TMIT 20: Daring Greatly

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Welcome to The Most Important
Thing.

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I'm Danielle DeMarco Neufeld.
And I'm Greg Neufeld.

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Together, we're exploring how
ambitious busy families can

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build culture at home.
Because after all, family is the

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most important thing.
Hey teammate friends.

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Hi everyone, welcome to episode
20. 20 That's right, XXXX.

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And the 10th in our wholehearted
Parenting Manifesto series.

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The penultimate episode, if you
will.

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For those of you joining us, for
the first time, we've been

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taking Brene Brown's
Wholehearted Parenting

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Manifesto, breaking it down line
by line, and re parenting

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ourselves with each line.
That's right, it was like a

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Trojan horse.
It really was.

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Yeah, it was a Trojan horse.
I thought we were going to be

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exploring other people's things.
We explored lots of my things

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and your things, but lots of
people have reached out saying

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that they explored their things
too.

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That's right, things worth
exploring.

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It's pretty cool and we've been
doing some experimentation this

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summer.
We've had a couple of interview

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episodes with some of our
friends.

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We call them teammate,
teammates.

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So hope that you've been joining
for those.

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And if you know a teammate,
teammate, or if you are a

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teammate teammate, we'd love to
have you on.

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That's right, it takes a
village.

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It does so.
The Wholehearted Parenting

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Manifesto is Brene Brown's ode
to new children, in a way.

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I think it the way she has
described it, if I may use her

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words instead of yours, sure is
that she wrote it and didn't

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know if she would ever publish
it, but that it's her own

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compass towards parenting.
Yeah.

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And so Brene, this is our ode to
you.

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And we are now one more from
today away from finishing.

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Yes.
So the second to last line in

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the manifesto, the one that we
will be talking about today, is

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about Daring Greatly, which she
later wrote a book on.

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That's right.
Yeah, as you begin your

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wholehearted journey, the
greatest gift that I can give

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you is to live and love with my
whole heart and to dare greatly.

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Shall we talk about in her
definition what it means to dare

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greatly?
And then maybe we can talk about

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how we are each daring greatly
right now.

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Let's do it.
OK, cool.

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So Brene defines daring greatly
as the courage to be vulnerable,

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to show up and be seen when you
have no control over the

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outcome.
It comes from Theodore

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Roosevelt's famous speech Man in
the Arena.

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So she uses this to under score
the idea that daring is not

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about winning and losing.
It's about having the courage to

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step into the arena of life,
knowing that you might fail, but

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choosing to engage with your
whole heart anyway.

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Is it a weird time to bring up
Chamath?

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Never.
Chamath Poly Hypatia, yes.

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Chairman, dictator.
I always think of the man in the

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arena with Chamath when he was
doing all of his Spacs and

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everyone was losing money and
he's losing money and like he

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was just going horribly wrong.
And he was like, I'm just in the

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arena trying stuff.
That's his rhetoric.

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So niche, Greg, tell us
everybody would love to know the

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crossover between team at
listeners and all in listeners.

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Definitely one there.
One me.

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I mean, I'm sure there's more.
There's probably a few.

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There's probably a few.
I think we've got a couple that

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are that are working in the DC
industry that are parenting and

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running investment firms and or
maybe running venture backed

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start-ups.
I'd say the crossover is

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actually pretty big, and after
this episode maybe even bigger.

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Yeah, come off, come listen.
Sure, anyway.

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Where are we going here?
OK.

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So where are we going here?
This.

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The greatest gift that I can
give to you is to live in love

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with my whole heart and to dare
greatly.

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I This line is a breath of fresh
air for me.

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And it might just be the way I'm
interpreting it, but let's go

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with it.
Yeah.

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Because what comes up for me
when I hear this is that life is

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about climbing our own
mountains.

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And this idea that we've talked
about before as family, as a

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base camp.
And there's a specific quote

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that comes to mind from Carl
Jung where he says nothing has a

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stronger influence on their
children than the unlived life

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of a parent.
And I love this because I feel

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like it gives me license to go
and live my life as a potential

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way of avoiding putting my
children in the therapy chair.

