May 13, 2025
TMIT 06: Family Space (+ Experiment Update)
🎙️ TMIT 06: The Most Important Thing About Family Space (with Experiment Update)
“A room is only as good as you feel when you’re in it.” — Philip Johnson
What makes a home nourishing to its members? In this episode, we explore how space shapes family connection, creativity, and calm.
Drawing on research from the Journal of Environmental Psychology , we discuss why perceived spaciousness matters more than square footage, and how small, intentional changes can transform how your home functions emotionally.
TMIT about Family Space: How your home feels to your family matters more than what it looks like or how big it is. If you can think through the Rhythms and Relationships in your home, you can make intentional areas to fit your family's needs.
We introduce a new 3x3 Family Space Matrix —a tool for evaluating your home across three Rhythms (Create, Rest, Play) and three Relationship modes (Individual, Small Group, Whole Family).
Then we take stock of our own home: what’s working, what’s missing, and what we’re experimenting with next.
We also discuss:
- How soft flooring, turf, and gym mats changed our family’s use of space
- The excitement of kids having their own “create + display” zones
- Where we can improve our individual rhythms
đź”—
Matrix Tool
→ TMIT 06: Family Space Matrix
đź§
Research Mentioned
→
Journal of Environmental Psychology
, 2018 study on perceived space & family functioning
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Welcome to The Most Important
Thing.
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I'm Danielle DeMarco Neufeld.
And I'm Greg Neufeld, and
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together we're exploring how
ambitious busy families can
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build culture at home.
Because after all, family is the
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most important thing.
Hi, Greg.
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Hey, hey.
So we did something crazy this
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weekend.
We sure did.
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We switched our family room in
our dining room.
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That's right.
To allow for more flow between
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the rooms.
That's right, I've got the
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battle scars to prove it.
Yeah, unfortunately the
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chandelier and Greg had quite a
collision on his bald head.
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That's right, it left a nice
mark that I will forever
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remember as episode 6.
Yeah, Wow.
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Episode 6 All right, so today
we're talking about family
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space.
So a 2018 study published in the
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Journal of Environmental
Psychology found that family's
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perceptions of spaciousness or
crowding in their home had a
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stronger impact on family
functioning than the homes
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actual physical characteristics
like square footage or layouts.
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Specifically, feeling crowded
even in a large space was linked
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to more conflict and reduced
emotional closeness, while
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feelings of spaciousness, even
in a smaller home was linked to
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better communication,
cooperation, and warmth.
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These effects held true even
after controlling for income,
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family size, and housing type.
So it's the feeling.
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Yeah, and that through
intentional design, families can
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experience more peace and
connection even in modest or
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shared spaces.
You don't have to change the
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square footage to shape
perception.
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Cool.
Where I'm coming out is that the
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most important thing about
family space is to consider
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rhythms and relationships.
And so when thinking about these
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two Rs, I asked myself 2
questions.
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What are the core rhythms our
family needs space for?
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And what are the relationships
or connection types that are
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important to our family?
And so honestly, I made a list
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of a bunch of things and a bunch
of different types of
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connections.
But to keep it simple, after
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talking with you, we came up
with three in each create, rest,
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and play as far as the rhythms
and individual pair or small
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group and whole family for the
types of connections.
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And so the result is a three by
three matrix that I'm happy to
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share in the show notes.
And I'd like to think through
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them today with you so that we
can figure out what we're doing
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well and where we may have some
gaps and we can focus our
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experiments on that.
How does that sound?
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That sounds great.
I think this is a good matrix
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for us to both focus on what
we're doing well, as you say,
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and where we can improve.
So the Ted Talk version of this
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is everyone should be thinking
about their own space and about
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the space that they occupy with
others from the family and how
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to design for those in
isolation.
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So you make sure that you have
your own space.
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You make sure that you and I
have a space and you make sure
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that when you're spending time,
let's say with Jade on her
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reading, that you guys have a
nice space that is good for that
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activity.
Is that kind of what you're
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saying here?
Absolutely, that's the idea.
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So if it works for you, let's
take a look through the matrix
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because I think there are quite
a few things that we're doing
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well, but there are also some
spots where I think we've had
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blind spots and where I think a
couple of small changes can make
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a really big difference.
And as I mentioned, I'll post a
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link to the matrix in the show
notes.
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But I do think this will look
different for every family,
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though I'm hoping that it can be
a launchpad for conversations.
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So starting with the things that
we do well play, I think that we
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have really great spaces for
whole family, small group and
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individual play right outside,
inside.
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Now, as we discussed last
episode, there's more work to do
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to get you more involved in the
play.
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So dads out there, especially
flooring, I have found unlocks
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play in our playroom.
The kids have very soft padded
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flooring, which means that they
can do lots of gymnastics on the
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aerial swing and fall off or and
not really hurt themselves too
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badly or roughhouse.
And that's really great.
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And in our garage we put down
gym matting like 1 inch rubber
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industrial grade mats for
working out.
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But it also turned the space
into a play space for the kids
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to do workouts with us and to
play around.
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So it's actually turned into
another room for us.
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And then out front we changed
the surface from we live in
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Florida where the grass is not
very nice.
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It's kind of thick and muddy and
we replaced it with turf and now
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we're out there all the time.
So space, I think especially
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when it comes to play, you can
change the flooring and you
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change your world.
Absolutely.
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Rest is also a place where I
think we're doing pretty well.
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We have quite a few
opportunities both upstairs and
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downstairs for soft, cozy
spaces.
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That said, one thing that came
up this weekend during our
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family meeting, we realized that
we hadn't necessarily delineated
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appropriate quiet corners.
We hadn't found a space
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downstairs for the quiet corner.
Really.
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We know that you can always go
upstairs into your bedroom and
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into your bed specifically to
calm down, but where else could
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we make space for rest, both
when you just need a break and
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also when you need to cool off?
