TMIT 16: Joy + TMIT Teammates

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Hey everyone, before we dive in,
we get a little something extra

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for you today.
Stick around after the main

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conversation for Teammate
Teammates, A segment where we

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talk with friends of the podcast
about how they're building

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family culture at home.
Teammate Teammates is real talk

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with real people we love and
admire.

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Some of it might inspire you,
Some of it might make you laugh.

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Hopefully both.
Either way, we hope it reminds

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you you're not doing this alone.
Teammate Teammates.

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All right, on to the episode.
Welcome to The Most Important

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Thing.
I'm Danielle DeMarco Neufeld.

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And I'm Greg Neufeld, and
together we're exploring how

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ambitious busy families can
build culture at home.

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Because after all, family is the
most important thing.

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Hey everybody, welcome back to
the most important thing.

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This is episode 16 on Joy.
Joy.

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Yeah, it is the 7th episode in
our Wholehearted Parenting

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Manifesto series by Brené Brown.
For those of you following along

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at home.
And the line is I want you to

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know joy.
So together we will practice

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gratitude.
I want you to feel joy.

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So together we will learn how to
be vulnerable.

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Cool.
So joy is a fun topic.

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We've all experienced joy, but
it seems like joy is something

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that is harder to stay present
in as we become parents.

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Is that kind of what the
research says too?

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You know, I think that what
Bernie is talking about here is

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creating space to feel joy
consistently and to developing a

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deliberate practice of joy, if
you will, and that to really tap

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into joy as an adult.
Vulnerability and gratitude are

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our two cornerstones.
And so I think that when you

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become a parent, there are so
many more opportunities for joy,

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but also so many reasons to cut
yourself off from that joy or to

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be too stressed or sleep
deprived or decision making

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fatigued to tap into those
moments.

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So it's really learning to
experience joy in a new way, if

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you will.
Yeah, I love that.

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And so there's a lot of self
exploration around joy to be

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done.
I did some reflecting on this

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topic myself yesterday.
Before we get into that, can I

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give the definition of joy?
I think it's important to

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distinguish joy from happiness.
So from Atlas of the Heart,

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Bernie defines joy as sudden,
unexpected, short lasting, and

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high intensity.
Joy is characterized by a

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connection with God or nature or
other people.

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And joy doesn't make us lose
ourselves, but it makes us be

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more truly ourselves.
And so I think everybody knows

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that feeling of joy, but just to
put a finer point on it and to

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distinguish it from happiness.
So happiness is lower intensity

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and more self focused than joy.
With happiness, we feel a sense

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of being in control and it's
often related to immediate

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environment or current
circumstances.

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Yeah, I like that a lot.
The the gratitude that shows up

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for me when I am experiencing
joy these days is like there's

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like a boomerang or a throwback
to a lot of my childhood.

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I'm realizing as I watch our
kids, for example, when we were

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putting together the bunk beds,
I reflected on the bunk beds

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that my brother and I had.
And we were probably 5:00 and

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3:00 at the time up till maybe
10 and 8.

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And for a while there, I would
wake up and I was in the top

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bunk and I would put my hand
down and then my brother, if he

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were awake, would touch my hand
to let me know that he was up.

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And that was a beautiful moment
that I didn't really remember

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until I saw those bunk beds
sitting in our girls room after

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they were fully complete.
And so now every time I walk in

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that room, I get this little
like heart flutter burst of joy

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just thinking about that.
And I know they're going to have

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so many memories of their own as
a result of this structure.

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So it's just kind of cool to be
a parent and not just see the

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joy in the moments that my
children are are having

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together, but to remember some
of that childhood that I had

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with my brother.
I think there's a you had told

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me that there's a name for that,
which is called layered joy.

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Is that?
Right.

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Layered joy.
So layered joy being the joy

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that you're experiencing, that
I'm experiencing, and then the

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joy that I had experienced that
is triggered by the present day

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joy.
Yeah, and that's definitely

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something that is new since
becoming a parent, right?

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I think that that goes back to
one of these terms that we've

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heard over and over on these
episodes, which is the

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intergenerational self.
And so this idea of now that I

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am a parent, I can see my
childhood and my children as

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well.
And that that brings kind of an

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extra layer of meaning to some
of the things that are happening

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in our home.
And so that's called layered

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joy.
Yeah, layered joy.

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Cool, I like that.
Yeah, it's playful in the

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present and rich with nostalgic
warmth.

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It shows how new joy can
reawaken old safe feelings.

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Safe feelings.
That's interesting.

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Yeah, I learned a lot in this
little exercise here, so I have

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some questions.
OK, What is something that

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surprised you by how much joy it
brought?

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The first time Maverick told a
funny joke recently that

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actually made our whole family
laugh, that was a moment of pure

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joy for me.
What was that?

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A couple weeks ago, we were all
getting ready for bed and you

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had a picture come up on your
phone and he looked at it and he

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said he was about 5 months old
in the photo probably.

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And he looked at me.
He said Daddy, I was farting in

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that photo.
He was like so good, so, so

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good.
And our whole family burst out

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laughing and just, you know, it
felt like one of those moments

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where he's not a baby anymore.
He's not really a kid yet, but

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he, he felt like one of the crew
in that moment.

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And I felt very connected to
him.

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And I think that Salinas can
really be a connector in in a

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joyful way for families,
certainly for our family.

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What about you?
I realized that I get so much

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joy from going to the beach, but
the like the ultimate moment,

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the, the, the moment that we're
walking down the beach path and

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you can start to see the ocean
and the sky is so blue and the

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clouds are so beautiful.
That's like peak joy for me.

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I think the view is absolutely
beautiful.

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I also think there's something
magical about all of us setting

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out on a trail together, just
journeying, right?

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Yeah, so guys, when I experience
joy, I really feel it.

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And I really feel it to the
point where I'm like tearing up

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and I usually hold back.
I usually don't let myself go

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with those tears because there's
something like about letting it

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wash over me that I feel is
disarming.

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And like I'll even if it's a
movie or whatever, I always hold

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it back.
It's like a reflex for me.

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And so yesterday I was filming
this moment in with my new meta

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Ray Bans, which I love.
They bring me so much joy of of

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Hunter and Jade singing Taylor
Swift song.

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It was just so darn cute.
And just watching them perform

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together and being sisters in
pulling up to tennis, just like

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so many things about it.
So I caught the capture that

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moment and I was playing it last
night in bed after you fell

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asleep and I started to feel
that like total joy.

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But those tears and and I was
like, you know, screw it.

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And I just let it wash over me
and like I let it go and and

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actually was like shaking a
little bit in the best way.

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And then I was like, I got to
share this with somebody.

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Who do I share this with?
So I sent it to my brother and I

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was like, this 62nd video was
the best moment of my day.

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And I sent it to him and write
back like a minute later, he

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watched it and he goes mine too.
And I was like, he gets it.

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And that was just totally
special.

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So thanks team met for helping
me prepare for this episode

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through some real feeling and
and real joy.

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I'm.
Connecting with your brother,

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which is so beautiful.
Yeah, he's, I knew he would

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understand.
Insane gratitude memory.

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Just like insane gratitude for
that one.

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Cool.
Can we talk a little bit about

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another type of joy?
Right, that's where I wanted to

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go.
OK, so, so on that joy, shutting

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it down or or holding back tears
I think is another form of

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something that you and I've been
talking about, which is

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foreboding joy.
I think it's important topic

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here, especially as parents to
really get into what that means.

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Do you want to share the
definition and we can talk about

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it?
Brene Brown's the first person

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that I heard talk about this, I
believe.

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I don't know if she coined the
term or not, but I can say that

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in her definition, foreboding
joy is one of those practically

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universal experiences that
everybody thinks of as something

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only they do.
So what does it mean?

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Well, it typically looks like
you are.

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I am watching my child
peacefully sleep and start

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thinking what if something were
to happen to them?

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Or laughing with us as a family
and thinking this isn't going to

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last.
And Brene calls this act of

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foreboding joy as dress
rehearsing tragedy.

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And she notes that it is the
antidote to gratitude.

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And I am very guilty of using
these moments as an opportunity

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to kind of not be vulnerable and
steel myself against future

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hardship.
When she says, and I know that

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that doesn't work, that really
the opposite is what my work is

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to do, which is to lean into
that joy, to fully immerse

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myself in the present moment and
to ground myself in gratitude in

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that experience Because, you
know, maybe it won't last, but

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maybe we'll have 100 more.
But regardless, when tough times

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do come, me preventing myself
from fully feeling joy in these

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good moments isn't going to
help.

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And so I think this concept of
foreboding joy is one that I may

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have experienced prior to having
kids, but I, it definitely comes

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up more now that I have, you
know, I have so much more to

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lose.
When it was just me, it was just

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me, you know?
And now for every moment of

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connectedness, there's also this
flip side potential place that

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could go to a feeling of
disconnection, right?

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Or what if we don't have a good
relationship when they get

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older, right?
Like, I was reading with Hunter

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in bed last night, which is one
of our favorite things to do.

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We just sit by side by side and
read our own books.

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And, you know, I'll massage her
arm or something while we're

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reading.
And it's the most lovely,

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peaceful, connected experience.
But I can't help but think

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sometimes in those moments, like
what if 20 years from now she

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doesn't want to talk to me, you
know?

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And, and I know that that's not
going to happen overnight.