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As opposed to so much of what I
feel today, which is this mom

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guilt, if you will, around.
If I want to live my own life,

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it will somehow detract from my
children's life.

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Does that make sense?
Of course it does.

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So I feel as though I, I guess I
take Renee's words in the

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broadest sense, the courage to
be vulnerable and the courage to

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try new things and the courage
to be myself, which is so much

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more than just a mom.
I love being a mom.

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It has been the most
transformational experience of

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my life, but it is not my whole
life.

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If I'm being really honest, it's
not even the foundation of my

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life.
And it feels a little verboden

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to say that, but it's the truth.
And when I think about daring

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greatly, particularly where we
are with our family out of the

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blocking and tackling years, as
I like to call them, and more of

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the family as a democracy years,
I feel like I'm I'm declaring my

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independence, if you will.
And I've been thinking a lot

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lately about what that looks
like.

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And it's hard.
It is hard in the world of

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gentle parenting.
It is hard in the world of

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social media with trad wives and
moms on Instagram telling me to

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lean into the chaos of three
different travelling sports

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teams on the weekends.
And I'm kind of like, I'm trying

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not to curse right now.
You're allowed.

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I'm kind of like, fuck you,
that's not what I want to do.

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I love my children with my whole
heart and I have no intention of

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following them around for the
next 15 years.

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Let me just tell you
emphatically, I will not follow

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them around for the next 15
years.

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And this is what I really feel
in my heart, and I hope that I'm

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not alone and I hope to make
space for those that are with me

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to say that that's OK.
There it is.

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I guess it is my hope that by
living a full life and daring

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greatly, I also authorize our
children to dare greatly in

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their lives as well.
Amen.

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That said, it does mean that I
am going to be outsourcing a lot

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of the day-to-day of parenting
life.

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I'm not going to be the one
taking them to ballet or soccer

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practice, because while they're
exploring their own interests, I

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am exploring mine.
And it also means that on the

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one hand, while I do believe
that deeply fulfilling my own

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personal life will bring me more
capacity for presence and joy

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and meaning when I spend time
with them, it also means that

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sometimes Maverick is screaming
his head off 10 minutes before I

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have a very big important client
call.

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And not only do I lead from my
not best self, but I go berserk.

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I go absolutely nuts because of
the stress of it all.

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But I guess that's human, you
know, it is human.

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And 'cause sometimes I think,
wow, if I didn't have my hand

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and so many different things,
maybe I wouldn't freak out at

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Maverick for screaming.
But it's OK that I want them to

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know that Mommy is a whole
person with a lot of really

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important pursuits that are
close to my heart.

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The most important thing people
typically have been ending their

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sentence on podcasts when
talking about family with those

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words.
Family is the most important

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thing.
And then not going into why.

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We set out to explore what there
is beneath those words in this

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podcast, and it's interesting
because it takes us through this

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journey of what it means to be a
meaningful participant and

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climbing your own mountain at
the same time.

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And I think the best
entrepreneurs can get too

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focused on climbing that
mountain without letting their

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family see them along the way.
Because having our kids bear

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witness to us climbing those
mountains and understanding what

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it means, not just closing the
door on them, is the difference

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between a great entrepreneur and
a great entrepreneur that's also

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a great parent and role model.
Is it crazy that I really want

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to be both?
No, in fact, Jack Altman,

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yesterday Tiffany Zong sent me
this tweet, as you know, from

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Jack Altman, which I thought was
a little bit simplistic.

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But now that I reflect on it,
the people I look up to most are

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equally amazing at work and with
their family slash kids.

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I don't think that's too much to
ask for, but I don't think that

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it means that you take them to
all of their soccer games and

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run a business.
And that is the trap.

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I think a lot of people are
trying to fall into or are are

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unintentionally falling into,
which is trying to have it all

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by doing it all.
And I think what you're naming

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is what a lot of people are
feeling, which is I can't, I

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have to put on my oxygen mask
first.