And so we identified 3 spaces
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downstairs, which I think is key
because there are three people
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that often get activated.
That's the children, in case you
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were wondering.
So we identified 3 quiet corners
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or three places to calm down in
soft space alone.
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And then finally, let's talk
about create.
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Great.
So create, what does that really
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mean?
Work focus, wonder areas where
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individuals and groups can open
their minds.
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So I think that we've done a
great job in creating shared
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spaces to create, particularly
around art projects.
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But individual places for
creation as far as having your
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own space to both work and
display those creations feels
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like something that has been
lacking.
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Yeah, that makes sense.
And so one of the things the
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kids and I did this weekend was
we created space in the playroom
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for each of them to display
their work.
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And this is not Hey mom, display
my artwork for a week and then
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go shove it in a drawer
somewhere or hopefully sneak it
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away into the trash.
There is a dedicated space for
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each person which they
personalized.
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Maverick put up a picture of
himself hugging a Lego guy, Jade
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put one of her creations from
school and Hunter wrote keep out
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don't touch all over the place
on hers and immediately their
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personalities came out.
Mavericks is a complete mess,
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Jade's involves mostly soft
things in a ball, and Hunters is
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a magical display filled with a
ton of gemstones.
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Yep, they really see themselves.
And the first thing they did
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this morning when our nanny came
in was ask her to come see their
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spaces.
Yeah, they were very proud of
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it.
Yeah.
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So thank you for giving them
that.
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Space.
Absolutely.
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So it's create, rest and play.
And you're saying that create
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has been lacking, especially at
the individual level for our
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kids with.
Is that also true for us?
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That's a really great point,
actually.
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I think it's probably also true
that we've neglected our office
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a bit.
You and I love working together,
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so it doesn't necessarily matter
too much what the space looks
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like.
But I think that if we put some
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time and effort into our
individual spaces and our shared
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space for work that we will also
see the benefits.
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So maybe we can add that to our
experiment as well.
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Great.
So to recap that, the most
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important thing about space is
that how your home feels to your
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family matters more than what it
looks like or how big it is.
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If you can think through the
rhythms and relationships in
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your home, you can make
intentional areas to fit your
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family's needs.
Yeah, absolutely.
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And it doesn't mean a full
renovation.
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It can be as simple as shifting
a chair or repurposing a corner
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or just rethinking how you use a
room.
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What really matters is that the
space works for your family's
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actual life, not just the ideal
version.
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For us, it's been about asking,
is this space helping or
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hindering the life that we want
to live?
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Yeah, I think that thinking
through what the core rhythms
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that your family needs space for
and what types of relationships
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exist in your home is a personal
experiment.
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And for us, we've set it down as
play, rest and create individual
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pairs in small groups and whole
family.
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And just to make sure that we've
thought about that, we know
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where our strengths lie and
where we can experiment.
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And to me, I think that actually
having a kitchen table is a
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really big deal.
It's the first time that we've
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had a kitchen table here since
we moved into the home.
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So that's part of the experiment
is seeing how that works out and
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then setting aside the
individual spaces for our
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children and for ourselves for
create Both create in the sense
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of where you can keep your works
in progress so that they don't
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get ruined by other siblings or
thrown away by a mom that hates
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clutter, and where you can
display your work.
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That's right.
So what other experiments are we
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willing to run when it comes to
being intentional around our
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family space?
Yeah.
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You know, I think it's about
noticing friction because we do
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a really good job of putting
together lists of someday
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projects and executing on them
in the order that they need to
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happen.
But that's usually based around
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clutter.
It hasn't been until recently
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about how to free up space for
this growing family.
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And I think that just noticing
friction about spaces and how it
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can free up places to create
rest or play is the right way to
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think about it going forward.
Great.
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And personally, I put the cart
before the horse of it here on
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this one and already started the
experiments before we talked
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about it because I just couldn't
wait this past weekend.
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But for me, it comes back to one
of these overarching goals that
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we have, or at least that I have
for our family right now, which
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is moving from this top down
structure to 1 where everyone
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has a voice.
And so giving our children their
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own spaces to create and to
display their creations is a
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game changer downstairs.
It's something new that I think
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is really worth experimenting
with, and I look forward to
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reporting back on how that goes.
Me too, and I'm going to find a
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place to tack up all the emails
that I'm proud of on the wall.
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Look at this one.
Did you see this e-mail?
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Look how good I wrote it.
Sweet.
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All right, All right.
Love you goosy.
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Love you Goosy, and now it's
time for our experiment update,
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where we recap what we've tried
at home, how it worked or
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didn't, and what we're tweaking
next.
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All right.
Hi Goosey.
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Hi Goosey.
It's a new week and we've tried
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some things.
We sure have.
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How did you think our second
family meeting went?
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I thought it went really well.
How did you think it went?
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Greatly improved, yeah.
My biggest take away was it
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feels so nice when we are all
sitting down.
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It does.
They do still love the Saturday
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voting and that the kids are
coming up with lots of ideas.
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I love that about things they
want to learn about.
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This week they came up with
fairies, unicorns, electricity,
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how magic works, and Dragons was
what ultimately won.
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So I did my best to find in
Origins of Dragons video, which
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is how I thought we could learn
about.
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Dragons, it was a great video.
But they thought it was boring.
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I'm not sure that YouTube breaks
are a good way to teach.
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Maybe we just do GBT bullet
points or something like that.
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I don't know more to be
revealed.
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On the flip side, I thought that
the problem to solve went super
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00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,680
well.
Hunter came up with the idea,
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00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:31,080
building upon my idea of hitting
and biting.
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00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:33,840
She said why don't we do all of
it?
224
00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:39,160
Hitting, biting, name calling,
just doing mean things, and
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00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:44,880
that's the one that got chosen.
