and
you're ready for it.
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And so it is our hope that they
can each Co create this path
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with us.
Because what one of the things
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that I think we really both
started to notice about Hunter
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is her movement from kind of
this imaginary or fairy tale
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world to starting to have what
developmental psychologist would
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call like theory of mind and
really starting to feel more
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grounded in reality and reason
and noticing how people are
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experiencing her.
Right, right.
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And.
The awareness of being more than
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just a little kid.
Right and alongside of that is
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that she wants to contribute
like she wants to contribute in
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her friend group.
You know, just this past week,
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she was like, mom, we were on
the tin can phone and so and so
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didn't know that I was sitting
next to them and it was almost
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like I wasn't there.
And so she's starting to have
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these experiences in groups
through at group activities
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where she's reflecting on how
she showed up or didn't.
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She's definitely holding herself
more accountable.
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Like her heart repair has had a
step change as well as far as
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what she's able to apologize for
and how she's showing how she's
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showing up.
And so, you know, these are
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these, there are numerous
examples, but we wanted to take
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advantage of of the opportunity
when she's perfectly willing to
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contribute and she still cares
what we think.
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I think if we had delayed this
conversation until she did have
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her first period, she'd be a
full-fledged teenager at that
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point, right?
And this would feel more like
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punishment right now.
We're really trying to put a
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positive spin on it.
Yeah, earning things as she is
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ready rather than having to ask
for them when she is past the
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point feels like the right way
to encourage her to grow up.
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Yeah.
So if you happen to have a kid
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who's in the process of a step
change at any point along this
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adolescence, we today are going
to share with you how we framed
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the conversation.
And you know, it doesn't have to
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be some big grand gesture.
It doesn't even have to be, you
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know, the nine boxes that I'm
going to lay out for you, but to
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have to really take the
initiative to make the implicit
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explicit.
And if you are starting to have
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different expectations of your
child, chances are they're
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noticing.
And so how can we, instead of
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having a, you know, you are
older now and here's what I
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expect of you conversation, turn
that into coming from a place of
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competence, using more of an
asset orientation and talking
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about how these changes present
a new opportunity for our child
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and the whole family.
That's right.
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The the one thing I would I just
realized is that we talked a lot
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about and and looked into the
ages at which these kind of
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things generally happen in
different cultures.
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And being non denominational is
comes at a structural
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disadvantage in a case like this
because we don't have a
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communion or any kind of
ceremony that typically happens
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around this age 789.
So basically we have to come up
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with it.
And so that's what we're doing.
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Yes, this is this is a secular
First Holy Communion, but it
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really is.
OK.
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So here's how we framed the
conversation. 3 concentric
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circles of myself within my
family and within my community.
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And then we started talking
about for each, what are you
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noticing, What are the
expectations, and what are some
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challenges that we can have fun
with that will inspire you to
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work through this level and
eventually get to the next one?
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Yeah, absolutely.
So so at family meeting the
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whiteboard boxes, but really the
conversation is pretty simple.
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It's hey, we see you and here's
how we think that we can
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structure more responsibility
and you growing up.
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Yep.
And how do you see yourself,
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Right?
I think we did a pretty good job
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of holding her, holding our
tongues actually, until she was
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done.
So as far as like the things
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that she's noticed about herself
is that she's showering alone.
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She's starting to take more
accountability and things like
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heart repair and admitting her
mistakes and that she's starting
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to reflect more.
Like, I've never actually heard
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Hunter say you're the best mommy
in the world until like the past
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three months.
Because when I do something nice
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for her, a couple hours later,
she actually comes back and
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thanks me for it and tells me
how much that meant to her.
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That is.
That's new.
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That's a really new thing.
And I want to take advantage of
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that, you know?
And then we noticed that she's
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staying up later than her
siblings and she's eye rolling,
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right?
Rolling your eyes a lot more at
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things that we say.
And writing in her diary.
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She's been on like a a real
writing and diary Sprint.
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Yeah.
She's like a reflection machine
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these days.
Yeah.
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And so we're taking advantage of
it.
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00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:07,000
So, you know, for some kids it
might happen at 7.
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For some 9.
Hunter is 8 and 1/4, and this is
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00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:14,080
the time within the family she
has started taking on like
218
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higher order morning tasks.
So she's the only one that can
219
00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:22,120
successfully fill up the water
bottles, add electrolytes
220
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without knocking things over.
But by the way, she still still
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00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:26,960
does sometimes.
But like, you know, she's got
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like a 90% rate on that, right?
And so she is doing those things
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now and I can rely on her.
Before it had to be me, right?
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And then also, you know,
participating in some of our
225
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:43,000
adult conversations, like we,
all of the kids at Maverick
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School, have been climbing one
of the trees, the moringa tree,
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00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:51,720
higher than they're supposed to.
And one of the teachers and I
228
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were talking about it the other
day, and Hunter came right up.
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And she said, you know, at my
school, we have a nest where
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we're not allowed to go past the
nest.
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00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:05,040
So maybe you guys could put like
a marker or some kind of rope
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that can tell the kids where not
to go higher.
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And now they're doing that.
That's great.
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00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:13,600
So like really starting to
participate in adult
235
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conversations and chatting with
moms at play dates, which I
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think is like so cute now.
So if Jade or Maverick have a
237
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play date and I'm talking to the
mom like she will, rather than
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go play with the kids, she wants
to sit with us and chat.
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Yeah.
And then with society the other
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day, we had like an all three
kid play date and we thought we
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were going to do like a pajama
party.
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00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:40,560
And I have never seen Hunter
more uncomfortable then should
243
00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:42,880
she.
Shouldn't she wear pajamas?
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00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:47,560
She did not want to have her
friend see her in her pajamas.
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00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:49,560
She was worried that her friend
wasn't going to show up in
246
00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:52,320
pajamas.
And when it was time to walk
247
00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:55,680
Winston, she had to change.
She's like, I don't want any
248
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:57,360
stranger seeing me in my
pajamas.
249
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The other two kids could care
less, of course, right?
250
00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:05,840
And so these are the things that
she and we have really noticed
251
00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:13,200
that laid the foundation for how
she thinks expectations should
252
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:17,640
change given all of these new
capabilities that she's
253
00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:23,360
experiencing.
Yeah, she's she's ready for the
254
00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:25,160
path.
She's ready for the path.
255
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:29,080
So we framed it as this is the
initiation orientation.
256
00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:31,480
You're in level 1 of Adolescent
Academy.
257
00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:33,320
I don't know how many levels
there are.
258
00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:35,120
Maybe there are three, maybe
there are 8.
259
00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:37,560
We'll figure it out.
But I know for sure that she's
260
00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:40,000
in level 1, the beginning of
level 1.
261
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:44,880
And so then we moved from from
what she's noticing, what we're
262
00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:48,960
all noticing to how our
expectations are changing.
263
00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:53,880
And this was really my
opportunity to get creative
264
00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:58,360
around letting her come up with
the ways that the expectation
265
00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:01,280
should change because I
certainly have noticed that a
266
00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:05,880
lot of the standards that I hold
her to are evolving, right?