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And I'm doing everything in my
power to make sure that doesn't

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happen.
But I think that my work to do

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is to really feel those moments
of deep joy and connectedness,

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rather than to try to prevent
myself from fully experiencing

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and some way of protecting
myself for the future.

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So if you're in a moment of joy
and foreboding, joy shows up.

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Is it a specific type of joy
that triggers it more than

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others?
Is it something that's related

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to our family?
Or is it just show up where it

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chooses?
Well, I think that for me

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currently, foreboding joy really
shows up when I'm feeling

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connected to the joy of one of
our children, which also helps

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me in thinking about this, what
I want to experiment with and

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how I would like to, how I would
like to transition.

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I'd like to take some of my joy
back, honestly.

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Like, I think that I talk about
you and I talk about this a lot,

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but I had such a fully developed
self when we met.

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And I think that's probably part
of what attracted you to me,

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right?
I was 28 years old, I was 29

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years old.
I had I had my career, I had my

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friends, I had my spiritual
relationship, my ways of

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accessing joy, which primarily
consisted of dancing at clubs,

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Wednesday Warriors, you're still
out there.

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And then we met, we fell in
love, we got married, we had

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children.
COVID happened.

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Like, I picked my head up and
it's been, you know, it's been 9

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years.
And during that time I really

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collapsed my individual sense of
self, right?

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And I'm just now trying to
integrate the two, if you will.

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So if you can think about like
the first chapter of my life

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00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:15,640
being about personal deep joy,
which really was that

227
00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:18,520
connectedness to my higher power
into the universe where I

228
00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:23,400
strongly felt that on the dance
floor and maybe in a Soul Cycle

229
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:26,240
class, moving my body in the
dark room to the music.

230
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:30,320
There's a consistent theme here
of music, and then more

231
00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:33,920
recently, the joy has been
around our children and watching

232
00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:38,120
them or connecting with them.
I'd like to bring more of that

233
00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:42,040
individual connection with
nature and higher power joy back

234
00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:45,320
into my life.
And that one feels more

235
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:48,840
sustainable too, because it
doesn't involve another human

236
00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:50,760
being.
So on the one hand, I'd like to

237
00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:53,880
move through foreboding joy for
sure, and like deeply use those

238
00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:57,000
as opportunities to stay steeped
in gratitude.

239
00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:00,520
On the other hand, I would just
like to look for more moments of

240
00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:04,200
personal joy.
Yeah, you, you alluded to

241
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:10,120
something that I think is really
profound, that your children are

242
00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:14,520
often taking your joy away in
that moment because they're so

243
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:20,560
aware of your, almost like you
put a bubble around yourself

244
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:22,040
that we all do.
We all put bubbles around

245
00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:23,760
ourselves in a moment of joy.
And they're like, hey mom,

246
00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:25,560
they're popping your bubble.
Well, yeah, it's a deeply

247
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:31,240
vulnerable space, right?
To to be unabashedly joyful is a

248
00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:35,960
very, at least for me, for sure.
And I want, And so one thing

249
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:38,560
that I would like for when we
talk about joy within our family

250
00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:42,080
culture and in our family
dynamic, while I am excited to

251
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:48,000
have more shared experiences of
joy, I am also committed to

252
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:52,960
allowing individual joy to have
space in our home and in the way

253
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,640
that we and in the way that we
commune with one another.

254
00:14:55,640 --> 00:15:00,200
I am definitely guilty of trying
to, I won't say burst the

255
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:03,480
bubble, but I will say like
tighten the bubble of the joy on

256
00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:05,680
our children.
Like sometimes their joy is just

257
00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:09,080
overwhelming to me.
And I wish that I was

258
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:12,920
spiritually awakened enough to
always recognize that and just

259
00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:16,720
let it, let it be.
But sometimes it's like 5:00 AM

260
00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:18,840
and Greg's still sleeping.
And I don't really think it's

261
00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:22,200
appropriate to be belting out
wicked at the top of your lungs,

262
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:24,480
even if that makes you really
joyful, right?

263
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:28,880
But I do think that I can, I can
make more space for it.

264
00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:35,840
I'm not saying I'm going to go
like full 100% let you always be

265
00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:41,440
the brightest light in the room,
but I want to recognize when you

266
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:44,600
and me and each of our family
members are experiencing some

267
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:49,760
type of personal joy and
communion with spirit.

268
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:53,560
Say and allow more space for
that because I I want that.

269
00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:56,360
I hate when someone comes up to
me and tells me my dance moves

270
00:15:56,360 --> 00:16:00,600
look weird in the kitchen.
Well, I think that there's

271
00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:03,320
there's the dance moves
commentary, but then there's

272
00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:07,000
also the it's 8 10 and you're
supposed to be in the car 10

273
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,440
minutes ago and you're, you
know, you haven't brushed your

274
00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:12,920
teeth and you're dancing on the
table looking at your reflection

275
00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:14,720
in the TV.
Like, I understand that you're

276
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,640
getting, you know, a moment of
joy here, but this is not an

277
00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:19,720
appropriate time to do it.
Yeah, it's tricky.

278
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:21,360
It's tricky.
It's a tough balance.

279
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:23,880
There's that, there's that kind
of joy, but then there's also

280
00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:27,080
like this silliness joy, which I
think to me is a bit more

281
00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:30,240
connecting.
Like that's where I see when I

282
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,200
think about joy within our
family, I think about

283
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:35,360
experiential opportunities, like
you said, kind of all going to

284
00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:38,000
the beach together or walking a
trail together to see a new

285
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,520
beautiful scenic site.
But then there's also just like

286
00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:42,800
the end of our family meeting
yesterday when we played that

287
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,880
silly game Watch your mouth,
where you stick the dental

288
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:47,560
things in your mouth.
I don't even know what you call

289
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:49,160
them.
And it's just absolute

290
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:52,840
ridiculousness, right?
And so that's a really, we're

291
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:57,720
all on the same page at the same
frequency being silly together.

292
00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:03,040
And that feels like the type of
joy that I think really does

293
00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:06,040
bring family cohesion, yes, at
least to us.

294
00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:08,440
Yes.
Anything physical that is

295
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:16,480
spontaneous, where we're all in
it together, that's where the

296
00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:19,680
magic happens.
If it's too forced, it's it's

297
00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:24,119
someone's going to be crying.
Yeah, yes, although still my

298
00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:29,040
favorite family meeting learning
was twerking and you being the

299
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:31,200
only one that could twerk.
I think every single one of us

300
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,640
really appreciated watching you
booty bounce.

301
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,360
Well, I appreciated it too.
That's good.

302
00:17:38,360 --> 00:17:40,440
I mean, they don't get that many
opportunities to see Daddy

303
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:44,640
silly.
Yeah, I guess I try to only be

304
00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:47,040
silly.
So I guess maybe I need to be

305
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:53,080
less silly in order to be more,
if that makes sense.

306
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:57,480
I don't know.
I think I sometimes show up just

307
00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:01,000
as trying to be silly in order
to get some levity out of it

308
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:04,560
situation when somebody's in
their feelings.

309
00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:08,400
And that's not the same
silliness as twerking.

310
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:09,960
And.
Correct.

311
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:13,120
Yes, I I you do bring levity to
difficult situations, I would

312
00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:15,320
agree.
But I also think generally

313
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:17,360
speaking, during the week you
show up pretty tight.

314
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,200
Yeah, no, it's true.
If I may say.

315
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:24,680
I'm I'm working on on that,
especially as it relates to this

316
00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:29,240
project of ours here, because I
noticed the connectedness of

317
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:36,520
talking about really the re
parenting, if you will, and be

318
00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:41,680
more connected and intentional
as a father and husband and in

319
00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:43,480
this family.
It's, it's, it all works

320
00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:46,240
together as a, as a great fluid
motion.

321
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:50,280
So you know, we're, we're two
months in and I and I can see

322
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:54,520
the, the little changes in me.
So I'm I'm excited.

323
00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:56,920
About this, I can too, for sure.
Yeah, I'm grateful for them.

324
00:18:57,280 --> 00:19:02,400
OK, so we talked about what
foreboding joy feels like and

325
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:06,600
what joy feels like in your body
and in your mind.

326
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:11,640
But you know, in reflecting on
the way that joy feels, I

327
00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:14,640
realized that I'm, I'm going to
call myself a joy chaser.

328
00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:19,600
And the reason I'm going to say
that is because it feels like a

329
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:22,640
full body reverberation to me in
the best way.

330
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:27,400
It's like a hum under my skin
and my eyes filled with tears.

331
00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:31,240
And often times I don't let
myself go over the edge there.

332
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:33,960
And I think that the reason I
don't let myself go over the

333
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:37,080
edge there is because it
actually feels pretty similar,

334
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:42,680
though a lot more stable to what
I would call mania or hypomania.

335
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:49,600
And as I kind of alluded to a
few episodes back, I have

336
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:57,400
bipolar disorder and I've only
had a couple of hypomanic

337
00:19:57,400 --> 00:20:00,640
episodes and none since my
diagnosis.

338
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,280
And I take care of my body
really well.

339
00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:10,040
I'm on medication and it's not
the mania so much that concerns

340
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:11,880
me, but it is an amazing
feeling.

