TMIT 46: We’re Having a Baby! Now What? (Advice to Our Younger Selves)

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Hi, everybody.
Welcome back to The Most

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Important Thing.
I'm Danielle.

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And I'm Greg, and together we're
exploring family, culture and

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leadership at home.
So what are we talking about

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today?
Well, it's March.

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Can you believe that it's March
already?

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Crazy.
Flown by 2026 so far.

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Yeah, I don't think I've turned
on the heat more since we've

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been here in Florida.
Our friends up north have had a

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much harder winter than we have,
but every March I can't help but

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think about how nine years ago
now, we first found out that we

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were pregnant with Hunter, our
first born.

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Well, our second born if you
count Winston, but our first

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human child.
That's right.

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And that's why I'm wearing pink
today, to have a little bit of a

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throwback to the it's a girl
well.

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We didn't find that out in
March, but yeah, it was such a

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exciting time, right?
And we had no idea how much our

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lives were going to change.
We just had no I.

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We didn't even know what we
didn't know.

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Right.
Well, nine years, right?

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We were only together for two at
that point and married for less

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than one.
No, we were.

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Yeah, Yeah, that's right.
Yeah.

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Yes.
So it was a it was a serious, it

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was a serious time of change
already where we had gone from

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not knowing each other, meeting,
living separate lives, getting

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married, living together,
getting Winston and then boom,

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we're pregnant.
Yes, we were definitely on the

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fast track.
However, I don't think that

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there was enough time in the
world.

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Like, there's no amount of time
that, at least for me, could

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have prepared me for the changes
that came along with motherhood.

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Yeah, they really caught me off
guard.

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They.
Did.

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Like so much so and so you know,
this episode, like what we

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wanted to talk about today is
just that time and reflecting

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upon it.
And we know that many of our

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listeners don't have small kids
yet, right?

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Some of them are either not
married or just getting married,

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starting the whole baby process.
And so this episode is

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especially for you.
While we hope that everybody can

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get to know us a little better,
we wanted to talk about the

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early days and kind of like how
we got here and what we might

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have done differently and what
caught us off guard.

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Yeah, I think to your .1,
there's definitely a lot of

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listeners who were on the fast
track but are maybe 5 or 10

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years younger than we are and
we're hearing.

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From or our age and just
starting to have babies.

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True.
Or our age and just starting to

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have babies.
Very true.

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And we're hearing from them that
they love listening to team it

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because it makes them feel like
they're a part of something

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bigger.
And they're excited for this

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path and they're excited to be
aligning with their partner.

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And so in the interest of making
the implicit explicit, let's

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talk about aligning with our
partners at the at the first

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stages of family, which is
really, hey, we're pregnant now

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what so.
Now what?

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Yeah, now what?
So if we think back, knowing

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what we know now, can't say we
can push that on to young

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Danielle and Greg, but what are
some of the things that we're

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doing today that might have been
helpful to younger Danielle and

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younger Greg back then?
Well, I want to say that we did

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a lot of things right.
I don't think anything was like

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totally wrong, but I do think
that we had a lot of

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conversations at that time about
really tangible things like are

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we going to breastfeed or are we
going to bottle feed?

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Is there going to be a are we
going to send the kid to daycare

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or are we going to have a nanny?
How long am I going to take for

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maternity leave?
Like really brass tacks,

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logistical questions and
obviously those need to get

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answered.
But I think that we well, when I

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think about the way that we talk
and have conversations about all

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of the decisions that need to
happen with our family today,

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you know, private school, public
school, you know,

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extracurriculars, etcetera.
We today we really look at it

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through the lens of our values.
And back then, I think that we

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spent a lot of time coming from
a place of instinct and dare I

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say non negotiables.
Non negotiables.

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That's very, that's the way to
put it.

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That is, that is very true.
We were opinionated, but this is

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our first kit.
So like questions like

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breastfeed or bottle feed comes
down to things that we read in

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the science or things that we,
you know, hear from friends

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about the challenges of working
and pumping or working and being

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a breastfeeding mom.
And so like we come in and we

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have discussions about these
things and they they show up as

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non negotiables, right?
Yes.

