May 15, 2025
TMIT 07: Family Movement
🎙️ TMIT 07: Family Movement
“Movement can be a pursuit, not a punishment.”
In this episode, we explore how when families co-create movement that feels fun, chosen, and skill-building, they create lasting motivation and connection.
TMIT about Family Movement: Building intrinsic motivation through Autonomy — “I choose this.” + Competence — “I can do this.” + Connection — “I belong here.”
We also discuss:
- Why movement often becomes a “chore” instead of a joy—and how that shift happened during childhood and adolescence for Greg & Danielle.
- How the đź”— Active 1 + FUN study leveraged self-determination theory to create co-active, side-by-side movement that built confidence, skills, and family connection.
- What a family movement experiment might look like, including choosing a new skill to try together and asking the kids to co-create the way.
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Welcome to The Most Important
Thing.
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I'm Danielle DeMarco Neufeld.
And I'm Greg Neufeld, and
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together we're exploring how
ambitious busy families can
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build culture at home.
Because after all, family is the
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most important thing.
All right.
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So today we are talking about
family movement.
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That's right.
Now, I'm sure that you've done a
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lot of research on this topic.
Who me?
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Yes.
And I know that there's going to
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be a lot for us to dig into as
it relates to any family, but I
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think that we need to try
something a little bit different
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today.
And let's start with what I'll
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call in nerd speak, the context
window.
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And this is the part where we
feed the problem and a lot of
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context into the audience to
really understand how we arrived
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at this episode and why we're
here to talk about it.
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OK, so we are a family of five.
We have three children.
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We live in Florida and we moved
here to be outdoors a lot more
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than we were in New York.
This is true, yeah.
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Danielle and I both grew up in
the Northeast.
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I would say that as a child, I
grew up in a very active
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household, but I was not an
active child.
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I was definitely not an active
child.
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I had somewhat active parents.
I would say.
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I guess they would probably stay
very active, but I spent a lot
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of time watching TV and playing
video computer games.
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Me too, and to be honest, I
don't think there's anything
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wrong with that.
But what I do think that was
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wrong was my dread of certain
activities and my equating
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exercise with not having fun.
I'd like to reframe this a
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little bit for myself at least,
because I know in our family
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play exercise or in our family
play episode, we talked a lot
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about how we played.
I think something happened to me
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between the ages of like 10 and
13 where I went from being quite
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playful and active because I was
playing a lot to not being
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active and not moving my body
because I guess it was no longer
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cool to play.
Interesting.
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And so I wonder actually if this
is a great time for our family
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movement experiments because we
are, well, our second daughter
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is moving to elementary school
next year and there's just
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naturally less, less time for
them to quote, UN quote, play
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and move their bodies in that
way as they get older.
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Yeah, I, I would say I followed
a similar arc.
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I think that I lost the desire
for movement when I felt
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self-conscious about the
activities that I really enjoyed
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and stopped them.
So I was into jiu jitsu and I
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was so gung ho about jiu jitsu.
It was probably my favorite
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thing.
And then I remember kids would
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drop out from my friend group,
they stopped going, carpool got
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smaller.
It was really just me and one
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other family.
And then that family stopped
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going and no longer was it cool
to be in jiu jitsu.
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And I had this tug of war and I,
you know, my myself I lost
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because I stopped going.
I told my parents I wanted to
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quit too.
And I never found that thing, I
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don't think, until I was in my
late 20s, early 30s again.
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Interesting.
And you say that even though you
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played tennis throughout high
school, right?
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As tennis.
As did I, but I think this sense
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that we're talking about, of
enjoying the process of moving
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our bodies and being active is
not something that we developed
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during our childhood.
No, it was not an 8.
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It was not.
It was not a the inherited
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trait, I'll put it that way.
I think that there's a there's a
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kind of kid that I see on the
play scape that is always in
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motion and kind of grateful I
don't have that kid.
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You don't.
You really don't.
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Because it seems like a lot of
work, but the positive is that
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those kids are just born wanting
to move and run and jump and
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throw themselves at things.
And I wasn't one of those kids.
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And we don't have those kids.
No, I don't think so.
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I think we have a spectrum of
degrees of inclination towards
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activity.
I would say our middle daughter
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Jade is probably the most active
and loves to move her body,
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followed by Maverick.
He seems to always be running
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around.
And then we have Hunter who is
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our oldest and absolutely
thrived when we couldn't go
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outside during COVID because we
lived in very cold winter
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Connecticut.
And we think of her more as
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Taylor Swift, or at least a a
Taylor Swift cat lady fan.
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She loves to be inside and drink
tea and write poetry.
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The idea of moving her body
would just never naturally occur
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to her.
Except for on Tuesdays when she
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goes to ballet and she loves
going to ballet.
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So it kind of proves the point
about my jiu jitsu experience
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that I think that movement is
something worth exploring.
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Not in the sense of it's a
requirement, but in the sense of
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it is a pursuit.
And it's a pursuit of finding
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that thing that makes you feel
like you need to go and do it,
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versus it's a chore that mommy
and daddy said you have to go
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and do.
Sure, absolutely.
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OK, can we dig into my research
now?
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Because you're.
You're tiptoeing around it and
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you don't even know about it
yet, but you are.
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You are definitely leading us,
leading us there.
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So have we, have we set the
context window?
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So.
Here's the contacts window.
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I think that a lot of people
here listening, I'm sure, can
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relate that we want to instill a
culture of family movement, but
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we don't want it to be a chore
for our kids, and we don't want
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it to be a chore for ourselves.
Yeah.
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Absolutely, because we actually
have our own individual movement
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down.
So this opportunity is really us
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to putting aside some of our own
individual movement time to make
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space for family movement.
So it has to be worth it.
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It has to be worth it.
OK, cool.
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So there's obviously a lot of
research on the topic of getting
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children and families to move,
but one of the studies that
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really stuck with me was from
20/21.
