TMIT 12: Courage

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Welcome to The Most Important
Thing.

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I'm Danielle DeMarco Neufeld.
And I'm Greg Neufeld, and

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together we're exploring how
ambitious busy families can

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build culture at home.
Because after all, family is the

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most important thing.
Welcome back to Season 2 of The

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Most Important Thing.
Yeah, I'm pumped.

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So today is our third episode of
Season 2, since we're calling it

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that now, where we are going
through the Wholehearted

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Parenting Manifesto, and today
we're talking about courage.

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Yeah, You know, it's funny how
we usually talk about courage,

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like it's this big dramatic
thing storming the castle or

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making that game-winning shot.
I literally think of gladiator

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every time we say the word
courage.

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Yeah, for sure.
Gladiator 1.

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And Braveheart.
And like all the things.

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All the things, very few shirts.
I guess pretty masculine

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honestly.
Maybe we can unpack that in a

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different.
Episode.

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But just being honest, just
showing up, that seems to be the

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real definition of courage,
showing up and just starting way

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smaller.
Uh huh, showing up as your whole

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self.
That's right.

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You know what, Greg?
Why don't you read what Bernie

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writes?
Oh, thank you.

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I'd love to.
Specifically in the manifesto,

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Bernie writes.
We will practice courage in our

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family by showing up, letting
ourselves be seen, and honoring

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vulnerability.
We will share our stories of

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struggle and strength.
There will always be room in our

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house for both stories of
struggle and strength.

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That reminds me of something,
but I can't put my finger on it.

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Episode 2 Family.
Stories from season 1.

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Look at that.
Is that like a reverse Easter

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egg?
Something that is, I don't know,

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foreshadowing.
Throwback.

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A throwback, OK.
Yeah, it's a throwback, but

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we're just building a web here.
You know, we're going

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sequentially, but we're building
a web.

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It seems like it.
Cool.

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All right, so we will practice
courage.

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In her latest book, Atlas of the
Heart, Brené Brown defines

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courage for us, and she defines
it by returning to its original

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Latin root core, meaning heart.
She writes in one of its

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earliest forms, the word
courage, meant to speak one's

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mind by telling all one's heart.
And throughout her research and

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teachings, Brene has emphasized
that true courage is about

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vulnerability and is closely
tied to emotional exposure,

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uncertainty and risk.
I love this idea that courage

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starts small and can grow really
big.

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And so today I kind of have a
hot take on courage.

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While I really do agree with her
reflections that to be

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courageous is to allow ourselves
to be seen and vulnerable,

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personally I have found that
there are a couple of mindset

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shifts that need to come first.
They're more like precursors, if

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you will, to lay the foundation
of getting into the habit of

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being courageous.
And those are what I would like

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to talk about today.
It's really this idea that in

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order to have courage
persistently, I think I needed

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two things.
The first is to know that

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preparation leads to confident,
courageous performance.

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And the second is that life is
just one big learning

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opportunity.
And most people, Greg will say

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everyone, mess up all the time
and the people that are

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successful are actually just
taking more at bats.

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So these are two things that I
think that I didn't know until

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probably 15 years ago and I've
learned more and more over time,

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but that have really helped me
begin my journey of courage and

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vulnerability.
And that when we talk about

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family culture, there are
certain things that I want our

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kids to know earlier, and this
is one of them.

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And so I think it's really
important when we speak about

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the emotional wiring of our home
that we talked about not just

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being courageous, but we talked
about how to be courageous.

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And I don't think that it's
super easy for everyone to just

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show up and be seen.
No.

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And so how do we even get there?
How do we even get the at bat?

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And that's what I would really
like to spend some time on

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today.
The author, Neil Strauss, has

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this great quote that I think
about any time that I'm starting

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something new and wanting to be
courageous, it's you don't need

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to be gifted.
You just need to have enough

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commitment to accept being bad
at something for as long as it

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takes to get good at it.
I love that.

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I've got a similar reminder on
my phone from Michael Jordan.

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And he says that work ethic
eliminates fear.

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Stress comes from being
unprepared.

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Yeah, so let's teach our kids to
prepare.