And so we were able to really
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00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:50,840
hear everyone's voice around how
it feels to be hurt and talking
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00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:54,600
about and reflecting upon when
we say mean things, how it makes
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00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:57,160
the other person feel was really
great.
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00:13:57,160 --> 00:14:01,040
Then also coming up with an
agreement around what are our
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00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:05,840
options instead of hurting
another person with our words or
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00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:10,160
with our hands.
And you had the great innovation
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00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:16,120
within our agreement of a slogan
tied to our family value of the
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00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,800
month being noble.
Safe hands.
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00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:22,360
Strong hearts and we made that
into a little call in response
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00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:27,040
array.
Yeah, the innovation there was
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00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:32,920
just me typing into Chachi BT
talking about this, the topic
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00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:35,800
that's going on.
I got a list of eight ideas and
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00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:37,440
I thought the two of them were
really good.
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00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:40,360
One was this slogan, and I
thought that would work for our
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00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:42,960
family because we're pretty big
on things like that.
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00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:47,600
And then the other was this idea
of a do over where if you are an
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00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:51,800
offender, if you're hitting or
biting or being mean, you can
243
00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:57,360
pause, take a do over and then
that will allow you to
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00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:59,760
communicate better.
Otherwise, you need to take some
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00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:01,640
space and some time for
yourself.
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00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:05,920
And then I had come prepared
with my ideas from traditional
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00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:09,640
parenting books.
I would say yes, as far as tell
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00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:13,240
me with your words how you feel,
show me with a doll, draw me a
249
00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:15,960
picture, etcetera.
But so I guess the long and the
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00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:19,520
short of it is that we came up
with a series of traditional and
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00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:23,240
untraditional methods.
So you, you were great.
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00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:28,920
I think that my take away here
is you're always great in being
253
00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:32,560
prepared and when it comes to
things that aren't necessarily
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00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:35,680
landing for our kids.
I think my job is because I'm
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00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:38,960
not never going to show up as
prepared, but it is to be try to
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00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:42,040
be creative in the moment to
figure out how we can leave with
257
00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:45,000
a solution.
Totally, I just love coming into
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00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:49,960
the week with something
proactive that we can do to help
259
00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:51,240
our family.
Yeah.
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00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:54,440
And thanks again for recapping
it all this morning.
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00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:55,720
I think that's really important
too.
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00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:58,040
It's the Monday morning.
Well, I wrote it down again,
263
00:15:58,120 --> 00:15:59,160
right?
I wrote it down.
264
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:01,440
The learnings from this week's
family meeting along with the
265
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:03,760
ideas for next week's family
meeting.
266
00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:07,480
I didn't write anything about
Dragons because that really
267
00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:14,680
didn't didn't flow.
So OK, to recap, second meeting
268
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:18,040
was much better than the first.
Yes, sitting down, facing each
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00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:23,080
other, big improvement.
Afternoons, huge improvement.
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00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:26,280
Didn't feel rushed.
Everybody was looking forward to
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00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:29,280
it.
I don't know if we mentioned
272
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:32,040
last time, but Hunter has been
leading us in a mindful minute.
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00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,960
I think that's an important
practice.
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00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:37,480
I feel like we are improving in
our compliments and
275
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:39,800
appreciation.
We did get full participation
276
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:43,840
this time.
The learnings still want want
277
00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:46,040
not so great.
That's the really the weakest
278
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:49,080
part of the meeting.
But the problem solving felt
279
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:53,640
strong, strong to very strong.
And the fact that we were able
280
00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:58,440
to make an agreement.
This was the on the topic of
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00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:00,720
hitting, biting and saying mean
things.
282
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:04,680
And not just make that agreement
but reiterate it.
283
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:09,920
This morning really felt like
building family culture.
284
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:14,200
It did.
It really did.
285
00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:18,640
OK.
So progress, significant
286
00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:19,440
progress.
We will.
287
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,880
We'll keep it going.
Yeah, next Sunday afternoon.
288
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:24,680
Next Sunday afternoon I'm
wondering if we vote on the
289
00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:29,520
learning and then one of us has
to own that learning and teach
290
00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:32,280
it to the rest of the group.
Oh, interesting.
291
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:36,520
Meaning like hunter could go to
school and say hey I need to
292
00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:40,560
learn about Dragons.
Or could it be more hands on
293
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:42,760
like I want to learn how to
build a paper airplane?
294
00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:46,160
Sure, I will suggest next week
something hands on.
295
00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:50,160
Sounds good.
OK, family stories.
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00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:51,560
We have some updates here as
well.
297
00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:53,240
We do.
We do.
298
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:56,200
Where do you want to start?
Well, you came up with a
299
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,640
birthday trivia game for me,
which I thought was great and
300
00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:01,440
something we wouldn't have done
prior to this experiment.
301
00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:03,760
That was fun.
So on the topic of family
302
00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:07,080
stories, it happened to be
Danielle's birthday and I came
303
00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:09,760
up with a little game that was
Danielle Trivia.
304
00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:14,000
The idea being that we could ask
some questions to everybody in
305
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:17,080
the room and whoever got it
closest was right and Daniel was
306
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:19,600
obviously there to be the judge.
So it's a fun little game.
307
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:23,120
We can play it for anyone's
birthday or any celebration.
308
00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:27,040
Anyone can make this up as they
go, and I thought that it was a
309
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:29,360
great way to share some family
stories in the process.
310
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:33,840
Yeah, I thought it was a nice
way for me to reflect and for
311
00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:35,480
you all to get to know me a
little better.
312
00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:38,440
Like, what did I want to be when
I was seven years old?
313
00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:39,320
A.
Veterinarian.
314
00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:42,240
Mm hmm.
Or what's my favorite trait of a
315
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:44,360
friend?
Commutative.
316
00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:45,800
That's right.
Yeah.
317
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:49,840
So I felt it like a nice way to
honor me in a playful manner.