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Like Greg was very clear from
the moment I got pregnant that

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we will have a baby nurse and
that that was really, really

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important to you.
Yes, I think it was important

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because I had heard from friends
in Manhattan about how much

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about the efficacy really like
and it wasn't about a baby nurse

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versus nobody.
What I was hearing was that it

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was it like in laws coming and
staying for weeks at a time.

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And I'm just thinking to myself
like, you know, asking a parent

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of one of us to come and live
with us to help with a baby is

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like asking a retired mechanic
to come and, you know, fix my

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Tesla.
Like that is just not going to

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fly here.
So let's have the person.

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Still so passionate about it.
So, so that that was that was my

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non negotiable.
I was like, but you're right, it

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was a non negotiable and
underneath that was what?

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Fear.
Fear.

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Yeah.
But the thing that I know about

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you now that I didn't know about
you then because we were still

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getting to know each other.
We still hopefully we're always

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getting to know each other Greg.
But you know, two years in or

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whatever it was, was that when
you lay down a non negotiable

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like that, there usually is a
desire to protect something

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else, protect or optimize.
And underneath that is a fear.

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And so if I can just encapsulate
it, I think that I wish that we

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had spent less time talking
about the non negotiables and

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more time talking about what
those brought up in US and the

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fears that we were both having.
Because I think that would have

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allowed us to understand each
other better and spend more time

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supporting each other and less
time debating which type of

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daycare the kids going to go to.
Of course, I mean, in just in

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preparing to have this
conversation, the thing that

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showed up to me that really
stood out is what fear does to a

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relationship.
It's very bonding.

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It brings us together to
understand what that fear really

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represents and why I hold that
or why you hold that.

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And then we can talk about it
together on the same team versus

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a non negotiable.
If I show up like it's probably

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human nature just to want to
like push back against someone's

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non negotiable.
It's definitely my nature to try

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to explore the other side.
And so if I'm like, we have to

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have a baby nurse, you're like,
I never thought about this.

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But now I'm wondering if Greg
had knows what the hell he's

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talking about.
Right.

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And let me go refer to my books.
Yeah.

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Like, that's another thing that
I think, you know, and I've

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heard many friends talk about,
I'm not necessarily alone in

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this, that I think the way that
we both prepared for our first

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child was very different.
Like I'm a reader to say the

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least.
I I don't think this is uncommon

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either.
I've heard from, so let's talk.

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So let's talk about it like I,
so you know, I recall like I'm

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sure that I had a 220 item baby
registry and every single thing

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was research backed by something
that I read, right.

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I'm the one that like couldn't
wait to get the e-mail in my

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inbox about like the baby's the
size of a papaya this week, that

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kind of thing.
And I didn't necessarily feel

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like you were preparing in the
same way, which I just want to

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say at that makes sense.
Like I had a human growing

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inside of me.
Yeah.

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But if can you talk a little bit
about, you know, to the extent

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you remember what that was like
for you?

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Yeah, well, I went and looked
back at pictures and videos and

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stuff around this time.
And so one thing that I remember

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is I took a picture of you every
week with the baby body.

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Yeah, you did.
Yeah, and same, you know, it's

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kind of same pose, like type of
thing in our apartment, same

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spot.
And like for you, you're feeling

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that week in week out, like the
changes inside your body and

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you're communicating to me
what's going on.

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However, you're also juggling a
bunch of other things.

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You were in a new job.
We were traveling to, you know,

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a friend's wedding.
We were traveling to work over

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overseas in Europe and and.
Like we had just gotten.

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Winston exactly.
Like, there's a lot going on.

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And I don't even think that we
stopped to have the

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conversations about the
preparation because you were

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really on top of it.
Right.

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And So what I remember is
feeling very supported, feeling

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like my wife has got this.
Yeah.

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And I mean you did in a in a way
like.

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Right.
And so that's, that's the thing

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with many of us high performing
type A women, right?

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Is that on the one hand, I did
have it like, great.

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I, I really am proud of a lot of
the decisions that we made and a

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lot of the things that I read, I
still recommend today, right?

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But there's still this feeling,
I think, of loneliness or

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isolation, where even though I'm
fully capable of making all

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these decisions or being the one
that's doing all of the reading,

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it can be a lonely feeling as
well.