267
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,440
And so her suggestions were to
finish what I start at a steady
268
00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:15,000
pace and to get fewer reminders
to brush my teeth and do my
269
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:19,480
other morning chores.
And with the family, it's to
270
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:22,840
continue looking for
opportunities to take a lead on
271
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:26,200
higher order tasks.
Like this past couple of weeks,
272
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:30,480
she sewed her sister's shorts
that she wears every day.
273
00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:35,760
So taking on taking initiative
to support Jaden Maverick and
274
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:38,040
contribute to our family in a
way she hasn't before.
275
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:41,240
And then with society.
This is when we talked about the
276
00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:45,880
passport office and how quite
frankly, I don't think it's
277
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:49,360
acceptable for her to do
cartwheels inside anymore or to
278
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:52,960
express how bored she is in
public and what she could do
279
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:57,760
instead.
Because this is where I'm not
280
00:16:57,760 --> 00:17:01,680
going to like, if you know that
we're going to the passport
281
00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:04,920
office, you can bring a book
like I'm, I don't think of I
282
00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:07,200
need to pack a bag of tricks for
you anymore.
283
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:11,079
Yeah, what I said to her as we
were reflecting on what went
284
00:17:11,079 --> 00:17:16,880
wrong is she came along for the
ride not understanding what we
285
00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:19,359
were doing, where we were going,
and she didn't show up with any
286
00:17:19,359 --> 00:17:22,560
questions or get curious while
we were there.
287
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:27,599
She was just, she regressed, as
maybe society does when we go to
288
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,080
the passport office or the DMV
or anything like that.
289
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:30,840
Right.
I.
290
00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:33,560
Mean it's not.
Yeah, it's not the most exciting
291
00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:36,200
place for sure.
And there's a there's a lot of
292
00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:39,600
energy there that is just like,
pretty depressing.
293
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,280
It's not so bad in Florida.
It's way better than in
294
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:44,400
Manhattan.
For sure, you know, at the end
295
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:49,120
of the day, I would have loved
to have a conversation.
296
00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:51,520
It was a teaching moment.
Like what is a passport?
297
00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:52,480
You know, what are we doing
here?
298
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:58,320
Why do we need these things?
Like, and I want to encourage
299
00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:01,960
her to ask these questions to
get curious herself, not wait
300
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:05,440
for us to have these teaching
moments and to like give her the
301
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:08,760
syllabus of every moment, you
know, that she's out of her
302
00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:12,000
comfort zone.
Yeah, I mean, listen, sure, it
303
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:15,320
was an opportunity for us to
like do all the right parenting
304
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:19,240
techniques, like prepare the
child for what to expect and why
305
00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:23,360
do we need to get passports and
you can pack a bag of tricks.
306
00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:26,360
But I guess what I wanted to
make clear to her is that
307
00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:32,600
there's I'm not always going to
remember and when I don't over
308
00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:37,880
prepare for something that's
annoying, I expect you to manage
309
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:42,200
yourself to maintain composure
even when I haven't prepared.
310
00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:44,600
Yep.
And I think that this was kind
311
00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:47,400
of the point was like, this is
what we expect of you in Level 1
312
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:51,440
about adolescent Academy is to
start showing up as a curious
313
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:54,040
neufeld, like in the same way
that you go and talk to the moms
314
00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:55,960
at a play date.
Like that's kind of the energy
315
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,160
that we want you to bring
everywhere.
316
00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:59,640
Yep, and the reason why she's
going to be in level 1 for a
317
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:02,960
while is because all of these
are skills that we are happy to
318
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:06,520
scaffold right now, right?
And I think we are.
319
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:10,720
That's what this level is all
about is I love the heuristic
320
00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:15,880
that I heard once from Wellness
Mama of I do it, we do it, you
321
00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:18,120
do it.
And so much of what we're
322
00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:21,840
talking about here in level 1 is
we do it.
323
00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:27,000
And when she's ready to graduate
to level 2, it will be because
324
00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:30,600
she has been able to take on a
lot of those things.
325
00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:33,800
And so now it's a you do it
hunter yourself.
326
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:37,440
Yeah, we're moving from
concierge to mentor and
327
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:42,880
eventually to consultants.
Yeah, yes, I like the move from
328
00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:44,520
concierge to mentor.
I'm not sure.
329
00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:46,200
I'm not ready to move to.
Consultant.
330
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:49,440
Consultant is when she's like 18
or 25 right?
331
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:53,360
That was actually, you know,
Jade started crying when we had
332
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:56,920
this initial conversation about
the path and about what
333
00:19:56,920 --> 00:20:00,640
Adolescent Academy means, and
she was just really scared that
334
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:04,920
it meant Hunter would leave us.
And then Hunter drew like a big
335
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:08,800
circle like her one her
contribution to the map that I
336
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:14,680
drew.
Was by kind of Xing Xing out the
337
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:18,280
part that says climb your own
mountains and saying we're
338
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:21,320
really drawing a dotted line
around the part that says climb
339
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:23,840
your own mountains.
And she wrote not right now.
340
00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:27,680
And so, you know, this is
probably just me always wanting
341
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:33,080
to futurecast so much that like
they are very, very focused on
342
00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:35,840
staying with us for as long as
possible.
343
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:39,080
Like the idea of going to
college really scares them,
344
00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:41,800
which is fine.
They are 8 and six years old.
345
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:45,840
And so all we're really trying
to say to her right now is that
346
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:48,920
we are now in a Co creation
phase.
347
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:54,320
Whereas, I mean, it's true.
It's so true though, that like
348
00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:57,600
just in the past couple of
months, she started to do things
349
00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:00,920
that I can't do.
Everything from like curling
350
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:05,280
your tongue to climbing a rope
to solving some of our logic
351
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:08,800
puzzles.
That's new.
352
00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:12,280
I used to be able to do
everything better.
353
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:16,320
Yeah, the app that we had for
when the kids were little, the
354
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:19,880
Wonder Weeks that said all the
leaps that they were going
355
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:23,640
through does not go through age
18, but she definitely went
356
00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:25,480
through a leap.
She definitely went through a
357
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:30,640
leap and so therefore it's our
job as leaders of our family to
358
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:37,440
notice that and to not reprimand
without explaining, right, But
359
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:41,240
to really say, OK, you're ready.
It is time that we start Co
360
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:43,120
creating what your adolescence
looks like.
361
00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:47,360
I'm not outsourcing it to you.
I intend to be fully involved
362
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:51,400
your primary attachment for this
entire period of time.
363
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:54,720
But you're noticing change.
And so it makes sense for us to
364
00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:58,520
start doing this together.
And then the third piece, so we
365
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:01,760
talked about notices and
expectations is really what
366
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:05,680
we're calling challenges.
And this is where we are trying
367
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:09,960
to have fun with it, right?
And so, you know, we are going
368
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:13,040
on spring break and one of her
challenges, they'll probably be
369
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,720
quite a few, right?
But one of her challenges will
370
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:18,840
be ordering off the menu at the
restaurant and talking to the
371
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:22,920
waitress herself.
Another will be packing her own
372
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:26,680
suitcase after we Co create her
packing list.