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That's right.
All right.

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So I would like to suggest that
the most important thing about

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courage is that courage needs
scaffolding.

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And specifically, when we
prepare together and embrace

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life as one big learning
opportunity, we build a family

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culture that makes showing up
courageously not just possible

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but expected.
Sound like a worthy goal?

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I mean, I think that we're
really doing it.

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It's not perfect, but I feel
very strongly that this topic is

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one that we can show up for our
kids and that our kids can show

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up for one another extremely
well over a long enough arc.

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It's.
Great, I can't wait to hear your

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experiment ideas.
All right.

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So let's dig into how we develop
these shifts within our family.

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I have been reading Bill
Belichick's new book The Art of

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Winning and it is amazing.
Every once in a while Ray

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Dalio's principles books like
this come up and I just devour

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them.
He just.

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For those of you who don't know,
he holds the record for the most

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Super Bowl wins, 6 as head coach
for the New England Patriots, as

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well as two more during his time
as the defensive coordinator at

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the New York Giants for a record
combined total of 8 Super Bowl

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victories.
As a coach and coordinator, he

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is incredible.
He really is.

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Love him or hate him, you got to
respect him.

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And he has spent a lot of time
in the arena, literally, right?

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He has spent a lot of time both
being courageous and supporting

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his teams, his family if you
will, in how to be courageous,

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especially in high pressure
moments.

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Yeah, the formidable Patriots
that he coached, I feel like

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always showed up with their full
selves, completely prepared.

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And in order to beat them, you
had to catch them, not in an

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unforced error, but you had to
win the game.

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Because they were doing it not
just for themselves, but you

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could tell they were doing it
for a higher purpose, for each

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other, for their coach, for
their team, for the fans.

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And they were doing it over and
over and over again for season

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after season.
And that kind of consistency is

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definitely a habit of courage.
OK, so let's talk about courage,

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the way that Bill Belichick
might, number one, prepare

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together.
This is the idea that consistent

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and deliberate practice leads to
confident performance.

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Bill says practice execution
becomes game reality.

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So just as Belichick prepares
his team for every scenario,

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families can rehearse situations
before the heat is on.

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And I think this can start small
by role-playing moments of

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courage as small as standing up
to a friend who has been maybe

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saying not nice things to you,
but it can also get bigger.

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And so a key aspect of this that
is coming up in our life today

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is teaching kids that
preparation is fundamental to

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success, that you have agency in
outcomes.

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So last episode I mentioned the
spelling bee, and that's because

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Hunter has been very anxious
about how she will perform at

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one of her first ever
competitions in school.

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And about a week before the
spelling bee, she was saying I'm

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a terrible speller, I'm going to
look stupid, basically feeling

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as though she had absolutely no
control over the situation.

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And we had a conversation about
practice, and before you knew

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it, she mastered every word that
was going to be on the spelling

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bee.
So I think that while perfection

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is unattainable, it's important
to teach that diligent practice

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gives you what you need, the
assurance and the confidence

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that you need to perform
courageously.

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It was a remarkable
transformation.

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Well, hopefully it's the first
of many.

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I think you and I see, and I've
heard this before, but Joe Rogan

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talks about this all the time
that CrossFit or martial arts

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shows you unequivocally that
when you put in hard work, you

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improve.
Yes.

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You cannot deny the improvement
that comes with consistent hard

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work and deliberate practice.
Yeah, there's a real data

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flywheel there.
The inputs and the outputs are

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all yours, and you're putting in
the work and you're seeing

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exactly the results that you
deserve.

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Yeah, and I think that knowledge
helps me show up more

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courageously throughout my life,
and it's something that I really

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want to instill in our children.
Yeah, I also think that having a

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team and the team that you
believe in, where everybody

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believes not just in themselves
but in the higher purpose,

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instills a lot of courage.
I know that working together

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with you, I have a lot of
courage in how I show up in the

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world, specifically in areas
where I know that you have it.

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And I believe that you feel the
same way in areas where I have

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it.
And so we show up as a team much

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more confidently than in areas
of discipline that aren't

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necessarily our true comfort
zones.