318
00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:51,120
Sure.
Did and then we watched some
319
00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:53,640
home videos.
Yeah, so then for Mother's Day
320
00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:57,200
we watched some home videos and
I even got out my elementary
321
00:18:57,200 --> 00:19:00,440
school yearbooks. 2 things we
have never done before.
322
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:03,760
Never, and I don't think we
would have ever thought to do
323
00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:06,680
had we not done an episode on
Family Stories.
324
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:08,680
Yeah, no, I thought it was
great.
325
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:12,320
And I'm also inspired to do some
more creative activities around
326
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:16,680
the family story and things that
involved photos, and we'll get
327
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:19,480
to that.
Yeah, the videos really built
328
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:22,280
upon some of the stories that I
had already talked to them
329
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:24,200
about.
So we had talked about some of
330
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,800
my birthday's growing up, and
then to watch them in action.
331
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:29,640
So cool. 1 Memory is a really
funny thing because there were
332
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:33,200
definitely parts that I
misremembered which Hunter was
333
00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:35,720
big to call me out on and Jade
was just confused.
334
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:40,800
But they all loved watching
little me and telling me how
335
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:44,520
cute I was.
It was weird but in a great way.
336
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:49,160
I really spoke to this
intergenerational self for them
337
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:54,120
to see me as a little kid,
especially with my mother and
338
00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:55,720
father who are their
grandparents.
339
00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:59,840
And then I asked them, how do
you think it's going to feel
340
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:02,360
when you grow up if you have
kids?
341
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:06,840
To watch you on the videos that
we take of you and you can see
342
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:09,720
their little brains working
figuring that out.
343
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,600
It was very cute.
And this morning they asked me
344
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:14,800
when we could watch more.
So I think it was a success.
345
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:20,800
It was a success and $13 on
Amazon you can buy a DVD player
346
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:24,040
so they still exist.
Yeah, one of my relatives had
347
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:28,120
kindly put all of our home
videos on 2 DVDs, so we used
348
00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:31,360
that.
And then we also have an update
349
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:34,920
on family values.
So I think on the episode itself
350
00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:38,040
we said we were going to pick
two, but we ultimately ended up
351
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:41,360
just choosing one for the month.
One a month.
352
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:45,280
Feels good and so we're starting
with Noble, which is the end in
353
00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:48,720
Neufeld and we've done a couple
things so far.
354
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:54,280
We started that Kotcha jar and
as Greg had guessed, we
355
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:57,400
immediately had about 6 or 7
pieces of paper in there.
356
00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:00,200
All the things and some of them
were confused.
357
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:03,720
Jade was confused and thought if
she did a bunch of noble acts in
358
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:05,400
a row we would watch a movie
immediately.
359
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:09,600
It was a quid pro quo mentality
that was going on.
360
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:11,680
She was like, but I did all
those things for you.
361
00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:12,800
Can we watch a movie?
No.
362
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:15,840
Yeah.
Why did I do all those things?
363
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:18,800
We said we didn't want to put a
number on it, but we said after
364
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:21,680
we have critical mass in the
Kocha jar, we can watch a movie.
365
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:24,800
Yeah.
We need like a kocha text.
366
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:29,200
Yeah, anyway, so the Kocha Jar
is, it's catching on, if you
367
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,320
will.
And then I've been playing
368
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:35,280
around with chat TPT before
bedtime to try to come up with
369
00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:41,080
some short stories based on
either Noble Fables or tonight
370
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:42,880
I'm going to try historical
figures.
371
00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,400
Cool.
Yeah, See if we can learn a
372
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:49,000
little bit about history in the
same way.
373
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:50,920
Love it.
It's so cute.
374
00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:55,560
Just the idea that you're
showing up with like book ending
375
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,720
the day, you know?
It takes about 90 seconds it.
376
00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:00,280
Really does so.
They're not perfect stories by
377
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:01,960
any means, but it's a quick
story.
378
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:05,920
We read books at night anyway,
so why not start with a little
379
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:08,400
story about something that's
super relevant to us?
380
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:13,280
That's right.
I think that's it, Greg.
381
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:14,520
I think that's it.
I think those are enough
382
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:17,200
experiments for now.
We'll have an update on family
383
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:22,880
meals next week and family play
as well.
384
00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:25,520
That's right, family play as
well.
385
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,840
OK, so stay tuned hoe everybody
has a great week.
386
00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:30,160
All right, see ya.
00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:01,680
Welcome to The Most Important
Thing.
2
00:00:02,080 --> 00:00:05,320
I'm Danielle DeMarco Neufeld.
And I'm Greg Neufeld, and
3
00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:08,240
together we're exploring how
ambitious busy families can
4
00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:11,600
build culture at home.
Because after all, family is the
5
00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:14,680
most important thing.
Hi, Greg.
6
00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:18,320
Hey, hey.
So we did something crazy this
7
00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:19,640
weekend.
We sure did.
8
00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:22,120
We switched our family room in
our dining room.
9
00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:25,760
That's right.
To allow for more flow between
10
00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:27,800
the rooms.
That's right, I've got the
11
00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:31,520
battle scars to prove it.
Yeah, unfortunately the
12
00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:34,920
chandelier and Greg had quite a
collision on his bald head.
13
00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:39,520
That's right, it left a nice
mark that I will forever
14
00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:43,520
remember as episode 6.
Yeah, Wow.
15
00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:47,640
Episode 6 All right, so today
we're talking about family
16
00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:51,920
space.
So a 2018 study published in the
17
00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:55,400
Journal of Environmental
Psychology found that family's
18
00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:58,400
perceptions of spaciousness or
crowding in their home had a
19
00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:01,360
stronger impact on family
functioning than the homes
20
00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:05,640
actual physical characteristics
like square footage or layouts.