373
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:33,760
And the graduation level
challenge, the getting your
374
00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:37,880
kyber crystal from The Cave and
making your own lightsaber will
375
00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:43,000
be can you wake up, get yourself
dressed as she does now, but
376
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:46,120
then go about your entire
morning routine and get out the
377
00:22:46,120 --> 00:22:50,120
door without anyone reminding
her or asking her or helping her
378
00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:52,560
with anything?
Yeah, I mean, that will be a
379
00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:57,640
real self indicator, right, that
she has, that she has made
380
00:22:57,640 --> 00:22:58,720
change.
But I love that.
381
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:00,520
I don't see that happening for a
long time.
382
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:03,480
No, but I love that she has
something to think about and
383
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:04,320
work up to.
Yeah.
384
00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:06,440
It's one of them, right?
Yeah, of course.
385
00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:10,160
I think there's probably one for
herself, one for at least one
386
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:12,920
for herself, one for society and
one for, you know, with her
387
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:14,080
peers.
And her family.
388
00:23:14,120 --> 00:23:18,520
Yeah, right.
As it relates to the things
389
00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:22,400
though that I would like to
support her with or it is really
390
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:27,120
things that I, I want to start
edging towards this idea of
391
00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:31,120
mentor from concierge.
And so that actually looks like
392
00:23:31,120 --> 00:23:34,280
things that we need to stop
doing for ourselves, right?
393
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:36,240
Like stop ourselves.
From So what you're talking
394
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:39,240
about is something that I
haven't thought about until you
395
00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:41,640
mentioned it to me this week,
which is Danielle, how should we
396
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:45,320
change right, given that and in
the way that we interact with
397
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:47,440
her?
Well, yes, given how, how should
398
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,280
we change in the way that we
interact with her?
399
00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:52,720
And then more broadly, what is
this bring up for us in terms of
400
00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:57,480
how we change in our like as the
next phase of adults, right.
401
00:23:57,480 --> 00:24:02,480
Because I, I believe a lot of
this individuation of children
402
00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:08,480
is caused by a lack of identity
in the parents for anything more
403
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:11,920
than a mom to a little kid or a
dad to a little kid.
404
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,560
And therefore we're taking care
of these children because that's
405
00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:16,600
the, that's the last major
change that happened in our
406
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:19,280
lives, right?
Whether we change jobs or, you
407
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:21,960
know, move houses or whatever,
like that's not really changing
408
00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:24,760
our identity as much as having a
child is.
409
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,760
And so when we have a child,
we're, we don't have adult
410
00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:31,200
Academy that moves out of this
baby phase and into the
411
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:34,200
adolescence.
So like it's right that we need
412
00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:37,040
to stop doing things like we
need to look at for what we need
413
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:40,240
to stop doing in order to
challenge ourselves around this
414
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:42,680
personal growth opportunity.
It's a great point.
415
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:45,800
So how do you think that we
should be challenging ourselves?
416
00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:50,160
Well, I think in society is the
main one that that comes up for
417
00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:57,760
me, which is in any kind of like
conflict or opportunity to build
418
00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:00,080
connection, which are kind of
two sides of the same coin.
419
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:05,480
We need to stand there and be a
mentor versus like nudging her
420
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:08,760
or getting involved in the
situation and challenging
421
00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:12,600
ourselves to do less of the
things that she should be doing
422
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,680
more of on her own.
So some of the things that we
423
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:20,040
could do now would be like start
to get a little less involved in
424
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:24,280
the coordination of conflict
resolution and be more of the
425
00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:30,080
guide on the side, right?
So stop solving and start
426
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:31,840
advising.
Sure.
427
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:33,920
Yeah.
So I guess in my words, I would
428
00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:37,080
say like I've been a facilitator
of a lot of the conflict
429
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:41,080
resolution and now I want her to
take initiative.
430
00:25:41,360 --> 00:25:44,240
Like we can talk at home about
how she might resolve a
431
00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:46,960
conflict, but the initiative has
to come from her.
432
00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:52,520
Yeah, I think that giving her
small opportunities to succeed
433
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:55,280
or fail, I don't know exactly
what those are, but I really
434
00:25:55,280 --> 00:26:00,000
like this idea that at age 8,
failure is very cheap tuition.
435
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:04,160
I love this idea of becoming a
mentor.
436
00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:06,560
I'm tired of being a concierge.
Yeah, right.
437
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:08,840
I really AM.
Well, we've got a couple more
438
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:11,040
kids to concierge for a little.
Bit I know.
439
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:14,400
But maybe Hunter can can
contribute, yeah.
440
00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:17,760
That's true.
And then the other thing that we
441
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:20,840
did, what she was really excited
about, is because they all play
442
00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:23,680
this Warriors game at school,
which is about a bunch of
443
00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:27,560
different cat clans, she decided
that her name is going to be
444
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:31,080
Blue Paw.
And so I've referred to her as
445
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:33,600
Blue Paw a couple of times more
recently.
446
00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:35,680
And she just lights up every
time.
447
00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:39,640
So apparently in Warrior's lore,
for those of us who don't know,
448
00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:42,240
when cats are born, they are
kits.
449
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:46,600
So she went from Blue Kit to
Blue Paw, which is the youngest
450
00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:48,280
of young apprentices.
OK.
451
00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:51,800
That's great.
I mean, anything that gives the
452
00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:55,640
that makes it a little bit more
of a game, I think is amazing.
453
00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:58,560
Agreed, agreed.
And so that's it.
454
00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:02,280
So this has been Level 1 of
Adolescent Academy.
455
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:05,080
We just wanted to share with you
this experiment because
456
00:27:05,360 --> 00:27:11,400
personally, I really believe
that we as leaders need to
457
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:15,920
create opportunities for high
standards and high support for
458
00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:21,560
our children while allowing them
to contribute to both ourselves
459
00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:26,560
and the broader community.
And so there's been a bit of an
460
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:29,680
absence in in that more
recently.
461
00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:33,880
And I think, you know, Jonathan
Rothwell shared an article last
462
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:38,840
week on Jonathan Heights
Substack about how the Gallup
463
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:45,320
polls show that parents are as
warm as ever, but increasingly
464
00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:49,920
less demanding.
And so if we can make sure that
465
00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:54,080
we are explicit with our
demands, I'll call them
466
00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:57,960
expectations, that we are
explicit with our high standards
467
00:27:58,360 --> 00:28:03,480
of our children as they are
nurtured through adolescence.
468
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:09,240
It is my hope that they will one
have less adolescent mental
469
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:14,640
health challenge and to really
become capable prepared adults.
470
00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:18,920
Yeah.
And to make this a milestone to
471
00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:22,520
to make this impactful, we have
this conversation, right?
472
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:27,040
And I feel like that was the
signal of the step change that
473
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:29,440
she's going through.
But I also think that it would
474
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:31,120
be nice.
And we talked about doing some
475
00:28:31,120 --> 00:28:35,720
little ritual, some something so
that there's a before ceremony
476
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:39,680
and then there's the after time
where like she's now in level 1.
477
00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:42,920
Right, right.
