Sept. 22, 2025
TMIT 28 : How We Divide, Conquer, and Connect – The Shared Operating System Behind Our Marriage
Every couple has to navigate how to divide responsibilities, whether it’s managing groceries, handling finances, or aligning on long-term goals. For us, the breakthrough happened when we shifted away from addressing everything on the fly and instead put a shared system in place to prioritize what matters most.
What we’ve realized is that the specific system you use isn’t as important as simply having one. A system creates intentional spaces for conversations, moving them out of the daily chaos and into a structure that lets you focus less on managing tasks and more on truly enjoying time together.
This week, we’re breaking down the framework we’ve built to divide responsibilities, stay connected, and work as a team. From long-term planning discussions to weekly check-ins and daily task management, we’re sharing how these rhythms have helped us replace frustration with trust and a sense of partnership.
What We Cover in This Episode:
- How resentment showed up in our relationship and what changes helped us move past it.
- The four parts of our shared “operating system”:
- Vision discussions (planning for 3–5 years ahead)
- Quarterly planning (Greg’s 12-week structure vs. Danielle’s vibe-focused goals)
- Financial check-ins (facts over feelings)
- Weekly reviews (logistics, chores, and family schedules)
- Why writing down next steps is essential for reducing mental load and staying on the same page.
- The psychology behind these practices—like cognitive load theory and the Zeigarnik effect.
- Why the ultimate goal isn’t just productivity—it’s creating space for connection, fun, and presence.
Resources Mentioned:
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Did the Mayo come?
Of course.
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OK, great.
Did you?
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Did you put the salt in the salt
in the thing all time?
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Yeah.
Oh, OK, great.
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Things get done.
Things are getting done.
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Yeah, I mean, our system don't
have to worry.
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Welcome back to The Most
Important Thing.
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I'm Danielle.
And I'm Greg, and together we're
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exploring family, culture and
leadership at home.
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So we're calling today's episode
How we Divide, Conquer and
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Connect the shared operating
system behind our marriage.
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And while we've been together
for a decade and started some of
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these things right in fits and
starts, today we're going to
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share our framework for how we
talk about the things that need
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to get done.
But we don't necessarily want to
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talk about them in the middle of
the kitchen or right before bed
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or me screaming Craig while I'm
in the shower, right?
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Which?
Is legitimately what used to end
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up happening.
Yeah, yeah.
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And still.
Does happen a little bit
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sometimes.
I love this topic because I just
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think that it's so great to be
able to look back and say we've
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got these foundations, we've got
this, these systems to a point
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where we can now share them and
other people can copy ours
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because like, I copied so many
people on the way here.
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So true, or at least take ours
as like a bad first draft,
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right?
Because I think that most of our
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listeners have certainly their
own system, right?
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And we're all competent in our
own worlds.
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I can like speak for myself and
say that I have my own system
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that starts at 5:00 AM and ends
at 8:00 PM.
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Where is your schedule is is on
the later side of that.
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And so this is really about
where our two systems overlap
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app and how to create a shared
system.
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That assumes that we talk about
really shared leadership, right?
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That assumes that we talk about
the things that we need to talk
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about and where we need support,
and then we trust each other
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that those things will get done
in our own way.
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Correct, right?
1 + 1 = 3.
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Yeah.
And so, like you said, today's
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framework is our framework
subject to further change and
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development, but it's one that
we're sharing not because it's a
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magic pill, but because we think
that it's worthwhile to give you
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something to something to hold
onto.
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Totally.
And in preparation for this
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episode, we did some digging
into research, and there's a ton
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of science that backs what we're
talking about today and how
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important all this is.
Yeah.
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So should we get into that?
Absolutely.
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OK, great.
So I did a little bit of
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research around kind of the
business and and psychological
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takeaways, right.
So from business, this really
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what we're talking about here
today is shared leadership.
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And one of the key aspects of
shared leadership is regular
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meetings to on specific topics
to build trust, alignment and
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connection.
Right.
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And then kind of translating
that at home.
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John Gottman and the Gottman
Institute has done a lot of
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research about couples who
establish rituals of connection
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reporting higher relationship
satisfaction.
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And So what does that mean?
Rituals of connection doesn't
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just have to be, you know, a
date night or a long walk.
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It can also just be connecting
on topics where if you show up
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and I show up prepared and
present and ready to take
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something off one another's
plate or or catch a ball that's
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in the air, that I mean, I can
speak for myself and say that
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that is actually the most
connecting thing.
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The the times where I have felt
overwhelmed by something as
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little as who gets the meat out
of the freezer.
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Oh, before bed so that it's
defrosted for the morning and
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you being able to do that for
me.
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Now every morning I get up out
of and I look at the fridge and
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I'm like, oh, Greg prepared that
for me.
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Greg thought about our system
the night before and now I'm
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ready.
It's like a little assembly
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line, right?
And so now I'm ready to take it
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the next step.
Yeah, I like the assembly line
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analogy 'cause that's what a lot
of the work around here is.
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I do it, you do it, we do it.
Like depends on so many
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different things with the kids
versus things with the house
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versus, you know, the car needs
whatever it needs.
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Like all of these things just
show up and we don't know when
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they're going to show up.
But it's nice to have a system
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to organize them and put them in
compartments so that like, if
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you're thinking about something
and I'm and I don't have space
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for that, like we know when
we're going to talk about it.
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It's not like, oh, Greg, I was
just thinking about this thing
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that's going to derail your
entire day.
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Yeah, which is so important for
us because we live together, we
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work together, we and we work
from home and we share three
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children together, right.
So we have a lot of moving
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pieces that could easily, and I
think this is what happened
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during COVID where we had worked
together for a while, but we
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hadn't worked together at home
in the presence of our children
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until 2020.
Right.
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And so as someone who loves
structured communication, but
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then sometimes gets a little off
with it, 'cause I have,
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especially when I'm caffeinated,
have like random thoughts like
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this morning, I truly was about
to ask you about corporate
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venture capital on our bike, on
the bike this morning at 8:00 AM
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when I was doing my warm up.
And I'm like, wait, no stop.
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We talked about that on Friday.
And so a lot of this is kind of
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translating because we had to
since we work together and live
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together, translating some of
the core operating principles
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that we have in working together
in the business world, in the
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venture capital world to our
home, right.
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And so I think we should maybe
just give an overview of what
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we're talking about and then we
can get into some of the other
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reasons to do it and.
How we do it?
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I I agree.
If I'm, if I'm listening right
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now, I want to know, OK, guys,
what's your plan?
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How does it look like?
What?
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Buckle up.
What are you in for?
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Yeah.
OK.
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So we thought it would make the
most sense to talk higher,
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highest level down to the
minutia.
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So on a very high level, we tend
to have three to five year
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vision conversations and then we
have and those are I would call
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them more sporadic like I don't
know how often would you say
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that we have those.
Well, I would say that we check
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in on those in in a way we're
checking on in on them annually
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to see how we're doing against
those.
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But we're not really changing
them at all.
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Like we might tweak a little bit
or say, hey, let's focus a
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little bit more here because you
know, we already we bought this
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house.
So like check, right?
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You know, let's focus a little
bit more on socialization, like
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on entertaining or something.
Like that?
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Still to be done, but like, but,
you know, those things don't
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really change.
And that's three to five year
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vision.
The reason that we call it
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vision is because like it's
there's no, there's no like set
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goal right there.
It's like, what do we want to
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what do we want to look back and
and say that we're we're really
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proud of.
Yeah.
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And then on a quarterly basis,
we each have our own personal
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goals and then we we share those
with one another and really
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support each other in making
them happen.
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I would say rather than actually
me doing something for you, it's
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about allocating space and time.
And then the other thing we do
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on a quarterly basis is our
quarterly investment meeting.
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So we review our budget and
investments and then on a weekly
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basis we talk about logistics.
So every Thursday morning we
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have what we call our stand up
and we talk about the things
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that need to happen over the
next 7 to 10 days.
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That stand up is like, it's very
logistics focused.
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It's but, but the first thing
that we always check in on is
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one another.
Yeah.
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And then we have a daily tasks
system that we share as well.
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So that's an outline of our
framework.
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And I think let's get into it.
It's three to five year vision.
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I'm going to let you take this
one because it's really your
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baby.
Yeah, three to five year vision
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is it's my baby to documents,
but I'm really just listening.
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I'm I'm listening to myself and
I'm listening to you and I'm
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listening to our kids about what
it is that we actually care
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about and what we want to
accomplish.
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And taking inventory of what we
have good leads us to where we
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want to spend more time.
And so like taking risks, taking
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more risks was actually the big
thing that came out of that
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conversation.
And I think the most important
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thing is a risk that we are
taking.
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Sure.
And is a big risk, right?
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But but some of the other things
that came out of that were
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serving community, right, and
spending more time with family.
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It wasn't just about building
family culture, it was about
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spending more time with family
that we have.
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So I think that there's a lot of
good that comes out of these
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conversations.
And then once we have that as
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our North Star, it's pretty easy
to calibrate what we need to be
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doing on a quarterly basis to to
get towards those goals.
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When was the last one before
that that you have written down?
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The last one would have been
February 15th, 2020.
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Oh wow, so these really are five
year vision setting exercises
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and is that did we do that at
the Mexican restaurant with jade
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and the bassinet?
That would make sense, yeah.
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Yeah, that's exactly when that
happens.
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OK.
And we, we crushed those things.
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I mean, we, we did not know how
we were going to get to those
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things.
But what we had said then is we
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want a home where we can
entertain family rituals and
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rituals for the two of us, the
pursuit of self-directed
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learning and engagement in that
community.
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And to find a 'cause we care
deeply about to teach our
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children about giving back and
unifying us on principles.
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That's what we came up with in
February 2020.
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Cool.
Pretty cool.
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Quite a circuitous path, I know,
I always say.
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Like if you had told me on
February 15th, 2020 that I was
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going to have a third child in
less than two years born at Boca
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Regional Hospital in Boca Raton,
FL, I would have thought you
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were nuts.
Like there was no way that any
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of those things were happening.
No.
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And here we are.
I know, and here we are.
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And here we are.
It's really cool because I
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honestly, I feel like you are
better at setting the vision,
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just like pulling it out like
you, you kind of have the North
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Star in your pocket at at all
times.
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And what I'm trying to do is
calibrate what we need to do to
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get to those things, but also to
make sure that I'm on board and
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aligned and understand your
position.
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If you're ahead of me, which
sometimes you are, I know I, I
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feel like the times when I'm
catching up is through my 12
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week plan review and through my
quarterly review to get us to
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the, the next step in those in
those check insurance, right?
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And then like you're always kind
of calibrating us towards like
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the, the next milestone in the
vision setting, which is pretty
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cool.
It feels good.
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It does it, I just want to check
in and make sure it does feel
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good.
I mean, look, I've got a lot of
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responsibility and leadership in
my business and with this
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family.
Like I have lots of opinions,
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but I hold on to those opinions
pretty weakly because I'm not in
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the, I don't like, I don't spend
the hour and a half with our
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kids in the morning during their
learning time to see where they
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are, to see if they need more
attention and certain things.