341
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:18,680
And that is the analogy to joy.
But the reason that I chase joy

342
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:23,800
is because the way that bipolar
disorder affects me is on the

343
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:30,240
depressive side.
I get in a flat, low energy,

344
00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:38,640
very tight place when I am not
feeling my best.

345
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:45,520
And thank goodness for modern
medicine and everything that I

346
00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:48,960
can do to manage that.
But still, showing up flat and

347
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:51,920
low energy is my least favorite
feeling.

348
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:55,360
And because it's happened so
much throughout my life and I

349
00:20:55,360 --> 00:20:58,960
only knew a couple years ago, I
only found out a couple years

350
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:02,200
ago what that was all about.
And so now that I have a

351
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:05,440
definition there, the joy that I
experience when I'm feeling

352
00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:09,920
good, like I can't describe how
grateful I am for it.

353
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:13,960
The gratitude that I have for
joy is like no other.

354
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:19,960
And so now that I recognize it
and I understand why I care so

355
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:24,200
much about it, I'm also going to
get curious about it and try to

356
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:30,080
feel it more thoroughly as
opposed to putting up a bit of a

357
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:40,520
guardrail on not not showing up
as as emotional as I might want

358
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:45,080
to get.
So that's just a little insight

359
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:52,880
into the way that I experienced
joy and running towards it I

360
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:56,400
think gives me the feeling that
things are working.

361
00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:04,720
And if you know anything about
me, I need for my gadgets and

362
00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:06,480
especially my body to be working
you.

363
00:22:07,120 --> 00:22:09,280
Do you do?
Thanks for sharing.

364
00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:13,280
Yeah.
One thing that I have noticed, I

365
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:18,560
would say that prior to your
diagnosis, you had, is it fair

366
00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:21,320
to say that you would have kind
of chronically, you would have

367
00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:25,080
chronically low periods and then
you would have bouts of what

368
00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:28,440
I'll call hypomania, which felt
really good to you.

369
00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:32,160
And it's interesting because the
few periods of hypomania that I

370
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:34,720
have experienced that you've had
since we've been together prior

371
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:39,360
to you being diagnosed and on
medication and kind of aware of

372
00:22:39,360 --> 00:22:44,360
what's going on, you were
incredibly vulnerable and

373
00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:48,960
grateful, like steeped in
gratitude during those phases.

374
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:53,720
It was a stark contrast to how
you were in other or times of

375
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:56,040
your life, right?
And but it was beautiful.

376
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:58,360
It was absolutely beautiful to
witness.

377
00:22:58,360 --> 00:23:02,000
A little scary for me because it
kind of came out of nowhere and

378
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:05,480
felt a little untenable, like a
little bit shaky, right?

379
00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:08,800
And that's, you know, I think
that's, that's part of why this

380
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:11,080
is a, this is a disorder.
This is.

381
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:14,040
Yeah.
But I'm really excited for you

382
00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:18,200
because I think that now and for
a while after your diagnosis, it

383
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:20,400
was OK.
I'm just going to be evened out,

384
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:21,680
right?
I'm not going to be too low, but

385
00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:24,160
I'm not going to be too high.
It felt, it has felt a bit

386
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:26,480
robotic.
And I hope you feel that I've

387
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:30,040
been a supportive, loving
witness to that while also

388
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:33,000
periodically telling you that I
don't love how robotic you are.

389
00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:36,400
Is that fair?
But over the past couple of

390
00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:39,760
months, I feel as though you're
tapping into something new,

391
00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:44,280
which to me feels like a more
sustainable way of chasing joy.

392
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:47,360
Where you are aware of your
diagnosis, you take your

393
00:23:47,360 --> 00:23:50,000
medication, you do the right
things for your body and your

394
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:54,080
mind to keep yourself stable,
but you're now opening yourself

395
00:23:54,120 --> 00:23:59,640
up more to vulnerability,
gratitude and joy in a way that

396
00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:04,760
feels stable and attainable.
Is that fair?

397
00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:07,280
100%.
That's really exciting.

398
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:10,360
It is exciting.
There's three interconnected

399
00:24:10,360 --> 00:24:14,760
reasons why I think that is now
available to me.

400
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:21,080
One, the robotic component
serves me if I need to be

401
00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:29,080
operating in a very alpha
investment world environment and

402
00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:32,240
need to show up every day with
the same energy on the same Zoom

403
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,720
calls.
You know, different topics,

404
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:37,640
different people, but really the
same conversations over and over

405
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:43,120
and show up with enough energy
and enough interest to to make

406
00:24:43,120 --> 00:24:47,280
those land right because it
sails at the end of the day.

407
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:51,320
And so showing up, you know, he
can't have a bad day on Zoom.

408
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:56,120
And at least that's what I tell
myself so I know at.

409
00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:58,240
Least that's what he tells.
Myself, that's what I tell

410
00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:01,600
myself.
So now, because that is not the

411
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:06,520
only version of me that is
showing up in a creative

412
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:11,560
setting, let's say this becomes
a platform where I can show my

413
00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:16,200
true colors, where I'm like, oh,
I haven't let anybody in in a

414
00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:22,040
while outside of this family.
And it's because I felt slightly

415
00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:28,160
embarrassed by how good things
are on the inside.

416
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:31,560
And I felt like for a while,
everyone that I was talking to

417
00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:34,360
was struggling.
And I realized that's not the

418
00:25:34,360 --> 00:25:36,720
case.
There are so many wonderful,

419
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:39,560
ambitious people out there that
are vulnerable, that are raising

420
00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:42,360
families that are being good
parents, good husbands, good

421
00:25:42,360 --> 00:25:47,120
wives, like good, good children
to their parents that it's just

422
00:25:47,120 --> 00:25:50,640
the world is so much bigger than
the world in which I operate in

423
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:53,960
on day-to-day for, for business.
And I'm, I'm excited to build

424
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:55,960
those kinds of connections.
So I need to show up with my

425
00:25:55,960 --> 00:26:00,800
full self in order to do that.
And then #3 is for you and the

426
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:03,480
kids.
Because setting an example for

427
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:08,280
them of what good looks like, of
what being a good husband and

428
00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:11,200
father looks like is not just
about being a provider.

429
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:14,440
It's about showing up with
intention.

430
00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:18,120
Just in the same way that I
would for a Zoom meeting as I

431
00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:22,480
will for family meeting.
And up until I had this

432
00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:25,880
platform, I don't think that I
was able to do that because I

433
00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:28,520
felt like all my eggs we're in
the basket.

434
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:31,080
I'm not talking financially.
I mean, I from an identity

435
00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:36,240
perspective of being a venture
capitalist and of being somebody

436
00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:42,520
that needed to button up a
little bit in order to go and

437
00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:46,160
raise another fund and in order
to find another company.

438
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:49,560
What I realize is showing up as
my whole self will actually

439
00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:52,120
allow me to achieve all of these
things and more.

440
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:57,120
And it's really thanks to the
exploration of these topics that

441
00:26:57,120 --> 00:27:00,560
I'm able to do so.
So thank you for leading us on

442
00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:03,160
this journey.
Thank you for joining me.

443
00:27:06,360 --> 00:27:11,360
It's not lost on me that some of
these podcasts end up being mini

444
00:27:11,360 --> 00:27:14,880
therapy sessions as a few people
have a.

445
00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:18,000
Few people have said these are
Greg therapy sessions, but me

446
00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:18,640
too.
Yeah.

447
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:22,200
Thanks for listening guys.
But I but I hope it's setting.

448
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:28,120
I'm not trying to put a
spotlight on any struggle or or

449
00:27:28,120 --> 00:27:33,600
triumph of mine or our families.
Trying to share that it's OK to

450
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:35,520
share.
Yeah, I mean, this is really

451
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:38,800
what we want to do, right, Is
just talk more about family and

452
00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:41,240
about family culture.
Because yes, you are a general

453
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:43,480
partner at a venture fund.
And if you were to go on a

454
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:47,080
podcast right now about data,
you probably would say something

455
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:49,840
like, yeah, family is the most
important thing and then keep it

456
00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:52,640
moving, right?
So this is just an opportunity

457
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:56,240
for us to I hate this term, but
double click on what's going on

458
00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:59,040
at home and how that really how
that really matters.

459
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:03,000
I would like to take some
accountability also for your

460
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:05,960
quote, robotic nature over the
past couple of years, because

461
00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:08,680
quite frankly, our family was
not in a place for you to

462
00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:13,240
experiment too much.
And I'm grateful for you for

463
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:17,000
being our rock, being a steady
source.

464
00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:24,360
You, I think, put yourself,
yourself exploration on the back

465
00:28:24,360 --> 00:28:29,480
burner for the past number of
years because we needed you to.

466
00:28:30,360 --> 00:28:32,720
And I'm grateful that we are in
a I'm grateful for that.

467
00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:34,440
You did that.
And I'm grateful that we are now

468
00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:39,800
in a place where we're able to
make room for your exploration.

469
00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:42,320
Yeah, thank you.
Me too.

470
00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:47,040
We're a great team.
Thank goodness.

471
00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:51,320
Yeah.
OK.

472
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:52,160
What else?
So joy.

473
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:55,760
Yeah, Joy.
We can experience it more.

474
00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:58,480
If we're vulnerable.
Yep.

475
00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:03,680
And practice gratitude.
What do you think the most

476
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:07,720
important thing about joy is?
Yeah, I think that the so I

477
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:11,240
think that the most important
thing about joy is to recognize

478
00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:14,920
that it is a deeply vulnerable
state and that we need that.