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Sure.
Yeah.

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I think that, you know, one of
the things that really embodies

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that within our family culture
today is our family cheer.

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Yes, I love that the kids
started saying our family cheer

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before they go to school in the
morning because I do think that

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they walk out the door with the
power of the new Felds behind

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them.
That's right, Episode 4 Family

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values.
There you go.

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OK, another thing that I hadn't
heard before but I love is that

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it's important to remind each
member of our family that they

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have a lead role in whatever
event it is.

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So Belichick says, remember that
you are one of the reasons that

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this moment is big.
You are not here by accident.

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Your work brought you to this
high stakes moment.

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First of all, how inspiring is
that?

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So inspiring.
And so he's talking about the

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Super Bowl, right?
I might be talking about a

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hockey tournament, right?
But regardless of how high

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stakes it might be in the world,
to the member of your family, it

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can be high stakes, right?
And so this idea that you have

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agency and that you are part of
what makes this moment special

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and big is incredibly powerful.
Yeah, there's a lot of imposter

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syndrome going around in this
world, and that's not something

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that I want our kids to to have
to carry.

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Or at least to know what to do
with it when it shows up.

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Yes.
Because it can be one of those

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both ends.
It's like I am feeling this way,

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like an imposter, Like I don't
belong here.

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And I know that I am part of
what makes this a big moment.

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Yeah, and hard work eliminates
imposter syndrome.

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I don't know if it'll ever
eliminate it fully for me, but I

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do think it helps.
It does help.

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Cool.
And then finally on this

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practice, how to respond to
disappointment.

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So a lost game or a bad spelling
bee outcome or a no from a

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friend.
Belichick says champions

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rehearse the hard stuff.
And so I think one thing that I

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saw the other day when I was at
Hunter School facilitating math

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games was a little boy at the
end of the game when he lost, he

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looked at his friend and he said
good game and he put out his

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hand to shake hands.
And I was like, that is some

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excellent sportsmanship that he
didn't just make up on his own

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right now.
Like that definitely was role

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played in his family.
And I would like when we talk

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about experiments, for this to
be something that we bring into

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our family too, is good
sportsmanship.

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Champions rehearse the hard
stuff.

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Yeah, let's print that.
Put it above our front door.

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So when kids know what hard
moments might feel like and that

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they have their family behind
them, they are more likely to

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step in with courage.
And then the second take away,

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embrace life as one big learning
opportunity.

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I think this really builds upon
the idea of champions rehearsing

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the hard stuff.
You know, one of my favorite

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Peloton instructors, Jess Sims,
she likes to say it's not

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failure, it's feedback, it's
redirection.

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And I absolutely love that
because it does.

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It speaks to life as one big
learning opportunity.

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And when I can look at a mistake
or a failure that I've made and

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see it as an opportunity to
improve and shift the focus

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00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:03,200
from, well, acknowledge the
disappointment, but then shift

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the focus to improvement because
there always is another

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00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:13,080
opportunity.
It enables courage to keep

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going.
Yeah.

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00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:17,840
And Bill echoes this mindset
throughout the book, where he

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says you cannot think of big
tests and triumphs as final in

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00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:24,720
any respect.
There are no end points in

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00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:27,960
winning, period.
That's a great one.

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00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:32,720
What did Ken Griffin say?
Success is 2 times from where I

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00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,880
am today, but I feel like I'm a
winner.

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00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:37,760
Something like that.
OK, find that quote.

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00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:42,600
Yeah, put it in.
No, what you mentioned Ken and I

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00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:46,280
worked for him for a while and I
loved the way he would speak

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00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:49,000
about a lot of investment
strategies, but the market

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00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:53,080
neutral equity strategy in
particular, he would say, you

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00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:56,200
know, regardless of the outcome,
positive or negative, you want

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00:14:56,200 --> 00:15:00,000
to look for the how to improve
the process.

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00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:04,560
And so it was all about building
feedback loops in order to

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00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:07,920
iterate on the process, figure
out how you can improve.