So when we go to Sedona, which
478
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:46,280
is supposed to be a energy
vortex, right, which she loves
479
00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:49,640
the idea of, we said that we
could get her a crystal and have
480
00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:54,320
some type of ceremony there just
to really clearly demarcate that
481
00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:57,560
she is has been initiated into
adolescent Academy.
482
00:28:57,840 --> 00:29:01,280
And when she returns from
Sedona, she will be in it.
483
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:03,280
Yeah.
Yeah, and I think it, you know,
484
00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:07,680
that eye contact in a firm
handshake is in order there as
485
00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:09,480
well.
Like that feels like something
486
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:12,440
we don't do with our kids.
And so we can make that a
487
00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:14,400
moment.
Sure, and it goes right
488
00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:17,840
alongside reading American Girl
books about friendship troubles
489
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:20,360
and getting your tin can phone.
Yep, exactly.
490
00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:22,200
So it's all happening.
What a fun.
491
00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:24,440
It's great to be 8.
I guess.
492
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:26,280
Part of me wishes that I would
have had this.
493
00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:27,960
As well.
Yeah, same here.
494
00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:31,560
Just just a naming and way to
have fun with some of the
495
00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:35,360
changes that we're starting to
see and normalizing it as
496
00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:38,800
something that all Jedi or all
warriors go through.
497
00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:41,880
Totally.
And you know, to leave a little
498
00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:45,720
thought here, like for all of us
that were peer oriented like
499
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:49,840
myself and looked to the older
kids or were in classes with
500
00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:53,800
older kids and things like that,
maybe having a path and charting
501
00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:58,160
that path to what these
graduation levels look like.
502
00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:02,960
We'll keep more focus on the
family and on the self then on
503
00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:06,280
trying to do what everyone else
is doing because there is no
504
00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:09,960
named explicit path.
So that's kind of an interesting
505
00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:12,400
thing that I don't know if
there's any science behind that,
506
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:16,600
but I'm very excited to see how
Adolescent Academy unfolds.
507
00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:20,560
Yeah, I think that Hunter is
really excited to be the first
508
00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:25,080
one going through this within
our family, and she sees herself
509
00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:31,200
as being Blue Paw as part of the
larger Neufeld clan.
510
00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:34,640
Very cool.
So family is a team.
511
00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:36,920
Family is a team.
What's we're going to keep at?
512
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:38,560
I think we need some cool names
too.
513
00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:40,920
Oh, she named me.
I am.
514
00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:45,400
I am Eurastar because I love
iridescence.
515
00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:50,080
And so she actually did decide
that I'm the leader of our clan
516
00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:53,880
and you're my deputy.
OK, so I think there's a
517
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:56,320
different name for you.
So I think that means you have
518
00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:59,880
to name me.
OK, stay tuned.
519
00:30:59,920 --> 00:31:02,360
Yeah.
All right, so this has been our
520
00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:03,960
episode about Adolescent
Academy.
521
00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:07,640
We're so excited about it.
We would love to hear if you are
522
00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:12,200
starting to notice changes in
your young adolescence or if you
523
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:15,800
maybe had something crazy like
this in your family growing up,
524
00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:19,320
because family is the most
important team that we will ever
525
00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:22,480
build and we're really excited
to be building it alongside of
526
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:23,680
you.
We sure are.
527
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:25,280
See you next time.
Love you cousy.
528
00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:25,800
Love you cousy.
00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:01,920
Hi, everybody.
Welcome back to The Most
2
00:00:01,920 --> 00:00:03,400
Important Thing.
I'm Danielle.
3
00:00:03,720 --> 00:00:06,480
And I'm Greg, and together we're
exploring family, culture, and
4
00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:09,760
leadership at home.
And today I want to welcome
5
00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:13,560
everyone to Adolescent Academy.
That's right.
6
00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:17,040
Today we're going to talk about
something that I would say is
7
00:00:17,080 --> 00:00:22,440
research informed and that the
wisdom is pretty ancient, but we
8
00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:25,520
are going out on a limb and
experimenting this Neufeld
9
00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:29,400
family, creating something that,
yes, we're calling Adolescent
10
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:33,080
Academy.
And so we wanted to invite you
11
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:37,160
into an active, ongoing
experiment in the Neufeld home
12
00:00:37,160 --> 00:00:39,880
today.
This is kind of like a
13
00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:43,600
brainchild of yours.
I would say that that you that
14
00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:49,360
you've started ruminating on
really ever since this one day
15
00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:52,400
when we were getting passports,
right.
16
00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:56,560
Well, I think it started way
before that, but this is really
17
00:00:56,680 --> 00:01:00,480
my way of putting everything
into a nice little box as I do,
18
00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:05,400
and making the implicit explicit
around so many of the things
19
00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:10,920
that I have read from David
Yeager's book 10 to 25 to Gordon
20
00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:14,680
Neufeld and Gaboormatte is Hold
On to Your Kids, to The Anxious
21
00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:18,440
Generation by Jonathan Height.
Like everybody is talking about
22
00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:22,480
the adolescent mental health
crisis, right?
23
00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:29,800
And also failure to launch and
kids on their couches at 25.
24
00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:34,840
And then I also have perceived,
and this is I think is less
25
00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:39,160
talked about, this would all
call hyper individualization of
26
00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:43,760
children at a very young age.
So on the one hand, we have
27
00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:47,560
adults who aren't adulting, and
on the other hand we have
28
00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:53,800
children who are being asked to
pick up a sport, enjoy a hobby,
29
00:01:55,080 --> 00:02:00,440
really have a unique identity
from a very early age.
30
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:07,000
And as a student of history, I
think about how for much of
31
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:13,040
life, for much of humanity,
there was much more of a shared
32
00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:17,360
identity and collective purpose,
really, like throughout life,
33
00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:21,000
right, but especially during the
early childhood years.
34
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:25,720
And this idea of achievement and
individualization at a young age
35
00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:30,080
is a modern invention.
And so I've started to get
36
00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:36,400
curious around that aspect of
things combined with the
37
00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:40,360
complete lack in our secular
Society of rites of passage
38
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:43,880
today.
So where, you know, young boys
39
00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:47,160
would go out into the
wilderness, stay there for an
40
00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:51,320
experience five to seven nights,
have to go through a series of
41
00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:54,280
challenges and come back and be
welcomed into the tribe as men
42
00:02:55,920 --> 00:02:59,560
or young girls would enter the
Red Tent when they first got
43
00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:03,400
their periods right.
And so these.
44
00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:09,840
Very different rites of passage.
I, I feel badly for the for the
45
00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:11,960
women back then.
I think that one thing that
46
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:14,800
we've done is catch women up and
have them have more of a sense
47
00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:16,720
of identity.
But I totally take your point
48
00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:19,480
that like the rites of passage
is absolutely missing.
49
00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:21,280
I don't think that we need to go
back to the Red Tent.
50
00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:24,360
I love the red tent.
I have no problem with the red
51
00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:25,720
tent.
I mean, I think it's really more
52
00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:29,520
about, you know, stepping into
your masculinity as a man and
53
00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:31,440
stepping into your femininity as
a woman.