479
00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:18,800
I need to lean in to the
vulnerability that begets joy

480
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:22,240
and that really allows it room
to grow.

481
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:25,840
And that there are different
types of joy that I'm

482
00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:29,240
experiencing today.
That I want to continue to have

483
00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:33,600
my personal joy that really is
this, this freedom that feels

484
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:37,240
connected to spirit nature, my
higher power.

485
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:43,440
But that also I am going to eat
up every moment that I can with

486
00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:46,400
our family where there are the
silly moments and the sweet

487
00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:49,720
moments that are happening
inside of this young family

488
00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:56,280
today.
Yes, and I resolve to talk to

489
00:29:56,280 --> 00:30:00,560
each of our kids about what
brings them the most joy and how

490
00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:04,520
we can create that bubble that
that environment for them to

491
00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:08,120
thrive without someone coming
along and popping that bubble.

492
00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:10,880
I like it, Yeah.
I think it's important to

493
00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:13,720
understand well.
Well, I do think that joy is a

494
00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:18,840
natural outpouring of childhood.
I think it is important to share

495
00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:22,560
what we can with our children
about the things that that

496
00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:26,000
create the circumstances for
more sustained joy and that

497
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:28,400
being gratitude and
vulnerability.

498
00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:33,040
Yep.
So we'll report back and I hope

499
00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:37,440
that others can have their own
joy interviews too, because this

500
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:40,520
has been enlightening to
understand both the things that

501
00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:43,960
I suspected but needed to
confirm about your joy and your

502
00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:48,080
your foreboding joy and to be a
little vulnerable in sharing

503
00:30:48,360 --> 00:30:51,440
where I'm coming from as it
relates to this wonderful,

504
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:53,920
beautiful feeling.
Yeah, I love it.

505
00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:57,080
OK, till next time.
Yeah, love you, Goosy.

506
00:30:57,120 --> 00:31:01,280
Love you goosy.
Welcome to a new segment we're

507
00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:04,200
calling Team it Teammates, where
we bring on friends of the

508
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:06,720
podcast to share what family
culture looks like in their

509
00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:10,280
homes today.
Our first guest is my dear

510
00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:13,240
friend of nearly two decades,
the brilliant and beautiful

511
00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:16,320
Jennifer Zelden.
Jen is so smart and thoughtful

512
00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:18,960
while also being silly and a
true adventurer.

513
00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:22,440
I just love her and I've learned
so much from her over the years

514
00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:24,720
and I'm thrilled that she is
here to talk about what family

515
00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:26,400
culture looks like in her world
right now.

516
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:28,360
Hi, Jen.
Hi.

517
00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:31,200
What a beautiful intro.
Thank you.

518
00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:32,920
All from the heart.
I love you so much.

519
00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:35,920
Yeah.
So to get us started, can you

520
00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:39,360
describe your family to us, who
you are, and anything else that

521
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:41,920
you think we should know?
Sure.

522
00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:45,200
Well, I come from quite a
blended family.

523
00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:47,280
My husband and I have been
married now.

524
00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:50,520
We just celebrated 11 years and
between us we have four

525
00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:53,520
children, but two of them are in
their early 20s now.

526
00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:56,760
They're from his first marriage,
but my husband, in a unique

527
00:31:57,520 --> 00:32:00,320
situation, has full custody of
them.

528
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:03,400
So when I met him, they were 10
and 12.

529
00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:06,240
So they grew up in our
household.

530
00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:09,040
So they're pretty much like
children to me.

531
00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:12,880
And then we had two of our own 2
little girls a few years later

532
00:32:13,240 --> 00:32:17,200
and they are now 5 and 10.
So all four of us, I mean all

533
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:22,760
six of us now live all together.
And we recently in the last few

534
00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:27,520
years, made a major change where
we were located in New York

535
00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:29,080
forever.
Both my husband and I, born and

536
00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:33,080
raised in New York, and during
COVID, we kind of saw that we

537
00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:35,800
can be anywhere.
So we kind of got the crazy

538
00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:37,440
idea.
We said, what are we doing here

539
00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:41,200
in cold New York, which we love,
but you know, we want to extend

540
00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:42,680
our horizons.
Life is short.

541
00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:46,080
So we decided to pick up and
move our whole clan over to

542
00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:49,280
Italy.
So we landed in Rome and we've

543
00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:52,720
been here for the last three
years now, on and off for six

544
00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:53,920
months.
So we'll do six months in New

545
00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:56,400
York, six months in Rome.
And this is now our third year

546
00:32:56,400 --> 00:33:00,560
doing it, and we're actually all
packed up and ready to go back

547
00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:03,520
tomorrow.
So you caught us at a funny time

548
00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:07,040
when we're in such a transition
between the two countries, but

549
00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:09,520
that's been our situation as of
late.

550
00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:11,840
I love that.
Thank you for sharing.

551
00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:13,040
Yeah.
So I feel like it's kind of the

552
00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:15,800
most perfectly imperfect time to
talk to you then as far as,

553
00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:19,000
like, how you navigate.
So we'd love to hear wherever

554
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:22,400
you want to go, but like how it
is how the Zelmans are in Rome

555
00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:25,640
versus how they are in the
Hamptons kind of thing, and how

556
00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:29,800
you manage it all.
Yeah, well, it's, I mean, it's

557
00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:35,160
definitely best of all worlds.
I think both New York and Rome

558
00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:37,600
have so many different things to
offer.

559
00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:41,120
But a lot of times people say
why Rome?

560
00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:44,000
Neither Robert nor I are
Italian.

561
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:47,200
My mother's from Mexico, my
husband is Eastern European

562
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:49,760
Jewish descent.
So Rome doesn't really make

563
00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:55,600
sense and any, you know, logical
way, but we said OK, we want to

564
00:33:55,600 --> 00:34:00,200
be somewhere in Europe and we
wanted somewhere with good

565
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:01,920
weather.
People both love the sun.

566
00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:06,280
So we were thinking between
Spain and Rome and Rome kind of

567
00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:08,360
just fell into place.
We had a great found great

568
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:11,800
school, we found a great
apartment and we always thought

569
00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:14,800
it would be a one time thing.
So it's kind of like a study

570
00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:18,600
abroad, you know like a family
wise.

571
00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:21,199
But we did it one year, we fell
so in love.

572
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:22,719
So we can't imagine not coming
back.

573
00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:25,080
So we did it again.
Again we said definitely not

574
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:26,280
coming back.
That's it.

575
00:34:26,560 --> 00:34:28,960
We have to lots of going on in
New York.

576
00:34:29,639 --> 00:34:32,440
Here we are again, third year,
and already we're talking about

577
00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:36,840
coming back next year.
Because I would say the most

578
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:40,880
important reasons are the
friends we've made, of course,

579
00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:42,639
through school.
Luckily, having young kids in

580
00:34:42,639 --> 00:34:45,719
school and going to a new
country, we meet so many parents

581
00:34:45,920 --> 00:34:47,880
through school.
And what I love is that we send

582
00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:49,320
the kids to an International
School.

583
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:52,040
So they have so much exposure to
Italian children because I think

584
00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:55,040
a huge percentage of the school
are Italian, but the rest of the

585
00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:58,120
percentage are kids from all
over the world.

586
00:34:58,440 --> 00:35:04,880
So my daughters have friends
from Nigeria, Singapore, Japan,

587
00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:07,400
like just the name of you.
So the exposure to other

588
00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:09,960
cultures is so tremendous and
it's such a gift to them.

589
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:11,960
If that's something really
special that we don't get in New

590
00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:15,160
York where we live in this
little suburban bubble, which

591
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:17,320
has its, you know, great aspects
as well.

592
00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:20,240
But anyway, being at this
International School meeting,

593
00:35:20,240 --> 00:35:23,320
the people we're meeting is so
nice because these people that

594
00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:25,120
we've been meeting, a lot of
times, they're also on their own

595
00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:28,240
here in Rome.
So they're really open socially.

596
00:35:28,240 --> 00:35:30,280
They're really open to making
connections.

597
00:35:30,520 --> 00:35:33,360
So I feel like our social life
here is incredible.

598
00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:36,000
You know, everybody's.
So in New York, people kind of

599
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:39,360
have their own thing from years
past from this, you know,

600
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:43,160
friends from the city.
And here everybody's open and

601
00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:45,720
wants to hang out, wants to get
to know you and learn about your

602
00:35:45,720 --> 00:35:47,720
culture.
So that's really cool as a

603
00:35:47,720 --> 00:35:49,960
family that we all get to
experience.

604
00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:52,760
Also, of course, you'd have to
mention the food, the food

605
00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:55,280
quality.
Instead of giving my kids bags

606
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:58,600
of cold fish, I'm giving a
brushed prosciutto and Parmesan

607
00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:01,080
cheese.
It's just the food.

608
00:36:01,080 --> 00:36:05,040
The level of food is so
spectacular that that's for me a

609
00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:09,200
huge drop.
And our ability to travel while

610
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:14,400
we're here is also great.
We were in Egypt so easily for

611
00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:16,000
10 days.
It's a 3 hour flight.