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It was published in the
International Journal of
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Behavioral Nutrition and
Physical Activity and it was
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called Active One Plus Fun.
So the idea was simple, bring
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parents and young kids together
for weekly movement sessions
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that are playful, skill building
and done side by side.
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The goal wasn't just to get
families moving, it was to help
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them enjoy it together.
And it worked.
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The kids built real movement
skills.
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The parents felt more confident
supporting activity at home.
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And most importantly, the
families were spending time in
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ways that felt joyful and
connected.
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Pretty good outcomes, yeah.
Very cool, I'm I'm really
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interested to learn what they
did and what kind of movement.
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This was absolutely so.
The program is grounded in
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something called Self
Determination theory, which is a
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psychological framework about
what drives motivation.
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It says that people, especially
kids, are more likely to stick
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with something when 3 core needs
are met.
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Autonomy, competence and
relatedness, and I believe that
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these are the most important
thing about family movement.
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I could see that those are the
most important things about
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movement for any person.
And if you're listening and you
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don't have your sense of
movement down, I hope that you
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can learn something here too,
and not just make this about
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your family and your kids.
That's great.
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Yeah, I totally agree.
So let me just from the top
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autonomy, which is the sense of
I choose this competence, which
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is the feeling of I can do this
and relatedness, which is
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feeling connected to others.
So I belong here.
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Those are the three key
ingredients in really motivation
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about anything according to self
determination theory, but
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directly applicable here to
family movement.
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That's awesome.
That's really awesome.
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I felt this way the first time I
stepped into a CrossFit box.
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The, the feeling if I can do
this first once I saw all the
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different types of people and
body types that were going
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through the workout, the
relatedness because of, you
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know, my level as as a novice,
but having, you know, a
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foundation in weightlifting, I
was able to kind of pick things
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up pretty quickly and you.
Felt like you belonged and I
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felt.
Like I belonged and then the
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autonomy because honestly, like
they didn't need me.
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I, I, it was great.
Like I could show up or not.
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And I showed up every day for
six months.
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I think you remember this.
You were, you were nursing
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maverick at the time.
And I was like, Danielle, when
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you're done nursing, I think I
found the thing.
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So and you had indeed.
And I had Indeed.
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You and I are CrossFit cross
fitters every day in our home
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gym.
That's right, we are indeed
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great.
So autonomy, I choose this.
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Kids and adults feel motivated
when they have some say in how
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they move.
So let's give them the
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opportunity, right?
Right.
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And it can be within a
container.
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Do you want to ride a bike or go
to the playground?
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Those two being acceptable
options to me.
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Or even smaller, you know, let's
do an optical obstacle course
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today.
Do you want to do the same one
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that you did last weekend, or do
you want to make a new one
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today?
Yeah, I, I mean the, the mental
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load feels a little challenging
when it comes to the array of
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activities that that we can
offer to our kids.
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Which is why I'm curious how the
research thinks about the
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matching the activity to the
individual as opposed to giving
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an assortment of activities and
picking the least worst one.
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Right.
So I could see, you know, Hunter
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saying, well, I want to ride
bikes today and then the next
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day saying I want to go to the
playground and then the next day
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saying I want to do this simply
out of like, those are the least
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worst options versus every day
she wants to do X and build some
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mastery and some skill and some
competence.
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And you know, the autonomy I
think is, is definitely huge
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here, but I'm curious how
competence feeds into that if
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you're always giving them
different options.
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Well, I think that it can be
about choosing at the outset.
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So maybe we should reframe those
examples, right?
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Because maybe it's not
necessarily about today I want
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to go ride a bike and tomorrow I
want to go to the playground.
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But it can be OK.
You have a say in this family's
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may fitness competition or and
that could be, you know, you
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have a say in this family's may
fitness pursuit and it's a the
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pursuit of improving your
competence in ex skill.
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Yes, I like that.
Those those are the two most
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important things in movement as
it relates to our family, is the
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connectedness, feeling like I
belong and then that sense of
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mastery, feeling like I can do
this.
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Yeah.
And I think that the third thing
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that I chose this, I had a voice
in choosing this is important as
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well.
And so maybe we'll have to stack
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these, right?
Like maybe there will be
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something that the kids want to
do this month and then you and I
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will have to wait until we do
the push up contest next month
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or something like that.
But we can, we can certainly
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take turns.
I mean, I already hear the
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threads of an experiment
developing, but let's let's
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continue to go through.
So what's autonomy?
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The sense of I choose this.
When movement isn't forced or
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overly structured, it becomes
intrinsically motivating and
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everyone, kids and grown-ups are
more likely to return to it
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because they feel that ownership
competence, the feeling of I can
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do this.
People are more likely to stick
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with an activity if they feel
capable and see progress.
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So this is the idea, one that
they use at hunter school as
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well around the stages of
mastery if you will.
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So rather than did you get an A+
in physical education this
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quarter, it is, are you
consciously competent of certain
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skills in this area of life?
And I think you hit the nail on
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the head where, you know,
CrossFit is a great example of
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this, of no matter where you
start, you can always track your
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progress.
And I think celebrating small
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wins can be really important
here.
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So scaling everything to start
and then making sure to
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celebrate those small wins.
Yeah, I, I mean, I'm a little
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too focused on the things that I
like about CrossFit and haven't
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broadened my horizons in a
while.
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But one of the things that I
really love is the ability to do
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it at any time, but compete on a
leaderboard with others so that
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you can see, so that I can see
my skills developing not just
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against my own benchmarks, but
against the other people that I
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know on that leaderboard.
And so, you know, I'm wondering
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if we can carry some of that
into this family where maybe
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it's not just a family in intra
family movement thing.
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Maybe there's maybe there are
families out there that are
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doing different challenges and
it's the Neufelds which gives us
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a sense of belonging versus, you
know, other families on the
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leaderboard.
I would love to explore that.
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Interesting.
OK.
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I'm also thinking when you talk
about a leaderboard that it
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doesn't have to be ultra
competitive.