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You know, I'm not the one that
the kids want to have pillow
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talk with at night, to girl talk
to, to calibrate their innermost
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feelings and desires.
And so I, I'm kind of trusting
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you to take the reins on those
sorts of things to really see
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our kids and to communicate,
Greg, like this is where you can
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help.
This is where I'm spending time.
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This is how I'm thinking about
it.
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But like, I think that because
we have shared, we have shared
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goals and the shared vision and
that vision is calibrated.
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Like, I hope that there's no
resentment that you are taking
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the lead on those things, you
know, because I feel very
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supported by your leadership,
but I'm doing everything that I
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can to make sure that I'm
supporting you so that you don't
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ever feel like you have too much
on your plate.
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If that makes.
Sense, yes, absolutely.
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And I appreciate that very much.
So.
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I mean, I think that that's one
of the things that in our
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research people talk about a lot
as women bearing an outsized
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portion of the mental load when
it comes to the home.
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Yeah, and the family and the
children.
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And I think that I am happy to
bear that leadership load
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knowing that the conversations,
the ones that we'll talk about
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today, really help me kind of
workshop things with you.
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And together we can divide and
conquer on those things to do.
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So even if I'm the one that's
noticing and observing and kind
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of acting as the scientist
around what everybody seems to
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need, that we can then have
these conversations,
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particularly around our
quarterly plans and in our
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weekly conversations to support
me in those efforts.
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Absolutely.
OK.
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So we were talking about
quarterly.
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So I, yeah, I would love for you
to talk about your 12 week plan,
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how you discovered it, how long
you've been using it, that kind
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of stuff.
Yeah, the 12 week plan, I really
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love it's AI would say it's a
like stripped down version of
252
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business.
OK, Rs, but it works for just
253
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about everything.
And the reason that it's called
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the 12 week plan, it's based on
a book called the 12 week year,
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which the premise is you can do
way more in a year than you than
256
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you realize.
Don't set annual goals, set 12
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week goals and then crush them
and then move on to the next 12
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weeks.
So that's what I've been doing
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for almost 10 years now.
And I'd use this mostly as a
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function of work, but what I,
what I can throw in there are
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things that are related to our
home life as well, especially if
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I want to work on those
particular things.
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So the way that it's set up and
I can link to the book, link to
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the template.
And hat tip to Scott Britton for
265
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introducing this to me 10 years
ago, a good friend and fellow
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lifelong learner, if you will.
So the way that it's set up is
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your three month goal, your 12
week goal is the thing that
268
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you're calibrated that that I'm
calibrating towards, but I'm
269
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focused on monthly and weekly.
So the monthly thing that I need
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to focus on is going to roll up
to that 12 week goal.
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And then my weekly tasks all
need to roll up to that monthly
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thing.
And these are very specific
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things with metrics, not like,
you know, write the business
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plan.
It's like, OK, set time with
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Danielle to focus on X.
And I spelled this out for the
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three to four areas of my life
that are where my business that
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are most pressing and I score
them.
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00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:56,960
And every every Saturday or
Sunday, I set up a new one.
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And when I'm reviewing the
previous week, the scores, if
280
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I'm scoring in the upper 90s,
that means that I haven't gone
281
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,320
hard enough.
And if I'm in the 60s, then I
282
00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:09,960
probably put too much on my
plate.
283
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:13,800
But the sweet spot is like like
high 70s, low 80s, like kind of
284
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where I used to score in middle
school.
285
00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:27,160
And so I find that that gives me
the intentionality to to
286
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:30,440
understand why I'm doing things,
not just put things on my plate,
287
00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:34,280
because that monthly goal is
really what I'm calibrating
288
00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:36,080
towards, if that makes.
Sense.
289
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:37,440
Yeah, No, it makes a lot of
sense.
290
00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:39,960
I love how disciplined you are
about that.
291
00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:44,720
I was telling you earlier, just
point me to somebody who's done
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00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:48,920
something well and I will copy
it and execute because I'd, I'd
293
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:52,080
rather take something that is
good enough and just make it
294
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work for me.
And I've shown this to, you
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00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:58,560
know, dozens of people over the
last 10 years and people have
296
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picked it up and, you know, many
have started and stopped.
297
00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:04,040
Like, I just find that it's as
good as anything.
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00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:06,359
And I, I love it.
So I'm I'm going to keep using.
299
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:10,119
So that's your share, that is
your individual system.
300
00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:13,000
I don't have a system for 12
week plan.
301
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,480
It's interesting, you know, we
were talking earlier today about
302
00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:19,400
how if we had met five years
prior than what we did.
303
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:23,359
So say 15 years ago, I think I
would be the one with the very
304
00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:29,400
intense 12 week plan with OK Rs
and KPIs and would be trying to
305
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:33,040
control my own destiny.
And you might be the one that's
306
00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:37,000
more resistant to that type of
plan, right?
307
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:41,080
That's right.
And so for me, while I see so
308
00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:45,200
much growth in you in staying
disciplined and focused in that
309
00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:51,120
manner, and I see how much, how
much relief it gives you.
310
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:54,160
Is relief the right word?
Do you know what I'm saying is
311
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:58,600
how much comfort, how much
safety, how much safety is found
312
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:02,440
in that system?
For me, my growth is actually
313
00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:07,040
not having a spreadsheet that
dictates my my goals because I
314
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:12,080
can usually tell you off the top
of my head the things that I'm
315
00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:16,520
working on currently, but it's
more of a vibe and less of a
316
00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:19,600
metric based system.
And so that is what we talk
317
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:20,080
about.
So what?
318
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:22,600
So we have two very different
systems when it comes to
319
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:26,160
quarterly goals.
But quarterly, typically when we
320
00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:32,040
talk about your 12 week plan, we
talk about what are, what are my
321
00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:35,960
goals as well and how are we
going to make space for one
322
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,800
another to, to support those
efforts.
323
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:44,440
So this most recently, I know
that we're coming into like the
324
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:48,240
last time we talked about it,
school was about to start and
325
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:51,640
some of my volunteering efforts
were about to start at school
326
00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:55,280
and outside of school, right?
And so the conversation that we
327
00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:59,280
had that was so helpful to me is
like Greg, I'm Co chairing a
328
00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:01,560
focus area for Impact 100 this
year.
329
00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:06,160
I'm signed up to do math games
at Coco Plum, which I love.
330
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:10,040
And by the way, the local
hospital just started a sweet
331
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:13,720
treat cart where I could push
around a cart full of yummy
332
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:16,520
goodies for moms that have just
given birth.
333
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:18,280
And I want to do all of these
things.
334
00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:21,080
Oh, and oh, by the way, I want
to foster puppies too, Again.
335
00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:27,120
So that was a great conversation
where you really supported me
336
00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:32,000
in.
OK, so can you do math once a
337
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:36,920
month or twice a month instead
of every week like last year?
338
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:40,440
And yes, the hospital says you
have to come weekly, but guess
339
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:41,920
what, Danielle, you're a
volunteer.
340
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:45,040
And so if you tell them that you
want to come twice a month, like
341
00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:48,760
that's OK.
And so now for this next, for
342
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:54,400
these next few months, I have my
the service piece of my pie,
343
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:59,720
which is such an important piece
to me really full thanks to our
344
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:02,920
conversation because I was.
You know, racking in my brain at
345
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:05,880
3:00 AM constantly like how am I
going to get all these things
346
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:08,680
done in addition to my job and
all the other things that I have
347
00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:11,200
to do.
And so that's I think a great
348
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:16,520
example of where our quarterly
goal setting systems are so
349
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:19,840
different.
But that time that we come
350
00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:25,880
together is so important because
we are able to support one
351
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:34,160
another in creating space and
sometimes really doing, you know
352
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:38,160
this quarter you're going to be
travelling more because it's
353
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:41,200
something that we decided that
we together talked about and
354
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:43,640
decided that you is important
for value stream.
355
00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:47,800
So how is our family going to
shift with you being out of the
356
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:50,800
house more and on business
trips.
357
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:54,080
So that is another thing that we
talked about during our
358
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:56,480
quarterly goal setting time.
Yep, absolutely.
359
00:20:57,560 --> 00:21:01,520
And I'm supportive of all the
the service that you're doing.
360
00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:06,480
And I also know how important it
is to the kids that you are
361
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:10,200
there doing math with them.
And I know how important it is
362
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:12,560
to the school.
And I know how important the
363
00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:15,520
school is to this family.
And so that you get to check up
364
00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:19,200
on it every two weeks is also
very helpful.
365
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,640
Yeah, no, absolutely so.
But it's just.
366
00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:24,280
Trying to figure out all the
pieces of the pie like I tend.
367
00:21:24,360 --> 00:21:26,480
Especially when it comes to
being of service, I tend to be a
368
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:29,680
bit overly aspirational.
Yeah.
369
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:35,600
Well, I think that you, you are
overly aspirational at times.
370
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:39,880
But other times you sign up
because you don't think anyone
371
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:42,400
else is going to pull their
weight.
372
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:46,600
And so I think that you need a
little bit of like space to say,
373
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:50,120
it's OK if I only give what I
can give to.
374
00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:54,560
I don't need to give 100% to
every bucket here because I will
375
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:57,840
have 0% left.
I and I'm so grateful to you
376
00:21:58,120 --> 00:22:02,920
truly for helping me recognize
that especially in places where
377
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:05,080
I am of service, like this is
not a job.
378
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:09,840
I can decide what works for me,
not some program head on high
379
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:13,440
telling me how frequently I will
be participating, correct?
380
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:15,320
Yeah, Yeah, you're still the
customer.
381
00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:18,640
Yes, exactly.
So that is our quarterly, that's
382
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:21,640
our quarterly process around
personal goals, right.
383
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:23,560
And sometimes we'll have a
shared family goal that you'll
384
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:26,520
put on your 12 week plan and
then hold me accountable to it
385
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:29,000
as well.
But then the other quarterly
386
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:31,840
system that we've recently over
the past couple of years
387
00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:33,680
instituted really since we got
this house.
388
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:36,080
So gosh, I guess it's been five
years.
389
00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:39,680
Yeah, the financial.
Review.
390
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:42,000
We could probably have a whole
separate episode on that, but
391
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:48,240
suffice it to say we do budget
actual versus what we forecasted
392
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:53,400
and then like the go forward
budget forecast, but also
393
00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:56,680
including what I call capital
expenditures.
394
00:22:56,680 --> 00:23:00,120
So like one time large items
like turfing our front yard or
395
00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:02,440
getting our pool relined.
It usually has to do with house
396
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:06,160
stuff, right?
But you know, school tuition for
397
00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:09,680
Maverick, right, having last
year it was like his first full
398
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:13,000
year of preschool, which was
much more expensive than his one
399
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:16,360
day a week program, things like
that, Talking about how we are
400
00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:20,200
going to save for our budget for
that.
401
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:24,000
Yeah, so the the financial
review is one of my favourites
402
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:27,440
in a weird way because it's such
a airtight container.