612
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:20,960
We travel on almost every other
weekend to different European

613
00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:24,720
countries and it is so simple.
Even travelling within Italy, we

614
00:36:24,720 --> 00:36:28,600
hop on a train and each region
in Italy is so unique and

615
00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:29,920
different.
The cuisine is different, the

616
00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:31,080
people are different, even the
dialect.

617
00:36:31,080 --> 00:36:33,840
Sometimes there's mountains,
sea, cities.

618
00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:38,840
It's just the exposure we have
being in the central location.

619
00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:43,280
Italy is so awesome with no time
changes many times to deal with,

620
00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:45,520
which for families and young
children is huge.

621
00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:49,800
So I really though they're just
some of the reasons why we find

622
00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:52,480
the quality of life here in Rome
so great.

623
00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:55,520
One of the things I know about
you and Robert is that you both

624
00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:57,760
really value travel.
And I feel like from the moment

625
00:36:57,760 --> 00:37:01,160
the two of you met, travel was a
huge part of your life.

626
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:04,880
How has that changed and how has
it stayed the same since you had

627
00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:06,560
kids?
Like, how do you bring them

628
00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:09,480
along in that family, culture,
love of travel?

629
00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:13,240
It's so funny because I remember
like back in the day when

630
00:37:13,240 --> 00:37:16,720
Danielle and I were young and
wild and traveling abroad and

631
00:37:16,720 --> 00:37:19,720
traveling every weekend and, you
know, studying in London.

632
00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:22,800
We, I remember thinking in my
mind like, Oh my, I have to get

633
00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:25,920
everything out of my system now
and do all the travelling

634
00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:28,560
because once I get married and
once I have kids, it's all over.

635
00:37:28,560 --> 00:37:31,080
Like I'm never travelling again
or it's going to be decades

636
00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:33,720
until I can travel again.
But it's funny how the universe

637
00:37:33,720 --> 00:37:35,800
works because the complete
opposite happened.

638
00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:38,720
Now, since I've had kids, I've
never travelled so much in my

639
00:37:38,720 --> 00:37:42,280
entire life.
So being here, it's just gone up

640
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:45,240
10 times.
Travel for us is, I think, here

641
00:37:45,240 --> 00:37:46,840
to stay.
It's definitely not slowing

642
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:50,480
down, that's for sure.
And as far as the children, each

643
00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:53,880
country I see like as a
different level of how much they

644
00:37:53,880 --> 00:37:57,160
welcome children.
So luckily in Italy they're so

645
00:37:57,160 --> 00:37:59,600
welcoming to children, so that's
made it very easy.

646
00:37:59,920 --> 00:38:02,680
Other countries you go to are
not so welcoming to children.

647
00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:05,320
So it's also you have to pick
and choose where you go if

648
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:08,480
that's a concern, if you have
little ones, because that can

649
00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:10,360
make or break a trip.
I had friends who just went to

650
00:38:10,360 --> 00:38:14,240
Japan with little ones and they
were like, no, they said they

651
00:38:14,240 --> 00:38:17,040
are not.
It's a culture of politeness, of

652
00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:20,720
orderliness, so not so toddler
friendly.

653
00:38:20,720 --> 00:38:23,680
So if you do have those little
ones, Italy is a great one.

654
00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:28,360
Netherlands and it's certain
places I feel like are you would

655
00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:31,800
have an easier time.
So picking strategically is

656
00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:33,760
good.
Yeah, that's really great

657
00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:34,440
advice.
Jen.

658
00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:39,480
You mentioned the friends, the
food and the proximity to other

659
00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:42,520
places are the things that you
and Robert really value.

660
00:38:42,600 --> 00:38:45,560
And obviously the kids are going
to value those things too

661
00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:48,640
because they're having these new
experiences with new people.

662
00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:50,800
The food is, you know, goes
without saying.

663
00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:55,440
But then actually the the travel
in and of itself for the kids,

664
00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:59,000
that travel represents a certain
value to you and Robert about

665
00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:01,600
seeing the world.
What I noticed with our kids is

666
00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:05,640
that there's some story that
needs to be woven in about the

667
00:39:05,640 --> 00:39:07,240
adventure.
And it's usually not the same

668
00:39:07,240 --> 00:39:08,680
story that Danielle and I care
about.

669
00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:12,280
So I'm just curious, how do you
prepare the family?

670
00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:16,560
How do you prepare for travel to
new places to get everyone on

671
00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:20,880
the same page about the same
enthusiastic page, even if it's

672
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:24,960
not for the same reasons?
Yeah, I guess we don't make a

673
00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:28,680
big thing like I want them this
to be the exposure to new

674
00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:30,360
cultures and landing in new
places.

675
00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:34,200
I want that to be their normal.
So I don't want to make it a big

676
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:37,040
thing that when we see people
who do things differently, I

677
00:39:37,040 --> 00:39:39,200
don't want them to be shocked
and alarmed.

678
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:42,400
And I want them to be open
minded enough to be, have that

679
00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:45,760
flexibility of seeing new things
and seeing new people and

680
00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:48,480
customs and not being shocked
and not and being like, oh, I

681
00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:50,880
want to just know that things
can be done differently.

682
00:39:50,880 --> 00:39:53,520
So honestly, we, I don't, we
kind of, I don't really give

683
00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:57,120
them much prep anywhere we go.
And I just let them kind of

684
00:39:57,120 --> 00:40:00,440
experience it because a lot of
times I feel like when I over

685
00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:04,360
prepare them for things, it's so
much of me projecting my stuff

686
00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:06,720
onto them.
They're like a blank slate and

687
00:40:06,720 --> 00:40:09,640
they, I think, are born
naturally open and I don't want

688
00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:13,400
to teach them.
Anything or even put ideas in

689
00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:15,360
their head.
So I feel like naturally they

690
00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:18,560
just are so absorbed, like they
just absorbed things like for

691
00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:23,760
instance, like when we were in
like Dubai, we had a babysitter

692
00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:29,280
come and you know, she comes in
a in a burka and you know, she's

693
00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:30,760
asking are there any men in the
house?

694
00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:33,200
And like, and I didn't say
anything to the kids to even

695
00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:35,560
prepare them and they don't they
don't think anything of it.

696
00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:38,320
They're like, oh, she's like, I
don't know.

697
00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:41,520
They just say things that are,
they don't make a big issue out

698
00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:42,840
of it.
They have questions sometimes,

699
00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:45,480
but they're asked in a way where
it's just out of curiosity.

700
00:40:45,760 --> 00:40:48,720
It's not like looking down or
afraid.

701
00:40:48,720 --> 00:40:53,160
And I don't want them to be
scared and I want them to have

702
00:40:53,160 --> 00:40:56,960
that flexible mindset.
And I feel like all this trouble

703
00:40:56,960 --> 00:41:01,240
has made them very flexible and
open minded and I'm very happy

704
00:41:01,240 --> 00:41:02,840
for that.
I feel like I can drop them

705
00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:06,200
anywhere and they would be OK.
I want to circle back to this

706
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:10,280
idea that you mentioned about
the girls having an appreciation

707
00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:13,520
for all types of cultures and
just considering that normal you

708
00:41:13,520 --> 00:41:16,680
and I, both life psychology and
I would love to know, like if

709
00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:19,520
you were to psychoanalyze that
goal of yours or that value of

710
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:21,600
yours, where do you think that
comes from?

711
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:25,240
It's a great question.
It's.

712
00:41:25,240 --> 00:41:27,520
A beautiful priority, but it's a
very specific 1.

713
00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:28,120
Great.
Question.

714
00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:29,600
No.
And honestly I just what popped

715
00:41:29,600 --> 00:41:32,320
into my head.
I never thought about that, like

716
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:34,520
why I put so much.
I think I just thought of

717
00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:35,600
something that could be
relevant.

718
00:41:35,720 --> 00:41:41,800
So where I grew up, you know, in
suburban town in Westchester and

719
00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:46,480
then where I've, where my family
lives in New York now, suburban

720
00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:49,480
Long Island similarities where
it's kind of like a bubble.

721
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:53,240
Everybody, 99% of the student
bodies the same background, 99%

722
00:41:53,280 --> 00:41:56,880
huge percentage are a huge are
like the same background.

723
00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:01,920
So this exposure to other
cultures is very important to

724
00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:04,320
me.
And I think maybe is that

725
00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:10,480
growing up, I, I was where I am
my mother's from Mexico, my

726
00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:15,400
father's Jewish.
So I always felt a little bit

727
00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:19,720
like an outsider culturally.
Like I always felt weird that

728
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:24,280
not weird, but just different
and not necessarily belonging

729
00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:28,640
that my mom, you know, didn't
speak English without an accent.

730
00:42:29,840 --> 00:42:32,120
I was the only Jewish kid really
to speak of.

731
00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:36,400
And with the last name Schwartz,
there was no hiding it.

732
00:42:37,280 --> 00:42:41,600
So I feel like I always felt
like I stuck and I think this

733
00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:46,000
was just my an illusion, but I
always felt different because of

734
00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:49,640
these cultural background
differences.

735
00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:54,320
So maybe it's something linked
to that where I want, I always

736
00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:58,080
wanted to feel inclusive.
So I want my children, I guess,

737
00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:03,200
to the includers.
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

738
00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:04,320
Thought of it.
That's so weird.

739
00:43:04,320 --> 00:43:07,440
Yeah.
But maybe that's why it's a the

740
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:09,600
whole sense of belonging.
And I want them to.