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00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:14,160
And again, Belichick totally
echoes this idea when he says to

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00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,960
reach your ultimate goal, you
cannot try to master a result,

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00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:21,080
you must master a process.
A good process results in good

256
00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:25,360
habits, and consistent good
habits results in dependability.

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00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:27,520
Therefore, good results will
follow.

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Ain't that the truth?
It is, but I didn't know this 25

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00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:34,440
years ago.
I played competitive sports

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00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:37,000
growing up.
Nobody ever told me that I had

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00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:38,640
to focus on the process.
No.

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00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:44,240
In business, it's the process.
In taking care of your body,

263
00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:47,720
it's the process.
In parenting, it's the process.

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00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:51,400
It's the process.
Because I mess up constantly.

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00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:55,680
If I can make amends and I can
try to do better, I know that I

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00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:58,120
will have plenty more
opportunities with our children

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00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:01,880
to improve.
One thing that Belichick

268
00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:05,280
mentioned in his book that I
hadn't heard before comes from

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00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:09,640
Rodger Federer's 2024 Dartmouth
commencement address.

270
00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:15,480
He says In the 1526 singles
matches that I played in my

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00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:18,240
career, I won almost 80% of
them.

272
00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:20,880
But what percentage of points do
you think I won in those

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00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:24,320
matches?
Only 54%.

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00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:28,160
In other words, even the top
ranked tennis players, and I

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00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:31,880
would say the greatest tennis
player in the world barely win

276
00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:33,480
more than half of the points
they play.

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00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:38,800
And he says when you lose every
second point on average, you

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00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:41,320
learn not to dwell on every
single shot.

279
00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:45,120
So if it's good enough for Roger
Federer and it's good enough for

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00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:47,880
Belichick, it is going to be
good enough for the new Felds.

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00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:53,360
So let's talk about how to apply
this always be learning or

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00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:56,920
continuous improvement to our
family.

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00:16:57,880 --> 00:17:00,960
The 1st is to normalize
mistakes.

284
00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:04,240
And this goes back to our
stories episode, our family

285
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:06,839
money episode.
So episodes 2:00 and 8:00.

286
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:10,200
But Brene has this great
statement that I heard in a

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00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:14,079
podcast of hers not too long ago
where she says normalization is

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00:17:14,079 --> 00:17:17,280
the antidote to shame.
Letting our whole family know,

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00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:21,400
letting it be known within our
family that mistakes, failures,

290
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:26,800
setbacks are inevitable.
Everyone experiences them.

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00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:31,920
And what differentiates you is
how you handle them and how you

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00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:35,080
move on what you do next.
I love that.

293
00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:37,760
And that's where the courage
comes in, right?

294
00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:42,600
Once you know that mistakes
happen for everyone, you are

295
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,960
able to be courageous in getting
back out there.

296
00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:48,600
OK.
And then one other element that

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00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:52,240
I love thinking about is how do
you manage defeat when you are

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00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:53,840
not winning?
That's right.

299
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:58,720
I mean, I can really see how
easy it is for parents to get

300
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:04,880
the wrong message from observing
their kids winning and losing.

301
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,480
And that message is like, oh,
they're good at this.

302
00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:10,200
They need to work on this.
But I don't want to protect them

303
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:13,960
from being bad at something.
I can see how easy it is to want

304
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,680
that, but that's not what I
want.

305
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:19,080
If they never get to be bad at
it, they'll never stick around

306
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:22,640
long enough to get good.
And so that kind of flips the

307
00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:25,520
goal for me.
Instead of helping them succeed,

308
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:28,280
I just want to help them stay in
it long enough to grow.

309
00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:30,960
Yeah, except being bad at
something for as long as it

310
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,400
takes to get good at it.
Hopefully we're modeling that

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00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:35,320
with this podcast.
That's right.

312
00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:38,240
We're trying, guys, Iterating.
Yeah.

313
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:40,920
Yeah.
So I think that's it when it

314
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:44,600
comes to courage.
For me to build the habit of

315
00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:47,040
courage and vulnerability, it
takes scaffolding.