403
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:32,800
And if we follow the thread
which I have created an e-mail
404
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:36,680
thread that gives the updates
every quarter and what we
405
00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:40,400
resolved to do for the following
quarter, it's just like so
406
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:42,000
clean.
It's like we resolved to do
407
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:44,760
this, We did this, we resolved
to do this, we did this.
408
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:49,160
And between a simple budgeting
app, which I don't use for
409
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:51,680
budgeting, I just use for
counting, it's just know where
410
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:54,680
the money went and then
calibrate for the next quarter.
411
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:57,120
So if I know where the money
went, we can track our
412
00:23:57,120 --> 00:24:00,640
investments in a spreadsheet we
can send, we can put all that
413
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:04,800
into GPT and create a nice
little e-mail, have a quick 5
414
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:08,720
minute meeting about what's been
going on, any resolutions,
415
00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:10,920
anything that we want to focus
on, anything that we want to
416
00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:13,640
save towards put that in our, in
our thread.
417
00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:17,600
And then when it comes three
months from from now, like you
418
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:20,280
know, in next month when we do
it again, I just look back at
419
00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:22,280
the thread and I know what
we're, what we've been focused
420
00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:25,520
on.
It's like, honestly, it takes
421
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:30,760
the, the financial, what I think
of as like the financial load,
422
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:34,240
the mental load of, of managing
finances, which seems to be so
423
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:39,720
huge and daunting with all of
the extra curriculars, all the
424
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:42,920
extra schooling, all the, you
know, the stuff for the kids
425
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:45,920
like, and it just makes it so
streamlined and I love that.
426
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:49,800
But I think the real innovation
is that we're relying on facts,
427
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:51,840
not emotions.
And we're looking at the whole
428
00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:54,640
picture.
We're not looking at one off, Oh
429
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:58,560
my gosh, we're now paying $800 a
month for jiu jitsu lessons.
430
00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:00,880
How?
How does that work right?
431
00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:04,440
Yep, totally.
And there are some things that
432
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:07,160
come up that we have to talk
about whether it's financial or
433
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:08,640
otherwise.
And this, this is where the
434
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:13,600
weekly stand up I think acts as
a wonderful container because I
435
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:17,880
don't necessarily want to be
bothering you when the girls
436
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:21,880
orthodontist calls one of us in
the middle of the work day about
437
00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:23,760
when we're going to schedule our
next appointment.
438
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:27,240
But I know that on Thursday
mornings at our weekly stand up,
439
00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:30,400
that is where we can have
conversations like that.
440
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:34,040
So it just goes in my little to
do system to Thursday morning.
441
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:38,840
And so I'm going to put our
weekly stand up agenda in the
442
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,640
show notes and we'll we'll do a
post about that as well because
443
00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:44,800
that is an agenda that I think
that is such an important
444
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:48,520
meeting because it, it kind of
bridges the gap between these
445
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:52,040
quarterly high level
conversations that we're having
446
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:55,920
and the daily tasks and minutia
that we have to kind of divide
447
00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:58,760
and conquer on completely.
Yeah, no, the the weekly stand
448
00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:03,880
up is key.
It's, it's what are we eating?
449
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:06,720
What are, what are we doing this
weekend?
450
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:09,560
What do we have next week?
When are we seeing each other?
451
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:12,240
When are we not?
How do we schedule our
452
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:16,720
extracurriculars Like, you know,
our exercise or our walks with a
453
00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:18,520
friend or whatever?
Physical therapy.
454
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:23,160
Like anything like that and, you
know, it's just kind of like a
455
00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:25,720
place to bring up some things
that we might have noticed over
456
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:27,600
the week or bring up some
questions that we have for one
457
00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:30,800
another that weren't really, you
know, fitting into like the
458
00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:33,320
day-to-day conversation.
Yeah, I think this is where the
459
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:35,720
sharing of house chores, it's
like really important.
460
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:38,200
So, you know, the water
filtration company needs to come
461
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:40,000
out this week.
When are we scheduling that
462
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:42,120
appointment?
Hunter needs to go to the
463
00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:45,880
orthodontist and like, should we
do speech therapy for Maverick?
464
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:49,600
All the things kind of in the
same way that our our family
465
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:50,880
meeting that we have with the
kids.
466
00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:53,480
If there's a problem that comes
up during the week, we write it
467
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:55,800
on the board in the kitchen and
then we can decide which one to
468
00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:58,400
take care of.
I know that if there are things
469
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:01,280
that come up during the week
that are more than just a one
470
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:03,680
minute conversation and passing
while we're brushing our teeth
471
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:07,440
kind of thing that we can use
Thursday morning as a way to
472
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:11,120
have, you know, not an hour long
conversation, but 5 to 10
473
00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:15,120
minutes to really get aligned on
what makes sense.
474
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:17,520
Yeah.
No, it's it's perfect.
475
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:21,920
And and that's when we breakdown
tasks and assign those tasks.
476
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:25,320
Yeah, that's where the real
sharing of house chores is, I
477
00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:27,240
believe.
And then also of course, food
478
00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:31,080
shopping and meal planning.
So we are, we like to plan for
479
00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:34,880
the week from a, we like to plan
for the next week usually.
480
00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:38,120
So we do it on Thursday mornings
and then we'll plan what's going
481
00:27:38,120 --> 00:27:40,480
on that that weekend and then
the following week.
482
00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:44,680
So it's meal planning, who needs
the car when because we share,
483
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:48,800
we share a car and who has like
early mornings or late nights.
484
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:52,840
If I have like a volunteering
opportunity or Greg has a drinks
485
00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:56,400
event in Miami, thinking about,
you know, who's going to handle
486
00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:59,480
bedtime or mornings during
during those times.
487
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:03,400
So it's, it's a really nice
container to take a look at the
488
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:07,320
at the week ahead and make and
just make sure that we're on the
489
00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:10,680
same page without necessarily
involving the kids.
490
00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:13,600
The kids are our children are 7
to 5:00 and 3:00.
491
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:17,960
They don't really need to spend
time with us on the weekends
492
00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:20,560
talking about the week ahead.
I don't even like to talk about
493
00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:22,360
it on the weekend in on the
weekend.
494
00:28:22,360 --> 00:28:24,880
Honestly, we do it
intentionally.
495
00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:28,360
You know, we take half an hour
during the week intentionally
496
00:28:28,360 --> 00:28:32,160
because it feels more kind of
like that's the time, like we're
497
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:34,640
not taking away from our
relaxation on the weekend to do
498
00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:36,040
that.
Yep, exactly.
499
00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:41,960
And then the the tasks, so tasks
are flying left and right.
500
00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:48,240
They are in our shared to do a
system, which is a system that
501
00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:52,560
we built kind of together based
on David Allen's getting things
502
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:54,360
done.
But honestly?
503
00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:57,200
I don't know if we built it
together, Greg, when we when we
504
00:28:57,200 --> 00:28:59,680
had our first date, you were
like, you need to read this book
505
00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:05,720
getting things done and you and
I think you even like downloaded
506
00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:10,040
To Do List onto my phone.
I did so, but no, it's a it's a
507
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:14,320
wonderful system.
I think that you've really
508
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:17,400
gotten me focused on keeping
things out of my head and I
509
00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:20,560
would love to kind of get into
the psychology behind that a
510
00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:23,800
little bit.
So the there's two different
511
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:25,920
effects at play here.
I mean, I'm sure there are tons,
512
00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:28,440
but two that I would like to
highlight from using A to do
513
00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:31,800
list system.
And that's one cognitive load
514
00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:34,640
theory, which is that humans
have limited working memory.
515
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:40,280
So when we externalize tasks
into systems, it reduces our
516
00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:44,400
cognitive load, which frees us
up to be so much more creative
517
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:47,320
and peaceful.
And I have certainly seen that
518
00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:48,960
in my life.
I try to keep nothing in my
519
00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:51,720
brain.
And and the the cognitive load
520
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:57,120
is going to be there if you if,
if we create tasks that are not
521
00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:59,120
tasks.
And so I'd like to talk about
522
00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:02,840
that a lot, which is like, it's
not get Maverick a new bike.
523
00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:05,360
That is not a task.
You cannot put that in To Do
524
00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:06,880
List.
That is not a thing.
525
00:30:07,080 --> 00:30:09,720
What is the next step?
And the next step needs to go
526
00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:10,920
in.
And then you can write out the
527
00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:14,240
the steps after that if you want
to or not, but only write down
528
00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:16,120
the next step that you have to
do for anything.
529
00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:20,120
Otherwise, like cognitive load
is right back on you.
530
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:21,960
It's just now showing up in your
To Do List.
531
00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:23,720
Yeah, that's such a great point.
So what would the first step be
532
00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:25,880
like?
Research a bike for Maverick.
533
00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:28,160
Or something.
So what size does he currently
534
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:31,320
have?
You know, it's the the first
535
00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:33,360
step, the first like.
Look up what size average bike.
536
00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:35,640
Currently is look at look at,
look at his current size bike,
537
00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:38,120
right?
Like what when 1 and then go
538
00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:39,960
from there.
But like that's, that's the kind
539
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:42,520
of stuff that I see in lots of
people's systems.
540
00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:46,240
And I see all these systems for
couples around finances and
541
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:47,640
around tasks and around this and
that.
542
00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:51,400
And I'm like, the principles are
not taught in these systems that
543
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:53,280
they're putting out there.
They're just creating what you
544
00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:56,880
and I have created and are
charging a premium, but aren't
545
00:30:56,880 --> 00:30:59,240
giving people the tools to
actually make them work for
546
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:01,800
them.
So I think that, you know, the
547
00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:05,040
cognitive load theory is exactly
what we're talking about.
548
00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:08,560
It's not just the cognitive load
on writing something down, which
549
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:10,000
is great.
You've written something down,
550
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:12,600
but it's actually, did you write
down what you need to do next?
551
00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:14,840
Did you actually think through?
And if you haven't thought it
552
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:19,280
through, do what we do.
Ring the AI bell, Ask GBT, ask
553
00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:21,680
Grok.
Hey, I need to get my kid a new
554
00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:23,040
bike.
What are the next steps?
555
00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:25,560
Yeah.
Or put it in your inbox, right.
556
00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:28,040
I think that's one of the key
innovations of David Allen's
557
00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:31,400
system, which is if you do not
have time to think about what's
558
00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:36,080
the tiniest next step or what is
the right, it's just throwing it
559
00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:38,120
in the top.
Throw it in the top and then
560
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:40,200
process it later.
And then process it later.
561
00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:44,240
Agreed, but what I've learned in
being around friends and
562
00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:48,200
relatives that are on their
phone for like 5 to 10 minutes
563
00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:52,240
at a time when they think of
something is that no task is 1
564
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:54,520
minute or less.
Almost no task and I.
565
00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:57,240
Think that's something that is
something that I've really seen
566
00:31:57,240 --> 00:32:00,920
you change where it used to be,
Greg, we need Mayo.