21
00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:09,960
Specifically, feeling crowded
even in a large space was linked
22
00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:14,040
to more conflict and reduced
emotional closeness, while
23
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:17,720
feelings of spaciousness, even
in a smaller home was linked to
24
00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:20,120
better communication,
cooperation, and warmth.
25
00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:24,200
These effects held true even
after controlling for income,
26
00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:28,960
family size, and housing type.
So it's the feeling.
27
00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:33,640
Yeah, and that through
intentional design, families can
28
00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:36,920
experience more peace and
connection even in modest or
29
00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:40,400
shared spaces.
You don't have to change the
30
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,240
square footage to shape
perception.
31
00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:48,360
Cool.
Where I'm coming out is that the
32
00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:50,760
most important thing about
family space is to consider
33
00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:54,880
rhythms and relationships.
And so when thinking about these
34
00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:57,240
two Rs, I asked myself 2
questions.
35
00:01:57,680 --> 00:02:00,640
What are the core rhythms our
family needs space for?
36
00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:03,720
And what are the relationships
or connection types that are
37
00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:07,680
important to our family?
And so honestly, I made a list
38
00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:09,960
of a bunch of things and a bunch
of different types of
39
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:13,000
connections.
But to keep it simple, after
40
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:19,200
talking with you, we came up
with three in each create, rest,
41
00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:25,840
and play as far as the rhythms
and individual pair or small
42
00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:29,760
group and whole family for the
types of connections.
43
00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:33,640
And so the result is a three by
three matrix that I'm happy to
44
00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:37,680
share in the show notes.
And I'd like to think through
45
00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:40,680
them today with you so that we
can figure out what we're doing
46
00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:45,160
well and where we may have some
gaps and we can focus our
47
00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:47,560
experiments on that.
How does that sound?
48
00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:50,720
That sounds great.
I think this is a good matrix
49
00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:53,760
for us to both focus on what
we're doing well, as you say,
50
00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:57,480
and where we can improve.
So the Ted Talk version of this
51
00:02:57,480 --> 00:03:03,320
is everyone should be thinking
about their own space and about
52
00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:08,240
the space that they occupy with
others from the family and how
53
00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:11,320
to design for those in
isolation.
54
00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:13,400
So you make sure that you have
your own space.
55
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:16,640
You make sure that you and I
have a space and you make sure
56
00:03:16,640 --> 00:03:20,600
that when you're spending time,
let's say with Jade on her
57
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:25,360
reading, that you guys have a
nice space that is good for that
58
00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:27,320
activity.
Is that kind of what you're
59
00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:31,200
saying here?
Absolutely, that's the idea.
60
00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:34,400
So if it works for you, let's
take a look through the matrix
61
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:36,400
because I think there are quite
a few things that we're doing
62
00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:39,480
well, but there are also some
spots where I think we've had
63
00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:44,880
blind spots and where I think a
couple of small changes can make
64
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a really big difference.
And as I mentioned, I'll post a
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00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:50,280
link to the matrix in the show
notes.
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00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:53,360
But I do think this will look
different for every family,
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00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:57,880
though I'm hoping that it can be
a launchpad for conversations.
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00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:01,880
So starting with the things that
we do well play, I think that we
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00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:06,360
have really great spaces for
whole family, small group and
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00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:09,400
individual play right outside,
inside.
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00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:13,320
Now, as we discussed last
episode, there's more work to do
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00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,440
to get you more involved in the
play.
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00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:21,760
So dads out there, especially
flooring, I have found unlocks
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00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:26,200
play in our playroom.
The kids have very soft padded
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00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:30,440
flooring, which means that they
can do lots of gymnastics on the
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00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:34,840
aerial swing and fall off or and
not really hurt themselves too
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00:04:34,840 --> 00:04:37,560
badly or roughhouse.
And that's really great.
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00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:43,400
And in our garage we put down
gym matting like 1 inch rubber
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00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:46,120
industrial grade mats for
working out.
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00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:49,960
But it also turned the space
into a play space for the kids
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00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:52,480
to do workouts with us and to
play around.
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00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:54,760
So it's actually turned into
another room for us.
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00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:57,960
And then out front we changed
the surface from we live in
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00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,480
Florida where the grass is not
very nice.
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00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:04,960
It's kind of thick and muddy and
we replaced it with turf and now
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00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:09,080
we're out there all the time.
So space, I think especially
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00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:12,160
when it comes to play, you can
change the flooring and you
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00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:14,560
change your world.
Absolutely.
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00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:19,120
Rest is also a place where I
think we're doing pretty well.
90
00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:23,360
We have quite a few
opportunities both upstairs and
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00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:26,200
downstairs for soft, cozy
spaces.
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00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:30,200
That said, one thing that came
up this weekend during our
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00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:36,200
family meeting, we realized that
we hadn't necessarily delineated
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00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:39,240
appropriate quiet corners.
We hadn't found a space
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00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:41,320
downstairs for the quiet corner.
Really.
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00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:44,200
We know that you can always go
upstairs into your bedroom and
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00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:48,400
into your bed specifically to
calm down, but where else could
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00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:53,280
we make space for rest, both
when you just need a break and
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00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:57,560
also when you need to cool off?
And so we identified 3 spaces
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00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:01,040
downstairs, which I think is key
because there are three people
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00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:07,320
that often get activated.
That's the children, in case you
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00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:11,520
were wondering.
So we identified 3 quiet corners
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00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:16,720
or three places to calm down in
soft space alone.
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00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:20,360
And then finally, let's talk
about create.
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00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:24,800
Great.
So create, what does that really
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00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:32,920
mean?
Work focus, wonder areas where
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00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:37,120
individuals and groups can open
their minds.
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00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:42,280
So I think that we've done a
great job in creating shared
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00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:48,000
spaces to create, particularly
around art projects.