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It can also just be a visual
representation of
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accountability.
I think that that can be really
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important as well.
And then I know you mentioned
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CrossFit, but we happen to have,
as I mentioned, Jade, we happen
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to have a child that loves to
master things, both puzzles and
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movement, like the monkey bars
or catching a ball.
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And I'm just thinking about
breaking movement down into
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things like balancing or jumping
or catching.
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It doesn't have to be really
complex opportunities either.
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It can just be about how many
times can you jump in 30 seconds
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or something like that.
Yeah, yeah.
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I I had looked up some family
movement tips and tricks earlier
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and what I find in that basket
is it's a lot of tricking the
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kids into moving.
That doesn't feel good.
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It doesn't feel good.
It's like, oh, let's do Simon
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Says with different movements or
how many laps can we run around
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the yard in a minute?
Like that doesn't help the
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individual discover themselves.
I.
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Hear what you're saying around
forcing.
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Ideally, we're not going to
force.
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Let's see how this goes, right?
I think it's a great time to run
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an experiment, but I do want us
all to move together more as a
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family, so we'll see.
We'll try it the nice way first
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and we'll see how it works.
OK, let's let's, let's double
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click on that for a second.
Do we want to move more as a
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family or do we want the kids to
move more because we move a lot?
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Are you looking for more
movement or are you looking to
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replace the movement that you
have?
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That is your choice with things
that are less desirable to you
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or suboptimal in exchange for
that family movement.
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I wouldn't say that that would
be suboptimal.
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I think that, no, I absolutely
would like to move more as a
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family.
I don't think that it has to
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completely replace my movement.
I mean, maybe at the most we're
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talking about replacing our
Saturday workouts, right?
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I would be open to that, but I'm
not even sure that we have to do
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that.
It could be above and beyond.
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I'm happy to do a double time on
Saturdays.
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I'm thinking about skill
building together as a family,
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where everybody's a novice in
something and we all work on,
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let's say, jiu jitsu.
I think that would be much
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better.
Again, with this power over
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versus democracy democratic
approach.
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I would like to do something new
together so that the kids don't
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feel like it's us teaching them
something.
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Agreed.
It can be something that we,
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none of us are very good at to
start.
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Yeah, I'd love to hear from
people if they've ever done any
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kind of family classes or, or if
that's a thing even because, you
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00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:52,600
know, there's adult and junior
classes at the karate studio.
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But do they ever do family
classes?
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00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,320
I have no idea.
Yeah, I think it's probably not
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easy, but yeah, would love to
know if there are or what types,
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What types of skill building or
movement lend itself better to a
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whole family approach?
This feels unfortunately like
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00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:10,520
there's only a high class
solution.
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Like you can hire a private
instructor to do just about
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anything for a family.
Like if you've got a tennis
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court and you want to teach the
family tennis, you just pay
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00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:24,760
somebody to come over and you've
got the court, you've got the
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time, you don't need to go
anywhere.
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But I'll be curious to explore
what we can do that's not so
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highbrow, maybe going a little
bit more like towards things
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that actually exist versus
needing to make something up and
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spend a lot of money on it.
Yeah, I think part of it is also
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that you're going advanced mode
again, whereas this could be as
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simple as learning to catch and
throw a ball.
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Fair.
That's great.
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Yeah.
OK.
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And then the last one, which
we're already touching upon, is
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this feeling of connectedness to
others so that I belong here,
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which is how shared movement
deepens relationships and
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emotional safety.
Yes, the the tennis component of
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00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:13,120
my life was was a very heavy
component because it was such a
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family first activity and we
always had something to play
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00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:19,200
tennis with because there were
four tennis players in the
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00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:24,120
house.
It wasn't my favorite sport.
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00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:29,040
That was more of a mental head
game developmentally not ready
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00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:33,360
yet for I'm sure you can relate.
Tennis is a tough one.
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00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:36,600
I mean, talk about, talk about a
hard, a hard skill to master,
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00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:40,480
right?
That said, I want to be clear.
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This is a family movement
episode.
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00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:43,960
This is not a family sports
episode.
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00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:46,800
No, no, no.
So I think that you're confusing
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00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:50,480
and maybe it's important for us
to define that movement does not
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00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:54,440
necessarily mean sport, at least
the way I'm thinking about it,
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is simple stuff that we can
master.
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I don't even have any ideas, but
I'm sure the kids do.
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Around things that they're
already trying to master, maybe
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like cartwheel for Hunter or a
handstand for me, or catching
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00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:12,440
and throwing is a real focus of
Jade's right now.
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So there are little
opportunities I think, to get
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our family moving together that
don't necessarily need complex
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00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:24,840
sport action.
Yep, and Lord knows that I could
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00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:29,120
certainly use some work on
things like balance and just
335
00:20:30,360 --> 00:20:32,680
flexibility.
Yeah, I mean, what about family
336
00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:34,800
yoga?
Family yoga is great.
337
00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:36,680
Hunter does yoga every week at
school.
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00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:38,800
There's no reason why she can't
lead us in a practice.
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00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:42,520
Right.
That's that's a great, great
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opportunity.
OK, so to recap, the three
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00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:52,880
ingredients that I believe are
the most important thing about
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00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:57,600
family movement come from self
determination theory and it's
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00:20:57,680 --> 00:21:01,400
autonomy.
I choose this competence, I can
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do this and relatedness, I
belong here.
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OK.
That's tremendous take away.
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And I think that the experiment
here is just to look for a
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couple of simple things to try.
Yeah.
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So let's get into it.
What?
349
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What would you be willing to
commit to as far as a minimum
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00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:22,360
viable product?
Or what does what are the
351
00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:25,280
curvatures of this experiment
look like if we don't
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00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:29,560
necessarily know exactly which
types of movements everyone's
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00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:31,880
going to be willing to engage in
at the outset?
354
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,120
Honestly, I think this is a
great framework to bring to our
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00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:38,800
kids because we can explain to
them these three components and
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00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:42,880
talk to them about what will
bring everybody together for the
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00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:45,640
with that, that gives us these
three components.