54
00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:34,880
So, you know, from being
outgoing in the masculine sense
55
00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:39,320
and achieving to being more
receptive and looking inward,
56
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,200
right.
A lot of a lot of a young
57
00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:46,040
woman's, I think feminine
journey is around looking inward
58
00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:48,960
and focusing on reception.
But you know, that's not what
59
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:51,280
we're here to talk about today.
What we're here to talk about
60
00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:55,880
today is why couple weeks ago at
the passport office, when all
61
00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:58,560
three of our children were being
rambunctious because it was
62
00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:00,440
really hard to sit around and
wait.
63
00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:06,160
I was irate at Hunter for doing
a cartwheel and yelling about
64
00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:10,560
how bored she was.
I did not have the same feeling
65
00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:14,840
at all about Jaden Maverick.
And what I'm realizing and what
66
00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:17,959
I think you and I have come to
realize and she has come to
67
00:04:17,959 --> 00:04:22,320
realize over the past couple of
months is that there has been a
68
00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:25,640
step change.
Something has significantly
69
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:30,560
shifted in the way that she's
interacting with the world and
70
00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:33,240
the way that the world perceives
her both in and outside this
71
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:39,240
family.
And so, rather than continue to
72
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:44,840
berate her for expectations of
her that are new to me but that
73
00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:49,800
I haven't yet named, we decided
to sit down as a family and have
74
00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:55,680
a ceremony of sorts to initiate
Hunter into something that we
75
00:04:55,680 --> 00:05:00,520
are calling Adolescent Academy.
It's a cool concept here and
76
00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:03,640
there's a lot of precedent for
it even in the books that our
77
00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:06,400
kids are reading.
So I think that it's pretty been
78
00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:09,800
pretty easy to name and they're
getting excited about it because
79
00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:13,040
they can relate to some of the
stories, whether it's Star Wars
80
00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:20,560
or Warriors, about these really
these journeys that kids with
81
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:25,200
special powers have to go
through in order to get to their
82
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,240
mastery.
Right.
83
00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:28,000
Yeah.
It's kind of ironic that the
84
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:31,680
things that the kids are
gravitating towards have all of
85
00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:34,280
these rites of passage, even
Pokémon.
86
00:05:34,280 --> 00:05:37,680
We found out today that like
these little Pokémon will have
87
00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:41,720
different arrows of their lives,
right where they're seen as
88
00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:45,600
youngling to apprentice to
master, and yet it's completely
89
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:48,400
gone in today's society.
They're thrust out into the
90
00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:56,000
world at 18 or 25 or whatever it
is, and they have no idea how to
91
00:05:56,280 --> 00:06:00,960
operate other than as a kid
where we were the concierge and
92
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:02,960
the finance financier.
Right.
93
00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:06,000
And so the first thing that we
did, we did this at family
94
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:09,360
meeting, the first thing we did
was we laid the groundwork.
95
00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:12,560
Now, you know, this is a big
experiment for us, Greg.
96
00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:15,000
And I don't know where we're
going either, but we know like
97
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:18,800
the next three steps, right?
So, and I also know that, you
98
00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:22,800
know, something that was really
very formative for me is when I
99
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:27,200
graduated college, my dad gave
me a graduation check and he
100
00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:31,760
said congratulations and my work
here is done.
101
00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:34,200
You are now officially off my
payroll.
102
00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:40,080
And I knew that that was coming,
but it was also so clear and so
103
00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:44,680
a little scary, but mostly super
validating that I was now ready
104
00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:47,280
to be on my own.
And so that's kind of like that
105
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:50,880
ultimate space that I hope to
find our children in, right?
106
00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:54,160
Where I can say like it's not
just financial, but you are off
107
00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:58,440
my payroll, you are climbing
your own mountains, right?
108
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:04,200
And So what we did, though, at
family meeting was really chart
109
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:07,320
out what we think this journey
might look like.
110
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:10,600
And this is where the Star Wars
lore came in really handy
111
00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:13,320
because at first they are
younglings, and then they become
112
00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:15,440
Padawans.
And So what we're really talking
113
00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:17,400
about here with Adolescent
Academy is the Padawan
114
00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:21,000
experience, right?
This series of changes and
115
00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:23,400
changes in your own
expectations, things you're
116
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:26,120
noticing and challenges to
become a Jedi.
117
00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:28,240
Yeah.
And it's not as straightforward
118
00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:31,120
as going into a cave and coming
back with a crystal and making
119
00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:33,280
your lightsaber.
There's going to be a bunch of
120
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:35,280
different things and steps along
the way.
121
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:38,640
But our goal here is to make the
implicit explicit and name them
122
00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:41,160
to Hunter and name them
eventually to Jade and Maverick.
123
00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:44,080
That this is what it looks like.
This is your path.
124
00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:47,640
And so when you get that last
check or whatever you know that
125
00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:52,680
that final ritual is, not only
are you expecting it, but you
126
00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:55,800
knew that that was coming and
you're ready for it.
127
00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:02,840
And so it is our hope that they
can each Co create this path
128
00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:06,160
with us.
Because what one of the things
129
00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:09,000
that I think we really both
started to notice about Hunter
130
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:13,880
is her movement from kind of
this imaginary or fairy tale
131
00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:18,160
world to starting to have what
developmental psychologist would
132
00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:21,840
call like theory of mind and
really starting to feel more
133
00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:29,000
grounded in reality and reason
and noticing how people are
134
00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:31,920
experiencing her.
Right, right.
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And.
The awareness of being more than
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just a little kid.
Right and alongside of that is
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that she wants to contribute
like she wants to contribute in
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her friend group.
You know, just this past week,
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she was like, mom, we were on
the tin can phone and so and so
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didn't know that I was sitting
next to them and it was almost
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like I wasn't there.
And so she's starting to have
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these experiences in groups
through at group activities
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where she's reflecting on how
she showed up or didn't.
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She's definitely holding herself
more accountable.
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Like her heart repair has had a
step change as well as far as
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what she's able to apologize for
and how she's showing how she's
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showing up.
And so, you know, these are
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these, there are numerous
examples, but we wanted to take
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advantage of of the opportunity
when she's perfectly willing to
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contribute and she still cares
what we think.
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I think if we had delayed this
conversation until she did have
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her first period, she'd be a
full-fledged teenager at that
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point, right?
And this would feel more like
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punishment right now.
We're really trying to put a
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positive spin on it.
Yeah, earning things as she is
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ready rather than having to ask
for them when she is past the
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point feels like the right way
to encourage her to grow up.
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Yeah.
So if you happen to have a kid
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who's in the process of a step
change at any point along this
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adolescence, we today are going
to share with you how we framed
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the conversation.
And you know, it doesn't have to
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be some big grand gesture.
It doesn't even have to be, you
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know, the nine boxes that I'm
going to lay out for you, but to
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have to really take the
initiative to make the implicit
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explicit.
And if you are starting to have
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different expectations of your
child, chances are they're
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noticing.