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I understand how it was lonely,
like #1 I understand how it was

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lonely.
But you didn't show up with very

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much fear.
You showed up with curiosity.

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And so I think that for me, had
you shown up with more fear,

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like had you, had you had we
talked about our fears and this

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is goes back to what we know
today that we could have done

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differently had we talked about
our fears, right?

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We would have gotten to the
these Nuggets like, oh, I'm

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actually scared.
And the way that I show up in

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fear is through absorption of
materials, information, trying

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to get through that fear, but I
really don't know what I'm

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doing.
And so like, can can you X, can

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you help me?
Can you just be there for me?

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Can you?
Be with.

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Me.
Yeah, not even be there for me.

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And I think that's a really
important distinction though,

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because like, even though I'm
carrying the baby and obviously

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having a lot of experiential,
like, a lot of, you know, I'm

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experiencing a lot of things,
hopefully this is a time where

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we can, you know, be together in
the experience, if that makes

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sense.
Where we can be together in the

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experience?
Yes, with the caveat that I

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can't be together in that
experience unless you bring me

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in.
OK, Yeah.

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And that goes back to like my
fears, my non negotiables, which

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were about the fear of not being
able to work effectively if I

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didn't have sleep, of you not
being able to go back to work if

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we didn't have help, of us being
kind of like almost in a way

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like not a family because you
and I didn't have that time to

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connect.
I think that's shown up with

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every one of our children and
the departure of our nanny,

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right, Which I applaud you for.
I'm so grateful for that you are

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constantly thinking about our
relationship and making sure

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that we have enough time to
connect.

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Yeah.
I also wish that we had had

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more, more frequent, smaller
conversations about that kind of

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stuff because our identity
changed so quickly and kept

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changing.
Does that make sense?

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Like I just look back upon that
time for me, when I say

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motherhood caught me off guard,
I really mean it.

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Like I didn't know that I was.
I just thought I was going to go

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back to work after 6 to 8 weeks
and just keep on trucking and be

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like pump at work.
Travel globally.

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Get the baby out, go back to
doing this.

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Exactly.
Was the baby surrounded by men

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like?
Come back home.

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And like, this whole part of me
that was like clearly buried

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00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:30,960
because I was the town
babysitter, right?

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00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:34,160
And absolutely loved children
growing up.

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00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:39,560
Like this whole part of me just
like came back up and I was

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like, I'm obsessed with this
person and I want to be with her

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00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:49,440
all the time.
And the way that that really

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00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:54,520
came out was that I really felt
like I needed to exclusively

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00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:59,320
breastfeed her.
No pumps anywhere insight,

233
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:00,360
right?
Forget about formula.

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00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:02,240
Like, just like no pumps
anywhere insight, right?

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00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:05,200
And even my body, as you
reminded me the other day, even

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00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:08,680
my body reacted to that like I
couldn't, I could not pump at

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00:14:08,680 --> 00:14:10,360
work, right?
And I do think that part of that

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00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:15,600
was for me, psychological.
And so I would just say that

239
00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:22,440
recognizing how much of A shift,
I mean, everybody can chart

240
00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:26,360
their own course, but I just
didn't, it really caught me off

241
00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:28,840
guard how much my identity was
going to shift and how the

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00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:32,520
things that I really truly over
identified with work.

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00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:37,600
I can say that now and with my
career and with myself as a

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00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:43,400
world traveling Louboutin
wearing salesperson, right?

245
00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:48,880
And none of that stuff, I don't
want to say none of that stuff

246
00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:50,400
mattered because that's not
true.

247
00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:53,000
That stuff still matters today.
Not the Louboutins, but like

248
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:59,680
the, the career and the the, the
I like to use my brain towards

249
00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:02,600
profitable endeavors, right?
That has not changed.

250
00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:09,800
What really changed is how
important my direction was at

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00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:12,120
work.
And so I did shift companies at

252
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,920
that time.
And I went from a place where I

253
00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:18,800
really truly believed in the
mission at Citadel to not

254
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:23,080
feeling that way in my new spot.
And I think I really believed in

255
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:25,680
the mission, but I didn't
necessarily feel like the

256
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:30,160
leadership had a vision for for
our future.