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00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:49,360
So we say like, we're not going
to force you to do anything you
359
00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:51,240
don't want to do.
We want to come up with
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00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,560
something as a family that we
all choose.
361
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:57,200
We want to come up with
something as a family that we
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00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,560
don't necessarily think that
we're that good at, but that we
363
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:02,840
believe that we could be and and
work on it.
364
00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:05,880
And then we want to come up with
something as a family that we
365
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:08,800
can do together.
So what should that thing be?
366
00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:11,360
OK, great.
So maybe this is a framework
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00:22:11,360 --> 00:22:13,840
that we bring to them on Friday
night at our family meal.
368
00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:16,120
I think that sounds great.
We talk about, well, let's move
369
00:22:16,120 --> 00:22:17,880
our bodies tomorrow, yeah?
What should we do?
370
00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:19,120
What should we do?
Yeah.
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00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:21,480
And and let's make sure it has
these three things.
372
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,640
Yeah.
And I think that whenever we
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pick an activity, we just need
to get buy in on on those
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00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:28,720
things.
And if there's buy in, then
375
00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:31,240
feels like everybody wins.
OK, cool.
376
00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:33,560
Yeah, I'm glad we had this
conversation because I think
377
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:37,600
that it's much lower stakes than
I had realized at the outset,
378
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:42,160
where it really can be just a
simple skill like catching and
379
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:45,120
throwing a ball.
It doesn't have to be some
380
00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:49,240
grand, complex sport.
Yeah, I I think the reason why I
381
00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:56,440
bring up more complexity is
because of the the thing that my
382
00:22:56,440 --> 00:23:00,360
parents were always pushing on
me, which was if you don't move,
383
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:04,800
you're going to get fat.
And that is a topic for another
384
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,120
day.
I agree.
385
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:10,800
I agree that hits on a lot of
different things.
386
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:17,800
Yeah, the joy of movement should
not be equated with a fear of
387
00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:22,640
not looking your best or not
feeling your best.
388
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:27,480
Right.
And to put it more positively, I
389
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:31,840
want our children to understand
and appreciate the joy of
390
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:36,400
movement in a way that I don't
think I ever did.
391
00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:39,040
As I mentioned, when I was
younger, I think I played
392
00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:42,560
because I love to play, but as
an only child, when those play
393
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:47,960
opportunities became scarce, I
didn't have a foundation in
394
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:53,720
movement and became quite a
sedentary person outside of the
395
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:57,440
extracurricular sports that I
was largely forced to play.
396
00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:01,840
Yeah, me too.
Thank goodness for CrossFit.
397
00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:04,440
And I wish I'd stuck with
jujitsu.
398
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:05,960
I wish you had too.
It's pretty cool.
399
00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:10,720
You know, for me, I found that
once I started, once I was on my
400
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:15,600
own, even in college, that I, I
needed to move my body when I,
401
00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:19,760
and I didn't necessarily feel
that way prior, but I, I
402
00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:23,720
definitely felt the desire to
move my body when I was sitting
403
00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:27,840
in class all day or working, you
know, working hard on papers or
404
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:29,560
sitting at a desk all day in my
first job.
405
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:32,680
Yeah.
And for me, it was very peer
406
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:35,520
oriented.
I ebbed and flowed depending on
407
00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:37,400
who I was spending time with or
living with.
408
00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:42,040
And I think that boys especially
can be susceptible to that,
409
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:47,040
especially when, you know,
movement is not something that
410
00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:50,920
I, it wasn't again, one of those
kids that was running around and
411
00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:53,960
chasing everything.
I was a little bit more of an
412
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:58,120
observer.
So that's one thing that I want
413
00:24:58,120 --> 00:25:01,480
to look out for for our kids is
who they're spending time with
414
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:05,160
and make sure that not make sure
that their friends are moving,
415
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:07,040
but make sure that they're
moving no matter what their
416
00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:09,880
friends are doing.
And one way to do that is to
417
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:12,320
keep them family oriented.
Exactly.
418
00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:16,360
Yeah, it all ties together.
All of these experiments that
419
00:25:16,360 --> 00:25:18,080
we're running is just one big
experiment.
420
00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:20,240
It sure is.
It's been so much fun it.
421
00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:24,560
Really has it Really has no one
I'd rather be doing this with.
422
00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:26,160
Ditto.
Love you, goosey.
423
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:26,840
Love you, goosey.
00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:01,600
Welcome to The Most Important
Thing.
2
00:00:01,880 --> 00:00:04,920
I'm Danielle DeMarco Neufeld.
And I'm Greg Neufeld, and
3
00:00:04,920 --> 00:00:08,119
together we're exploring how
ambitious busy families can
4
00:00:08,119 --> 00:00:11,160
build culture at home.
Because after all, family is the
5
00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:14,360
most important thing.
All right.
6
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:19,920
So today we are talking about
family movement.
7
00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:23,600
That's right.
Now, I'm sure that you've done a
8
00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:25,960
lot of research on this topic.
Who me?
9
00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:32,320
Yes.
And I know that there's going to
10
00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:39,640
be a lot for us to dig into as
it relates to any family, but I
11
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:42,720
think that we need to try
something a little bit different
12
00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:45,680
today.
And let's start with what I'll
13
00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:49,720
call in nerd speak, the context
window.
14
00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:55,120
And this is the part where we
feed the problem and a lot of
15
00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:59,040
context into the audience to
really understand how we arrived
16
00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:02,440
at this episode and why we're
here to talk about it.
17
00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:09,520
OK, so we are a family of five.
We have three children.
18
00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:16,040
We live in Florida and we moved
here to be outdoors a lot more
19
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:18,640
than we were in New York.
This is true, yeah.
20
00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:20,960
Danielle and I both grew up in
the Northeast.
21
00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:25,560
I would say that as a child, I
grew up in a very active
22
00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:28,160
household, but I was not an
active child.