316
00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:51,560
And particularly, it comes down
to preparing together and

317
00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:54,720
embracing life as one big
learning opportunity as a

318
00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:58,040
family.
This is a topic so near and dear

319
00:18:58,040 --> 00:18:59,960
to my heart.
I hope you can feel the passion

320
00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:03,040
that I have in it.
I love talking about a process

321
00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:07,080
orientation and seeing life as
one big learning opportunity.

322
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:13,240
I also so believe that practice
makes progress and that

323
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:16,520
discipline is how I personally
can differentiate.

324
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:22,040
I'm not the smartest, I'm not
the strongest, but I am a very

325
00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:27,680
disciplined person and I have
seen amazing outcomes in my life

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00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:33,240
through deliberate practice and
it is something that I very

327
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:37,000
strongly want to imbue in our
family culture.

328
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:41,400
Beautifully said.
OK, So what experiments are you

329
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:44,480
interested in running with
regards to courage and how to

330
00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:46,960
practice it within our family?
What can we commit to today?

331
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:50,720
Well, it sounds like a lot of
the experiments that we're

332
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,960
running have a through line to
courage already.

333
00:19:54,440 --> 00:20:00,920
So specifically family values,
family stories and to a degree

334
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:05,200
family meetings as an
opportunity to share when

335
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:07,600
somebody was courageous.
So through compliments and

336
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:12,600
appreciations where we saw
courage, not just where we saw

337
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:17,320
somebody being kind.
Courage is sometimes has a lot

338
00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:19,880
of bad behavior before courage
because you get.

339
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:23,600
Amped up about the thing that
you don't want to do and then

340
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:26,600
you do it anyway.
And recognizing that courage in

341
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:30,480
our kids, you know, after that
tantrum, you went talking to you

342
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:34,240
and you and you did the hard
thing.

343
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:36,720
You practice deliberately.
You practice deliberately.

344
00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:40,040
So I do think that those
experiments are fluid right now,

345
00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:43,720
and this is a good notice and an
opportunity for us to show up

346
00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:47,400
noticing courage specifically
and calling that out.

347
00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:49,320
But what else?
What else comes to mind?

348
00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:53,600
I would say the practicing how
to respond to disappointment is

349
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:55,480
one that I definitely want to
take away.

350
00:20:55,480 --> 00:21:00,640
So role-playing what happens
when things don't go properly?

351
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:04,120
And this isn't meant to like
wallow in a loss or in self

352
00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:09,240
pity, but just to acknowledge
the disappointment and remain

353
00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:12,600
noble and look for the
opportunity for improvement.

354
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:21,120
Yeah, I love this 54% of points
one and I'm wondering what about

355
00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:24,560
writing down the things that
didn't go our way?

356
00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:26,320
Interesting.
Tell me more.

357
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:30,240
For example, we recently at
work, we had a successful

358
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:34,400
fundraise, I would say.
And how many people did we talk

359
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:36,880
to in order to achieve that
goal?

360
00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:43,320
I mean, we probably converted
10%, maybe 8%.

361
00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:46,040
Yeah, 54.
Of the conversations that we had

362
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:49,600
and we don't need to write all
of those little things down, but

363
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:54,080
saying, you know, and pointing
to 92% of the people we talked.

364
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:57,720
To said no it didn't.
Even ultimately be no, it just

365
00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:01,640
weren't a fit, but we, but we
made that next call.

366
00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:05,440
We sent that next e-mail and we,
we did the next right thing.

367
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:09,880
And look at us.
We got to our goal in spite of

368
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:12,560
and because of that process,
right?

369
00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:14,080
Because we focused on the
process.

370
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:17,120
Exactly.
And when we received outcomes

371
00:22:17,120 --> 00:22:20,560
that we didn't necessarily want,
we looked at ways that we can

372
00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:21,840
improve.
Yeah.

373
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:25,040
And then looking back, I don't
remember any of those

374
00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:27,160
conversations that Word knows.
Didn't it?

375
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:28,480
Doesn't really matter.
Doesn't matter.