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00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:55,200
But individual places for
creation as far as having your
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00:06:55,200 --> 00:07:02,040
own space to both work and
display those creations feels
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00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:03,880
like something that has been
lacking.
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00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:07,680
Yeah, that makes sense.
And so one of the things the
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00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:12,920
kids and I did this weekend was
we created space in the playroom
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00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:17,240
for each of them to display
their work.
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00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:25,240
And this is not Hey mom, display
my artwork for a week and then
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00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:28,240
go shove it in a drawer
somewhere or hopefully sneak it
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00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:32,120
away into the trash.
There is a dedicated space for
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00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:34,640
each person which they
personalized.
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00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:38,280
Maverick put up a picture of
himself hugging a Lego guy, Jade
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00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:42,320
put one of her creations from
school and Hunter wrote keep out
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00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:47,760
don't touch all over the place
on hers and immediately their
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00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:51,040
personalities came out.
Mavericks is a complete mess,
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00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:55,160
Jade's involves mostly soft
things in a ball, and Hunters is
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00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:58,640
a magical display filled with a
ton of gemstones.
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00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:06,080
Yep, they really see themselves.
And the first thing they did
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00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:08,560
this morning when our nanny came
in was ask her to come see their
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00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:10,800
spaces.
Yeah, they were very proud of
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00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:11,480
it.
Yeah.
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00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:13,640
So thank you for giving them
that.
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00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:15,000
Space.
Absolutely.
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00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:19,680
So it's create, rest and play.
And you're saying that create
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00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:22,920
has been lacking, especially at
the individual level for our
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00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:25,080
kids with.
Is that also true for us?
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00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:27,960
That's a really great point,
actually.
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00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:31,920
I think it's probably also true
that we've neglected our office
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00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:34,520
a bit.
You and I love working together,
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00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:37,840
so it doesn't necessarily matter
too much what the space looks
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00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,000
like.
But I think that if we put some
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00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:44,680
time and effort into our
individual spaces and our shared
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00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:48,440
space for work that we will also
see the benefits.
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00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:51,000
So maybe we can add that to our
experiment as well.
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00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:54,520
Great.
So to recap that, the most
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00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:59,160
important thing about space is
that how your home feels to your
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00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:01,960
family matters more than what it
looks like or how big it is.
146
00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:06,000
If you can think through the
rhythms and relationships in
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00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:12,640
your home, you can make
intentional areas to fit your
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00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:16,240
family's needs.
Yeah, absolutely.
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00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:17,960
And it doesn't mean a full
renovation.
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00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:21,120
It can be as simple as shifting
a chair or repurposing a corner
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00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:23,200
or just rethinking how you use a
room.
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00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:26,320
What really matters is that the
space works for your family's
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00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:28,800
actual life, not just the ideal
version.
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00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:32,240
For us, it's been about asking,
is this space helping or
155
00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,480
hindering the life that we want
to live?
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00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:38,000
Yeah, I think that thinking
through what the core rhythms
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00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:43,080
that your family needs space for
and what types of relationships
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00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:46,600
exist in your home is a personal
experiment.
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00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:53,360
And for us, we've set it down as
play, rest and create individual
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00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,120
pairs in small groups and whole
family.
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00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,080
And just to make sure that we've
thought about that, we know
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where our strengths lie and
where we can experiment.
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00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:07,760
And to me, I think that actually
having a kitchen table is a
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00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:09,520
really big deal.
It's the first time that we've
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00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:14,360
had a kitchen table here since
we moved into the home.
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00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:19,320
So that's part of the experiment
is seeing how that works out and
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00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:21,880
then setting aside the
individual spaces for our
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00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:26,640
children and for ourselves for
create Both create in the sense
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00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:30,400
of where you can keep your works
in progress so that they don't
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00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:35,560
get ruined by other siblings or
thrown away by a mom that hates
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00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:38,680
clutter, and where you can
display your work.
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00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,840
That's right.
So what other experiments are we
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00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:47,120
willing to run when it comes to
being intentional around our
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00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:48,800
family space?
Yeah.
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00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:52,120
You know, I think it's about
noticing friction because we do
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00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:56,680
a really good job of putting
together lists of someday
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00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:59,760
projects and executing on them
in the order that they need to
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00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:02,080
happen.
But that's usually based around
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00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:05,800
clutter.
It hasn't been until recently
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00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:08,560
about how to free up space for
this growing family.
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00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:11,480
And I think that just noticing
friction about spaces and how it
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00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:16,040
can free up places to create
rest or play is the right way to
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00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:18,560
think about it going forward.
Great.
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00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:22,120
And personally, I put the cart
before the horse of it here on
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00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:24,600
this one and already started the
experiments before we talked
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00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:26,880
about it because I just couldn't
wait this past weekend.
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00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:30,800
But for me, it comes back to one
of these overarching goals that
188
00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:34,120
we have, or at least that I have
for our family right now, which
189
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:38,760
is moving from this top down
structure to 1 where everyone
190
00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:41,960
has a voice.
And so giving our children their
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00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:48,280
own spaces to create and to
display their creations is a
192
00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:53,200
game changer downstairs.
It's something new that I think
193
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:57,600
is really worth experimenting
with, and I look forward to
194
00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:00,760
reporting back on how that goes.
Me too, and I'm going to find a
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00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:04,080
place to tack up all the emails
that I'm proud of on the wall.
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00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:07,560
Look at this one.
Did you see this e-mail?
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00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:11,560
Look how good I wrote it.
Sweet.
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00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:13,720
All right, All right.
Love you goosy.
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00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:19,000
Love you Goosy, and now it's
time for our experiment update,
200
00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:22,560
where we recap what we've tried
at home, how it worked or
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00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:24,680
didn't, and what we're tweaking
next.
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00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:26,960
All right.
Hi Goosey.
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00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:30,520
Hi Goosey.
It's a new week and we've tried
204
00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:32,080
some things.
We sure have.