23
00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:31,000
I was definitely not an active
child.
24
00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:33,600
I had somewhat active parents.
I would say.
25
00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:39,360
I guess they would probably stay
very active, but I spent a lot
26
00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:42,560
of time watching TV and playing
video computer games.
27
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Me too, and to be honest, I
don't think there's anything
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wrong with that.
But what I do think that was
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wrong was my dread of certain
activities and my equating
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exercise with not having fun.
I'd like to reframe this a
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little bit for myself at least,
because I know in our family
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play exercise or in our family
play episode, we talked a lot
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about how we played.
I think something happened to me
34
00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:19,080
between the ages of like 10 and
13 where I went from being quite
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00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:25,760
playful and active because I was
playing a lot to not being
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00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:29,600
active and not moving my body
because I guess it was no longer
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cool to play.
Interesting.
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00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:36,280
And so I wonder actually if this
is a great time for our family
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00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:41,040
movement experiments because we
are, well, our second daughter
40
00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:44,600
is moving to elementary school
next year and there's just
41
00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:50,200
naturally less, less time for
them to quote, UN quote, play
42
00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:53,520
and move their bodies in that
way as they get older.
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00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:56,880
Yeah, I, I would say I followed
a similar arc.
44
00:02:57,240 --> 00:03:06,040
I think that I lost the desire
for movement when I felt
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self-conscious about the
activities that I really enjoyed
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00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:16,200
and stopped them.
So I was into jiu jitsu and I
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00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:20,880
was so gung ho about jiu jitsu.
It was probably my favorite
48
00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:24,760
thing.
And then I remember kids would
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00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:29,000
drop out from my friend group,
they stopped going, carpool got
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00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,400
smaller.
It was really just me and one
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other family.
And then that family stopped
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00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:38,440
going and no longer was it cool
to be in jiu jitsu.
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00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:44,160
And I had this tug of war and I,
you know, my myself I lost
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because I stopped going.
I told my parents I wanted to
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quit too.
And I never found that thing, I
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don't think, until I was in my
late 20s, early 30s again.
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00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:00,600
Interesting.
And you say that even though you
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00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:03,640
played tennis throughout high
school, right?
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00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:07,720
As tennis.
As did I, but I think this sense
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that we're talking about, of
enjoying the process of moving
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our bodies and being active is
not something that we developed
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during our childhood.
No, it was not an 8.
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It was not.
It was not a the inherited
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trait, I'll put it that way.
I think that there's a there's a
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00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:31,600
kind of kid that I see on the
play scape that is always in
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motion and kind of grateful I
don't have that kid.
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You don't.
You really don't.
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00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:46,240
Because it seems like a lot of
work, but the positive is that
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those kids are just born wanting
to move and run and jump and
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throw themselves at things.
And I wasn't one of those kids.
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And we don't have those kids.
No, I don't think so.
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00:04:57,160 --> 00:05:02,400
I think we have a spectrum of
degrees of inclination towards
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activity.
I would say our middle daughter
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00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:09,720
Jade is probably the most active
and loves to move her body,
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00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:13,200
followed by Maverick.
He seems to always be running
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00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:16,280
around.
And then we have Hunter who is
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00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:19,760
our oldest and absolutely
thrived when we couldn't go
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outside during COVID because we
lived in very cold winter
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00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:27,080
Connecticut.
And we think of her more as
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00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:32,320
Taylor Swift, or at least a a
Taylor Swift cat lady fan.
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00:05:32,840 --> 00:05:37,680
She loves to be inside and drink
tea and write poetry.
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00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:41,800
The idea of moving her body
would just never naturally occur
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00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:44,560
to her.
Except for on Tuesdays when she
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00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:47,320
goes to ballet and she loves
going to ballet.
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00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:52,280
So it kind of proves the point
about my jiu jitsu experience
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00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:56,680
that I think that movement is
something worth exploring.
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00:05:57,280 --> 00:06:00,640
Not in the sense of it's a
requirement, but in the sense of
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it is a pursuit.
And it's a pursuit of finding
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00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:08,000
that thing that makes you feel
like you need to go and do it,
90
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:12,160
versus it's a chore that mommy
and daddy said you have to go
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00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:13,920
and do.
Sure, absolutely.
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00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:15,880
OK, can we dig into my research
now?
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00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:18,320
Because you're.
You're tiptoeing around it and
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00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:20,080
you don't even know about it
yet, but you are.
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00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:22,880
You are definitely leading us,
leading us there.
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00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:24,760
So have we, have we set the
context window?
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So.
Here's the contacts window.
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00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:29,800
I think that a lot of people
here listening, I'm sure, can
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relate that we want to instill a
culture of family movement, but
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00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:38,320
we don't want it to be a chore
for our kids, and we don't want
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00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:39,720
it to be a chore for ourselves.
Yeah.
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00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,520
Absolutely, because we actually
have our own individual movement
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down.
So this opportunity is really us
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00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:53,680
to putting aside some of our own
individual movement time to make
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space for family movement.
So it has to be worth it.
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00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:58,520
It has to be worth it.
OK, cool.
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00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:02,560
So there's obviously a lot of
research on the topic of getting
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00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:06,080
children and families to move,
but one of the studies that
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00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:07,920
really stuck with me was from
20/21.
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It was published in the
International Journal of
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00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:13,120
Behavioral Nutrition and
Physical Activity and it was
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00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:16,720
called Active One Plus Fun.
So the idea was simple, bring
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parents and young kids together
for weekly movement sessions
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00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:22,400
that are playful, skill building
and done side by side.
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00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:25,560
The goal wasn't just to get
families moving, it was to help
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00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:27,920
them enjoy it together.
And it worked.
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00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:30,480
The kids built real movement
skills.
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00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:33,440
The parents felt more confident
supporting activity at home.
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00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:36,320
And most importantly, the
families were spending time in
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ways that felt joyful and
connected.