257
00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:34,440
And so I think that always would
have bothered me.

258
00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:39,880
But becoming a mom really left
me with a lot of existential

259
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:44,240
questioning during my maternity
leave around like what is this

260
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:49,200
all for and is it worth it?
Is it actually worth leaving my

261
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:51,680
child over?
Like the bar just became so much

262
00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:53,600
higher.
Yeah.

263
00:15:55,240 --> 00:16:00,720
And while that surprised you, I
am reflecting on that time,

264
00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:03,920
wondering why I didn't see that
coming.

265
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:07,200
Not not that that was a bad
thing.

266
00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:10,480
Like fully supportive of your
journey.

267
00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:13,280
You were so supportive of me
quitting my job.

268
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:18,720
Like I really appreciate I went
from a really strong earner to

269
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:22,120
nothing in our family and that
was that was a big deal.

270
00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:31,840
Yeah, it was.
However, when we talked about

271
00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:37,280
our formative years, like early
in the relationship, the thing

272
00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:40,760
that really should have grabbed
me harder was what you just said

273
00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:43,240
about how much you loved
babysitting.

274
00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:47,560
Like when I asked you like, what
was your formative years like

275
00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:53,520
experience that that you where
you showed up as your best self

276
00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:56,240
and that you reflect upon and
you said babysitting.

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00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:58,400
You didn't say going to the
office with my dad.

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00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:02,640
You didn't say, you know, like,
you know, reading this book with

279
00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:05,640
these types of books or, you
know, fiction or history or

280
00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:07,280
whatever, like it was
babysitting.

281
00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:13,079
And so, yeah, I think that I
realized that when you said you

282
00:17:13,079 --> 00:17:14,480
wanted to quit your job, and I
was.

283
00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:19,440
And by watching the interactions
of you and Hunter and just how

284
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:23,680
immersed you were, not in like a
creepy, like overbearing way,

285
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:28,079
but in just like such a curious
way about how capable she was.

286
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:33,000
It was unbelievable to
experience that as a father like

287
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:40,360
I was.
I was shocked to see you take

288
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:44,640
such control of a situation
without being controlling over

289
00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:47,760
the environment in a way that
felt suffocating.

290
00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:51,280
Thanks.
Yeah.

291
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:53,640
I mean, that's the other thing
that really surprised me was 1,

292
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:57,080
was my identity really shifting
in motherhood?

293
00:17:57,280 --> 00:18:00,880
But two, you know, Hunter was a
week late.

294
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:03,400
We had a beautiful birth.
And I'm very, I feel very

295
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:07,960
blessed for that.
She came out so much more

296
00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:10,520
capable than I had ever been
prepared for.

297
00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:17,320
Like I didn't know what to
expect, but I knew from the very

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00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:20,800
beginning that she had.
I mean, I think all babies do if

299
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:23,840
we allow them to.
And I, and I didn't know how

300
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:27,840
much I was really going to
believe in the capability of an

301
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:32,600
individual from birthright.
And what I what I mean by

302
00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:38,920
capable is really just capable
of independent play, capable of

303
00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:42,480
not needing much.
And so that, you know, that's

304
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:46,400
could be a whole another episode
that has really informed a lot

305
00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:50,080
of the way that we nurture our
children in the early years

306
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:52,920
around.
No toys with batteries, lots of

307
00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:56,520
open-ended toys, no mobiles,
things like that.

308
00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:08,360
But yeah, I was really shocked
at just how whole of a being she

309
00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:11,160
was from the very beginning.
All of them.

310
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:12,840
But with Hunter, it was the
biggest surprise.

311
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:18,680
You were, and you communicated
that really well to me because

312
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:22,520
you were with Hunter a lot, as
you mentioned.

313
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,560
Like when she was awake, she was
with you.

314
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:26,760
You were nursing her, You
weren't pumping.

315
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:32,000
You went into the office for a
few weeks after maternity leave

316
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:35,720
because you were pulled in
early, remember, And then you

317
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,800
quit and then you were home for
a while.