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I have to climb my own mountain
and let my kids bear witness.

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My children are not my legacy.
They are fill in the blank.

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My my witness.
My witness, Yeah.

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I guess it's just, you know,
different philosophies.

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I don't want to be judgmental
towards any other philosophy,

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right?
But I can tell you that when I

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was watching Real Housewives of
Miami over the weekend, I guess

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it was.
And Larsa Pippen said I am

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investing in my kids so the
fruits of their labor better

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come back and take care of me
someday.

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I was like, heck no.
Like that is just not me.

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That and I understand that that
is a mindset and I hope that it

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works out for her.
But if anything, I am the

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complete opposite.
I am the one that is wanting to

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live in the here and now.
Like, I don't know how much

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longer I'm going to live,
honestly.

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Maybe it's a mortality thing,
who knows.

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But like, I'm not willing to put
off my dreams until they've left

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the nest.
Of course not.

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And I guess I I'm hoping that
there are benefits to climbing

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my mountain as our children are
growing.

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And what that really has meant
is that I do need to outsource a

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lot of the more time intensive,
more rote tasks like carpooling

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and doing the laundry and
cooking dinner.

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But I still try to be involved
in holding space for their

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feelings and spending
intentional time with them.

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You know, the first two hours
every morning in the last two

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hours before bed at night.
But it's more of a side by side

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activity these days, especially
as they grow.

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It's you're doing your morning
chores.

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Well, I'm doing my morning
chores and we're talking and

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we're interacting as humans
about our day as opposed to I'm

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waking you up and I'm helping
you get dressed and I'm cooking

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you breakfast and I'm washing
your clothes.

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Those are not in our first arc
of episodes.

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If you think about The Most
Important Thing, episodes one

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through 8, none of them are
taking them to school or picking

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them up from school or doing
their laundry or putting their

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clothes away.
None of those things.

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And I want to say that on the
one hand, these are first world

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problems because we can afford
to have a nanny to do that and

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that is not the case for
everyone.

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On the other hand, I want to
acknowledge that that is a

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financial sacrifice.
Like there is a world in which I

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do not climb my own mountains
right now and we don't hire a

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nanny that makes umpteen dollars
an hour and we have a different

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financial picture.
By the way, I would love to be

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paying umpteen dollars.
An hour.

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If there's a way to pay umpteen.
Anyway, you understand what I'm

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trying to say there.
There is a different world where

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of course I put my mountain
climbing aside and do all of the

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things for the children and then
having a nanny is not the

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largest expense that we have.
I saw one of your girls videos

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on Instagram, this mother of
four boys that you have been

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following and she says, you
know, taking care of four boys

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is this many hours.
At this rate, it's $180,000 a

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year or something like that.
I'm on the clock from this hour

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to this hour and the family
knows that.

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I thought that was pretty cute
because it is putting a price on

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00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,600
not having extra help.
It is putting a price on what

227
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:04,040
that means for the family, and
hopefully the family can the

228
00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:06,240
benefits of those extra dollars
saved.

229
00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:09,480
But in this family, we're
spending the money to climb our

230
00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:10,960
own mountain, so we better,
well, climb them.

231
00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:13,120
We'd be doing ourselves an
injustice if we weren't.

232
00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:14,840
Right.
But I want to make clear though

233
00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:20,280
that for us this is, this is not
a financial gain goal, no.

234
00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:22,520
Right.
No, This is a fulfillment.

235
00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:26,280
This is a personal fulfillment.
Who do you want to be?

236
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,240
Goal.
Yes, because nannies don't come

237
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:29,960
cheap.
Especially good ones.

238
00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:33,200
This is a push myself to the
things that I know I'm capable

239
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:36,880
of without the constraint of the
things that I know will create

240
00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:39,280
tension and make me feel
resentment.

241
00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:42,000
Sure.
I just want to say that I have

242
00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:45,880
friends who are amazing stay at
home moms and a lot of them had

243
00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:50,040
moms who were amazing stay at
home moms and I would just like

244
00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:53,920
to honor that while saying and I
deeply respect that as well.