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00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:42,320
Pretty good outcomes, yeah.
Very cool, I'm I'm really
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interested to learn what they
did and what kind of movement.
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00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:46,920
This was absolutely so.
The program is grounded in
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something called Self
Determination theory, which is a
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00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:52,000
psychological framework about
what drives motivation.
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00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:55,520
It says that people, especially
kids, are more likely to stick
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00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:58,360
with something when 3 core needs
are met.
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00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:03,560
Autonomy, competence and
relatedness, and I believe that
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these are the most important
thing about family movement.
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I could see that those are the
most important things about
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movement for any person.
And if you're listening and you
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don't have your sense of
movement down, I hope that you
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can learn something here too,
and not just make this about
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your family and your kids.
That's great.
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00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:25,040
Yeah, I totally agree.
So let me just from the top
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autonomy, which is the sense of
I choose this competence, which
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is the feeling of I can do this
and relatedness, which is
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feeling connected to others.
So I belong here.
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00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:43,280
Those are the three key
ingredients in really motivation
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about anything according to self
determination theory, but
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00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:49,360
directly applicable here to
family movement.
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00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:51,920
That's awesome.
That's really awesome.
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I felt this way the first time I
stepped into a CrossFit box.
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The, the feeling if I can do
this first once I saw all the
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different types of people and
body types that were going
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00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:10,240
through the workout, the
relatedness because of, you
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know, my level as as a novice,
but having, you know, a
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foundation in weightlifting, I
was able to kind of pick things
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00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:19,000
up pretty quickly and you.
Felt like you belonged and I
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felt.
Like I belonged and then the
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00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:24,360
autonomy because honestly, like
they didn't need me.
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I, I, it was great.
Like I could show up or not.
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And I showed up every day for
six months.
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00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:34,840
I think you remember this.
You were, you were nursing
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maverick at the time.
And I was like, Danielle, when
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you're done nursing, I think I
found the thing.
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00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:41,600
So and you had indeed.
And I had Indeed.
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You and I are CrossFit cross
fitters every day in our home
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00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:48,480
gym.
That's right, we are indeed
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00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,920
great.
So autonomy, I choose this.
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Kids and adults feel motivated
when they have some say in how
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they move.
So let's give them the
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opportunity, right?
Right.
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00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:01,800
And it can be within a
container.
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Do you want to ride a bike or go
to the playground?
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Those two being acceptable
options to me.
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Or even smaller, you know, let's
do an optical obstacle course
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today.
Do you want to do the same one
169
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that you did last weekend, or do
you want to make a new one
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00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:24,800
today?
Yeah, I, I mean the, the mental
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load feels a little challenging
when it comes to the array of
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activities that that we can
offer to our kids.
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Which is why I'm curious how the
research thinks about the
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matching the activity to the
individual as opposed to giving
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an assortment of activities and
picking the least worst one.
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Right.
So I could see, you know, Hunter
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00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:54,120
saying, well, I want to ride
bikes today and then the next
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00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,200
day saying I want to go to the
playground and then the next day
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00:10:56,200 --> 00:11:00,720
saying I want to do this simply
out of like, those are the least
180
00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:06,000
worst options versus every day
she wants to do X and build some
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00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,960
mastery and some skill and some
competence.
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00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:11,880
And you know, the autonomy I
think is, is definitely huge
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00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:15,440
here, but I'm curious how
competence feeds into that if
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00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:17,760
you're always giving them
different options.
185
00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:24,120
Well, I think that it can be
about choosing at the outset.
186
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,280
So maybe we should reframe those
examples, right?
187
00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:31,280
Because maybe it's not
necessarily about today I want
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to go ride a bike and tomorrow I
want to go to the playground.
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00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:39,200
But it can be OK.
You have a say in this family's
190
00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:44,280
may fitness competition or and
that could be, you know, you
191
00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:49,200
have a say in this family's may
fitness pursuit and it's a the
192
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:55,240
pursuit of improving your
competence in ex skill.
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00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:59,800
Yes, I like that.
Those those are the two most
194
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:04,320
important things in movement as
it relates to our family, is the
195
00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:08,440
connectedness, feeling like I
belong and then that sense of
196
00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,720
mastery, feeling like I can do
this.
197
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:13,400
Yeah.
And I think that the third thing
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00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:18,520
that I chose this, I had a voice
in choosing this is important as
199
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:21,160
well.
And so maybe we'll have to stack
200
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these, right?
Like maybe there will be
201
00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:28,160
something that the kids want to
do this month and then you and I
202
00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:31,400
will have to wait until we do
the push up contest next month
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00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:36,040
or something like that.
But we can, we can certainly
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00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:38,440
take turns.
I mean, I already hear the
205
00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:41,160
threads of an experiment
developing, but let's let's
206
00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,000
continue to go through.
So what's autonomy?
207
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:46,440
The sense of I choose this.
When movement isn't forced or
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00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:49,800
overly structured, it becomes
intrinsically motivating and
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00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:52,640
everyone, kids and grown-ups are
more likely to return to it
210
00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:56,280
because they feel that ownership
competence, the feeling of I can
211
00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:58,880
do this.
People are more likely to stick
212
00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:02,440
with an activity if they feel
capable and see progress.
213
00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:07,160
So this is the idea, one that
they use at hunter school as
214
00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:12,360
well around the stages of
mastery if you will.
215
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:18,280
So rather than did you get an A+
in physical education this
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00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:24,200
quarter, it is, are you
consciously competent of certain
217
00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:28,160
skills in this area of life?
And I think you hit the nail on
218
00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:30,920
the head where, you know,
CrossFit is a great example of
219
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:34,280
this, of no matter where you
start, you can always track your
220
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:37,400
progress.
And I think celebrating small
221
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,280
wins can be really important
here.
222
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:44,920
So scaling everything to start
and then making sure to
223
00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:50,480
celebrate those small wins.
Yeah, I, I mean, I'm a little
224
00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:55,840
too focused on the things that I
like about CrossFit and haven't
225
00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:57,320
broadened my horizons in a
while.