And so how can we, instead of
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having a, you know, you are
older now and here's what I
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expect of you conversation, turn
that into coming from a place of
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competence, using more of an
asset orientation and talking
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about how these changes present
a new opportunity for our child
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and the whole family.
That's right.
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The the one thing I would I just
realized is that we talked a lot
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about and and looked into the
ages at which these kind of
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things generally happen in
different cultures.
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And being non denominational is
comes at a structural
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disadvantage in a case like this
because we don't have a
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communion or any kind of
ceremony that typically happens
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around this age 789.
So basically we have to come up
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with it.
And so that's what we're doing.
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Yes, this is this is a secular
First Holy Communion, but it
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really is.
OK.
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So here's how we framed the
conversation. 3 concentric
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circles of myself within my
family and within my community.
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And then we started talking
about for each, what are you
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noticing, What are the
expectations, and what are some
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challenges that we can have fun
with that will inspire you to
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work through this level and
eventually get to the next one?
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00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:55,520
Yeah, absolutely.
So so at family meeting the
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whiteboard boxes, but really the
conversation is pretty simple.
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It's hey, we see you and here's
how we think that we can
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structure more responsibility
and you growing up.
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Yep.
And how do you see yourself,
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Right?
I think we did a pretty good job
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of holding her, holding our
tongues actually, until she was
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done.
So as far as like the things
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that she's noticed about herself
is that she's showering alone.
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She's starting to take more
accountability and things like
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heart repair and admitting her
mistakes and that she's starting
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to reflect more.
Like, I've never actually heard
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Hunter say you're the best mommy
in the world until like the past
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three months.
Because when I do something nice
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for her, a couple hours later,
she actually comes back and
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thanks me for it and tells me
how much that meant to her.
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That is.
That's new.
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That's a really new thing.
And I want to take advantage of
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that, you know?
And then we noticed that she's
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staying up later than her
siblings and she's eye rolling,
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00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:54,800
right?
Rolling your eyes a lot more at
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00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:56,920
things that we say.
And writing in her diary.
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She's been on like a a real
writing and diary Sprint.
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Yeah.
She's like a reflection machine
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these days.
Yeah.
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And so we're taking advantage of
it.
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So, you know, for some kids it
might happen at 7.
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For some 9.
Hunter is 8 and 1/4, and this is
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the time within the family she
has started taking on like
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00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:18,480
higher order morning tasks.
So she's the only one that can
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00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:22,120
successfully fill up the water
bottles, add electrolytes
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without knocking things over.
But by the way, she still still
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does sometimes.
But like, you know, she's got
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like a 90% rate on that, right?
And so she is doing those things
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now and I can rely on her.
Before it had to be me, right?
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And then also, you know,
participating in some of our
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adult conversations, like we,
all of the kids at Maverick
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School, have been climbing one
of the trees, the moringa tree,
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higher than they're supposed to.
And one of the teachers and I
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were talking about it the other
day, and Hunter came right up.
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And she said, you know, at my
school, we have a nest where
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we're not allowed to go past the
nest.
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So maybe you guys could put like
a marker or some kind of rope
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that can tell the kids where not
to go higher.
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And now they're doing that.
That's great.
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So like really starting to
participate in adult
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conversations and chatting with
moms at play dates, which I
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think is like so cute now.
So if Jade or Maverick have a
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play date and I'm talking to the
mom like she will, rather than
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go play with the kids, she wants
to sit with us and chat.
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Yeah.
And then with society the other
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day, we had like an all three
kid play date and we thought we
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were going to do like a pajama
party.
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And I have never seen Hunter
more uncomfortable then should
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she.
Shouldn't she wear pajamas?
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She did not want to have her
friend see her in her pajamas.
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She was worried that her friend
wasn't going to show up in
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pajamas.
And when it was time to walk
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Winston, she had to change.
She's like, I don't want any
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stranger seeing me in my
pajamas.
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The other two kids could care
less, of course, right?
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And so these are the things that
she and we have really noticed
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that laid the foundation for how
she thinks expectations should
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change given all of these new
capabilities that she's
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experiencing.
Yeah, she's she's ready for the
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path.
She's ready for the path.
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So we framed it as this is the
initiation orientation.
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You're in level 1 of Adolescent
Academy.
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I don't know how many levels
there are.
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Maybe there are three, maybe
there are 8.
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We'll figure it out.
But I know for sure that she's
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in level 1, the beginning of
level 1.
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And so then we moved from from
what she's noticing, what we're
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all noticing to how our
expectations are changing.
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And this was really my
opportunity to get creative
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around letting her come up with
the ways that the expectation
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should change because I
certainly have noticed that a
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lot of the standards that I hold
her to are evolving, right?
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And so her suggestions were to
finish what I start at a steady
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pace and to get fewer reminders
to brush my teeth and do my
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other morning chores.
And with the family, it's to
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continue looking for
opportunities to take a lead on
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higher order tasks.
Like this past couple of weeks,
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she sewed her sister's shorts
that she wears every day.
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So taking on taking initiative
to support Jaden Maverick and
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contribute to our family in a
way she hasn't before.
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And then with society.
This is when we talked about the
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passport office and how quite
frankly, I don't think it's
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acceptable for her to do
cartwheels inside anymore or to
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00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:52,960
express how bored she is in
public and what she could do
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instead.
Because this is where I'm not
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going to like, if you know that
we're going to the passport
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office, you can bring a book
like I'm, I don't think of I
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need to pack a bag of tricks for
you anymore.
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Yeah, what I said to her as we
were reflecting on what went
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wrong is she came along for the
ride not understanding what we
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were doing, where we were going,
and she didn't show up with any
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questions or get curious while
we were there.
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She was just, she regressed, as
maybe society does when we go to
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the passport office or the DMV
or anything like that.
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Right.
I.
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Mean it's not.
Yeah, it's not the most exciting
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place for sure.
And there's a there's a lot of
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energy there that is just like,
pretty depressing.
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It's not so bad in Florida.
It's way better than in
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Manhattan.
For sure, you know, at the end
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of the day, I would have loved
to have a conversation.
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It was a teaching moment.
Like what is a passport?
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You know, what are we doing
here?
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Why do we need these things?
Like, and I want to encourage
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her to ask these questions to
get curious herself, not wait
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for us to have these teaching
moments and to like give her the
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00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:08,760
syllabus of every moment, you
know, that she's out of her
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00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:12,000
comfort zone.
Yeah, I mean, listen, sure, it
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00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:15,320
was an opportunity for us to
like do all the right parenting
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techniques, like prepare the
child for what to expect and why
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do we need to get passports and
you can pack a bag of tricks.
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00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:26,360
But I guess what I wanted to
make clear to her is that
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00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:32,600
there's I'm not always going to
remember and when I don't over
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00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:37,880
prepare for something that's
annoying, I expect you to manage
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00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:42,200
yourself to maintain composure
even when I haven't prepared.
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00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:44,600
Yep.
And I think that this was kind
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of the point was like, this is
what we expect of you in Level 1
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about adolescent Academy is to
start showing up as a curious
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neufeld, like in the same way
that you go and talk to the moms
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00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:55,960
at a play date.
Like that's kind of the energy
315
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,160
that we want you to bring
everywhere.