318
00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:50,080
And, and I was surprised almost
by like how being a dad was a

319
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:53,960
second it, it was like a third
person store, like storytelling.

320
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:57,120
It was like you were telling me
what was going on and how I

321
00:19:57,120 --> 00:19:58,720
could support you.
And that was great.

322
00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:05,440
But this child was sleeping and
I wasn't really interacting with

323
00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:09,280
her all that much other than,
you know, here and there on the

324
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:11,440
weekends when we go for a walk
this and that, like.

325
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:15,840
And so I was surprised that I
felt like we were a family, but

326
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:19,240
I didn't feel much of A
connection to her for the first

327
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:23,240
nine months.
And then that all changed, like

328
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:27,080
she became a sentient creature
and it was amazing and I was so

329
00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:29,600
happy for that, but I didn't
know when that was going to hit.

330
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:36,520
Yeah, I remember vividly going
to a wedding when Hunter was

331
00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:40,680
about nine months old in Palm
Springs and you coming home

332
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:43,760
after a couple drinks at the end
of the night and crying and

333
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:49,200
telling me how you were starting
to feel a connection with

334
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,880
Hunter.
And that it had been, in my

335
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:58,080
words, a lonely nine months
because I, And this is on me.

336
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:04,080
Like, I was so focused on making
sure that she attached to me

337
00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:06,560
that I didn't really leave that
much room for you.

338
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,560
And part of me wants to say I'm
sorry.

339
00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:14,160
And the other part of me wants
to say like, that's truly what

340
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:17,360
my Mama bear instincts told me
to do.

341
00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:21,760
And I'm so grateful because I
did, you know, I don't think it

342
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:28,280
was like egregious, but I would
say when when I did offer you a

343
00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:34,280
time to bathe Hunter or take her
for a walk or something, right?

344
00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:39,280
I didn't necessarily feel that
you were as connected to her.

345
00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:42,560
And I recognize now, and I think
even then that that's my fault,

346
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:45,560
that I can't really have my cake
cake and eat it too, right.

347
00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:51,080
But with Jade and with Maverick,
I can very clearly remember you,

348
00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:54,480
like noticing that you were much
more, especially with Jade, like

349
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:58,120
we, she had a clip.
What was it like a blocked tear

350
00:21:58,120 --> 00:21:59,240
duct.
Do you remember?

351
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:03,360
And so like the first gosh, 10
months of her life, probably we

352
00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:06,440
had, we had to like constantly
wipe away gunk from her eyes.

353
00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:09,280
And I just remember you
connecting with her when you

354
00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:11,760
would do that in the morning or
like I would feed her and you

355
00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:14,360
would change her diaper.
And it was like a very different

356
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:18,160
bonding time when Jade was an
infant.

357
00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:21,200
And part of that was probably
COVID because you were forced to

358
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:24,600
be home with us.
But I also think and recall you

359
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:31,640
saying at the time that you you
saw the path and you knew what

360
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:34,720
it what Hunter was like at 2.
And so you're like, OK, like I

361
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:36,760
can get down with this little 3
month old.

362
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:40,720
That's a really good because I
know what she's going to end up

363
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:43,360
as when she's 2.
That's a good way of putting it.

364
00:22:43,360 --> 00:22:45,080
I did see the path.
Yeah, yeah.

365
00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:52,840
And I guess I'm, I'm trying to
think about what the what the

366
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:55,240
take away is here for, for
couples.

367
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:58,240
Because honestly, I think it's
about checking in.

368
00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:04,240
You know, like the fears that I
had before the baby was born are

369
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:06,600
very different from the fears
that I had at one month and

370
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:08,400
three months and 10 months and
whatever.

371
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,960
And I'm sure the same for you.
Yes, definitely.

372
00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:17,800
And I think that recognizing one
that this idea that I hate to

373
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:20,960
even use this term because we
never brought it out, but I do

374
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:24,040
hear people say it as like a
throw away having different

375
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:27,760
parenting styles is actually.
We just have different parenting

376
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:29,840
styles, right?
Yeah, you'll be some and and

377
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:35,080
it's like it's like a throw away
because it's just it's an excuse

378
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:38,000
and it doesn't feel it feels
like.