226
00:13:57,320 --> 00:14:00,120
But one of the things that I
really love is the ability to do
227
00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:06,320
it at any time, but compete on a
leaderboard with others so that
228
00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:12,880
you can see, so that I can see
my skills developing not just
229
00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:16,320
against my own benchmarks, but
against the other people that I
230
00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:21,160
know on that leaderboard.
And so, you know, I'm wondering
231
00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:24,760
if we can carry some of that
into this family where maybe
232
00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:29,680
it's not just a family in intra
family movement thing.
233
00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:33,840
Maybe there's maybe there are
families out there that are
234
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:37,000
doing different challenges and
it's the Neufelds which gives us
235
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,680
a sense of belonging versus, you
know, other families on the
236
00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:41,840
leaderboard.
I would love to explore that.
237
00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:42,880
Interesting.
OK.
238
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:47,160
I'm also thinking when you talk
about a leaderboard that it
239
00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:49,640
doesn't have to be ultra
competitive.
240
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:52,880
It can also just be a visual
representation of
241
00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:55,840
accountability.
I think that that can be really
242
00:14:55,840 --> 00:15:00,440
important as well.
And then I know you mentioned
243
00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:04,400
CrossFit, but we happen to have,
as I mentioned, Jade, we happen
244
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:11,080
to have a child that loves to
master things, both puzzles and
245
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:15,800
movement, like the monkey bars
or catching a ball.
246
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:20,120
And I'm just thinking about
breaking movement down into
247
00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:23,960
things like balancing or jumping
or catching.
248
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:28,240
It doesn't have to be really
complex opportunities either.
249
00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:33,640
It can just be about how many
times can you jump in 30 seconds
250
00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:36,640
or something like that.
Yeah, yeah.
251
00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:42,840
I I had looked up some family
movement tips and tricks earlier
252
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:49,640
and what I find in that basket
is it's a lot of tricking the
253
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:53,480
kids into moving.
That doesn't feel good.
254
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It doesn't feel good.
It's like, oh, let's do Simon
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Says with different movements or
how many laps can we run around
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the yard in a minute?
Like that doesn't help the
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individual discover themselves.
I.
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Hear what you're saying around
forcing.
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Ideally, we're not going to
force.
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Let's see how this goes, right?
I think it's a great time to run
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an experiment, but I do want us
all to move together more as a
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family, so we'll see.
We'll try it the nice way first
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and we'll see how it works.
OK, let's let's, let's double
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click on that for a second.
Do we want to move more as a
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family or do we want the kids to
move more because we move a lot?
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Are you looking for more
movement or are you looking to
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replace the movement that you
have?
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That is your choice with things
that are less desirable to you
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or suboptimal in exchange for
that family movement.
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I wouldn't say that that would
be suboptimal.
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I think that, no, I absolutely
would like to move more as a
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family.
I don't think that it has to
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completely replace my movement.
I mean, maybe at the most we're
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talking about replacing our
Saturday workouts, right?
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I would be open to that, but I'm
not even sure that we have to do
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that.
It could be above and beyond.
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I'm happy to do a double time on
Saturdays.
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I'm thinking about skill
building together as a family,
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where everybody's a novice in
something and we all work on,
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let's say, jiu jitsu.
I think that would be much
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better.
Again, with this power over
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versus democracy democratic
approach.
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I would like to do something new
together so that the kids don't
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feel like it's us teaching them
something.
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Agreed.
It can be something that we,
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none of us are very good at to
start.
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00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,800
Yeah, I'd love to hear from
people if they've ever done any
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kind of family classes or, or if
that's a thing even because, you
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00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:52,600
know, there's adult and junior
classes at the karate studio.
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But do they ever do family
classes?
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00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,320
I have no idea.
Yeah, I think it's probably not
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easy, but yeah, would love to
know if there are or what types,
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What types of skill building or
movement lend itself better to a
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whole family approach?
This feels unfortunately like
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there's only a high class
solution.
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Like you can hire a private
instructor to do just about
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anything for a family.
Like if you've got a tennis
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court and you want to teach the
family tennis, you just pay
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somebody to come over and you've
got the court, you've got the
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time, you don't need to go
anywhere.
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But I'll be curious to explore
what we can do that's not so
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00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:34,200
highbrow, maybe going a little
bit more like towards things
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that actually exist versus
needing to make something up and
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spend a lot of money on it.
Yeah, I think part of it is also
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that you're going advanced mode
again, whereas this could be as
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simple as learning to catch and
throw a ball.
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Fair.
That's great.
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Yeah.
OK.
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And then the last one, which
we're already touching upon, is
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this feeling of connectedness to
others so that I belong here,
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which is how shared movement
deepens relationships and
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emotional safety.
Yes, the the tennis component of
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00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:13,120
my life was was a very heavy
component because it was such a
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family first activity and we
always had something to play
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00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:19,200
tennis with because there were
four tennis players in the
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house.
It wasn't my favorite sport.
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00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:29,040
That was more of a mental head
game developmentally not ready
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00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:33,360
yet for I'm sure you can relate.
Tennis is a tough one.
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00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:36,600
I mean, talk about, talk about a
hard, a hard skill to master,
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00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:40,480
right?
That said, I want to be clear.
321
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This is a family movement
episode.
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00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:43,960
This is not a family sports
episode.
323
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:46,800
No, no, no.
So I think that you're confusing
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and maybe it's important for us
to define that movement does not
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00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:54,440
necessarily mean sport, at least
the way I'm thinking about it,
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is simple stuff that we can
master.
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I don't even have any ideas, but
I'm sure the kids do.
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Around things that they're
already trying to master, maybe
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like cartwheel for Hunter or a
handstand for me, or catching
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and throwing is a real focus of
Jade's right now.
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So there are little
opportunities I think, to get
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our family moving together that
don't necessarily need complex
333
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:24,840
sport action.