245
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:55,680
So I honor and deeply respect
that.

246
00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:59,280
That is not me.
Like I would go insane.

247
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:03,560
I would be resentful.
So it's just not a skill set

248
00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:05,880
that I possess.
And I'm really grateful that you

249
00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:10,240
have seen that in me, accepted
that in me and kind of pushed me

250
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:15,320
out the door at times to say no.
We there is no space for you to

251
00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:16,400
do that here.
Correct.

252
00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:19,520
Yeah.
Well, when in fairness, when we

253
00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,920
met, you weren't like, oh, I
can't wait to get out of this

254
00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:25,160
9:00 to 5:00 so I can have
babies and like that, that was

255
00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:27,720
never going to be you.
So I just, I'm trying to honor

256
00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:29,600
the person that I met and
remember.

257
00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:31,760
Three weeks before we started
trying to have a baby, I was

258
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:36,360
like, EW, babies are gross.
Yeah, yeah, I do.

259
00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:38,960
Hormones are real.
They are.

260
00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:44,160
So Darren greatly means to each
of us something different.

261
00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:47,480
To you, this clearly means
climbing your own mountain right

262
00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:48,880
now.
Yeah.

263
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:53,200
Can I just also say that I think
it has a bit to do with family

264
00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:56,760
of origin as well, so.
What doesn't?

265
00:14:57,040 --> 00:15:00,400
I know, right?
But like my mom definitely did

266
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:03,680
not live for me in a really good
way.

267
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:06,320
Like in a really good way.
She had her own life.

268
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:11,160
And I guess so, I guess you
know, to kind of liken it to

269
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,960
what I said about I have friends
who really appreciated that

270
00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:16,640
their mom was a stay at home mom
and took care of them in that

271
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:19,880
way.
I really appreciate that mine

272
00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:23,120
didn't and that is one thing
that I would like to continue.

273
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:27,640
Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of
story wrapped up in everyone's

274
00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:30,680
own next for them once they have
kids, right?

275
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:33,320
Like the family of origin
component, what they were doing

276
00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:36,640
before, you know what they
always aspired to do.

277
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:40,040
I think the the most important
thing about climbing your own

278
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:43,080
mountain is that you're not
afraid to just try things.

279
00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:47,160
Yes, and that is the license
that I feel that I have in this

280
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:48,840
family and I hope you feel as
well.

281
00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:53,120
Yeah, that is probably it's the
lynchpin.

282
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:55,800
It's the most important thing.
So thanks for letting me talk

283
00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:57,960
about Aaron greatly.
It's something that.

284
00:15:58,360 --> 00:15:59,800
I not just talking about it,
you're doing it.

285
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:02,360
Thank you.
I feel a little, I feel a little

286
00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:03,760
nervous talking about.
This.

287
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:06,280
Honestly, like I said, it feels
verboten.

288
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,520
It it feels like something I
shouldn't be talking about.

289
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:11,520
I think you're going to finds
that there's a lot of people

290
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:13,840
here for it and that are doing
it.

291
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:16,840
I think there are a few.
I've definitely met a few that

292
00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:20,200
come to mind.
I just want to make in the same

293
00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:23,360
way that I, I guess this is this
is the episode where in the same

294
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:26,280
way that we started this podcast
because we want family culture

295
00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:30,960
to be spoken about more.
This is where I am saying that I

296
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:36,360
want moms who are daring greatly
because they really are

297
00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:39,560
passionate about it.
I want to hear from them more

298
00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:40,360
too.
OK.

299
00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:42,760
And what about you, Sir?
What about me?

300
00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:44,840
Yes, what about me?
What about you?