379
00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:41,480
Agree to disagree.
Yes, it's a missed opportunity

380
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:46,000
to get aligned right, to unpack
what's in there, and to have a

381
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:49,600
difficult conversation or series
of conversations to get aligned.

382
00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:53,520
And so I think that what what
we're reflecting on here is that

383
00:23:53,920 --> 00:24:00,360
if we move from non negotiables
to what are we optimizing for to

384
00:24:00,360 --> 00:24:02,280
then what is the fear underneath
that?

385
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:06,000
That's the way that we get on
the same page and and you can't

386
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:12,080
have two people who recognize
that there's a fear there on

387
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:15,320
different sides.
Like you will be a team if you

388
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:17,320
talk about the fears.
Absolutely.

389
00:24:17,360 --> 00:24:18,680
Yeah.
I mean, it's so much.

390
00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:22,840
It's hard not to have compassion
for you when you talk about the

391
00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:25,520
fears, right?
And I want to support you and I

392
00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:27,760
want to be on your team.
So.

393
00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:29,440
OK, so we talked about a couple
of things.

394
00:24:30,120 --> 00:24:34,160
Naming fears.
Oh, excuse me, Winston, naming

395
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:39,240
our fears as an opportunity to
really align and learn how to

396
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:42,520
support each other rather than
debating more of these like

397
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:46,040
surface level choices 'cause
there are so many as parents,

398
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:50,720
right?
And then having small, short,

399
00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:57,440
frequent conversations about how
things are changing and how our

400
00:24:58,040 --> 00:25:03,280
identities are changing and how
our marriage is changing and the

401
00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:05,880
fears that we're having.
And also like how you are

402
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:10,080
changing and how I am changing.
Because it's not just the baby

403
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:13,520
that's developing, right?
Like even today, we are now

404
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:16,440
parents of an 8 year old, which
is so different.

405
00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:20,720
And I had no idea that it was
going to be so different, right?

406
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:25,920
So it's important to, if we want
to stay in lockstep, as they

407
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:29,400
said on the night agent last
night, then it doesn't have to

408
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:32,560
be some big dramatic
conversation, but check

409
00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:35,680
insurance frequently around
what's changing.

410
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:41,320
I think can be very helpful.
More frequent, less emotionally

411
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:44,960
charged conversations about
fears, right?

412
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:50,400
Short ones, short ones, short
ones anytime a non negotiable

413
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:51,640
comes up.
Anytime it's an.

414
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:54,200
Opportunity to get curious.
It it really is.

415
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:57,640
Right.
And because the sooner that we

416
00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:03,440
can understand one another truly
where we're coming from, not

417
00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:07,600
with the very discreet, tangible
things, but the the deep, what

418
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:10,920
am I trying to protect?
What are my fears?

419
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:14,440
The sooner we can focus on
supporting one another,

420
00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:17,040
absolutely.
And just spend less time

421
00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:18,080
debating.
Yeah.

422
00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:23,400
And not being resentful.
Yes.

423
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:26,800
Right.
So if you're at home and you're

424
00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:31,760
saying, hey husband, why aren't
you reading these baby books?

425
00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:35,520
You got to name that fear.
What are you afraid of?

426
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:38,360
Can't just resent them for not
reading the book.

427
00:26:38,360 --> 00:26:39,560
You got to name what you're
afraid of.

428
00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:43,840
Stop mansplaining.
I will done mansplaining.

429
00:26:44,360 --> 00:26:46,520
Anyway, so we hope that you
we've given you something to

430
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:49,840
think about and shared a bit
about ourselves.

431
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:53,880
We certainly do not have all the
answers, but we just wanted to

432
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:57,840
share a bit about our
reflections because some of the

433
00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:01,560
things that we've come up with
along the way are worth talking

434
00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:05,000
about.
Indeed they are, and thanks for

435
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:09,720
letting us share with you.
So until next time, just

436
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:13,240
remember that your family is the
most important team that you

437
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:16,680
will ever build and we're
excited to be building alongside

438
00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:17,600
of you.
We sure are.

439
00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:19,480
Love you, goosey.
Love you, goosey.