376
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:31,000
I just remember who we're, who
we're partnered with and who

377
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:33,160
we're working with.
Yeah, that's a that's a really

378
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:36,320
good point.
I don't know about like a loss

379
00:22:36,360 --> 00:22:41,440
board, but I do think that this
idea of Rodger Federer only

380
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:47,920
winning 54% of the points that
he played in his life is one of

381
00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:51,320
those key lessons that I really
want our kids to know as soon as

382
00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:54,760
possible.
It's by the way it it holds true

383
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:57,880
the best portfolio managers in
equities that citadel were right

384
00:22:57,880 --> 00:23:00,360
54% of the time also.
So.

385
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:03,600
It's cross disciplinary it.
Sure is.

386
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:06,960
Right.
So this is about singles and

387
00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:09,800
double s and having lots of at
bats.

388
00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:14,120
And that's, sorry, lots of
sports analogies here, but

389
00:23:14,120 --> 00:23:16,080
that's how you win.
And I think that it's not just

390
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:19,960
about winning, but it's about
how you build confidence to show

391
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:25,160
up courageously, repeatedly.
Yeah.

392
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:27,640
We just need to normalize the
losses.

393
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:29,560
It's not necessarily a loss
board, I agree.

394
00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:32,120
But normalizing the losses and
talking about wins and losses

395
00:23:32,120 --> 00:23:35,600
not as a bad thing, but as a
part of the process.

396
00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:39,280
Yeah.
And let's just try to talk about

397
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:42,760
like, let's play the tape all
the way through and not telling

398
00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:47,040
the kids to just be courageous
or be brave or go out there.

399
00:23:47,360 --> 00:23:50,920
But to talk about, no, you have
the opportunity to practice and

400
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:56,040
you did practice and therefore
you can be courageous, right?

401
00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:59,640
Yeah.
And I do like those three

402
00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:03,840
questions that have a three line
to Belichick that have a three

403
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:06,840
line to Bruce Filer.
You know, what did we do well,

404
00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:10,920
what can we do better next time
and what experiments can we run?

405
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:14,920
Yeah, those are the right
questions to ask ourselves to

406
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:18,640
our kids at work, our
colleagues, to our clients,

407
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:20,480
everything.
Yeah.

408
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:22,440
Those three questions keep
coming up and I think that

409
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:28,320
they're very useful framework to
remain flexible and continuously

410
00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:30,280
improve.
That's right.

411
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:32,840
Well, here's to that.
This is a topic we could talk

412
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:36,360
for hours about and read many,
many more books about.

413
00:24:36,360 --> 00:24:41,120
But I do think that embodying
this for our kids, for ourselves

414
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:45,240
and showing up as a team,
talking about the team spirit

415
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:50,200
that we have and why we're
winners and why it's OK to be a

416
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:53,880
winner and also to lose
sometimes 5050, you know?

417
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:57,480
It's more like. 46% of the time.
Be a player, is the way I think

418
00:24:57,480 --> 00:24:58,960
about it.
Be in the arena.

419
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:02,520
Be in the arena.
But yeah, when you develop good

420
00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:06,520
habits and practice
deliberately, you tend to get

421
00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:09,000
good results persistently.
That's right.

422
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:10,760
And so that really is what
winning is, right?

423
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:16,080
So 54% of the time.
Yeah, remarkable.

424
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:18,560
Totally.
All right, I think we can leave

425
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:19,400
it here.
Cool.

426
00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:20,680
Love you, Goosey.
Love you, goosey.

427
00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:26,000
Hey guys, if you're still here,
you're definitely our kind of

428
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:28,160
person.
Thanks for spending this time

429
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:29,800
with us on The Most Important
Thing.

430
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:33,720
If this episode resonated with
you, we'd love for you to follow

431
00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:36,080
us wherever you get your
podcasts and share it with

432
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:37,840
someone else.
Building family culture on

433
00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:43,600
purpose.
Hey guys, if you're still here,

434
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:45,280
you're definitely our kind of
person.

435
00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:48,280
Thanks for spending this time
with us on The Most Important

436
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:50,800
Thing.
If this episode resonated with

437
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:53,280
you, we'd love for you to follow
us wherever you get your

438
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:55,440
podcasts and share it with
someone else.

439
00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:57,200
Building family culture on
purpose.