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00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:59,640
Yep, and the reason why she's
going to be in level 1 for a
317
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:02,960
while is because all of these
are skills that we are happy to
318
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:06,520
scaffold right now, right?
And I think we are.
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00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:10,720
That's what this level is all
about is I love the heuristic
320
00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:15,880
that I heard once from Wellness
Mama of I do it, we do it, you
321
00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:18,120
do it.
And so much of what we're
322
00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:21,840
talking about here in level 1 is
we do it.
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00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:27,000
And when she's ready to graduate
to level 2, it will be because
324
00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:30,600
she has been able to take on a
lot of those things.
325
00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:33,800
And so now it's a you do it
hunter yourself.
326
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:37,440
Yeah, we're moving from
concierge to mentor and
327
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:42,880
eventually to consultants.
Yeah, yes, I like the move from
328
00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:44,520
concierge to mentor.
I'm not sure.
329
00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:46,200
I'm not ready to move to.
Consultant.
330
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:49,440
Consultant is when she's like 18
or 25 right?
331
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:53,360
That was actually, you know,
Jade started crying when we had
332
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:56,920
this initial conversation about
the path and about what
333
00:19:56,920 --> 00:20:00,640
Adolescent Academy means, and
she was just really scared that
334
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:04,920
it meant Hunter would leave us.
And then Hunter drew like a big
335
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:08,800
circle like her one her
contribution to the map that I
336
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:14,680
drew.
Was by kind of Xing Xing out the
337
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:18,280
part that says climb your own
mountains and saying we're
338
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:21,320
really drawing a dotted line
around the part that says climb
339
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:23,840
your own mountains.
And she wrote not right now.
340
00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:27,680
And so, you know, this is
probably just me always wanting
341
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:33,080
to futurecast so much that like
they are very, very focused on
342
00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:35,840
staying with us for as long as
possible.
343
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:39,080
Like the idea of going to
college really scares them,
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which is fine.
They are 8 and six years old.
345
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:45,840
And so all we're really trying
to say to her right now is that
346
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we are now in a Co creation
phase.
347
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:54,320
Whereas, I mean, it's true.
It's so true though, that like
348
00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:57,600
just in the past couple of
months, she started to do things
349
00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:00,920
that I can't do.
Everything from like curling
350
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:05,280
your tongue to climbing a rope
to solving some of our logic
351
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:08,800
puzzles.
That's new.
352
00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:12,280
I used to be able to do
everything better.
353
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:16,320
Yeah, the app that we had for
when the kids were little, the
354
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:19,880
Wonder Weeks that said all the
leaps that they were going
355
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:23,640
through does not go through age
18, but she definitely went
356
00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:25,480
through a leap.
She definitely went through a
357
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:30,640
leap and so therefore it's our
job as leaders of our family to
358
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:37,440
notice that and to not reprimand
without explaining, right, But
359
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:41,240
to really say, OK, you're ready.
It is time that we start Co
360
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:43,120
creating what your adolescence
looks like.
361
00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:47,360
I'm not outsourcing it to you.
I intend to be fully involved
362
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:51,400
your primary attachment for this
entire period of time.
363
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:54,720
But you're noticing change.
And so it makes sense for us to
364
00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:58,520
start doing this together.
And then the third piece, so we
365
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:01,760
talked about notices and
expectations is really what
366
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:05,680
we're calling challenges.
And this is where we are trying
367
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:09,960
to have fun with it, right?
And so, you know, we are going
368
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:13,040
on spring break and one of her
challenges, they'll probably be
369
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,720
quite a few, right?
But one of her challenges will
370
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:18,840
be ordering off the menu at the
restaurant and talking to the
371
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:22,920
waitress herself.
Another will be packing her own
372
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:26,680
suitcase after we Co create her
packing list.
373
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:33,760
And the graduation level
challenge, the getting your
374
00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:37,880
kyber crystal from The Cave and
making your own lightsaber will
375
00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:43,000
be can you wake up, get yourself
dressed as she does now, but
376
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:46,120
then go about your entire
morning routine and get out the
377
00:22:46,120 --> 00:22:50,120
door without anyone reminding
her or asking her or helping her
378
00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:52,560
with anything?
Yeah, I mean, that will be a
379
00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:57,640
real self indicator, right, that
she has, that she has made
380
00:22:57,640 --> 00:22:58,720
change.
But I love that.
381
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:00,520
I don't see that happening for a
long time.
382
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:03,480
No, but I love that she has
something to think about and
383
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:04,320
work up to.
Yeah.
384
00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:06,440
It's one of them, right?
Yeah, of course.
385
00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:10,160
I think there's probably one for
herself, one for at least one
386
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:12,920
for herself, one for society and
one for, you know, with her
387
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:14,080
peers.
And her family.
388
00:23:14,120 --> 00:23:18,520
Yeah, right.
As it relates to the things
389
00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:22,400
though that I would like to
support her with or it is really
390
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:27,120
things that I, I want to start
edging towards this idea of
391
00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:31,120
mentor from concierge.
And so that actually looks like
392
00:23:31,120 --> 00:23:34,280
things that we need to stop
doing for ourselves, right?
393
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:36,240
Like stop ourselves.
From So what you're talking
394
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:39,240
about is something that I
haven't thought about until you
395
00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:41,640
mentioned it to me this week,
which is Danielle, how should we
396
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:45,320
change right, given that and in
the way that we interact with
397
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:47,440
her?
Well, yes, given how, how should
398
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,280
we change in the way that we
interact with her?
399
00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:52,720
And then more broadly, what is
this bring up for us in terms of
400
00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:57,480
how we change in our like as the
next phase of adults, right.
401
00:23:57,480 --> 00:24:02,480
Because I, I believe a lot of
this individuation of children
402
00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:08,480
is caused by a lack of identity
in the parents for anything more
403
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:11,920
than a mom to a little kid or a
dad to a little kid.
404
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,560
And therefore we're taking care
of these children because that's
405
00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:16,600
the, that's the last major
change that happened in our
406
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:19,280
lives, right?
Whether we change jobs or, you
407
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:21,960
know, move houses or whatever,
like that's not really changing
408
00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:24,760
our identity as much as having a
child is.
409
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,760
And so when we have a child,
we're, we don't have adult
410
00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:31,200
Academy that moves out of this
baby phase and into the
411
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:34,200
adolescence.
So like it's right that we need
412
00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:37,040
to stop doing things like we
need to look at for what we need
413
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:40,240
to stop doing in order to
challenge ourselves around this
414
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:42,680
personal growth opportunity.
It's a great point.
415
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:45,800
So how do you think that we
should be challenging ourselves?
416
00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:50,160
Well, I think in society is the
main one that that comes up for
417
00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:57,760
me, which is in any kind of like
conflict or opportunity to build
418
00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:00,080
connection, which are kind of
two sides of the same coin.
419
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:05,480
We need to stand there and be a
mentor versus like nudging her
420
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:08,760
or getting involved in the
situation and challenging
421
00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:12,600
ourselves to do less of the
things that she should be doing
422
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,680
more of on her own.