567
00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:03,960
And you would go to Walmart and
order Mayo and you'd think it
568
00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:07,080
would take you a minute, but it
would actually take 5.
569
00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:09,800
Especially because then you
maybe forgot the fact that we
570
00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:11,640
need distilled water.
Or maybe I'm like, oh, is it
571
00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:13,360
cheaper on Amazon?
Yeah, exactly.
572
00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:17,360
Exactly so.
So just write it down and that
573
00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:18,960
like I don't even like that rule
of it.
574
00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:20,840
It's less than a minute.
Like do it now.
575
00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:24,000
Not anymore, not anymore.
The do delegate defer thing is
576
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:27,720
really delegate defer and and
schedule.
577
00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:30,120
Those are the three things that
I do.
578
00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:34,000
I don't basically if, if you
know, if I get a text from
579
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:37,440
somebody being like, hey, I need
AK1 like I write it down.
580
00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:40,040
I don't rush and run to my
computer and download the K1.
581
00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:43,080
Yeah, it's more containers.
The inbox is a container.
582
00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:44,880
Exactly.
The inbox is a container.
583
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:46,680
Yeah, OK.
And then the other one is
584
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:48,880
there's a Garnick effect, which
I love because I didn't know
585
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:52,600
this was a thing, but it's so a
thing, which is that unfinished
586
00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:57,440
or unassigned tasks linger in
the mind, increasing stress and
587
00:32:57,440 --> 00:33:02,080
intrusive thoughts.
I know this so much to be true,
588
00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:05,840
which is why being able to put
something in To Do List really
589
00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:10,360
does relieve that mental load.
Unfortunately for like personal
590
00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:13,640
relationships and things like
that, I find that the Zagarnik
591
00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:17,800
effect like all I find it so
difficult.
592
00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:22,080
This is a tangent but like so
difficult to not think about a
593
00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:25,760
problem I'm having with a friend
or a family member if I cannot
594
00:33:25,760 --> 00:33:29,200
solve said problem.
Like it just stays on loop in my
595
00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:30,240
brain.
Yes.
596
00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:35,600
Yeah, yeah.
The the anticipatory stress
597
00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:39,360
research that Sweeney and
Kavanaugh did in 2012 says that
598
00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:41,600
where he spikes when uncertainty
is high.
599
00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:44,320
And so that's part of it is
because of that high
600
00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:46,360
uncertainty.
And when you don't have anything
601
00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:49,440
that's predictable, like, you
know, hey, I know how this is
602
00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:51,160
going to get resolved.
It's going to keep going.
603
00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:54,400
But this is also why our weekly
stand ups and quarterly planning
604
00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:58,000
work is because if you have a
thought on the bike about, you
605
00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:01,680
know, jiu jitsu classes and
budgeting for those like, you
606
00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:05,000
know, where that container lives
and when it's going to be talked
607
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:07,680
about and you can even name it
out loud, you'd be like, hey, I
608
00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:09,760
just had this worry show up
about jiu jitsu.
609
00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:12,840
I'm excited to talk about it in
our quarterly budget review.
610
00:34:13,239 --> 00:34:14,679
Yeah.
You know, yes.
611
00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:16,800
And then I think that relieves
the stress on you.
612
00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:19,480
So it's not like Danielle's
coming to you in the middle of
613
00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:21,120
our workout.
Because I just want to solve
614
00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:23,920
things for you.
And so if you text me, you know,
615
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:27,320
need Mayo, you know the verses
put it in.
616
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:31,000
So this is the the other part of
to do is that we love is we
617
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:35,800
assign tasks to one another and
we assign it for the day that we
618
00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:40,040
that we think of it so that the
other person sees it, but we do
619
00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:42,600
not expect that to be done that
day.
620
00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:45,880
That's just like a normal, like
when you have a chance type of
621
00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:47,600
thing, which is which is
beautiful.
622
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:51,280
So instead of waking up to 40
text messages from Danielle
623
00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:54,159
being like we're out of this,
this happened, this light bulbs
624
00:34:54,159 --> 00:34:56,639
out, whatever.
Like I'll just see it in my To
625
00:34:56,639 --> 00:35:00,320
Do List when I scan that and
then I can move that around as
626
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:01,240
necessary.
Yeah.
627
00:35:01,240 --> 00:35:04,920
And that's a recent innovation
that I'm still working on, which
628
00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:07,280
is the fact that I get up a
couple hours before you and you
629
00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:11,520
go to bed a few hours after me.
So often I will wake up, pick up
630
00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:14,840
text messages from you about
something that you're very
631
00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:17,080
excited about at 10:00 at night.
Yeah.
632
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:20,240
And I will.
Yeah, too often you will wake up
633
00:35:20,240 --> 00:35:23,440
to like logistics things from
me, right?
634
00:35:23,440 --> 00:35:24,800
Yeah, you know, I started
putting.
635
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:27,720
I even did this last night.
I went to text you this article
636
00:35:27,720 --> 00:35:32,240
about Trump shutting down the
the Florida vaccine, religious
637
00:35:32,240 --> 00:35:36,080
exemption, whatever.
And I went to text it to you and
638
00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:38,560
be like, Trump saved the day.
But I didn't.
639
00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:41,520
I put it in my inbox so that
when I saw it, I could have a
640
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:44,080
conversation with you about it
because I was like, this is
641
00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:46,400
something that I don't want you
to just like, see, I like, I
642
00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:47,320
want to talk about.
This.
643
00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:50,680
But it was a thing for me to
talk to about you because that's
644
00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:51,960
a place where we build
connection.
645
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:55,160
We're not just looking to, you
know, have these to do.
646
00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:58,480
This or just like don't you love
the people that just like send
647
00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:01,880
you articles with no Oh my God,
like you just gave me homework
648
00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:02,800
like I.
Don't understand?
649
00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:05,920
So that's not helpful.
Yeah, it happens all the Oh my
650
00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:08,760
God, don't get me started.
This is a productivity house.
651
00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:12,680
If y'all can't tell already.
We love this kind of stuff.
652
00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:15,400
We love being able to connect
with one another and not having
653
00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:17,960
this noise.
Like, what I'm trying to get
654
00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:21,600
better at is listening and not
having my phone in front of me.
655
00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:26,000
I find that, you know, writing
things down instead of doing
656
00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:31,000
them on my phone is such a great
way to be present for my loved
657
00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:33,840
ones.
And I find that, like, my whole
658
00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:36,600
life just works better if I'm
present for you, if I'm present
659
00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:39,520
for our kids.
Like that's really what this is
660
00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:41,000
about.
That's why we're doing this.
661
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:42,880
That's why we have these vision
settings.
662
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:45,760
That's what like the vision is
that we get to spend more time
663
00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:48,400
together as a family.
And so how do we do that?
664
00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:52,480
Like we have to put these
containers around all of the
665
00:36:52,480 --> 00:36:56,880
things that can jump into our
lives so that we approach those
666
00:36:57,280 --> 00:37:03,040
with the care that is needed,
but not before the time that
667
00:37:03,040 --> 00:37:06,560
they're needed to be addressed.
Yes, well said.
668
00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:08,240
Absolutely.
Well said.
669
00:37:08,240 --> 00:37:11,360
And I think that's really the
point of this is that this
670
00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:16,240
episode could be called Ways to
spend more time together.
671
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:18,880
What is all the what is all the
productivity for?
672
00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:24,400
And what it's really for is so
that we are not thinking about
673
00:37:24,400 --> 00:37:28,200
those things at the time that we
are connecting, right.
674
00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:30,000
So that when we're working out,
we're working out.
675
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:31,760
When we're working, we're
working.
676
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:35,680
When we're sitting on the beach
or relaxing in the ocean, we're
677
00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:39,480
really there.
The resentment thing is real
678
00:37:39,480 --> 00:37:41,200
too.
And I'm so glad that we don't
679
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:44,440
have that anymore.
Like I know in so many
680
00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:48,920
relationships, like even
friendships, it's just so hard
681
00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:51,240
when you feel like you're
pulling more of the weight than
682
00:37:51,240 --> 00:37:54,480
someone else's.
Like I'm just so glad that we
683
00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:57,120
don't have that.
And I'm, I'm very, very grateful
684
00:37:57,120 --> 00:38:00,080
for the for that we're on the
same page with having these
685
00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:01,960
systems and that we've designed
them together.
686
00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:05,720
It really has alleviated almost
all, if not all of the
687
00:38:05,720 --> 00:38:07,840
resentment.
So great.
688
00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:11,800
Well, thank you everybody for
listening and we hope that we've
689
00:38:11,800 --> 00:38:13,400
given you something to think
about today.
690
00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:17,280
Like I have no doubt that
everyone listening has their own
691
00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:20,080
system that works well.
It might look like your
692
00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:22,160
partner's, it might be
completely different than your
693
00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:26,000
partner's, but I think the most
important thing is really to
694
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:30,720
develop a shared system to talk
about the things that need to
695
00:38:30,720 --> 00:38:34,240
get talked about so that you can
spend the rest of the time
696
00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:38,440
connecting in in more fun ways.
Exactly.
697
00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:41,560
Yeah, like without headphones.
Yeah, we tried it today.
698
00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:43,720
Let's see how it works.
Hope you can hear us, yeah?
699
00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:45,200
OK.
All right, great.
700
00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:46,600
Love you, Goosey.
Love you, Goosey.
701
00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:50,160
Hey, guys, if you're still here,
you're definitely our kind of
702
00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:52,360
person.
Thanks for spending this time
703
00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:53,960
with us on The Most Important
Thing.
704
00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:57,880
If this episode resonated with
you, we'd love for you to follow
705
00:38:57,880 --> 00:39:00,240
us wherever you get your
podcasts and share it with
706
00:39:00,240 --> 00:39:02,000
someone else.
Building family culture on
707
00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:02,560
purpose.
00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:01,920
Did the Mayo come?
Of course.
2
00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:06,720
OK, great.
Did you?
3
00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:10,520
Did you put the salt in the salt
in the thing all time?
4
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:12,360
Yeah.
Oh, OK, great.
5
00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:15,480
Things get done.
Things are getting done.
6
00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:20,120
Yeah, I mean, our system don't
have to worry.
7
00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:22,640
Welcome back to The Most
Important Thing.
8
00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:25,920
I'm Danielle.
And I'm Greg, and together we're
9
00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:28,560
exploring family, culture and
leadership at home.
10
00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:32,080
So we're calling today's episode
How we Divide, Conquer and
11
00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:34,920
Connect the shared operating
system behind our marriage.
12
00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:39,240
And while we've been together
for a decade and started some of
13
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:42,520
these things right in fits and
starts, today we're going to
14
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:47,960
share our framework for how we
talk about the things that need
15
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:51,000
to get done.
But we don't necessarily want to
16
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:55,440
talk about them in the middle of
the kitchen or right before bed
17
00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:58,680
or me screaming Craig while I'm
in the shower, right?
18
00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:01,360
Which?
Is legitimately what used to end
19
00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:02,920
up happening.
Yeah, yeah.
20
00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:04,000
And still.