301
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,800
Chilling.
No, you're many things chilling

302
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:52,160
is.
That What About Me, Daring

303
00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:55,320
Greatly for me has been
following the arc of this

304
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:58,360
podcast.
Not necessarily in the creation

305
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:03,360
or the production, though those
are new challenges too, but I

306
00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:06,960
would say in the experimentation
and most of all the

307
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:11,440
introspection.
So we started really nice and

308
00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:15,000
soft and gentle with some things
that as a family we can do to

309
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,079
get behind.
It's so funny you call that arc

310
00:17:17,079 --> 00:17:18,920
soft and gentle, because it's
not.

311
00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:21,760
It's actually crisp, clear lines
of routines and rituals.

312
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:24,560
Like actionable things, right?
But it felt safer.

313
00:17:24,599 --> 00:17:27,839
Way safer for me.
I mean, starting family meetings

314
00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:29,680
it like, you know, it was
basically business family.

315
00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:31,240
I'm like, oh, OK, I can do
business family.

316
00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:34,240
Dad, that's a guy that I can
call up.

317
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:37,560
He's he's very available.
It's been a lovely way to

318
00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:41,680
connect more with our children
with you and to build habits and

319
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:46,080
routines that I think are
compounding family meetings,

320
00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:49,040
especially, you know, cannot say
enough good things about family

321
00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:51,400
meetings.
I think the problem solving that

322
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:55,360
our kids are showing up with
allows us to be witnesses and

323
00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:59,280
not necessarily like just
solving problems for them all

324
00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:01,320
the time, which has been really
great.

325
00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:06,840
Now getting into the whole heart
of Parenting manifesto topics, I

326
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:11,120
didn't realize how much work I
still had to do in naming a lot

327
00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:17,440
of my unspoken behaviors or
habits or patterns or things

328
00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:19,960
that I have just been on my
internal narrative that I've

329
00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:23,520
never said out loud.
And to share those with you,

330
00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:28,440
that's just called marriage.
But to share them with you in a

331
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:32,560
format where I don't know whose
ears they land on and that I'm

332
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:35,840
OK with that.
That for me has been, it's not

333
00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:38,280
just interesting or a little
uncomfortable, but it's actually

334
00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:41,480
been really exciting.
I think the most exciting part

335
00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:45,480
of that is knowing that I have
this path in front of me to do

336
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:48,160
it more often.
And so I think a lot of the

337
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:52,040
early work that I did was just
seeing what showed up and

338
00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:53,480
getting on the mic and talking
about it.

339
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:57,240
I think the work to do is going
to be digging a little bit

340
00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:59,440
deeper because I owe it to
myself.

341
00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:02,640
You know, I owe it to you.
I owe it to the listeners, but I

342
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:06,360
owe it to myself.
I, I owe it to the dads like me

343
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:10,400
that are climbing in the charts.
I think it's like 40% of the

344
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:13,160
audience actually are dads,
which which is, which is pretty

345
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:17,080
sweet.
I owe it to the dads to show

346
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:21,000
that vulnerability is a
masculine trait, to show that

347
00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:26,480
being vulnerable as a dad
doesn't mean that I lose my

348
00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:28,680
perspective on what still
matters.

349
00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:30,560
Doesn't mean you're going to
fall apart.

350
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,080
Doesn't mean I'm going to fall
apart.

351
00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:33,960
Doesn't mean you're not still
going to be our rock.

352
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:36,720
Exactly.
Yeah.

353
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:41,480
Can I just say, if I may, this
is so this idea of daring

354
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:45,320
greatly, really showing up
vulnerably with courage and

355
00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:49,040
being in the arena is something
that I feel that I have done in

356
00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:52,840
my personal and emotional life
for a long time now.

357
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,720
And I think it is something that
you have done in your

358
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:59,120
professional life for a long
time now.

359
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:00,920
You have been an entrepreneur
for how long?

360
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,080
Oh God.
Since you were how old?

361
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:06,800
Since I was 1312, yeah.
Yeah.

362
00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:11,880
And showing up vulnerably,
courageously, starting your own

363
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:15,480
business, starting your own
venture capital firm with very

364
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:18,520
little experience, to put it
mildly to.

365
00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:21,880
Put it mildly.
Right, with two partners who

366
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:24,040
really wanted to start it with
you.