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00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:35,280
How did you think our second
family meeting went?
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00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:38,000
I thought it went really well.
How did you think it went?
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00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:42,600
Greatly improved, yeah.
My biggest take away was it
208
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:45,240
feels so nice when we are all
sitting down.
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00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:48,480
It does.
They do still love the Saturday
210
00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:51,680
voting and that the kids are
coming up with lots of ideas.
211
00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:54,120
I love that about things they
want to learn about.
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00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:59,920
This week they came up with
fairies, unicorns, electricity,
213
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:04,040
how magic works, and Dragons was
what ultimately won.
214
00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:09,320
So I did my best to find in
Origins of Dragons video, which
215
00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:10,800
is how I thought we could learn
about.
216
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:13,080
Dragons, it was a great video.
But they thought it was boring.
217
00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:16,960
I'm not sure that YouTube breaks
are a good way to teach.
218
00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:19,720
Maybe we just do GBT bullet
points or something like that.
219
00:13:20,560 --> 00:13:22,080
I don't know more to be
revealed.
220
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:25,680
On the flip side, I thought that
the problem to solve went super
221
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,680
well.
Hunter came up with the idea,
222
00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:31,080
building upon my idea of hitting
and biting.
223
00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:33,840
She said why don't we do all of
it?
224
00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:39,160
Hitting, biting, name calling,
just doing mean things, and
225
00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:44,880
that's the one that got chosen.
And so we were able to really
226
00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:50,840
hear everyone's voice around how
it feels to be hurt and talking
227
00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:54,600
about and reflecting upon when
we say mean things, how it makes
228
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:57,160
the other person feel was really
great.
229
00:13:57,160 --> 00:14:01,040
Then also coming up with an
agreement around what are our
230
00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:05,840
options instead of hurting
another person with our words or
231
00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:10,160
with our hands.
And you had the great innovation
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00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:16,120
within our agreement of a slogan
tied to our family value of the
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00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,800
month being noble.
Safe hands.
234
00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:22,360
Strong hearts and we made that
into a little call in response
235
00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:27,040
array.
Yeah, the innovation there was
236
00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:32,920
just me typing into Chachi BT
talking about this, the topic
237
00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:35,800
that's going on.
I got a list of eight ideas and
238
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:37,440
I thought the two of them were
really good.
239
00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:40,360
One was this slogan, and I
thought that would work for our
240
00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:42,960
family because we're pretty big
on things like that.
241
00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:47,600
And then the other was this idea
of a do over where if you are an
242
00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:51,800
offender, if you're hitting or
biting or being mean, you can
243
00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:57,360
pause, take a do over and then
that will allow you to
244
00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:59,760
communicate better.
Otherwise, you need to take some
245
00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:01,640
space and some time for
yourself.
246
00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:05,920
And then I had come prepared
with my ideas from traditional
247
00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:09,640
parenting books.
I would say yes, as far as tell
248
00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:13,240
me with your words how you feel,
show me with a doll, draw me a
249
00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:15,960
picture, etcetera.
But so I guess the long and the
250
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:19,520
short of it is that we came up
with a series of traditional and
251
00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:23,240
untraditional methods.
So you, you were great.
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00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:28,920
I think that my take away here
is you're always great in being
253
00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:32,560
prepared and when it comes to
things that aren't necessarily
254
00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:35,680
landing for our kids.
I think my job is because I'm
255
00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:38,960
not never going to show up as
prepared, but it is to be try to
256
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:42,040
be creative in the moment to
figure out how we can leave with
257
00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:45,000
a solution.
Totally, I just love coming into
258
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:49,960
the week with something
proactive that we can do to help
259
00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:51,240
our family.
Yeah.
260
00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:54,440
And thanks again for recapping
it all this morning.
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00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:55,720
I think that's really important
too.
262
00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:58,040
It's the Monday morning.
Well, I wrote it down again,
263
00:15:58,120 --> 00:15:59,160
right?
I wrote it down.
264
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:01,440
The learnings from this week's
family meeting along with the
265
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:03,760
ideas for next week's family
meeting.
266
00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:07,480
I didn't write anything about
Dragons because that really
267
00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:14,680
didn't didn't flow.
So OK, to recap, second meeting
268
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:18,040
was much better than the first.
Yes, sitting down, facing each
269
00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:23,080
other, big improvement.
Afternoons, huge improvement.
270
00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:26,280
Didn't feel rushed.
Everybody was looking forward to
271
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:29,280
it.
I don't know if we mentioned
272
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:32,040
last time, but Hunter has been
leading us in a mindful minute.
273
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,960
I think that's an important
practice.
274
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:37,480
I feel like we are improving in
our compliments and
275
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:39,800
appreciation.
We did get full participation
276
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:43,840
this time.
The learnings still want want
277
00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:46,040
not so great.
That's the really the weakest
278
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:49,080
part of the meeting.
But the problem solving felt
279
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:53,640
strong, strong to very strong.
And the fact that we were able
280
00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:58,440
to make an agreement.
This was the on the topic of
281
00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:00,720
hitting, biting and saying mean
things.
282
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:04,680
And not just make that agreement
but reiterate it.
283
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:09,920
This morning really felt like
building family culture.
284
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:14,200
It did.
It really did.
285
00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:18,640
OK.
So progress, significant
286
00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:19,440
progress.
We will.
287
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,880
We'll keep it going.
Yeah, next Sunday afternoon.
288
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:24,680
Next Sunday afternoon I'm
wondering if we vote on the
289
00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:29,520
learning and then one of us has
to own that learning and teach
290
00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:32,280
it to the rest of the group.
Oh, interesting.
291
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:36,520
Meaning like hunter could go to
school and say hey I need to
292
00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:40,560
learn about Dragons.
Or could it be more hands on
293
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:42,760
like I want to learn how to
build a paper airplane?