Does happen a little bit
21
00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:07,000
sometimes.
I love this topic because I just
22
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:11,800
think that it's so great to be
able to look back and say we've
23
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got these foundations, we've got
this, these systems to a point
24
00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:18,160
where we can now share them and
other people can copy ours
25
00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:20,760
because like, I copied so many
people on the way here.
26
00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:24,360
So true, or at least take ours
as like a bad first draft,
27
00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:27,280
right?
Because I think that most of our
28
00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:31,200
listeners have certainly their
own system, right?
29
00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:33,360
And we're all competent in our
own worlds.
30
00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:36,440
I can like speak for myself and
say that I have my own system
31
00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:39,560
that starts at 5:00 AM and ends
at 8:00 PM.
32
00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:42,760
Where is your schedule is is on
the later side of that.
33
00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:46,840
And so this is really about
where our two systems overlap
34
00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:49,600
app and how to create a shared
system.
35
00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:54,120
That assumes that we talk about
really shared leadership, right?
36
00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:56,560
That assumes that we talk about
the things that we need to talk
37
00:01:56,560 --> 00:02:00,600
about and where we need support,
and then we trust each other
38
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:03,200
that those things will get done
in our own way.
39
00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:06,160
Correct, right?
1 + 1 = 3.
40
00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:07,880
Yeah.
And so, like you said, today's
41
00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:13,200
framework is our framework
subject to further change and
42
00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:16,080
development, but it's one that
we're sharing not because it's a
43
00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:20,880
magic pill, but because we think
that it's worthwhile to give you
44
00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:24,040
something to something to hold
onto.
45
00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:26,680
Totally.
And in preparation for this
46
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:30,360
episode, we did some digging
into research, and there's a ton
47
00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:33,000
of science that backs what we're
talking about today and how
48
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:35,000
important all this is.
Yeah.
49
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:36,760
So should we get into that?
Absolutely.
50
00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:39,200
OK, great.
So I did a little bit of
51
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:42,920
research around kind of the
business and and psychological
52
00:02:42,920 --> 00:02:46,120
takeaways, right.
So from business, this really
53
00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:49,560
what we're talking about here
today is shared leadership.
54
00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:53,640
And one of the key aspects of
shared leadership is regular
55
00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:59,400
meetings to on specific topics
to build trust, alignment and
56
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:01,320
connection.
Right.
57
00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:03,840
And then kind of translating
that at home.
58
00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:07,640
John Gottman and the Gottman
Institute has done a lot of
59
00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:11,600
research about couples who
establish rituals of connection
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reporting higher relationship
satisfaction.
61
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:18,680
And So what does that mean?
Rituals of connection doesn't
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00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:22,440
just have to be, you know, a
date night or a long walk.
63
00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:27,560
It can also just be connecting
on topics where if you show up
64
00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:33,440
and I show up prepared and
present and ready to take
65
00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:36,800
something off one another's
plate or or catch a ball that's
66
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:40,040
in the air, that I mean, I can
speak for myself and say that
67
00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:42,720
that is actually the most
connecting thing.
68
00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:46,520
The the times where I have felt
overwhelmed by something as
69
00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:51,160
little as who gets the meat out
of the freezer.
70
00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:55,640
Oh, before bed so that it's
defrosted for the morning and
71
00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:57,440
you being able to do that for
me.
72
00:03:57,440 --> 00:04:02,200
Now every morning I get up out
of and I look at the fridge and
73
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:05,040
I'm like, oh, Greg prepared that
for me.
74
00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:09,720
Greg thought about our system
the night before and now I'm
75
00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:11,080
ready.
It's like a little assembly
76
00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:13,160
line, right?
And so now I'm ready to take it
77
00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:17,040
the next step.
Yeah, I like the assembly line
78
00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:21,360
analogy 'cause that's what a lot
of the work around here is.
79
00:04:21,839 --> 00:04:26,040
I do it, you do it, we do it.
Like depends on so many
80
00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:29,080
different things with the kids
versus things with the house
81
00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:32,440
versus, you know, the car needs
whatever it needs.
82
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:37,120
Like all of these things just
show up and we don't know when
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00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:40,040
they're going to show up.
But it's nice to have a system
84
00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:43,640
to organize them and put them in
compartments so that like, if
85
00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:47,040
you're thinking about something
and I'm and I don't have space
86
00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:49,440
for that, like we know when
we're going to talk about it.
87
00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:52,360
It's not like, oh, Greg, I was
just thinking about this thing
88
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:54,160
that's going to derail your
entire day.
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00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:57,840
Yeah, which is so important for
us because we live together, we
90
00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:01,760
work together, we and we work
from home and we share three
91
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:05,040
children together, right.
So we have a lot of moving
92
00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:07,640
pieces that could easily, and I
think this is what happened
93
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:11,320
during COVID where we had worked
together for a while, but we
94
00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:15,400
hadn't worked together at home
in the presence of our children
95
00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:18,520
until 2020.
Right.
96
00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:23,240
And so as someone who loves
structured communication, but
97
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:26,440
then sometimes gets a little off
with it, 'cause I have,
98
00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:29,920
especially when I'm caffeinated,
have like random thoughts like
99
00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:33,200
this morning, I truly was about
to ask you about corporate
100
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:37,640
venture capital on our bike, on
the bike this morning at 8:00 AM
101
00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:40,480
when I was doing my warm up.
And I'm like, wait, no stop.
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00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:45,240
We talked about that on Friday.
And so a lot of this is kind of
103
00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:48,360
translating because we had to
since we work together and live
104
00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:51,680
together, translating some of
the core operating principles
105
00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:55,160
that we have in working together
in the business world, in the
106
00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:58,600
venture capital world to our
home, right.
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00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:02,680
And so I think we should maybe
just give an overview of what
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00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:06,280
we're talking about and then we
can get into some of the other
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00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:08,320
reasons to do it and.
How we do it?
110
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:10,760
I I agree.
If I'm, if I'm listening right
111
00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:13,920
now, I want to know, OK, guys,
what's your plan?
112
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:14,960
How does it look like?
What?
113
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:16,640
Buckle up.
What are you in for?
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00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:17,880
Yeah.
OK.
115
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:21,680
So we thought it would make the
most sense to talk higher,
116
00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:24,120
highest level down to the
minutia.
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00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:30,560
So on a very high level, we tend
to have three to five year
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00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:35,200
vision conversations and then we
have and those are I would call
119
00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:39,160
them more sporadic like I don't
know how often would you say
120
00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:41,800
that we have those.
Well, I would say that we check
121
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:46,360
in on those in in a way we're
checking on in on them annually
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00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:48,440
to see how we're doing against
those.
123
00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:51,200
But we're not really changing
them at all.
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00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:55,040
Like we might tweak a little bit
or say, hey, let's focus a
125
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:58,720
little bit more here because you
know, we already we bought this
126
00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:00,480
house.
So like check, right?
127
00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:05,200
You know, let's focus a little
bit more on socialization, like
128
00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:06,920
on entertaining or something.
Like that?
129
00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:10,800
Still to be done, but like, but,
you know, those things don't
130
00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:12,720
really change.
And that's three to five year
131
00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:14,640
vision.
The reason that we call it
132
00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:19,120
vision is because like it's
there's no, there's no like set
133
00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:21,440
goal right there.
It's like, what do we want to
134
00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:24,560
what do we want to look back and
and say that we're we're really
135
00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:25,120
proud of.
Yeah.
136
00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:29,600
And then on a quarterly basis,
we each have our own personal
137
00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:36,240
goals and then we we share those
with one another and really
138
00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:39,600
support each other in making
them happen.
139
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:43,960
I would say rather than actually
me doing something for you, it's
140
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:48,080
about allocating space and time.
And then the other thing we do
141
00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:50,520
on a quarterly basis is our
quarterly investment meeting.
142
00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:54,360
So we review our budget and
investments and then on a weekly
143
00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:58,800
basis we talk about logistics.
So every Thursday morning we
144
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:02,160
have what we call our stand up
and we talk about the things
145
00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:05,000
that need to happen over the
next 7 to 10 days.
146
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:10,000
That stand up is like, it's very
logistics focused.
147
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,960
It's but, but the first thing
that we always check in on is
148
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,320
one another.
Yeah.
149
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:17,800
And then we have a daily tasks
system that we share as well.
150
00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:20,640
So that's an outline of our
framework.
151
00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:24,600
And I think let's get into it.
It's three to five year vision.
152
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,840
I'm going to let you take this
one because it's really your
153
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,480
baby.
Yeah, three to five year vision
154
00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:34,640
is it's my baby to documents,
but I'm really just listening.
155
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:37,480
I'm I'm listening to myself and
I'm listening to you and I'm
156
00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:40,559
listening to our kids about what
it is that we actually care
157
00:08:40,559 --> 00:08:43,039
about and what we want to
accomplish.
158
00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:46,440
And taking inventory of what we
have good leads us to where we
159
00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:50,080
want to spend more time.
And so like taking risks, taking
160
00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:52,360
more risks was actually the big
thing that came out of that
161
00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:54,400
conversation.
And I think the most important
162
00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:56,240
thing is a risk that we are
taking.
163
00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:59,040
Sure.
And is a big risk, right?
164
00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:01,840
But but some of the other things
that came out of that were
165
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:06,960
serving community, right, and
spending more time with family.
166
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:09,200
It wasn't just about building
family culture, it was about
167
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,240
spending more time with family
that we have.
168
00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:14,680
So I think that there's a lot of
good that comes out of these
169
00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:16,920
conversations.
And then once we have that as
170
00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:19,760
our North Star, it's pretty easy
to calibrate what we need to be
171
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:23,640
doing on a quarterly basis to to
get towards those goals.
172
00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,960
When was the last one before
that that you have written down?
173
00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:32,200
The last one would have been
February 15th, 2020.
174
00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:36,760
Oh wow, so these really are five
year vision setting exercises
175
00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:40,840
and is that did we do that at
the Mexican restaurant with jade
176
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:44,800
and the bassinet?
That would make sense, yeah.
177
00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:48,080
Yeah, that's exactly when that
happens.
178
00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:52,400
OK.
And we, we crushed those things.
179
00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:55,640
I mean, we, we did not know how
we were going to get to those
180
00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:58,480
things.
But what we had said then is we
181
00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:02,040
want a home where we can
entertain family rituals and
182
00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:05,760
rituals for the two of us, the
pursuit of self-directed
183
00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:08,040
learning and engagement in that
community.
184
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:11,920
And to find a 'cause we care
deeply about to teach our
185
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children about giving back and
unifying us on principles.
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That's what we came up with in
February 2020.
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Cool.
Pretty cool.
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Quite a circuitous path, I know,
I always say.
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Like if you had told me on
February 15th, 2020 that I was
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going to have a third child in
less than two years born at Boca
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Regional Hospital in Boca Raton,
FL, I would have thought you
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were nuts.
Like there was no way that any
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of those things were happening.
No.
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And here we are.
I know, and here we are.
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And here we are.