Yep, and Lord knows that I could
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00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:29,120
certainly use some work on
things like balance and just
335
00:20:30,360 --> 00:20:32,680
flexibility.
Yeah, I mean, what about family
336
00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:34,800
yoga?
Family yoga is great.
337
00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:36,680
Hunter does yoga every week at
school.
338
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:38,800
There's no reason why she can't
lead us in a practice.
339
00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:42,520
Right.
That's that's a great, great
340
00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:49,080
opportunity.
OK, so to recap, the three
341
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:52,880
ingredients that I believe are
the most important thing about
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00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:57,600
family movement come from self
determination theory and it's
343
00:20:57,680 --> 00:21:01,400
autonomy.
I choose this competence, I can
344
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:04,440
do this and relatedness, I
belong here.
345
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OK.
That's tremendous take away.
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And I think that the experiment
here is just to look for a
347
00:21:12,120 --> 00:21:14,600
couple of simple things to try.
Yeah.
348
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:15,760
So let's get into it.
What?
349
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:20,080
What would you be willing to
commit to as far as a minimum
350
00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:22,360
viable product?
Or what does what are the
351
00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:25,280
curvatures of this experiment
look like if we don't
352
00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:29,560
necessarily know exactly which
types of movements everyone's
353
00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:31,880
going to be willing to engage in
at the outset?
354
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,120
Honestly, I think this is a
great framework to bring to our
355
00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:38,800
kids because we can explain to
them these three components and
356
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:42,880
talk to them about what will
bring everybody together for the
357
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:45,640
with that, that gives us these
three components.
358
00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:49,360
So we say like, we're not going
to force you to do anything you
359
00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:51,240
don't want to do.
We want to come up with
360
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,560
something as a family that we
all choose.
361
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:57,200
We want to come up with
something as a family that we
362
00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,560
don't necessarily think that
we're that good at, but that we
363
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:02,840
believe that we could be and and
work on it.
364
00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:05,880
And then we want to come up with
something as a family that we
365
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:08,800
can do together.
So what should that thing be?
366
00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:11,360
OK, great.
So maybe this is a framework
367
00:22:11,360 --> 00:22:13,840
that we bring to them on Friday
night at our family meal.
368
00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:16,120
I think that sounds great.
We talk about, well, let's move
369
00:22:16,120 --> 00:22:17,880
our bodies tomorrow, yeah?
What should we do?
370
00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:19,120
What should we do?
Yeah.
371
00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:21,480
And and let's make sure it has
these three things.
372
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,640
Yeah.
And I think that whenever we
373
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:26,600
pick an activity, we just need
to get buy in on on those
374
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:28,720
things.
And if there's buy in, then
375
00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:31,240
feels like everybody wins.
OK, cool.
376
00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:33,560
Yeah, I'm glad we had this
conversation because I think
377
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:37,600
that it's much lower stakes than
I had realized at the outset,
378
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:42,160
where it really can be just a
simple skill like catching and
379
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:45,120
throwing a ball.
It doesn't have to be some
380
00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:49,240
grand, complex sport.
Yeah, I I think the reason why I
381
00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:56,440
bring up more complexity is
because of the the thing that my
382
00:22:56,440 --> 00:23:00,360
parents were always pushing on
me, which was if you don't move,
383
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:04,800
you're going to get fat.
And that is a topic for another
384
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,120
day.
I agree.
385
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:10,800
I agree that hits on a lot of
different things.
386
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:17,800
Yeah, the joy of movement should
not be equated with a fear of
387
00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:22,640
not looking your best or not
feeling your best.
388
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:27,480
Right.
And to put it more positively, I
389
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:31,840
want our children to understand
and appreciate the joy of
390
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:36,400
movement in a way that I don't
think I ever did.
391
00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:39,040
As I mentioned, when I was
younger, I think I played
392
00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:42,560
because I love to play, but as
an only child, when those play
393
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:47,960
opportunities became scarce, I
didn't have a foundation in
394
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:53,720
movement and became quite a
sedentary person outside of the
395
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:57,440
extracurricular sports that I
was largely forced to play.
396
00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:01,840
Yeah, me too.
Thank goodness for CrossFit.
397
00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:04,440
And I wish I'd stuck with
jujitsu.
398
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:05,960
I wish you had too.
It's pretty cool.
399
00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:10,720
You know, for me, I found that
once I started, once I was on my
400
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:15,600
own, even in college, that I, I
needed to move my body when I,
401
00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:19,760
and I didn't necessarily feel
that way prior, but I, I
402
00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:23,720
definitely felt the desire to
move my body when I was sitting
403
00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:27,840
in class all day or working, you
know, working hard on papers or
404
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:29,560
sitting at a desk all day in my
first job.
405
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:32,680
Yeah.
And for me, it was very peer
406
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:35,520
oriented.
I ebbed and flowed depending on
407
00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:37,400
who I was spending time with or
living with.
408
00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:42,040
And I think that boys especially
can be susceptible to that,
409
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:47,040
especially when, you know,
movement is not something that
410
00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:50,920
I, it wasn't again, one of those
kids that was running around and
411
00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:53,960
chasing everything.
I was a little bit more of an
412
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:58,120
observer.
So that's one thing that I want
413
00:24:58,120 --> 00:25:01,480
to look out for for our kids is
who they're spending time with
414
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:05,160
and make sure that not make sure
that their friends are moving,
415
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:07,040
but make sure that they're
moving no matter what their
416
00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:09,880
friends are doing.
And one way to do that is to
417
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:12,320
keep them family oriented.
Exactly.
418
00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:16,360
Yeah, it all ties together.
All of these experiments that
419
00:25:16,360 --> 00:25:18,080
we're running is just one big
experiment.
420
00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:20,240
It sure is.
It's been so much fun it.
421
00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:24,560
Really has it Really has no one
I'd rather be doing this with.
422
00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:26,160
Ditto.
Love you, goosey.
423
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:26,840
Love you, goosey.