367
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:30,000
Yeah, right.
That is daring greatly, truly,

368
00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:33,680
and you've been doing it every
day for more than a decade now.

369
00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:38,600
And so you have really shown up
professionally in a courageous

370
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:42,520
and vulnerable way.
And now while I am transitioning

371
00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:45,560
to professionally daring
greatly, you are transitioning

372
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:48,720
to personally and emotionally
daring greatly.

373
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:50,720
So we're kind of like crossing
paths, if you will.

374
00:20:51,360 --> 00:20:53,160
Yeah, no, thanks for framing it
that way.

375
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:58,040
For context, I, I started Value
Stream in my 20s.

376
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:01,840
Before that, I worked a little
bit in software and started a

377
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:05,600
couple of fledgling app
companies, worked in sales a

378
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:08,800
little bit.
Never really had a large

379
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:13,120
organization.
That gave me probably some of

380
00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:15,720
the lessons that I would have
learned a little bit faster had

381
00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:17,120
I worked in a large
organization.

382
00:21:17,120 --> 00:21:20,000
But I found my own way and I
found my own way into an

383
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,440
industry that I always wanted to
be in, which was tech investing.

384
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,840
It's been going, you know, it's,
it's had its ups and downs, but

385
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:27,600
it's been going overall pretty
darn great.

386
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:32,360
Definitely better than I could
have imagined, especially

387
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:35,760
looking back only 13 years ago
when when I started the firm.

388
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:38,960
Yeah, but who starts a venture
capital firm at 27?

389
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,440
Not too many people.
Mostly people that have worked

390
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:44,120
in venture model before.
For three years.

391
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:48,960
Yeah, if, if that right.
So yeah, most.

392
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,040
People that start a venture
capital firm are in their 50s

393
00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:54,560
and have worked. 30s or 40s,
sure, but it but yeah, have

394
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:57,200
worked in venture capital for
more than an hour.

395
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:01,320
I just, I didn't start a venture
capital firm.

396
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:06,360
I started a firm that I wanted
to run that did tech advising

397
00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:09,680
and investing in startups, and
that was a venture capital

398
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:12,200
organization, which is what we
turned into.

399
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:16,840
You created it out of thin air,
audaciously and daringly.

400
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:19,200
Daringly and audaciously.
Yeah, in a good way.

401
00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:21,560
In a good way.
And, and now it's a thing.

402
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:27,840
So why am I here on the mic?
Because there's always been a

403
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:30,880
little bit of resistance around
doing the personal work.

404
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:34,640
And that includes like, it's
easier for me to work than it is

405
00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:38,400
for me to be a dad.
I like being a dad and I and I

406
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:42,480
like the person that I am when I
am a dad, but I also really like

407
00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:45,040
the person that I am when I'm
building business.

408
00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:47,920
And so outsourcing comes easy to
me when it comes to the

409
00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:50,440
children.
But to circle back on family

410
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:53,880
being the most important thing,
you know, I grew up in a, in a

411
00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:57,080
household where I feel like I
wasn't bearing witness to my

412
00:22:57,080 --> 00:23:01,600
parents daring greatly.
I was the product and they dared

413
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:05,240
greatly to build a great family,
but they kind of neglected

414
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:07,120
themselves and they lost
themselves in the process or.

415
00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:11,200
Maybe they chose to.
Or maybe they chose to and did I

416
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:12,720
overcorrect?
I don't know.

417
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:16,880
Jury's still out on that.
One jury's still out, but I

418
00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:20,920
think I'm AI think I'm a darn
good dad too, and I think that I

419
00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:24,760
think that I really like being.
I like having it all and I

420
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:28,880
believe that I can if I choose
the things that I'm good at and

421
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:31,800
focus on those across all areas
of life.

422
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:38,320
So working hard now on the
personal and the self

423
00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:44,720
exploration isn't just for me.
It's for creating a family

424
00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:48,880
album, if you will, a collection
of family stories, if you will,

425
00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:52,800
a reason beyond what's inside of
me that drives me to work.