It's really cool because I
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honestly, I feel like you are
better at setting the vision,
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just like pulling it out like
you, you kind of have the North
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Star in your pocket at at all
times.
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And what I'm trying to do is
calibrate what we need to do to
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get to those things, but also to
make sure that I'm on board and
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aligned and understand your
position.
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If you're ahead of me, which
sometimes you are, I know I, I
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feel like the times when I'm
catching up is through my 12
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week plan review and through my
quarterly review to get us to
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the, the next step in those in
those check insurance, right?
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And then like you're always kind
of calibrating us towards like
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the, the next milestone in the
vision setting, which is pretty
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cool.
It feels good.
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It does it, I just want to check
in and make sure it does feel
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good.
I mean, look, I've got a lot of
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responsibility and leadership in
my business and with this
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family.
Like I have lots of opinions,
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but I hold on to those opinions
pretty weakly because I'm not in
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the, I don't like, I don't spend
the hour and a half with our
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kids in the morning during their
learning time to see where they
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are, to see if they need more
attention and certain things.
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You know, I'm not the one that
the kids want to have pillow
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talk with at night, to girl talk
to, to calibrate their innermost
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feelings and desires.
And so I, I'm kind of trusting
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you to take the reins on those
sorts of things to really see
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our kids and to communicate,
Greg, like this is where you can
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help.
This is where I'm spending time.
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This is how I'm thinking about
it.
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But like, I think that because
we have shared, we have shared
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goals and the shared vision and
that vision is calibrated.
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Like, I hope that there's no
resentment that you are taking
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the lead on those things, you
know, because I feel very
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supported by your leadership,
but I'm doing everything that I
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can to make sure that I'm
supporting you so that you don't
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ever feel like you have too much
on your plate.
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If that makes.
Sense, yes, absolutely.
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And I appreciate that very much.
So.
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I mean, I think that that's one
of the things that in our
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research people talk about a lot
as women bearing an outsized
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portion of the mental load when
it comes to the home.
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Yeah, and the family and the
children.
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And I think that I am happy to
bear that leadership load
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knowing that the conversations,
the ones that we'll talk about
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today, really help me kind of
workshop things with you.
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And together we can divide and
conquer on those things to do.
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So even if I'm the one that's
noticing and observing and kind
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of acting as the scientist
around what everybody seems to
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need, that we can then have
these conversations,
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particularly around our
quarterly plans and in our
245
00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:50,360
weekly conversations to support
me in those efforts.
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Absolutely.
OK.
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So we were talking about
quarterly.
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00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:57,520
So I, yeah, I would love for you
to talk about your 12 week plan,
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how you discovered it, how long
you've been using it, that kind
250
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:02,840
of stuff.
Yeah, the 12 week plan, I really
251
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love it's AI would say it's a
like stripped down version of
252
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business.
OK, Rs, but it works for just
253
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:15,120
about everything.
And the reason that it's called
254
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the 12 week plan, it's based on
a book called the 12 week year,
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which the premise is you can do
way more in a year than you than
256
00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:28,360
you realize.
Don't set annual goals, set 12
257
00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:32,400
week goals and then crush them
and then move on to the next 12
258
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weeks.
So that's what I've been doing
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00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:39,400
for almost 10 years now.
And I'd use this mostly as a
260
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function of work, but what I,
what I can throw in there are
261
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things that are related to our
home life as well, especially if
262
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I want to work on those
particular things.
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00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:55,800
So the way that it's set up and
I can link to the book, link to
264
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the template.
And hat tip to Scott Britton for
265
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:04,400
introducing this to me 10 years
ago, a good friend and fellow
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lifelong learner, if you will.
So the way that it's set up is
267
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your three month goal, your 12
week goal is the thing that
268
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you're calibrated that that I'm
calibrating towards, but I'm
269
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focused on monthly and weekly.
So the monthly thing that I need
270
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to focus on is going to roll up
to that 12 week goal.
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And then my weekly tasks all
need to roll up to that monthly
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thing.
And these are very specific
273
00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:37,000
things with metrics, not like,
you know, write the business
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00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:40,520
plan.
It's like, OK, set time with
275
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Danielle to focus on X.
And I spelled this out for the
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00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:49,120
three to four areas of my life
that are where my business that
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are most pressing and I score
them.
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00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:56,960
And every every Saturday or
Sunday, I set up a new one.
279
00:15:56,960 --> 00:16:00,800
And when I'm reviewing the
previous week, the scores, if
280
00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:05,640
I'm scoring in the upper 90s,
that means that I haven't gone
281
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,320
hard enough.
And if I'm in the 60s, then I
282
00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:09,960
probably put too much on my
plate.
283
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:13,800
But the sweet spot is like like
high 70s, low 80s, like kind of
284
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:16,520
where I used to score in middle
school.
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00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:27,160
And so I find that that gives me
the intentionality to to
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00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:30,440
understand why I'm doing things,
not just put things on my plate,
287
00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:34,280
because that monthly goal is
really what I'm calibrating
288
00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:36,080
towards, if that makes.
Sense.
289
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:37,440
Yeah, No, it makes a lot of
sense.
290
00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:39,960
I love how disciplined you are
about that.
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00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:44,720
I was telling you earlier, just
point me to somebody who's done
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00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:48,920
something well and I will copy
it and execute because I'd, I'd
293
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:52,080
rather take something that is
good enough and just make it
294
00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:55,200
work for me.
And I've shown this to, you
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00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:58,560
know, dozens of people over the
last 10 years and people have
296
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:01,080
picked it up and, you know, many
have started and stopped.
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00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:04,040
Like, I just find that it's as
good as anything.
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00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:06,359
And I, I love it.
So I'm I'm going to keep using.
299
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:10,119
So that's your share, that is
your individual system.
300
00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:13,000
I don't have a system for 12
week plan.
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00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,480
It's interesting, you know, we
were talking earlier today about
302
00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:19,400
how if we had met five years
prior than what we did.
303
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:23,359
So say 15 years ago, I think I
would be the one with the very
304
00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:29,400
intense 12 week plan with OK Rs
and KPIs and would be trying to
305
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:33,040
control my own destiny.
And you might be the one that's
306
00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:37,000
more resistant to that type of
plan, right?
307
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:41,080
That's right.
And so for me, while I see so
308
00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:45,200
much growth in you in staying
disciplined and focused in that
309
00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:51,120
manner, and I see how much, how
much relief it gives you.
310
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:54,160
Is relief the right word?
Do you know what I'm saying is
311
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:58,600
how much comfort, how much
safety, how much safety is found
312
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:02,440
in that system?
For me, my growth is actually
313
00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:07,040
not having a spreadsheet that
dictates my my goals because I
314
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:12,080
can usually tell you off the top
of my head the things that I'm
315
00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:16,520
working on currently, but it's
more of a vibe and less of a
316
00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:19,600
metric based system.
And so that is what we talk
317
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:20,080
about.
So what?
318
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:22,600
So we have two very different
systems when it comes to
319
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:26,160
quarterly goals.
But quarterly, typically when we
320
00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:32,040
talk about your 12 week plan, we
talk about what are, what are my
321
00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:35,960
goals as well and how are we
going to make space for one
322
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,800
another to, to support those
efforts.
323
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:44,440
So this most recently, I know
that we're coming into like the
324
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:48,240
last time we talked about it,
school was about to start and
325
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:51,640
some of my volunteering efforts
were about to start at school
326
00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:55,280
and outside of school, right?
And so the conversation that we
327
00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:59,280
had that was so helpful to me is
like Greg, I'm Co chairing a
328
00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:01,560
focus area for Impact 100 this
year.
329
00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:06,160
I'm signed up to do math games
at Coco Plum, which I love.
330
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:10,040
And by the way, the local
hospital just started a sweet
331
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:13,720
treat cart where I could push
around a cart full of yummy
332
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:16,520
goodies for moms that have just
given birth.
333
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:18,280
And I want to do all of these
things.
334
00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:21,080
Oh, and oh, by the way, I want
to foster puppies too, Again.
335
00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:27,120
So that was a great conversation
where you really supported me
336
00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:32,000
in.
OK, so can you do math once a
337
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:36,920
month or twice a month instead
of every week like last year?
338
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:40,440
And yes, the hospital says you
have to come weekly, but guess
339
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:41,920
what, Danielle, you're a
volunteer.
340
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:45,040
And so if you tell them that you
want to come twice a month, like
341
00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:48,760
that's OK.
And so now for this next, for
342
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:54,400
these next few months, I have my
the service piece of my pie,
343
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:59,720
which is such an important piece
to me really full thanks to our
344
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:02,920
conversation because I was.
You know, racking in my brain at
345
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:05,880
3:00 AM constantly like how am I
going to get all these things
346
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:08,680
done in addition to my job and
all the other things that I have
347
00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:11,200
to do.
And so that's I think a great
348
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:16,520
example of where our quarterly
goal setting systems are so
349
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:19,840
different.
But that time that we come
350
00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:25,880
together is so important because
we are able to support one
351
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:34,160
another in creating space and
sometimes really doing, you know
352
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:38,160
this quarter you're going to be
travelling more because it's
353
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:41,200
something that we decided that
we together talked about and
354
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:43,640
decided that you is important
for value stream.
355
00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:47,800
So how is our family going to
shift with you being out of the
356
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:50,800
house more and on business
trips.
357
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:54,080
So that is another thing that we
talked about during our
358
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:56,480
quarterly goal setting time.
Yep, absolutely.
359
00:20:57,560 --> 00:21:01,520
And I'm supportive of all the
the service that you're doing.
360
00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:06,480
And I also know how important it
is to the kids that you are
361
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:10,200
there doing math with them.
And I know how important it is
362
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:12,560
to the school.
And I know how important the
363
00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:15,520
school is to this family.
And so that you get to check up
364
00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:19,200
on it every two weeks is also
very helpful.
365
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,640
Yeah, no, absolutely so.
But it's just.
366
00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:24,280
Trying to figure out all the
pieces of the pie like I tend.
367
00:21:24,360 --> 00:21:26,480
Especially when it comes to
being of service, I tend to be a
368
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:29,680
bit overly aspirational.
Yeah.
369
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:35,600
Well, I think that you, you are
overly aspirational at times.
370
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:39,880
But other times you sign up
because you don't think anyone
371
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:42,400
else is going to pull their
weight.
372
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:46,600
And so I think that you need a
little bit of like space to say,
373
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:50,120
it's OK if I only give what I
can give to.
374
00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:54,560
I don't need to give 100% to
every bucket here because I will
375
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:57,840
have 0% left.
I and I'm so grateful to you
376
00:21:58,120 --> 00:22:02,920
truly for helping me recognize
that especially in places where
377
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:05,080
I am of service, like this is
not a job.
378
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:09,840
I can decide what works for me,
not some program head on high
379
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:13,440
telling me how frequently I will
be participating, correct?
380
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:15,320
Yeah, Yeah, you're still the
customer.
381
00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:18,640
Yes, exactly.
So that is our quarterly, that's
382
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:21,640
our quarterly process around
personal goals, right.