741
00:43:10,800 --> 00:43:14,840
Not only that, but I want them
to treat others how I wanted to

742
00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:18,200
be treated.
That makes a lot of sense.

743
00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:20,240
Makes a lot of sense.
Yeah, Absolutely.

744
00:43:20,320 --> 00:43:23,600
Absolutely, yeah, I think about
also, am I?

745
00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:29,240
Using my kids as like a tool to
heal my aren't we all please do

746
00:43:29,240 --> 00:43:30,760
you think?
That you are exempt from that.

747
00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:34,720
No, Yeah, OK.
I think it's beautiful.

748
00:43:34,720 --> 00:43:36,560
No, that's not true.
Because the other thing is that

749
00:43:36,560 --> 00:43:38,800
we've talked about like, you
know, your oldest daughter,

750
00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:41,920
Bridget, if I may say, like
she's so resilient, right?

751
00:43:42,080 --> 00:43:43,400
I mean, I think Juliet will be
too.

752
00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:46,560
But like, we've talked about how
all of this travel, I think has

753
00:43:46,560 --> 00:43:50,320
given her this worldly
perspective, if you will, where

754
00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:53,720
it seems like she doesn't.
She knows the world is much

755
00:43:53,720 --> 00:43:55,640
bigger than her town in Long
Island, right?

756
00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:59,920
And so I'm going to guess that
if she has a, you know, has a,

757
00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:03,040
an argument with a friend in
Long Island, she knows so much

758
00:44:03,040 --> 00:44:05,720
that she has friends all over
the world that she can connect

759
00:44:05,720 --> 00:44:08,200
with.
And so it fosters this beautiful

760
00:44:08,240 --> 00:44:12,680
sense of, of meaning and really
of, of strength for her so

761
00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:14,840
early.
So please talk more about that

762
00:44:14,840 --> 00:44:17,680
because I think that that's a
huge part of what you're giving

763
00:44:17,680 --> 00:44:18,960
them.
Maybe you're, you know, re

764
00:44:18,960 --> 00:44:21,920
parenting or whatever in this
like sense of inclusion, but

765
00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:23,160
the.
Deepest level, but.

766
00:44:23,200 --> 00:44:24,640
There are so many beautiful
parts of it.

767
00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:26,640
Yeah, go ahead.
Just like just like what you

768
00:44:26,640 --> 00:44:29,520
said, it's it's this, it's
exactly that that I also think

769
00:44:29,520 --> 00:44:35,440
that especially at this preteen
age, I see that friends are

770
00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:37,000
everything.
I just saw this thing on

771
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:40,280
Instagram made me cry that it's
you only have your kids real.

772
00:44:40,280 --> 00:44:43,240
You're from zero to 10.
You are the most important

773
00:44:43,600 --> 00:44:46,400
person in your children's lives.
You are their world.

774
00:44:46,640 --> 00:44:49,360
And I'm telling you, they turn
10 or a little bit before even,

775
00:44:49,600 --> 00:44:51,200
and their friends become their
worlds.

776
00:44:51,360 --> 00:44:53,600
And it's like goodbye, mom.
And I see it.

777
00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:57,080
My now my daughter, her world is
her, her friends, which is

778
00:44:57,080 --> 00:45:00,600
healthy, I suppose.
But just like you said this, in

779
00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:03,440
her little world, the stakes are
very high with her friendship.

780
00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:06,680
So if we're somewhere and she
gets in, gets into a fight with

781
00:45:06,680 --> 00:45:12,760
a friend, well, she has a whole
other group of friends from

782
00:45:12,760 --> 00:45:14,640
somewhere else.
Like I feel like it's not like

783
00:45:14,640 --> 00:45:17,520
all of her eggs in one little
basket where, you know, she's a

784
00:45:17,520 --> 00:45:20,120
vast basket of all different
places.

785
00:45:20,120 --> 00:45:24,480
So it does, I feel like esteem
wise it it's I have a lot of

786
00:45:24,480 --> 00:45:26,880
value this big network that
she's created.

787
00:45:27,320 --> 00:45:29,000
So I love that.
So I feel like especially for

788
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:32,720
girls, esteem is so important,
self esteem.

789
00:45:32,840 --> 00:45:38,400
So that's a great product of all
of this is, is is that network

790
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:42,280
and confidence building that she
not like everything in her

791
00:45:42,280 --> 00:45:44,880
little tiny world is make or
break, you know?

792
00:45:45,120 --> 00:45:47,520
Can we talk about Bridget
turning 10 and like how the

793
00:45:47,520 --> 00:45:50,960
family culture is maybe changing
as you are as you have one kid

794
00:45:50,960 --> 00:45:52,880
that maybe doesn't want to spend
as much time with you all?

795
00:45:53,480 --> 00:45:57,640
Yes, it's so weird and I keep
thinking back to that. 10 was a

796
00:45:57,640 --> 00:46:00,360
big deal for me.
Like, my parents got divorced

797
00:46:00,360 --> 00:46:05,040
when I was turning 10.
And so I don't, I haven't

798
00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:06,960
really, I've been thinking about
it, but I haven't really figured

799
00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:09,920
out how that plays into my
relationship with her right now.

800
00:46:09,920 --> 00:46:13,040
But I do think that in our
parenting, like how we parent

801
00:46:13,040 --> 00:46:17,600
our kids at the stage they're
at, somehow we're like deep down

802
00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:19,680
thinking about ourselves at that
age.

803
00:46:20,120 --> 00:46:22,800
I couldn't agree more.
Yeah, I just know that like, at

804
00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:24,720
this age was very significant
for me.

805
00:46:24,720 --> 00:46:27,920
So I'm just like, OK, maybe you
guys can figure this out.

806
00:46:27,920 --> 00:46:33,280
Like for instance, I she's now,
like I said, preteen, but once

807
00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:36,480
in a while, because like
hormones or whatever, she gets

808
00:46:36,480 --> 00:46:39,480
very like attitude Y with me,
like she'll say something in a

809
00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:44,040
tone and I just for some reason
it's so triggering to me.

810
00:46:44,040 --> 00:46:45,840
I don't know why I can't figure
it out.

811
00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:48,120
So she says something where
nothing horrible.

812
00:46:48,120 --> 00:46:50,520
He's not like mom, I hate you.
She'll be like, just say

813
00:46:50,520 --> 00:46:52,880
something like God, come on,
like don't you know that or

814
00:46:53,200 --> 00:46:56,480
something?
I get so triggered and I can't

815
00:46:57,040 --> 00:47:00,880
figure it out, but it's just,
I'm scared because it's a

816
00:47:00,880 --> 00:47:03,840
glimpse into the teenage years
to come very shortly.

817
00:47:03,840 --> 00:47:07,040
And I'm like, oh God, it's going
to be a rough time.

818
00:47:07,040 --> 00:47:12,560
So I'm trying to, again, it's
more about focusing on me and

819
00:47:12,560 --> 00:47:16,360
why I'm having those feelings.
Everything she's doing is really

820
00:47:16,360 --> 00:47:17,720
normal.
And of course I wanted to be

821
00:47:17,720 --> 00:47:20,320
respectful, you know, and not
going to be crazy.

822
00:47:20,720 --> 00:47:23,000
You know, there's to be some
level where she has to be a

823
00:47:23,120 --> 00:47:27,280
level of respect.
But it's just so crazy how

824
00:47:27,280 --> 00:47:31,800
parenting is so much about self
introspection versus what your

825
00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:34,560
child is giving you.
It's really about why is this

826
00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:36,320
triggering me?
Why is this listening to what is

827
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:39,480
not healed within myself?
So it's it's a journey.

828
00:47:39,480 --> 00:47:46,360
But I do feel like 10 and what
has come have been even more

829
00:47:46,360 --> 00:47:49,320
challenging than the younger
years.

830
00:47:49,720 --> 00:47:52,440
Every stage has their new
challenges, but I'm definitely

831
00:47:52,440 --> 00:47:55,800
frightened of the upcoming one.
You know, I'm just thinking

832
00:47:55,800 --> 00:47:57,080
like, I know both of you pretty
well.

833
00:47:57,800 --> 00:47:59,600
And I would say that the two of
you, at least in my

834
00:47:59,600 --> 00:48:02,960
understanding, Greg and Jen,
like both of you individuated

835
00:48:02,960 --> 00:48:05,240
from your parents pretty
significantly in the teenage

836
00:48:05,240 --> 00:48:07,000
years.
Well, then maybe partially

837
00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:09,800
because of the divorce in your
family, like when you when I met

838
00:48:09,800 --> 00:48:14,440
you, like I could tell that you
had been mature for years.

839
00:48:15,120 --> 00:48:16,400
Know how to say it.
Do you know what I mean?

840
00:48:16,400 --> 00:48:17,920
So I'd love to talk a little bit
about that.

841
00:48:17,920 --> 00:48:22,680
And I wonder how that is going
to influence the next chapter of

842
00:48:22,680 --> 00:48:25,480
your parenting with with Bridget
and with Juliet as she grows,

843
00:48:25,480 --> 00:48:25,800
too.
Yeah.

844
00:48:27,880 --> 00:48:31,800
That's a great question.
Well, in my like, from my

845
00:48:31,800 --> 00:48:37,560
perspective, I just felt like
really strangely from 10 onward,

846
00:48:37,560 --> 00:48:40,280
I felt like my home life is a
little bit chaotic.