426
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:57,920
It's creating a reason to share
all of my learnings and my

427
00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:01,400
challenges with the world, but
also for my kids.

428
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:04,640
And I'm sharing all that so that
they know what it means to dare

429
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:08,320
greatly to build something.
And hopefully they will dare

430
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:11,560
greatly on their own path and
the mistakes they make will be

431
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:12,560
different than the ones that I
did.

432
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:17,080
How's that land?
That sounds like we're, we're

433
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:19,880
pretty simpatico on this one.
Yeah, for different reasons.

434
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:23,040
And I think we've come at it.
Like I said, I am working more

435
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:24,880
towards staring greatly
professionally and you're

436
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:28,200
working more towards staring
greatly personally because you

437
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:29,880
have the professional kind of
figured out.

438
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:34,440
But we are aligned.
I always come back to this one

439
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:38,320
story.
So when I was a kid, I never had

440
00:24:38,360 --> 00:24:41,880
a job.
I fixed computers around town as

441
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:45,120
my as my way of making money.
And I did that until I went to

442
00:24:45,120 --> 00:24:48,440
college.
And it was a great time to be

443
00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:49,880
fixing computers.
Everyone was getting one.

444
00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:54,320
No one knew how to use them.
So I would always have this

445
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:57,760
request that I turned away, that
I turned down.

446
00:24:57,760 --> 00:24:59,960
And the request was, you can
probably guess it.

447
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:03,920
Can you teach me slash my kids
slash, you know, my husband,

448
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:08,040
whatever, how to do what you do.
And it's funny because I had a

449
00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:10,280
computer tutor when I was three
years old.

450
00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:14,800
Hey, David Frost.
But I never wanted to sit down

451
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:17,800
with somebody and enable them to
go through the steps.

452
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:19,800
I just didn't have it in me.
I didn't have the fuse.

453
00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:22,880
I didn't have the patience.
And that's come back as a theme

454
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:28,200
that I think if I can work on to
give others the tools, not just

455
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:31,240
to be doing it and to be
covering my work, but actually

456
00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:36,400
to be opening up, sharing the
tools, sharing how I think about

457
00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:38,960
things.
That seems to be the work that

458
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:41,840
I've left on the plate to do at
a later date that I'm starting

459
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:43,600
to think about and starting to
lean into now.

460
00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:45,960
So.
So I guess we have our

461
00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:49,120
experiments then.
I think we do OK.

462
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:54,040
So the most important thing
about Darren greatly, I believe

463
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:57,560
it is remembering that life is
about climbing our own mountains

464
00:25:58,360 --> 00:26:00,880
and that can look like many
different things.

465
00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:02,760
It doesn't have to be a billion
dollar company.

466
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:07,520
It could be that I'm the head of
the PTA, but that whatever it

467
00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:12,840
is, that we view our family as a
base camp where we are nurtured,

468
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:16,600
protected and guided in charting
the course for those next

469
00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:18,520
mountains.
What do you think?

470
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:22,040
I love it.
The one thing I'll add that's

471
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:26,160
particularly important in my
case is that we let others see

472
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:31,320
it, both the good parts, the
messy parts and comfortable

473
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:36,840
parts and the I don't want us
and share those.

474
00:26:37,120 --> 00:26:39,160
Great.
I love it.

475
00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:41,720
Well, thank you for being here
with me today.

476
00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:45,080
Thank you to everyone listening.
Yeah, I'm really grateful that

477
00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:46,600
we had this conversation.
Me too.

478
00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:47,960
Love you, Goosey.
Love you.

479
00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:51,520
Hey, guys, if you're still here,
you're definitely our kind of

480
00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:53,720
person.
Thanks for spending this time

481
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:55,320
with us on the most important
thing.

482
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:59,240
If this episode resonated with
you, we'd love for you to follow

483
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:01,600
us wherever you get your
podcasts and share it with

484
00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:03,360
someone else.
Building family culture on

485
00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:03,920
purpose.