294
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Sure, I will suggest next week
something hands on.
295
00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:50,160
Sounds good.
OK, family stories.
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00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:51,560
We have some updates here as
well.
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00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:53,240
We do.
We do.
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00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:56,200
Where do you want to start?
Well, you came up with a
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00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,640
birthday trivia game for me,
which I thought was great and
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00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:01,440
something we wouldn't have done
prior to this experiment.
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00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:03,760
That was fun.
So on the topic of family
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00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:07,080
stories, it happened to be
Danielle's birthday and I came
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00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:09,760
up with a little game that was
Danielle Trivia.
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00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:14,000
The idea being that we could ask
some questions to everybody in
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00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:17,080
the room and whoever got it
closest was right and Daniel was
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00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:19,600
obviously there to be the judge.
So it's a fun little game.
307
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:23,120
We can play it for anyone's
birthday or any celebration.
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00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:27,040
Anyone can make this up as they
go, and I thought that it was a
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00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:29,360
great way to share some family
stories in the process.
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00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:33,840
Yeah, I thought it was a nice
way for me to reflect and for
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00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:35,480
you all to get to know me a
little better.
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00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:38,440
Like, what did I want to be when
I was seven years old?
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00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:39,320
A.
Veterinarian.
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00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:42,240
Mm hmm.
Or what's my favorite trait of a
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00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:44,360
friend?
Commutative.
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00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:45,800
That's right.
Yeah.
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00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:49,840
So I felt it like a nice way to
honor me in a playful manner.
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00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:51,120
Sure.
Did and then we watched some
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00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:53,640
home videos.
Yeah, so then for Mother's Day
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00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:57,200
we watched some home videos and
I even got out my elementary
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00:18:57,200 --> 00:19:00,440
school yearbooks. 2 things we
have never done before.
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00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:03,760
Never, and I don't think we
would have ever thought to do
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00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:06,680
had we not done an episode on
Family Stories.
324
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:08,680
Yeah, no, I thought it was
great.
325
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:12,320
And I'm also inspired to do some
more creative activities around
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00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:16,680
the family story and things that
involved photos, and we'll get
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00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:19,480
to that.
Yeah, the videos really built
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00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:22,280
upon some of the stories that I
had already talked to them
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00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:24,200
about.
So we had talked about some of
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00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,800
my birthday's growing up, and
then to watch them in action.
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00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:29,640
So cool. 1 Memory is a really
funny thing because there were
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00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:33,200
definitely parts that I
misremembered which Hunter was
333
00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:35,720
big to call me out on and Jade
was just confused.
334
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:40,800
But they all loved watching
little me and telling me how
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00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:44,520
cute I was.
It was weird but in a great way.
336
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:49,160
I really spoke to this
intergenerational self for them
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00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:54,120
to see me as a little kid,
especially with my mother and
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00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:55,720
father who are their
grandparents.
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00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:59,840
And then I asked them, how do
you think it's going to feel
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00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:02,360
when you grow up if you have
kids?
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00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:06,840
To watch you on the videos that
we take of you and you can see
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00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:09,720
their little brains working
figuring that out.
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00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,600
It was very cute.
And this morning they asked me
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00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:14,800
when we could watch more.
So I think it was a success.
345
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:20,800
It was a success and $13 on
Amazon you can buy a DVD player
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00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:24,040
so they still exist.
Yeah, one of my relatives had
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00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:28,120
kindly put all of our home
videos on 2 DVDs, so we used
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00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:31,360
that.
And then we also have an update
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00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:34,920
on family values.
So I think on the episode itself
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00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:38,040
we said we were going to pick
two, but we ultimately ended up
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00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:41,360
just choosing one for the month.
One a month.
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00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:45,280
Feels good and so we're starting
with Noble, which is the end in
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00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:48,720
Neufeld and we've done a couple
things so far.
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00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:54,280
We started that Kotcha jar and
as Greg had guessed, we
355
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:57,400
immediately had about 6 or 7
pieces of paper in there.
356
00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:00,200
All the things and some of them
were confused.
357
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:03,720
Jade was confused and thought if
she did a bunch of noble acts in
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00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:05,400
a row we would watch a movie
immediately.
359
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:09,600
It was a quid pro quo mentality
that was going on.
360
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:11,680
She was like, but I did all
those things for you.
361
00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:12,800
Can we watch a movie?
No.
362
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:15,840
Yeah.
Why did I do all those things?
363
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:18,800
We said we didn't want to put a
number on it, but we said after
364
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:21,680
we have critical mass in the
Kocha jar, we can watch a movie.
365
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:24,800
Yeah.
We need like a kocha text.
366
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:29,200
Yeah, anyway, so the Kocha Jar
is, it's catching on, if you
367
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,320
will.
And then I've been playing
368
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:35,280
around with chat TPT before
bedtime to try to come up with
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00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:41,080
some short stories based on
either Noble Fables or tonight
370
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:42,880
I'm going to try historical
figures.
371
00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,400
Cool.
Yeah, See if we can learn a
372
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:49,000
little bit about history in the
same way.
373
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:50,920
Love it.
It's so cute.
374
00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:55,560
Just the idea that you're
showing up with like book ending
375
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,720
the day, you know?
It takes about 90 seconds it.
376
00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:00,280
Really does so.
They're not perfect stories by
377
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:01,960
any means, but it's a quick
story.
378
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:05,920
We read books at night anyway,
so why not start with a little
379
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:08,400
story about something that's
super relevant to us?
380
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:13,280
That's right.
I think that's it, Greg.
381
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:14,520
I think that's it.
I think those are enough
382
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:17,200
experiments for now.
We'll have an update on family
383
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:22,880
meals next week and family play
as well.
384
00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:25,520
That's right, family play as
well.
385
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,840
OK, so stay tuned hoe everybody
has a great week.
386
00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:30,160
All right, see ya.