847
00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:44,880
My parents got divorced and then
right away my dad got remarried

848
00:48:45,600 --> 00:48:48,120
and with a woman and she had a
daughter.

849
00:48:48,120 --> 00:48:52,640
So now we have a new sister.
Then shortly later my dad got

850
00:48:52,640 --> 00:48:55,360
really sick and then my mom got
sick.

851
00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:59,720
I just felt like for many years,
my home life is very chaotic,

852
00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:04,160
unpredictable.
So I did feel and I and being

853
00:49:04,360 --> 00:49:07,760
going back to the middle child
episode, I'm very much a Jade.

854
00:49:08,680 --> 00:49:12,640
So I also naturally, I think as
a middle child was a little bit

855
00:49:12,840 --> 00:49:16,720
forgotten.
So being the middle child and

856
00:49:16,720 --> 00:49:21,280
then with all the circumstances
that pair together, I felt on my

857
00:49:21,280 --> 00:49:26,080
own and I kind of was like, I
got it, do my own thing and then

858
00:49:26,120 --> 00:49:28,560
nobody's there to catch me.
I have to make it happen for

859
00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:33,160
myself.
So I I never was like, I don't

860
00:49:33,160 --> 00:49:36,920
think a conscious decision, but
I think deep down that was what

861
00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:38,720
why I worked so hard
academically.

862
00:49:39,040 --> 00:49:42,800
I just didn't want to have to be
reliant on anyone.

863
00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:46,000
And for some reason, I always
felt like AI didn't want to be a

864
00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:47,720
burden.
I felt like my parents had so

865
00:49:47,720 --> 00:49:50,600
much on their plate and I didn't
want to be another burden to

866
00:49:50,600 --> 00:49:51,880
them.
So I was like, if I could take

867
00:49:51,880 --> 00:49:55,160
care of myself and do everything
for myself, like I don't have to

868
00:49:55,240 --> 00:49:57,280
stress them out anymore.
And they already are with their

869
00:49:57,280 --> 00:50:02,200
own shit.
So that definitely, you know,

870
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:06,640
will dictated my personality in
many ways.

871
00:50:08,240 --> 00:50:10,960
And with my children, luckily
it's like almost

872
00:50:11,200 --> 00:50:13,760
circumstantially, it's like the
complete opposite.

873
00:50:14,080 --> 00:50:16,440
My husband and I are so
available to the kids.

874
00:50:16,440 --> 00:50:21,280
We don't have a lot going on, so
I think we're so there for them.

875
00:50:21,280 --> 00:50:25,760
And it's interesting.
I almost feel like the way it

876
00:50:25,760 --> 00:50:29,840
informs my parenting is that
sometimes when my kids are upset

877
00:50:29,840 --> 00:50:35,040
with me, I get extra angry with
them because I'm like, with

878
00:50:35,120 --> 00:50:38,960
everything we've given you and
all these amazing circumstances

879
00:50:38,960 --> 00:50:42,440
you've created and like, how can
you still be upset?

880
00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:44,840
It's like, I would have killed
to have this when I was young.

881
00:50:45,000 --> 00:50:47,920
And I mean this again, this is
all like subconscious, which is

882
00:50:47,920 --> 00:50:50,600
I'm trying to like, you know,
sort through it.

883
00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:55,480
But yeah, I think it maybe
informs it in that way a little

884
00:50:55,480 --> 00:50:59,280
bit that like almost like a how
dare you not be like over the

885
00:50:59,280 --> 00:51:01,720
moon.
You know, if I've, I've only, I

886
00:51:01,720 --> 00:51:05,400
had this stability growing up,
like what I could have done or

887
00:51:05,400 --> 00:51:08,120
whatever, right?
But again, it's all relative.

888
00:51:08,120 --> 00:51:11,280
And again, with parenting you,
it's really, I think what I'm

889
00:51:11,280 --> 00:51:15,960
constantly trying to do is sort
out what's, you know, what I'm

890
00:51:15,960 --> 00:51:19,280
dealing with my children like
sort out what's my shit and then

891
00:51:19,280 --> 00:51:22,760
what's, what's, what's theirs
and what's appropriate and

892
00:51:22,760 --> 00:51:25,680
what's being triggered in me
right now.

893
00:51:25,680 --> 00:51:32,320
So yeah, it's interesting and
good things to think about.

894
00:51:32,360 --> 00:51:35,120
That's a good question.
I love your answer.

895
00:51:35,360 --> 00:51:37,200
Thank you.
I love you so much.

896
00:51:37,200 --> 00:51:40,080
You're so I mean when Jen talks
about like, you know, leaning

897
00:51:40,080 --> 00:51:41,880
into academics, this is a girl
that got like what a full ride

898
00:51:41,880 --> 00:51:46,280
to NYU and a four point O and
the highest like results ever in

899
00:51:46,320 --> 00:51:48,120
NYU Med school.
She's not joking.

900
00:51:48,120 --> 00:51:50,640
Like this is not this is like
next level threw herself into

901
00:51:50,640 --> 00:51:53,120
academics.
This is we are witnessing a

902
00:51:53,440 --> 00:51:56,040
brilliant human being over Zoom
right now.

903
00:51:56,040 --> 00:51:58,920
Again, I looked at my like my
motivation.

904
00:51:58,920 --> 00:52:00,400
Yeah.
Why was I such a gunner?

905
00:52:00,400 --> 00:52:03,480
Why was I like hard to get any
and everything?

906
00:52:03,520 --> 00:52:11,400
And again, I I still don't know,
but I don't know but but but but

907
00:52:11,400 --> 00:52:17,400
I do know it came from a place
of maybe like not enoughness.

908
00:52:17,400 --> 00:52:19,640
Like that's how I got my word.
I don't know, but whatever it

909
00:52:19,640 --> 00:52:22,200
is, it it.
Even though the results were

910
00:52:22,200 --> 00:52:31,880
great, the motivations were not
like psychologically sound.

911
00:52:32,280 --> 00:52:35,120
For sure, you know.
It wasn't, it was anything in

912
00:52:35,120 --> 00:52:39,400
extreme is going to be, you
know, not not well motivated.

913
00:52:39,400 --> 00:52:44,640
So I always examine that as well
as why, why am I pushing myself

914
00:52:44,640 --> 00:52:46,920
so hard for something?
And they're so usually because

915
00:52:46,920 --> 00:52:50,360
again, what Italy has probably
taught me the most is

916
00:52:50,680 --> 00:52:52,920
moderation.
Everything in moderation,

917
00:52:52,920 --> 00:52:55,920
balance.
These people are masters at it.

918
00:52:56,200 --> 00:52:59,240
They eat pizza, pizza and pasta
every day and drink every day,

919
00:52:59,360 --> 00:53:02,280
sometimes at every meal.
But unple.

920
00:53:02,640 --> 00:53:04,800
But that's beautiful that you
have the opportunity to learn

921
00:53:04,880 --> 00:53:07,280
and to model moderation for your
family there.

922
00:53:08,600 --> 00:53:10,480
Oh, and another thing I was
going to say is that a great

923
00:53:10,480 --> 00:53:13,960
model has been, you know, we've
been, I've been trying to learn

924
00:53:13,960 --> 00:53:17,080
Italian.
I speak Spanish from my mother

925
00:53:17,080 --> 00:53:20,040
being Mexican, so, but since
we've gotten here, I've gone to

926
00:53:20,040 --> 00:53:22,520
Italian school.
I had an Italian tutor.

927
00:53:22,760 --> 00:53:26,040
So that's been really fun for
the kids to watch me learn

928
00:53:26,040 --> 00:53:27,040
something new.
Yes.

929
00:53:27,040 --> 00:53:30,000
So, you know, I commiserate with
them about homework.

930
00:53:30,000 --> 00:53:31,520
I'm like, oh, I have Italian
homework.

931
00:53:31,520 --> 00:53:33,120
I really don't want to do it,
but I'll do it.

932
00:53:33,120 --> 00:53:35,640
And, you know, side by side with
them and just seeing, I think a

933
00:53:35,640 --> 00:53:39,160
parent learning and struggling
with the new task is really a

934
00:53:39,200 --> 00:53:41,720
valuable lesson as well.
And I think getting that in a

935
00:53:41,720 --> 00:53:44,600
foreign country is, you know,
another cool benefit.

936
00:53:45,360 --> 00:53:47,240
Yeah, absolutely.
I mean, we talk a lot about

937
00:53:47,240 --> 00:53:49,920
alignment and what that can look
like in the family.

938
00:53:49,920 --> 00:53:53,320
And I think all of you embarking
on this journey together, one,

939
00:53:53,320 --> 00:53:56,240
just being in Italy together and
that sense of adventure, but 2

940
00:53:56,440 --> 00:53:59,240
going through similar struggles
around learning that's that is

941
00:53:59,240 --> 00:54:00,960
very cool and feels like very
connecting.

942
00:54:02,000 --> 00:54:05,160
Yes, and even just simple things
like where do I buy, You know

943
00:54:06,160 --> 00:54:08,840
this in Rome and you know, we
all set out on an adventure

944
00:54:08,840 --> 00:54:10,520
together.
Like mom doesn't know any better

945
00:54:10,520 --> 00:54:11,880
than you do.
I'm like, do you guys have any

946
00:54:11,880 --> 00:54:13,680
ideas?
So cool.