383
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:23,560
And sometimes we'll have a
shared family goal that you'll
384
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:26,520
put on your 12 week plan and
then hold me accountable to it
385
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:29,000
as well.
But then the other quarterly
386
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:31,840
system that we've recently over
the past couple of years
387
00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:33,680
instituted really since we got
this house.
388
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:36,080
So gosh, I guess it's been five
years.
389
00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:39,680
Yeah, the financial.
Review.
390
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:42,000
We could probably have a whole
separate episode on that, but
391
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:48,240
suffice it to say we do budget
actual versus what we forecasted
392
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:53,400
and then like the go forward
budget forecast, but also
393
00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:56,680
including what I call capital
expenditures.
394
00:22:56,680 --> 00:23:00,120
So like one time large items
like turfing our front yard or
395
00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:02,440
getting our pool relined.
It usually has to do with house
396
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:06,160
stuff, right?
But you know, school tuition for
397
00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:09,680
Maverick, right, having last
year it was like his first full
398
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:13,000
year of preschool, which was
much more expensive than his one
399
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:16,360
day a week program, things like
that, Talking about how we are
400
00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:20,200
going to save for our budget for
that.
401
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:24,000
Yeah, so the the financial
review is one of my favourites
402
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:27,440
in a weird way because it's such
a airtight container.
403
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:32,800
And if we follow the thread
which I have created an e-mail
404
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:36,680
thread that gives the updates
every quarter and what we
405
00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:40,400
resolved to do for the following
quarter, it's just like so
406
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:42,000
clean.
It's like we resolved to do
407
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:44,760
this, We did this, we resolved
to do this, we did this.
408
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:49,160
And between a simple budgeting
app, which I don't use for
409
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:51,680
budgeting, I just use for
counting, it's just know where
410
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:54,680
the money went and then
calibrate for the next quarter.
411
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:57,120
So if I know where the money
went, we can track our
412
00:23:57,120 --> 00:24:00,640
investments in a spreadsheet we
can send, we can put all that
413
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:04,800
into GPT and create a nice
little e-mail, have a quick 5
414
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:08,720
minute meeting about what's been
going on, any resolutions,
415
00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:10,920
anything that we want to focus
on, anything that we want to
416
00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:13,640
save towards put that in our, in
our thread.
417
00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:17,600
And then when it comes three
months from from now, like you
418
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:20,280
know, in next month when we do
it again, I just look back at
419
00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:22,280
the thread and I know what
we're, what we've been focused
420
00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:25,520
on.
It's like, honestly, it takes
421
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:30,760
the, the financial, what I think
of as like the financial load,
422
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:34,240
the mental load of, of managing
finances, which seems to be so
423
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:39,720
huge and daunting with all of
the extra curriculars, all the
424
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:42,920
extra schooling, all the, you
know, the stuff for the kids
425
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:45,920
like, and it just makes it so
streamlined and I love that.
426
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:49,800
But I think the real innovation
is that we're relying on facts,
427
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:51,840
not emotions.
And we're looking at the whole
428
00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:54,640
picture.
We're not looking at one off, Oh
429
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:58,560
my gosh, we're now paying $800 a
month for jiu jitsu lessons.
430
00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:00,880
How?
How does that work right?
431
00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:04,440
Yep, totally.
And there are some things that
432
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:07,160
come up that we have to talk
about whether it's financial or
433
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:08,640
otherwise.
And this, this is where the
434
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:13,600
weekly stand up I think acts as
a wonderful container because I
435
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:17,880
don't necessarily want to be
bothering you when the girls
436
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:21,880
orthodontist calls one of us in
the middle of the work day about
437
00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:23,760
when we're going to schedule our
next appointment.
438
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:27,240
But I know that on Thursday
mornings at our weekly stand up,
439
00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:30,400
that is where we can have
conversations like that.
440
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:34,040
So it just goes in my little to
do system to Thursday morning.
441
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:38,840
And so I'm going to put our
weekly stand up agenda in the
442
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,640
show notes and we'll we'll do a
post about that as well because
443
00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:44,800
that is an agenda that I think
that is such an important
444
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:48,520
meeting because it, it kind of
bridges the gap between these
445
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:52,040
quarterly high level
conversations that we're having
446
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:55,920
and the daily tasks and minutia
that we have to kind of divide
447
00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:58,760
and conquer on completely.
Yeah, no, the the weekly stand
448
00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:03,880
up is key.
It's, it's what are we eating?
449
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:06,720
What are, what are we doing this
weekend?
450
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:09,560
What do we have next week?
When are we seeing each other?
451
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:12,240
When are we not?
How do we schedule our
452
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:16,720
extracurriculars Like, you know,
our exercise or our walks with a
453
00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:18,520
friend or whatever?
Physical therapy.
454
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:23,160
Like anything like that and, you
know, it's just kind of like a
455
00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:25,720
place to bring up some things
that we might have noticed over
456
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:27,600
the week or bring up some
questions that we have for one
457
00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:30,800
another that weren't really, you
know, fitting into like the
458
00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:33,320
day-to-day conversation.
Yeah, I think this is where the
459
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:35,720
sharing of house chores, it's
like really important.
460
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:38,200
So, you know, the water
filtration company needs to come
461
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:40,000
out this week.
When are we scheduling that
462
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:42,120
appointment?
Hunter needs to go to the
463
00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:45,880
orthodontist and like, should we
do speech therapy for Maverick?
464
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:49,600
All the things kind of in the
same way that our our family
465
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:50,880
meeting that we have with the
kids.
466
00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:53,480
If there's a problem that comes
up during the week, we write it
467
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:55,800
on the board in the kitchen and
then we can decide which one to
468
00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:58,400
take care of.
I know that if there are things
469
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:01,280
that come up during the week
that are more than just a one
470
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:03,680
minute conversation and passing
while we're brushing our teeth
471
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:07,440
kind of thing that we can use
Thursday morning as a way to
472
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:11,120
have, you know, not an hour long
conversation, but 5 to 10
473
00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:15,120
minutes to really get aligned on
what makes sense.
474
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:17,520
Yeah.
No, it's it's perfect.
475
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:21,920
And and that's when we breakdown
tasks and assign those tasks.
476
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:25,320
Yeah, that's where the real
sharing of house chores is, I
477
00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:27,240
believe.
And then also of course, food
478
00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:31,080
shopping and meal planning.
So we are, we like to plan for
479
00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:34,880
the week from a, we like to plan
for the next week usually.
480
00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:38,120
So we do it on Thursday mornings
and then we'll plan what's going
481
00:27:38,120 --> 00:27:40,480
on that that weekend and then
the following week.
482
00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:44,680
So it's meal planning, who needs
the car when because we share,
483
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:48,800
we share a car and who has like
early mornings or late nights.
484
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:52,840
If I have like a volunteering
opportunity or Greg has a drinks
485
00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:56,400
event in Miami, thinking about,
you know, who's going to handle
486
00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:59,480
bedtime or mornings during
during those times.
487
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:03,400
So it's, it's a really nice
container to take a look at the
488
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:07,320
at the week ahead and make and
just make sure that we're on the
489
00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:10,680
same page without necessarily
involving the kids.
490
00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:13,600
The kids are our children are 7
to 5:00 and 3:00.
491
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:17,960
They don't really need to spend
time with us on the weekends
492
00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:20,560
talking about the week ahead.
I don't even like to talk about
493
00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:22,360
it on the weekend in on the
weekend.
494
00:28:22,360 --> 00:28:24,880
Honestly, we do it
intentionally.
495
00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:28,360
You know, we take half an hour
during the week intentionally
496
00:28:28,360 --> 00:28:32,160
because it feels more kind of
like that's the time, like we're
497
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:34,640
not taking away from our
relaxation on the weekend to do
498
00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:36,040
that.
Yep, exactly.
499
00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:41,960
And then the the tasks, so tasks
are flying left and right.
500
00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:48,240
They are in our shared to do a
system, which is a system that
501
00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:52,560
we built kind of together based
on David Allen's getting things
502
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:54,360
done.
But honestly?
503
00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:57,200
I don't know if we built it
together, Greg, when we when we
504
00:28:57,200 --> 00:28:59,680
had our first date, you were
like, you need to read this book
505
00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:05,720
getting things done and you and
I think you even like downloaded
506
00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:10,040
To Do List onto my phone.
I did so, but no, it's a it's a
507
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:14,320
wonderful system.
I think that you've really
508
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:17,400
gotten me focused on keeping
things out of my head and I
509
00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:20,560
would love to kind of get into
the psychology behind that a
510
00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:23,800
little bit.
So the there's two different
511
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:25,920
effects at play here.
I mean, I'm sure there are tons,
512
00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:28,440
but two that I would like to
highlight from using A to do
513
00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:31,800
list system.
And that's one cognitive load
514
00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:34,640
theory, which is that humans
have limited working memory.
515
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:40,280
So when we externalize tasks
into systems, it reduces our
516
00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:44,400
cognitive load, which frees us
up to be so much more creative
517
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:47,320
and peaceful.
And I have certainly seen that
518
00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:48,960
in my life.
I try to keep nothing in my
519
00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:51,720
brain.
And and the the cognitive load
520
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:57,120
is going to be there if you if,
if we create tasks that are not
521
00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:59,120
tasks.
And so I'd like to talk about
522
00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:02,840
that a lot, which is like, it's
not get Maverick a new bike.
523
00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:05,360
That is not a task.
You cannot put that in To Do
524
00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:06,880
List.
That is not a thing.
525
00:30:07,080 --> 00:30:09,720
What is the next step?
And the next step needs to go
526
00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:10,920
in.
And then you can write out the
527
00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:14,240
the steps after that if you want
to or not, but only write down
528
00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:16,120
the next step that you have to
do for anything.
529
00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:20,120
Otherwise, like cognitive load
is right back on you.
530
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:21,960
It's just now showing up in your
To Do List.
531
00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:23,720
Yeah, that's such a great point.
So what would the first step be
532
00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:25,880
like?
Research a bike for Maverick.
533
00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:28,160
Or something.
So what size does he currently
534
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:31,320
have?
You know, it's the the first
535
00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:33,360
step, the first like.
Look up what size average bike.
536
00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:35,640
Currently is look at look at,
look at his current size bike,
537
00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:38,120
right?
Like what when 1 and then go
538
00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:39,960
from there.
But like that's, that's the kind
539
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:42,520
of stuff that I see in lots of
people's systems.
540
00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:46,240
And I see all these systems for
couples around finances and
541
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:47,640
around tasks and around this and
that.
542
00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:51,400
And I'm like, the principles are
not taught in these systems that
543
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:53,280
they're putting out there.
They're just creating what you
544
00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:56,880
and I have created and are
charging a premium, but aren't
545
00:30:56,880 --> 00:30:59,240
giving people the tools to
actually make them work for
546
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:01,800
them.
So I think that, you know, the
547
00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:05,040
cognitive load theory is exactly
what we're talking about.
548
00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:08,560
It's not just the cognitive load
on writing something down, which
549
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:10,000
is great.