So some of the things that we
423
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:20,040
could do now would be like start
to get a little less involved in
424
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:24,280
the coordination of conflict
resolution and be more of the
425
00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:30,080
guide on the side, right?
So stop solving and start
426
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:31,840
advising.
Sure.
427
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:33,920
Yeah.
So I guess in my words, I would
428
00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:37,080
say like I've been a facilitator
of a lot of the conflict
429
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:41,080
resolution and now I want her to
take initiative.
430
00:25:41,360 --> 00:25:44,240
Like we can talk at home about
how she might resolve a
431
00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:46,960
conflict, but the initiative has
to come from her.
432
00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:52,520
Yeah, I think that giving her
small opportunities to succeed
433
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:55,280
or fail, I don't know exactly
what those are, but I really
434
00:25:55,280 --> 00:26:00,000
like this idea that at age 8,
failure is very cheap tuition.
435
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:04,160
I love this idea of becoming a
mentor.
436
00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:06,560
I'm tired of being a concierge.
Yeah, right.
437
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:08,840
I really AM.
Well, we've got a couple more
438
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:11,040
kids to concierge for a little.
Bit I know.
439
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:14,400
But maybe Hunter can can
contribute, yeah.
440
00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:17,760
That's true.
And then the other thing that we
441
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:20,840
did, what she was really excited
about, is because they all play
442
00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:23,680
this Warriors game at school,
which is about a bunch of
443
00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:27,560
different cat clans, she decided
that her name is going to be
444
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:31,080
Blue Paw.
And so I've referred to her as
445
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:33,600
Blue Paw a couple of times more
recently.
446
00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:35,680
And she just lights up every
time.
447
00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:39,640
So apparently in Warrior's lore,
for those of us who don't know,
448
00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:42,240
when cats are born, they are
kits.
449
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:46,600
So she went from Blue Kit to
Blue Paw, which is the youngest
450
00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:48,280
of young apprentices.
OK.
451
00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:51,800
That's great.
I mean, anything that gives the
452
00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:55,640
that makes it a little bit more
of a game, I think is amazing.
453
00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:58,560
Agreed, agreed.
And so that's it.
454
00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:02,280
So this has been Level 1 of
Adolescent Academy.
455
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:05,080
We just wanted to share with you
this experiment because
456
00:27:05,360 --> 00:27:11,400
personally, I really believe
that we as leaders need to
457
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:15,920
create opportunities for high
standards and high support for
458
00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:21,560
our children while allowing them
to contribute to both ourselves
459
00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:26,560
and the broader community.
And so there's been a bit of an
460
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:29,680
absence in in that more
recently.
461
00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:33,880
And I think, you know, Jonathan
Rothwell shared an article last
462
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:38,840
week on Jonathan Heights
Substack about how the Gallup
463
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:45,320
polls show that parents are as
warm as ever, but increasingly
464
00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:49,920
less demanding.
And so if we can make sure that
465
00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:54,080
we are explicit with our
demands, I'll call them
466
00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:57,960
expectations, that we are
explicit with our high standards
467
00:27:58,360 --> 00:28:03,480
of our children as they are
nurtured through adolescence.
468
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:09,240
It is my hope that they will one
have less adolescent mental
469
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:14,640
health challenge and to really
become capable prepared adults.
470
00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:18,920
Yeah.
And to make this a milestone to
471
00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:22,520
to make this impactful, we have
this conversation, right?
472
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:27,040
And I feel like that was the
signal of the step change that
473
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:29,440
she's going through.
But I also think that it would
474
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:31,120
be nice.
And we talked about doing some
475
00:28:31,120 --> 00:28:35,720
little ritual, some something so
that there's a before ceremony
476
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:39,680
and then there's the after time
where like she's now in level 1.
477
00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:42,920
Right, right.
So when we go to Sedona, which
478
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:46,280
is supposed to be a energy
vortex, right, which she loves
479
00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:49,640
the idea of, we said that we
could get her a crystal and have
480
00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:54,320
some type of ceremony there just
to really clearly demarcate that
481
00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:57,560
she is has been initiated into
adolescent Academy.
482
00:28:57,840 --> 00:29:01,280
And when she returns from
Sedona, she will be in it.
483
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:03,280
Yeah.
Yeah, and I think it, you know,
484
00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:07,680
that eye contact in a firm
handshake is in order there as
485
00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:09,480
well.
Like that feels like something
486
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:12,440
we don't do with our kids.
And so we can make that a
487
00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:14,400
moment.
Sure, and it goes right
488
00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:17,840
alongside reading American Girl
books about friendship troubles
489
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:20,360
and getting your tin can phone.
Yep, exactly.
490
00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:22,200
So it's all happening.
What a fun.
491
00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:24,440
It's great to be 8.
I guess.
492
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:26,280
Part of me wishes that I would
have had this.
493
00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:27,960
As well.
Yeah, same here.
494
00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:31,560
Just just a naming and way to
have fun with some of the
495
00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:35,360
changes that we're starting to
see and normalizing it as
496
00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:38,800
something that all Jedi or all
warriors go through.
497
00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:41,880
Totally.
And you know, to leave a little
498
00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:45,720
thought here, like for all of us
that were peer oriented like
499
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:49,840
myself and looked to the older
kids or were in classes with
500
00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:53,800
older kids and things like that,
maybe having a path and charting
501
00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:58,160
that path to what these
graduation levels look like.
502
00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:02,960
We'll keep more focus on the
family and on the self then on
503
00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:06,280
trying to do what everyone else
is doing because there is no
504
00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:09,960
named explicit path.
So that's kind of an interesting
505
00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:12,400
thing that I don't know if
there's any science behind that,
506
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:16,600
but I'm very excited to see how
Adolescent Academy unfolds.
507
00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:20,560
Yeah, I think that Hunter is
really excited to be the first
508
00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:25,080
one going through this within
our family, and she sees herself
509
00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:31,200
as being Blue Paw as part of the
larger Neufeld clan.
510
00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:34,640
Very cool.
So family is a team.
511
00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:36,920
Family is a team.
What's we're going to keep at?
512
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:38,560
I think we need some cool names
too.
513
00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:40,920
Oh, she named me.
I am.
514
00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:45,400
I am Eurastar because I love
iridescence.
515
00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:50,080
And so she actually did decide
that I'm the leader of our clan
516
00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:53,880
and you're my deputy.
OK, so I think there's a
517
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:56,320
different name for you.
So I think that means you have
518
00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:59,880
to name me.
OK, stay tuned.
519
00:30:59,920 --> 00:31:02,360
Yeah.
All right, so this has been our
520
00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:03,960
episode about Adolescent
Academy.
521
00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:07,640
We're so excited about it.
We would love to hear if you are
522
00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:12,200
starting to notice changes in
your young adolescence or if you
523
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:15,800
maybe had something crazy like
this in your family growing up,
524
00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:19,320
because family is the most
important team that we will ever
525
00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:22,480
build and we're really excited
to be building it alongside of
526
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:23,680
you.
We sure are.
527
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:25,280
See you next time.
Love you cousy.
528
00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:25,800
Love you cousy.