947
00:54:13,680 --> 00:54:18,560
A lot of scavenger hunt esque
escapades here, that's for sure.

948
00:54:18,680 --> 00:54:20,000
That's that's huge.
I love that.

949
00:54:20,000 --> 00:54:24,320
That's great.
Before we let you go in your

950
00:54:24,320 --> 00:54:27,560
travels, I think this is
probably 2 questions.

951
00:54:27,560 --> 00:54:31,600
The 1st is what is in the
zeitgeist in the international

952
00:54:31,880 --> 00:54:35,760
ambitious family community,
right?

953
00:54:35,760 --> 00:54:38,600
Like what are people in?
In the US there's a lot of

954
00:54:38,920 --> 00:54:40,480
protect our children from
screens.

955
00:54:41,240 --> 00:54:43,760
You're surrounded by
international families of means,

956
00:54:43,760 --> 00:54:45,960
I'm sure that are ambitious at
that have done well in the

957
00:54:45,960 --> 00:54:47,640
world.
You know, what are they talking

958
00:54:47,640 --> 00:54:48,760
about?
What are they worried about for

959
00:54:48,760 --> 00:54:50,760
their kids?
What are they protective over?

960
00:54:50,840 --> 00:54:54,200
And also what are they exploring
that might not be things that

961
00:54:54,400 --> 00:54:55,880
that were necessarily tuned
into?

962
00:54:57,320 --> 00:55:03,560
So what I've seen is in American
parents that I know are much

963
00:55:03,640 --> 00:55:09,360
more intentional about how their
children are being raised and

964
00:55:09,360 --> 00:55:12,240
are just very thoughtful about
what's going on with their

965
00:55:12,240 --> 00:55:15,000
children, are exposed to what
they're doing, constantly

966
00:55:15,360 --> 00:55:18,120
signing them up for activities,
making sure they're, you know,

967
00:55:18,640 --> 00:55:22,200
engaged and active and staying
ahead and what college you're

968
00:55:22,200 --> 00:55:24,160
going to go to, even though
they're three years old.

969
00:55:24,160 --> 00:55:30,720
And so in Italy, I don't see
that at all, right?

970
00:55:31,120 --> 00:55:34,160
Literally but.
What the conversation, it's not

971
00:55:34,160 --> 00:55:36,440
even a conversation.
It's more they're just so smart,

972
00:55:36,560 --> 00:55:41,480
steeped in tradition.
So it's more that this is how my

973
00:55:41,720 --> 00:55:43,920
Nona raised me.
This is how I raised my

974
00:55:43,920 --> 00:55:45,480
daughter.
This is how we this is just how

975
00:55:45,480 --> 00:55:48,560
we do it.
It's less of a conversation

976
00:55:48,600 --> 00:55:52,640
about and especially it's still
very true, at least here I don't

977
00:55:52,640 --> 00:55:55,240
speak about Rome.
Where I am in Rome, it's still

978
00:55:55,240 --> 00:55:59,040
very traditional minded.
So we always say it's a big

979
00:55:59,040 --> 00:56:02,600
city, but we always say really
it's like a provincial town.

980
00:56:03,080 --> 00:56:08,800
So the, the, I even find that
the between men and women, like

981
00:56:09,720 --> 00:56:13,080
it's a man's town, you know,
it's still very much they dress

982
00:56:13,080 --> 00:56:15,760
the man, everything's catered to
the man and the woman.

983
00:56:15,760 --> 00:56:20,640
You know, it's, it's, it's very
old school in many ways.

984
00:56:20,680 --> 00:56:25,520
And I think with children, it's
not, they're not thinking nearly

985
00:56:25,520 --> 00:56:27,680
as much.
You're not as preoccupied with

986
00:56:27,720 --> 00:56:31,160
what's what their children are
doing the future of them just

987
00:56:31,160 --> 00:56:34,720
now what got report cards and
one of the mothers was like, the

988
00:56:34,720 --> 00:56:36,280
grades don't matter anyway.
Don't worry about it.

989
00:56:36,280 --> 00:56:37,920
Who cares?
Like they're just, I don't know.

990
00:56:38,360 --> 00:56:40,520
And this is these are like at
the top schools at the top.

991
00:56:40,520 --> 00:56:42,960
And not to say that they don't
care about grades or certainly

992
00:56:43,120 --> 00:56:46,080
it's not a generalization, but
the point is, is that they're

993
00:56:46,240 --> 00:56:50,320
the parents are definitely not
over focused on what their kids

994
00:56:50,320 --> 00:56:52,040
are doing.
It's more like the parents are

995
00:56:52,040 --> 00:56:55,200
having dinner in here.
The kids are playing in there

996
00:56:55,200 --> 00:56:58,400
and what they, what they choose
to do, like it's just like out

997
00:56:58,400 --> 00:57:00,200
of sight, out of mind.
That's the impression I've

998
00:57:00,200 --> 00:57:01,920
gotten.
And then Part 2 of the question

999
00:57:01,920 --> 00:57:06,160
is, is there anything from your
experiences, your bonds with

1000
00:57:06,160 --> 00:57:08,520
these families that you've taken
into your family culture,

1001
00:57:08,520 --> 00:57:12,360
whether it's a saying or a new
way of thinking or, you know,

1002
00:57:12,400 --> 00:57:14,120
anything like that?
Definitely.

1003
00:57:14,120 --> 00:57:15,360
I wasn't.
I was pretty good at this

1004
00:57:15,360 --> 00:57:16,760
already, but I've gotten even
better.

1005
00:57:16,800 --> 00:57:19,600
They love.
My favorite saying here is Dolce

1006
00:57:19,680 --> 00:57:22,720
Barniente, which means the
pleasure of doing nothing.

1007
00:57:23,320 --> 00:57:27,200
So in America, especially as
soon as I land in New York, I

1008
00:57:27,360 --> 00:57:30,480
feel like I'm like, OK, like,
how can we maximize efficiency?

1009
00:57:30,480 --> 00:57:32,920
That what do I have at 1:20?
What do I have to do later?

1010
00:57:32,920 --> 00:57:34,800
What do I have to sign to get
like, I would just like a little

1011
00:57:34,920 --> 00:57:37,720
robot stuck in I land.
I get here.

1012
00:57:37,720 --> 00:57:41,760
It's like it's just a different
mindset.

1013
00:57:41,760 --> 00:57:44,640
And it's the focus is not on
productivity.

1014
00:57:44,640 --> 00:57:47,840
It's not on efficiency.
It's about enjoying your life,

1015
00:57:47,840 --> 00:57:52,760
enjoying your family, enjoying
fine food and wine that's fresh

1016
00:57:52,760 --> 00:57:56,600
and local.
And I just, it really agrees

1017
00:57:56,600 --> 00:57:59,960
with me.
And I also think that it's is a

1018
00:57:59,960 --> 00:58:03,240
nice challenge for me because I,
I mean, I still have my planner

1019
00:58:03,240 --> 00:58:05,320
here.
I'm, I still have my like, you

1020
00:58:05,320 --> 00:58:09,720
know, things that I'm like that,
that there's urges to be like

1021
00:58:09,720 --> 00:58:11,880
super efficient, organized,
which of course have their

1022
00:58:11,880 --> 00:58:17,280
benefits, But this challenges
need to kind of say, OK, I can

1023
00:58:17,360 --> 00:58:19,520
like sit back and breathe a
little bit and everything's

1024
00:58:19,520 --> 00:58:21,800
going to be OK.
And keep everything in

1025
00:58:21,800 --> 00:58:24,680
perspective too, that, you know,
to always keep in mind what

1026
00:58:24,680 --> 00:58:27,680
truly matters in life and that
anything can change, especially

1027
00:58:27,680 --> 00:58:30,440
with our times today, Like you
see, things can change in a

1028
00:58:30,440 --> 00:58:33,040
second.
So I think you'll never regret

1029
00:58:33,040 --> 00:58:36,960
keeping those priorities of
family life at the forefront.

1030
00:58:37,240 --> 00:58:40,000
So this, this is definitely
conducive for that message.

1031
00:58:40,240 --> 00:58:41,960
So I I love that.
I love that.

1032
00:58:42,040 --> 00:58:43,880
Too.
Well, thank you so so much.

1033
00:58:43,880 --> 00:58:47,200
This has been wonderful.
I love you.

1034
00:58:47,200 --> 00:58:49,040
I'm so grateful for you.
Awesome.

1035
00:58:49,360 --> 00:58:51,680
Yay, that sounds great.
Wonderful.

1036
00:58:52,400 --> 00:58:53,160
OK all.
Right.

1037
00:58:53,160 --> 00:58:54,480
Thanks, Jen.
Thank you.

1038
00:58:54,960 --> 00:58:59,960
Bye.
Hey guys, if you're still here,

1039
00:58:59,960 --> 00:59:01,640
you're definitely our kind of
person.

1040
00:59:02,120 --> 00:59:04,640
Thanks for spending this time
with us on the most important

1041
00:59:04,640 --> 00:59:07,160
thing.
If this episode resonated with

1042
00:59:07,160 --> 00:59:09,600
you, we'd love for you to follow
us wherever you get your

1043
00:59:09,600 --> 00:59:11,800
podcasts and share it with
someone else.

1044
00:59:11,800 --> 00:59:13,520
Building family culture on
purpose.