You've written something down,
550
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:12,600
but it's actually, did you write
down what you need to do next?
551
00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:14,840
Did you actually think through?
And if you haven't thought it
552
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:19,280
through, do what we do.
Ring the AI bell, Ask GBT, ask
553
00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:21,680
Grok.
Hey, I need to get my kid a new
554
00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:23,040
bike.
What are the next steps?
555
00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:25,560
Yeah.
Or put it in your inbox, right.
556
00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:28,040
I think that's one of the key
innovations of David Allen's
557
00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:31,400
system, which is if you do not
have time to think about what's
558
00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:36,080
the tiniest next step or what is
the right, it's just throwing it
559
00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:38,120
in the top.
Throw it in the top and then
560
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:40,200
process it later.
And then process it later.
561
00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:44,240
Agreed, but what I've learned in
being around friends and
562
00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:48,200
relatives that are on their
phone for like 5 to 10 minutes
563
00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:52,240
at a time when they think of
something is that no task is 1
564
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:54,520
minute or less.
Almost no task and I.
565
00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:57,240
Think that's something that is
something that I've really seen
566
00:31:57,240 --> 00:32:00,920
you change where it used to be,
Greg, we need Mayo.
567
00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:03,960
And you would go to Walmart and
order Mayo and you'd think it
568
00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:07,080
would take you a minute, but it
would actually take 5.
569
00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:09,800
Especially because then you
maybe forgot the fact that we
570
00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:11,640
need distilled water.
Or maybe I'm like, oh, is it
571
00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:13,360
cheaper on Amazon?
Yeah, exactly.
572
00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:17,360
Exactly so.
So just write it down and that
573
00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:18,960
like I don't even like that rule
of it.
574
00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:20,840
It's less than a minute.
Like do it now.
575
00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:24,000
Not anymore, not anymore.
The do delegate defer thing is
576
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:27,720
really delegate defer and and
schedule.
577
00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:30,120
Those are the three things that
I do.
578
00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:34,000
I don't basically if, if you
know, if I get a text from
579
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:37,440
somebody being like, hey, I need
AK1 like I write it down.
580
00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:40,040
I don't rush and run to my
computer and download the K1.
581
00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:43,080
Yeah, it's more containers.
The inbox is a container.
582
00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:44,880
Exactly.
The inbox is a container.
583
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:46,680
Yeah, OK.
And then the other one is
584
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:48,880
there's a Garnick effect, which
I love because I didn't know
585
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:52,600
this was a thing, but it's so a
thing, which is that unfinished
586
00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:57,440
or unassigned tasks linger in
the mind, increasing stress and
587
00:32:57,440 --> 00:33:02,080
intrusive thoughts.
I know this so much to be true,
588
00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:05,840
which is why being able to put
something in To Do List really
589
00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:10,360
does relieve that mental load.
Unfortunately for like personal
590
00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:13,640
relationships and things like
that, I find that the Zagarnik
591
00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:17,800
effect like all I find it so
difficult.
592
00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:22,080
This is a tangent but like so
difficult to not think about a
593
00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:25,760
problem I'm having with a friend
or a family member if I cannot
594
00:33:25,760 --> 00:33:29,200
solve said problem.
Like it just stays on loop in my
595
00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:30,240
brain.
Yes.
596
00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:35,600
Yeah, yeah.
The the anticipatory stress
597
00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:39,360
research that Sweeney and
Kavanaugh did in 2012 says that
598
00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:41,600
where he spikes when uncertainty
is high.
599
00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:44,320
And so that's part of it is
because of that high
600
00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:46,360
uncertainty.
And when you don't have anything
601
00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:49,440
that's predictable, like, you
know, hey, I know how this is
602
00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:51,160
going to get resolved.
It's going to keep going.
603
00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:54,400
But this is also why our weekly
stand ups and quarterly planning
604
00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:58,000
work is because if you have a
thought on the bike about, you
605
00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:01,680
know, jiu jitsu classes and
budgeting for those like, you
606
00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:05,000
know, where that container lives
and when it's going to be talked
607
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:07,680
about and you can even name it
out loud, you'd be like, hey, I
608
00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:09,760
just had this worry show up
about jiu jitsu.
609
00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:12,840
I'm excited to talk about it in
our quarterly budget review.
610
00:34:13,239 --> 00:34:14,679
Yeah.
You know, yes.
611
00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:16,800
And then I think that relieves
the stress on you.
612
00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:19,480
So it's not like Danielle's
coming to you in the middle of
613
00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:21,120
our workout.
Because I just want to solve
614
00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:23,920
things for you.
And so if you text me, you know,
615
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:27,320
need Mayo, you know the verses
put it in.
616
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:31,000
So this is the the other part of
to do is that we love is we
617
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:35,800
assign tasks to one another and
we assign it for the day that we
618
00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:40,040
that we think of it so that the
other person sees it, but we do
619
00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:42,600
not expect that to be done that
day.
620
00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:45,880
That's just like a normal, like
when you have a chance type of
621
00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:47,600
thing, which is which is
beautiful.
622
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:51,280
So instead of waking up to 40
text messages from Danielle
623
00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:54,159
being like we're out of this,
this happened, this light bulbs
624
00:34:54,159 --> 00:34:56,639
out, whatever.
Like I'll just see it in my To
625
00:34:56,639 --> 00:35:00,320
Do List when I scan that and
then I can move that around as
626
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:01,240
necessary.
Yeah.
627
00:35:01,240 --> 00:35:04,920
And that's a recent innovation
that I'm still working on, which
628
00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:07,280
is the fact that I get up a
couple hours before you and you
629
00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:11,520
go to bed a few hours after me.
So often I will wake up, pick up
630
00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:14,840
text messages from you about
something that you're very
631
00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:17,080
excited about at 10:00 at night.
Yeah.
632
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:20,240
And I will.
Yeah, too often you will wake up
633
00:35:20,240 --> 00:35:23,440
to like logistics things from
me, right?
634
00:35:23,440 --> 00:35:24,800
Yeah, you know, I started
putting.
635
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:27,720
I even did this last night.
I went to text you this article
636
00:35:27,720 --> 00:35:32,240
about Trump shutting down the
the Florida vaccine, religious
637
00:35:32,240 --> 00:35:36,080
exemption, whatever.
And I went to text it to you and
638
00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:38,560
be like, Trump saved the day.
But I didn't.
639
00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:41,520
I put it in my inbox so that
when I saw it, I could have a
640
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:44,080
conversation with you about it
because I was like, this is
641
00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:46,400
something that I don't want you
to just like, see, I like, I
642
00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:47,320
want to talk about.
This.
643
00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:50,680
But it was a thing for me to
talk to about you because that's
644
00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:51,960
a place where we build
connection.
645
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:55,160
We're not just looking to, you
know, have these to do.
646
00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:58,480
This or just like don't you love
the people that just like send
647
00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:01,880
you articles with no Oh my God,
like you just gave me homework
648
00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:02,800
like I.
Don't understand?
649
00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:05,920
So that's not helpful.
Yeah, it happens all the Oh my
650
00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:08,760
God, don't get me started.
This is a productivity house.
651
00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:12,680
If y'all can't tell already.
We love this kind of stuff.
652
00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:15,400
We love being able to connect
with one another and not having
653
00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:17,960
this noise.
Like, what I'm trying to get
654
00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:21,600
better at is listening and not
having my phone in front of me.
655
00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:26,000
I find that, you know, writing
things down instead of doing
656
00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:31,000
them on my phone is such a great
way to be present for my loved
657
00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:33,840
ones.
And I find that, like, my whole
658
00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:36,600
life just works better if I'm
present for you, if I'm present
659
00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:39,520
for our kids.
Like that's really what this is
660
00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:41,000
about.
That's why we're doing this.
661
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:42,880
That's why we have these vision
settings.
662
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:45,760
That's what like the vision is
that we get to spend more time
663
00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:48,400
together as a family.
And so how do we do that?
664
00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:52,480
Like we have to put these
containers around all of the
665
00:36:52,480 --> 00:36:56,880
things that can jump into our
lives so that we approach those
666
00:36:57,280 --> 00:37:03,040
with the care that is needed,
but not before the time that
667
00:37:03,040 --> 00:37:06,560
they're needed to be addressed.
Yes, well said.
668
00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:08,240
Absolutely.
Well said.
669
00:37:08,240 --> 00:37:11,360
And I think that's really the
point of this is that this
670
00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:16,240
episode could be called Ways to
spend more time together.
671
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:18,880
What is all the what is all the
productivity for?
672
00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:24,400
And what it's really for is so
that we are not thinking about
673
00:37:24,400 --> 00:37:28,200
those things at the time that we
are connecting, right.
674
00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:30,000
So that when we're working out,
we're working out.
675
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:31,760
When we're working, we're
working.
676
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:35,680
When we're sitting on the beach
or relaxing in the ocean, we're
677
00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:39,480
really there.
The resentment thing is real
678
00:37:39,480 --> 00:37:41,200
too.
And I'm so glad that we don't
679
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:44,440
have that anymore.
Like I know in so many
680
00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:48,920
relationships, like even
friendships, it's just so hard
681
00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:51,240
when you feel like you're
pulling more of the weight than
682
00:37:51,240 --> 00:37:54,480
someone else's.
Like I'm just so glad that we
683
00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:57,120
don't have that.
And I'm, I'm very, very grateful
684
00:37:57,120 --> 00:38:00,080
for the for that we're on the
same page with having these
685
00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:01,960
systems and that we've designed
them together.
686
00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:05,720
It really has alleviated almost
all, if not all of the
687
00:38:05,720 --> 00:38:07,840
resentment.
So great.
688
00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:11,800
Well, thank you everybody for
listening and we hope that we've
689
00:38:11,800 --> 00:38:13,400
given you something to think
about today.
690
00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:17,280
Like I have no doubt that
everyone listening has their own
691
00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:20,080
system that works well.
It might look like your
692
00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:22,160
partner's, it might be
completely different than your
693
00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:26,000
partner's, but I think the most
important thing is really to
694
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:30,720
develop a shared system to talk
about the things that need to
695
00:38:30,720 --> 00:38:34,240
get talked about so that you can
spend the rest of the time
696
00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:38,440
connecting in in more fun ways.
Exactly.
697
00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:41,560
Yeah, like without headphones.
Yeah, we tried it today.
698
00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:43,720
Let's see how it works.
Hope you can hear us, yeah?
699
00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:45,200
OK.
All right, great.
700
00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:46,600
Love you, Goosey.
Love you, Goosey.
701
00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:50,160
Hey, guys, if you're still here,
you're definitely our kind of
702
00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:52,360
person.
Thanks for spending this time
703
00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:53,960
with us on The Most Important
Thing.
704
00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:57,880
If this episode resonated with
you, we'd love for you to follow
705
00:38:57,880 --> 00:39:00,240
us wherever you get your
podcasts and share it with
706
00:39:00,240 --> 00:39:02,000
someone else.
Building family culture on
707
00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:02,560
purpose.
